FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 She will be getting a nice property settlement which will make her attractive to the golddiggers who want to move into her house and have a servant. She's used to being a servant so will be comfortable in that role, at least for a while. 1
manup Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I am in the process of leaving my marriage of 24 years. My youngest child leaves for college in 6 months, and once she goes I cannot face it being just my husband and me. I cannot stand to be in the same room as my husband let alone let him touch me. He has been cold, mean, critical and unaffectionate our entire marriage, but as I had low self esteem I put up with it and thought I didn't deserve any better. I really tried to make things work with him, but he has never tried to change, and now I have no feelings left at all for him. I didn't think I would ever involve myself with guys again or contemplate remarriage, but watching my youngest daughter having young guys fall in love with her and treat her really well has created a hunger in me to experience love as well. I have never experienced it, and it would be nice to be cared about. Realistically- what are my chances of finding a caring life partner at my age? People tell me I look young for my age, and I am not overweight. I am blonde and blue eyed. I am not fussy about height or income- I just want someone caring and who will be in a committed relationship with me. I've mostly been a homemaker and quite like just taking care of people so don't mind a traditional partnership. I don't even know where to begin to find someone- any help or advice would be appreciated. I can't actually think of anyone who I know of who has successfully remarried in their late forties- women seem to remain single if they divorce at this stage- so I am not sure if I should even be trying to find a new relationship or if it will just lead to more painful feelings of not being good enough. Look for divorced dudes.
fucpcg Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 It's possible. Just remember that MOST guys who are single at our age are single for a reason. Sure, there are widowers and guys who have gotten out of bad marriages, and a few guys who took a long time to settle down, but most of them are messed up. . I spent my 20"s living out of a suitcase, traveling the country and a good bit of Europe growing my business. Settled down with a girl age 30-35, she was a great girl, we are still great friends, my sisters still love her and vice versa, but truth was we weren't perfectly matched for marriage. 36-38 I tried to make it last with a girl that totally had commitment issues, because she was cheated on once by in her early 20's boyfriend. Yes, one time, and it still impacts her life well over a decade later, because once again her and I are friends like almost every ex, and last time I saw her about a month ago she was talking about it again. 40-41 I fell in love with a divorced woman, who was an absolute train wreck when we first started dating, thanks to ugly marriage and divorce. I went thru a meat grinder trying to make things work with her, because she was soo dysfunctional our first two months. I stuck it out with her and all her issues, then a year into it she dumped me in a very hostile way. Since she refused to talk to me ever again since the break, I don't know exactly what really happened, but I suspect there is a big degree of her not wanting to get into a situation again of husband, or man she had to have an obligation to, to work thru hard times, to stick it out. I think she briefly felt she wanted a relationship again, then venomously overruled it about a year later. There can be many paths that lead a man (or woman) into a situation of being single at 42, and some of them not at all because he is packed with issues, or can't commit.
NXS Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Impossible! Aren't we all rolling in the dough we extorted from our ex husbands in the divorce settlements?? We don't need no meal tickets! We have all the moolah! If it doesn't apply to you then just ignore it, that's what I do to most of your comments.
Author phoenix65 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Thanks so much for all the replies- quite a range of opinions but some very positive and very helpful. Yes- I do need to get the formalities of the divorce out of the way, but to be honest there is no emotional work left to do. I have been sleeping in the spare room for a couple of years and my husband has known for most of that time that I don't have any feelings left for him. Even though he was an abusive person emotionally through most of our marriage, to his credit he has accepted my feelings and done his best to keep everything stable for the last couple of years so our youngest wasn't destabilised in her last years of school, so I am not particularly bitter or angry about him now. I just made a poor decision many years ago to marry him (and another poor decision to stay with him so that the children would have their father around). He had an abusive father so I guess he just acted out what he had seen as a child. Even though I am not legally free, I do finally feel emotionally free and ready to start looking around for someone to share my life with. I have not allowed myself to look at another man in any romantic sense for the whole time I have been married- I am very monogamous- so this is going to be a very new experience. As many of you have said- living a happy and fulfilled single life is the first step so I'll just live my life doing the things I enjoy doing but all the while being open to romance if it came along. I won't actively search (online dating etc) until I am divorced. Thank you especially to Curlygirl40and Mme Chaucer for sharing your stories of success, Nxs for the very nice vote of confidence and Bristolius for the heads up about LS. Also Ninja for your thoughtful reply. Algermas and Sid3- ouch. I do sometimes get mistaken for my daughter's sister so looks wise I can't look too awful and ancient in spite of my 46 years lol. Fitchick- its ok- I may have chosen to spend much of my time looking after children and the nest- but I enjoyed it and don't regard myself as a servant. Someone has to do the caring- you can either do it yourself or outsource it- I chose to do it myself.I just wish I had left my marriage much sooner though. - my children would have coped and I would have had an emotional life to fall back on once they left home. And any money I get out of my settlement will be legally tied up so it goes to my children when I'm gone so I don't think I'll have much interest from male gold diggers!
manup Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Thanks so much for all the replies- quite a range of opinions but some very positive and very helpful. Yes- I do need to get the formalities of the divorce out of the way, but to be honest there is no emotional work left to do. I have been sleeping in the spare room for a couple of years and my husband has known for most of that time that I don't have any feelings left for him. Even though he was an abusive person emotionally through most of our marriage, to his credit he has accepted my feelings and done his best to keep everything stable for the last couple of years so our youngest wasn't destabilised in her last years of school, so I am not particularly bitter or angry about him now. I just made a poor decision many years ago to marry him (and another poor decision to stay with him so that the children would have their father around). He had an abusive father so I guess he just acted out what he had seen as a child. Even though I am not legally free, I do finally feel emotionally free and ready to start looking around for someone to share my life with. I have not allowed myself to look at another man in any romantic sense for the whole time I have been married- I am very monogamous- so this is going to be a very new experience. As many of you have said- living a happy and fulfilled single life is the first step so I'll just live my life doing the things I enjoy doing but all the while being open to romance if it came along. I won't actively search (online dating etc) until I am divorced. Thank you especially to Curlygirl40and Mme Chaucer for sharing your stories of success, Nxs for the very nice vote of confidence and Bristolius for the heads up about LS. Also Ninja for your thoughtful reply. Algermas and Sid3- ouch. I do sometimes get mistaken for my daughter's sister so looks wise I can't look too awful and ancient in spite of my 46 years lol. Fitchick- its ok- I may have chosen to spend much of my time looking after children and the nest- but I enjoyed it and don't regard myself as a servant. Someone has to do the caring- you can either do it yourself or outsource it- I chose to do it myself.I just wish I had left my marriage much sooner though. - my children would have coped and I would have had an emotional life to fall back on once they left home. And any money I get out of my settlement will be legally tied up so it goes to my children when I'm gone so I don't think I'll have much interest from male gold diggers! you would be surprised how many dudes want to bang you and nothing else, I would avoid OLD for that reason
melodymatters Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Phoenix, Holy.....Um....wow !!! Some of these answers are insane : What color is your walker and does it match your depends underwear, insane ! I'm 45, and I recently married a man in his 20's who worships the ground I walk on. I was widowed from ANOTHER younger man, and when I was ready to start dating again I was hit on by guys 20-75, literally. My aunt, average looking, was re-married at 56 to a man her age who had recently been widowed and they are the happiest either of them have ever been in their lives ! Same with my friend Sandy, who was mid 50's, average looks, weight, height, who married a literal rocket scientist who had also recently been widowed. ( Side note: widows and widowers are like the " prize" because they didn't "mess up" their marriage, they are not commitment phobes, are used to, and enjoy having a partner ) If you go into dating with a sense of fear, you will project that, and perhaps misread signals. after all, not everyone fell in love with us at 22 either did they ? The key is both mental AND physical. Most important is to be a warm, friendly, fun, high energy person. People are attracted to those that just seem to sparkle whatever they are doing at the time. Smile, a LOT:D. Physically, being slender, in shape and having a "non old lady haircut" is a huge equalizer. Try and always look your best, grocery shopping, whatever, and again, smile and start random conversations with strangers: you never know where they will lead.... Go forward like this is AN ADVENTURE, and you are about to have the most fun you have ever had in your life ! Life is short, grab it with both hands and squeeze the damn juice out of it: as far as we know, we only go around once ! Good luck Sister !!!!!
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 What are GIGS? Grass is Greener Syndrome. There is a whole thread dedicated to it on this site somewhere.
pteromom Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 There can be many paths that lead a man (or woman) into a situation of being single at 42, and some of them not at all because he is packed with issues, or can't commit. I do agree with this... but I think the % of "good relationship material" people at 42 is low. But - thinking about it more deeply, I think the % of "good relationship material" people at ANY age is low. LOL
FitChick Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 But - thinking about it more deeply, I think the % of "good relationship material" people at ANY age is low. LOL That's the problem right there. 1
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