asdfTT123 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Hi all, I wanted to get your take of my situation. I've been dating a girl for nearly two years now and we are very serious. Even though we love each other very dearly, we are very different people. I've lived here in the US all my life but she happens to be an exchange student from a foreign country who is now working in NY. I just graduated from a grad program and I am planning on attending medical school within a year. Culturally we are very different. However, no matter how different we are, we realize we are in love and have been able to make things work out. But this past weekend was excruciating bad for us. We're confronted with the decision of where I will be over the next year, while she stays in NY. All boring details aside, after talking to my family and her, I decided it would be best for my future and our plans together if I temporarily relocate back to TX. Originally, I had planned to move to NY with her for some time but I realized this might hurt my career/schooling needs in the future. Though it sounds like a selfish thing to do, I really did make this decision with her as my priority seeing how it would benefit us the most in the future, even if it means being apart for about a year. I told her the decision was finalized today and I've been trying to be very supportive in getting our heads ready for some long distance but everything she's been saying has been hurtful. This past weekend she must have said "lets break-up" at least 30 times. On top of that, she's said everything to me like "you never learn", "you're not a man", "you're useless". She's a very emotional type of person and sometimes hastily says things like without thinking twice. Today, I told her my plans on getting engaged with her if all works out with us yet she said "my plans are to marry you or someone else next year". The fact that she would mention "someone else" just made me excruciatingly upset. Especially since I've been spending my day contemplating and making a tough decision for us and preparing things like when I would visit, stuff I plan on getting her for her birthday, and other stuff to ease the troubles of long distance. All I get from her is this crap. It's enough that this weekend has been full of tears from both of us and she's complained to me for not telling my parents of our concerns since she's afraid my parents are against us and are not willing to support us financially through school (not true at all, btw). Also she constantly complains about how I won't be financially independent for another 4-6 years (med school + residency). It seems like she can't accept that no matter how much assurance I've given her these two years. Just when I thought things were getting better, I poured my heart out to my mom for her, and my mom did everything possible over the phone to convince her, I get stung a million times. Is it normal for a girl to act like this? Sometimes I feel like she might even be a tad bipolar. Can be sweet one minute and then the other minute be completely insecure and say the most hurtful things. I feel like I want to do anything possible to make sure things work out but it's times like these when I actually doubt her and question how she'll act if we really do some long distance. Thanks for reading and many thanks for your advice.
luvinthesun Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Well I read ur.post and read u had be planning to.move n be with her in NY...and changed ur plan...never mind what for. I guess I am the type if u say u are going to do something...or be tpgether...u need to. I can only.imagine she feels u should bring her with u... If u can't keep ur word. But it also wasn't right for her to say about marrying someone else. When u say to her about being engaged....I can c she probably wouldn't believe u... afyer the above. I guess when u love someone u fond a way to be yogethe. L.d. relatiobships... Don't work...imo.
Author asdfTT123 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Sorry about the misunderstanding from before but there was nothing "promised". Our young hearts thought that moving to NY together would be best, but realistically, to be on the safe side and to ensure the best outcome for our relationship, it was to move to TX for the short term. It was not an easy decision and it was not a decision I made by myself. She even agreed. Keep in mind that I'm making this decision because I'm trying to be mature and sacrifice a little bit of heartache now for vastly better returns for our relationship in the future. I'm just thinking ahead.
Philosoraptor Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 She doesn't seem to treat you very well and quite frankly it seems that her plans for the future are more important to her than her relationship with you. Other than giving in I'm not sure there is anything you can do to save this relationship.
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 She is stressing about the fact that you are turning the relationship into a long distance one and she feels powerless. She might not be expressing it the right way but it appears that it's your decision and she doesn't have a say in it. Most people find the idea of long distance relationship extremely stressful, very few can make it. It appears you are taking your relationship with her for granted in this respect. It's very 'I' 'I' 'I' You are saying it's mutual but it really doesn't sound like it. There are a few contradictions in both your posts.
avon20 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 When women are hurting they tend to say hurtful things back.
Recommended Posts