Stargirl2712 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Hello! So my bf and I broke up 6 months ago because of difference in religion, but we decided to stay friends after. Those five months did us no good because we got in more fights and crossed that friendship line many times. A month ago, I discovered on his phone (i was playing a game and saw a text) that he started texting another girl who was the same religion as him. They were texting nonstop and during those three days that they started talking, he stopped texting me but would still act very coupley when he saw me in person. I was really angry that--in a way--he was almost "two-timing" me that I confronted him and told him I needed space for the summer. I initiated NC. I broke it a couple times, but I did something I wasn't proud of...I logged into his facebook account a few times over the summer. I only did this because I feared that he liked that new girl. I told him to change the password, but he never did! He just said that I should delete the history from my computer so the password woudln't save onto my computer. I felt so disappointed in myself that I blocked facebook from my computer. However, recently, I checked his facebook on my phone too. I'm really scared that he might find out...and I'm just terrified that he hates me! I've even found a way to block facebook on my phone. I'm trying to do everything I can to kill this curiosity, but I just feel so horrible. It's seriously self torture. I sent him a text a couple days ago in response to something he sent...and I have THE STUPIDEST thought that if he doesn't reply to it...he hates me. I don't know...I feel SO guilty of hacking his fb tho I didn't do anything else on it except look on that girl's profile. I'm also scared that he will tell our mutual friends idk...I mean if he ever texted me, I would take literally weeks to reply. Why am I feeling like this even after SIX months of breaking up? And how do I feel better?
Fran1979 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I don't know if it's any consolation, but breaking up with people I rhave eally loved has made me feel irrational things and do crazy stuff. I did the hacking facebook thing, checking texts etc and it was my Mum who pointed out that it is actually quite abusive. It sounds like he is abusing your trust and feelings too. If you start to think in terms of it being abusive behaviour...it might help you to get out...? P.s. am currently going through a horrible break up too - partly due to the religion thing. Poor us - not fault what religion we were born into :-(
Author Stargirl2712 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Awww then I definitely understand what you are going through! It's so difficult when you break up for reasons you can't control NOT because you stopped loving the other person. I do feel like I'm being abusive, but curiosity gets the better of me...when I told him to change his password, he said "i trust you won't look." Poor thing...he's actually a nice guy even though he's done some pretty ****ty, insensitive things to me as well. We initially broke up because he sent me a facebook message on new years eve! Then throughout our friendship, we just got in fights and he would just be a real douche. Finally this whole thing with the new girl and he just ignores me. But i never see his flaws when I feel so guilty about what I'm doing...I've tried many things to prevent me...I think it will take time. Is it irrational to think that he hates me? I so fear that he knows I checked and will just hate me...idk... =(
Philosoraptor Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 You need to step away from this situation all together. You two are not a couple and he is free to see whomever he wants. He could be texting more girls than that and doing whatever else with them. You are allowing yourself to be used and you have full control over this. You draw the boundaries and stop obsessing over his life. Take the focus off of him and place it on yourself. Treat yourself well.
Author Stargirl2712 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 What do you mean by treat yourself well? I know that he has a really big church community that he's super involved in so he ALWAYS meets new people or is connecting with old friends. I don't really have that so I've been trying to improve on other areas of my life like the piano, drawing, etc. I still just feel so lost and not confident. What else can I do?
Philosoraptor Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Treating yourself well is simply doing what makes you happy. A hobby, spending time with friends or family, joining a club, volunteering, etc. Take care of yourself and stop worrying about him and his life. 1
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