aevf39 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I was wondering if you could shed some light on my situation personally. I am in a long distance relationship. We have been together 2+ years. In Feb, we broke up and were on and off for a bit. We broke up three times, and the third was in March. We broke up because some girl friended me on Facebook who was his mutual friend and had written something on his wall about him being with some girl all the time. I confronted him about it. He said they were just friends. Then, we met that weekend and I looked through his phone. The girl that he said was his friend had texted him. I asked about it and he broke up with me for lack of trust. I did not contact him for 4 weeks. After four weeks, he texted me saying he loved me and always would. He asked to get back together and talked about marriage/kids. (We are young but it was still nice to hear–I’m 22 and he’s 24). I just visited him last weekend. We had a nice weekend, but I saw him texting that girl. They did not text a lot. Also, he will not be my friend on FAcebook because of what happened and he says I take it too seriously and that it does not matter. He does not always tell me what he is doing or who he is with. He will sometimes say it does not matter because I do not know them or something like that.. Do you think I am being horrible. We talk once a day on the phone for like 20-30 min and text a little bit because he said he is tired after work. He works with kids outside 12 hours a day. I asked him if he wanted to be together forever and he said yes. We discussed med school and my possible relocation to some random state and he said my future should not depend on him since he is in school too. Also, is repeating yourself a horrible thing for a guy? Should I think that because he said it once and we are still together things havent changed in the 3 months we have been together and that he came back and obviously wants to be with me? Would it make sense for him to be with me and put in effort if he had a girl that was not long distance?
veggirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 You shouldn't be with someone you break up / get back together with 3 times! That is too much, you are not compatible. How much longer will you be LDR? I wouldn't be with someone who wouldn't add me to FB
Author aevf39 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 We broke up for a lot of reasons.. each time it was different and justified I promise! I do believe we are very compatible! He will be in school for another 1-1.5 years and I will hopefully be in medical school by the time he is done. After that we were going to try to end the distance. He agreed to that. The only reason I understand the facebook thing is because I do tend to make too big of a deal about it.
Reddice Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I agree with Veggirl. You should not be with someone you break up/get together with 3 times. Furthermore, I think you have serious trust issues which you need to adress and work on. You seem very controling, but have given no reason for it. Is it just your insecurities or is something else going on here? If there's no reason, he might try to keep you at a distance because he feels uncomfortable with how you're behaving.
veggirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 What is there to hide that you would freak out over on FB? Like are girls leaving inappropriate comments? If so, that's wrong and he needs to put an end to it. There is no reason not to add you to fB unless he is hiding something from you. YOUR BF does shady things (hanging out with another girl to the point that OTHER girls are noticing it's a lot?! not cool!) and then dumps YOU over it. He is gaslighting you, finding ways to blame you for what he is doing. It doesn't even sound like he is putting in any effort. A 20 min conversation at night and a weekend visit (where you put the effort to see HIM) doesn't mean anything. He is comfortable with you and used to having you in his life, that's why he keeps you around. What did he do during the 4 weeks you were broken up last time? Probably dated the other girl. Have you met this girl? If she is such a close friend, why can't you meet her when you go visit? Hey any friend of his should be a friend of yours! Does his FB list him as in a relationship with you? Seriously what do you freak out about so much that he can't add you? Sorry but this has shady written all over it and you are deluding yourself if you think any of this is okay or normal or justified.
Author aevf39 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 What is there to hide that you would freak out over on FB? Like are girls leaving inappropriate comments? If so, that's wrong and he needs to put an end to it. There is no reason not to add you to fB unless he is hiding something from you. YOUR BF does shady things (hanging out with another girl to the point that OTHER girls are noticing it's a lot?! not cool!) and then dumps YOU over it. He is gaslighting you, finding ways to blame you for what he is doing. It doesn't even sound like he is putting in any effort. A 20 min conversation at night and a weekend visit (where you put the effort to see HIM) doesn't mean anything. He is comfortable with you and used to having you in his life, that's why he keeps you around. What did he do during the 4 weeks you were broken up last time? Probably dated the other girl. Have you met this girl? If she is such a close friend, why can't you meet her when you go visit? Hey any friend of his should be a friend of yours! Does his FB list him as in a relationship with you? Seriously what do you freak out about so much that he can't add you? Sorry but this has shady written all over it and you are deluding yourself if you think any of this is okay or normal or justified. He said he did not date anyone when we were broken up. It was over spring break and he went to Vegas with a bunch of guy friends. I know he hung out with her.. but what can I do? I dated a lot during our break up. His FB relationship status is hidden. I went on his FB when I visited and there wasnt anything shady at all.. (I know its bad I did that) He may be comfortable with me, but I am the first to acknowledge that I am a handful. Does that seem silly to be in a relationship with someone who is 5 hours away, when there is something much easier 5 min away? Im not trying to delude myself--Im only trying to explain everything I have been told. Part of me feels like he totally trustworthy, and the other part of me is concerned.
chez89 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I understand this is a difficult situation for you. I am 22 myself and in a relationship thats a bit rocky. Breaking up 3 times is a red flag and although I do not think he is cheating on you, you have to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who wont be as open as you need them to be. Trust is the foundation of your relationship and if you dont have that theres nothing that should keep you together. Maybe you should try and find a better prince charming. You're young, dont let your good years be wasted on a guy that doesn't even tell you where he's going.
YellowShark Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I have to admit that using Facebook as a gauge for anything is beyond lame. Quoted for truth. Stupidbook makes people stupid. To use it as a yardstick to judge friendships and relationships is exactly why this kinda crap happens. I refuse to date women who rely on Stupidbook because it is a red flag to me that they are nuts. And ya, there are great, quality women out there who don't use Facebook.
Author aevf39 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 so am i the one causing a problem from something that doesnt matter? i know facebook is beyond stupid, but its weird that he has it and wont friend me. i know i caused a lot of problems because of it though.. i keep getting mixed reviews. i dont think he would cheat.. but it is a red flag. would a guy waste his time with someone long distance if he had a chick in the same city?
veggirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 so am i the one causing a problem from something that doesnt matter? i know facebook is beyond stupid, but its weird that he has it and wont friend me. i know i caused a lot of problems because of it though.. i keep getting mixed reviews. i dont think he would cheat.. but it is a red flag. would a guy waste his time with someone long distance if he had a chick in the same city? No you aren't causing problems! Your boyfriend is!!! He has a chick in the same city AND YOU. He is playing both of you. You are his safety net. Why does he spend sooo much time with another girl to the point that other friends are noticing / commenting on it? Why won't he add you as his girlfriend to FB? Really, what is his excuse for that? He wants to appear single!
Recommended Posts