KeepMeInMind Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Wasn't quite sure which forum to post this in since it falls under a few. So here goes... I'm newly single. I've never been single. I met my xH quite young, moved in together, spent over 10 years living together and married part of that time. We fell out of love. Basically, he's an *******. Anyway, I developed feelings for a mutual friend. We started seeing each other behind both our spouses' backs. Fell in love. Stuff got out of control fast. We wanted to be together. We planned our exits. And we stuck to it. But 3 weeks into us being together, he went back to his W, stating he owed it to her to try again, that she had never done anything wrong to end the marriage, etc. I got my heart ripped out. It was awful. That was 3 months ago today. I'm not going to lie. I started seeing him again. I hoped to win him back. Then I ended it completely, total NC, hoping that would make his wishy washy ass make a move. I caved after a week of NC. I knew I would be in his area and wanted to see him. We got together twice total since the NC. Both times were very emotional, as were the previous encounters. Not just for me, for him, too. I even spent a 3 day weekend with him while his wife was out of town. Last week, he ended it. I had told him before that I was casually talking to someone. He found out who it was. Someone he knows I slept with before. He got all kinds of bent out of shape, acting like a 3 year old who got his favorite toy taken away. (this took a few days to develop - he didn't have this reaction immediately. He actually just rolled over and put his face in a pillow and wouldn't talk when he found out) So. Here I am, wondering who the hell I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I kind of just wanted to vent and hear from some other people who are also in this phase of uncertainty.
Philosoraptor Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I was there and can tell you that the only way to find yourself is to be by yourself. Once you've figured out your own puzzle you'll see how much easier it is to find a good partner. For now join a club, get a new hobby, volunteer... just explore life and yourself. Figure out what you enjoy just because you enjoy it, not because of someone else. But make it an exciting journey, it's not to be feared at all. I decided to jump out of a plane to get started myself
Author KeepMeInMind Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 It's been a long road. I couldn't do any of those things for the longest time. Hell, just going to Walmart made me cry. Every little thing everywhere I go made me think of him. I've just in the last few weeks been able to get back into the swing of things. Luckily for me, I've always been independent. I had my own hobbies as well as shared ones. And I participated in my hobbies alone. But my life is so flipped upside down now, it's ridiculous. I live in another state, am struggling financially (never had to worry about money, ever, in my adult life), have no idea where I want to live, or how I want to earn a living, etc etc etc. I was a bit of an icon in my biggest hobby/lifestyle, but now I'm a nobody. Worse than a nobody. I'm a known cheater and homewrecker. It's all very public. I'm trying, but boy I tell ya. There is not one part of my old life that I can still cling to. I'm completely lost. I'm okay..but I'm lost.
Norse Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sometimes I have to tell myself, "don't you know who I am?" And I start thinking about all of my good qualities, and that's what you need to do. Think about your good qualities, we are all human and we make mistakes. Ultimately we wish to be happy, sometimes we don't always follow the right paths. But you have to let regrets go and look at them as lessons learned, and even those lessons are hard to learn. You are somebody no matter what don't let mistakes you made stop you from believing that. 1
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