waiting4u Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 So I just met this guy and he's a lot younger than me so I haven't put a lot of thought into the whole thing really. We've just been hanging out. I figured that was going to be pretty much it - I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. I know that sounds messed up, but I've got some weird career stuff going on and I'm a single mom. I don't want a guy in my kids' lives. This guy happened along and I thought "what the heck." The kids are away visiting their Dad for the summer so I've been sort of lonely. I figured that was the case with this guy too. He's super sweet - does little nice things and is really laid back. I love that I don't have to think about what's going on between us - I can just roll with it. Last night I spent most of the evening watching television with his head in my lap. He asked me to sleep over and I did - he was really cuddly, etc. I went home this morning thinking he was a real sweetheart, but my feelings as far as not wanting to over think this haven't changed. I mean, I've only known him a couple weeks. Well he's been texting me all morning so I got a bit curious and looked him up on Facebook. I figured if he was all into me I should know a little more about him. His status says "in a relationship." I asked him via text if he seriously had a girlfriend and how unethical his behavior was considering, and he said they broke up a month ago. He explains that he only logs onto Facebook on his phone and that's why he hasn't changed his relationship status. Would you believe this crap? He's like "I'm not that kind of guy, really." I've met a few of his friends and nobody has mentioned a girlfriend. He just moved here about 6 months ago. Could this be a long distance thing that went bad? I feel like I should just ignore him and write it off, but I guess part of me wants to give him a chance. It's not that I want to be his girlfriend - it's just that I don't want to be the freaking "other woman" with some poor girl being cheated on somewhere.
january2011 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Has he changed his status since you spoke to him? If you really need him to clarify his status (FB or otherwise), ask him about his ex. Whether or not he's still in touch with her and if he still has feelings for her - a month doesn't seem like much of a break before starting something else with someone else. You may also wish to ask about the nature of the breakup and how long they were together. Then take it from there.
Author waiting4u Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Well I woke up this morning and he had changed his status to "single," but I got a little curious and went looking around on his page to see if I could figure out when the breakup happened, and it's uh really recent. Seriously like a month or something. And from the looks of her page (yeah, I'm a total Facebook stalker), it was serious. She went on a trip with him in February and met his parents in March. Posted about it. And I mentioned an age difference? She's 23. A baby - seriously. AND her status says "in a relationship" - so either it's not over for her or she left him for somebody else. Although since I've met a mutual friend, I'm sure she knows about me so if it wasn't over before it probably is now. @January - you are right. A month is not very long. But I think he only moved here maybe 7 months ago, so they couldn't have been together that long. But I'm so making excuses. I'm sort of pissed. Should I write him off? We don't communicate daily and I don't really feel like I should bring up some sort of "heavy talk" about our future, as it's been really chill with us and I've only known him a couple weeks. I'll probably hear from him this weekend if not in the next couple days (I am NOT CALLING HIM).
january2011 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I say trust your gut. If you don't want to be the transition woman who "helps" him to get over his last relationship, then move on.
Author waiting4u Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 wowza - you are quick lol. Yeah, he's just so PRETTY - I wish I could justify keeping him around. And the gut kind of says he's a good guy - but hard to trust a gut + hormones.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Once a man demonstrates that he is a liar from early on that you've just met, you can surely guarantee he'll be lying to you again. You're a rebound, someone to help pass the time and cope with this separation...you're not the "serious" person in his life so I wouldn't worry about being so, If you want this to be casual fling type FWB then knock yourself out...expecting more would be just downright foolish, regardless of what kind of man you THINK he is...this is the problem with women, they want to insist on a situation they know they shouldn't be apart of, even as the walls start crumbling around you. You'll probably stay for a while, develop emotions (don't BS me on the girlfriend bit I've heard that too many times and we both know how things always end up) and he'll prob string you along a bit...he won't be ready for a relationship when you are tired of just playing it casual after a while...make whatever excuses you want to yourself but this is pretty typical of a situation and will likely have a cut and dry predictable outcome, so don't complicate it anymore than what it is IF that's what you're happy with...keep it simple in your head.
Author waiting4u Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Ninja - stellar advice. Bleh on the feelings - didn't like him all THAT much until I got all jealous. Gheesh. Nothing like competition to spark it up. I agree with you though - good to get a man's perspective.
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