Getting the attention of women online

[irc333]

I know there had been some posts on what you could do to improve your chances of getting replies from women, online..and some have "claimed" to have such success, and I've even taken heed of the tips.

 

For instance, email the ones that you think you have most in common with, and even expound upon those interests or hobbies.

 

Thing is, if they don't like your height or you have a big nose, they might not care.

 

For instance, there was a woman I saw that was in a rather obscure profession that I'm in, the environmental field/scientist. I rarely find women in these positions, at least in my neck of the woods, it's mostly men.

 

And I thought, "Oh cool, something I can talk about with her"

 

Usually, I would say, "Hey, I noticed we are in the same profession, what kind of lab work do you do? Water analysis, soil, etc?"

 

Of course that goes to wasted breath when they don't respond, but you'd think you could hook them into responding by using such the "proper bait" (a term coined by POF)

 

Figured you'd at LEASt get them to talk about her job or something and talk about what you both do.

 

Funny, but I bet in REAL life, I'd stand a shot if I bumped into her at a convention for environmental analysts. LOL

[january2011]

Some people don't like talking about their job. They'd even go so far as to stay away from people with a similar job. A bit short-sighted, in my opinion, because at the bare minimum, it's a potential networking opportunity.

 

Or, as you said, perhaps she didn't like the look of you or didn't like something on your profile. It can be a little disappointing, but I think you've just got to shrug and move on.

[WonderKid]

Online Dating is a world in its own. The men outnumber the women. And they all go for the hottest profiles of course. The women get like a 100 emails really. And if you message them, it is best to put something that will instantly grab they attention in the subject line. What I used to do is rival whatever their profile said.

 

i.e. I am a sandals with jeans type girl

I'll put: I am a tennis shoe guy but I like girls who wear sandals.

 

Or i.e. I like sitting on the couch watching movies

I'll say: I love watching movies as well, ,any genre. I like going to theaters as well.

 

That's why it helps for women to have a good profile and not just: "I'm not into playing games" fold. Look at her interests list and throw some in the message as well. It helps to go into a little detail into it. Don't just say, "I like that too".

 

i.e. Her interests say she likes Pokemon

I'll say: I love Pokemon too. My favorite is Charizard and I love Silver Version for GameBoy.

 

But OLDing takes a ton of patience especially if you are a guy. Lol I gave up though a while back.

[seachangeoflove]

sucks man but you just never know, it could be anything.

 

I am 'spirtual but not religious' listed on my profile as I also have "NO" for wants kids.

 

I've emailed guys on OLD and had them either not reply or reply telling me "no thanks, Im looking for a christian woman " or something. Hey no biggie...

 

 

think of the flip side...you could meet someone off line, date them for a month or so and then find out you had a major incompatabilty. See? you saved yourself the heartache, I know it's not the way it works but try again

[yongyong]

don't try to invest too much time. you saw a girl of your type. you get excited and read her long profile. you say something that relates to her. what would she look at first? your pics and then decide to say next or not.

 

I can't blame this. there are like 20 images of girls on each page.

I just skim through their face like clothing rack in 3 secs and move on to next page.

 

just don't say something stupid like 'hey sexy' 'yo what's up'

she will respond to your common messages if she likes you

[shibbikitteh]

Someone on POF asked me this the other day, "how to start off a message"

This is how I replied, I don't know if anyone agrees with me lol.

 

I'm going to be honest, as POF is generally quite brutal in this respect.

You could spend time, thinking of something witty relating to their profile. But I feel that its energy wasted, as most of it is purely profile/photo based.

So I would come up with something safe and generic, perhaps a playful name that could apply to anyone, and if you get a response, save the charm and wit for after that.

If you're already in contact you've got to go by a girl by girl situation and feel out how to interest them individually.

 

 

Just make sure you don't keep messaging the same girl repeatedly lol.

 

I had someone, who'd I'd actually replied to, send me the same massive essay of a first message, 3 times as they kept forgetting they had spoken to me, and also finding out my housemate had the same message !

Didn't I feel special

[USMCHokie]

Getting the attention of women online

 

Have good pictures.

 

It's quite sad when even somewhat attractive women can get away with having literally nothing written in their profiles. And they are probably still drowning in messages...

[Titanwolf]

^^ They tested this theory on another forum I visit. Guys with extremely aesthetically pleasing photos had written the most half-assed bios. They messaged girls insulting them, telling them they want sex asap etc etc. You wouldn't believe how many women responded to that lol. It was also sad to see, how many women were saying they had boyfriends, but as soon as the brosky said "let's meet up" it didn't matter. They sent nude pictures and all sorts the thread is still there I think and it's not for the feint of heart.

[SJC2008]

Have good pictures.

 

It's quite sad when even somewhat attractive women can get away with having literally nothing written in their profiles. And they are probably still drowning in messages...

 

Yeah and some of them even have "no bulk/copy and paste messages". Mind you the few messages I've gotten from women include "Hey there, just wanted to say hi there" "Hi how are you" etc... I've gotten a couple of "in depth emails'. But I'll never message back an initiaor even if she's a 10 becaus not one of those has turned into a date.

 

Messages really don't matter IMO. Most every date I've gotten has been with a bulk email. I've spiced it up little and got a response off a pretty funny one and even a date and ph# but she flaked.

 

OLD is gig gig gig...

[Bob_Funk]

Online dating's a waste of time for guys. My response rate's actually pretty good now after changing my profile. About 1 in 5. Too bad a response rarely leads to a date, which rarely leads to anything physical.

 

At least with clubs, the girls have alcohol in them. Which increases your odds from nothing to 1/1000.

[manup]

I know there had been some posts on what you could do to improve your chances of getting replies from women, online..and some have "claimed" to have such success, and I've even taken heed of the tips.

 

For instance, email the ones that you think you have most in common with, and even expound upon those interests or hobbies.

 

Thing is, if they don't like your height or you have a big nose, they might not care.

 

For instance, there was a woman I saw that was in a rather obscure profession that I'm in, the environmental field/scientist. I rarely find women in these positions, at least in my neck of the woods, it's mostly men.

 

And I thought, "Oh cool, something I can talk about with her"

 

Usually, I would say, "Hey, I noticed we are in the same profession, what kind of lab work do you do? Water analysis, soil, etc?"

 

Of course that goes to wasted breath when they don't respond, but you'd think you could hook them into responding by using such the "proper bait" (a term coined by POF)

 

Figured you'd at LEASt get them to talk about her job or something and talk about what you both do.

 

Funny, but I bet in REAL life, I'd stand a shot if I bumped into her at a convention for environmental analysts. LOL

 

A few things work, humor and confidence, you may have to dumb down your messages but women like that ****

[Emilia]

Have good pictures.

 

It's quite sad when even somewhat attractive women can get away with having literally nothing written in their profiles. And they are probably still drowning in messages...

 

That's because guys don't bother reading the profiles anyway. With all fairness, so many people lie or 'embellish' that you might as well just go on the photos, just as much of a lottery

[oaks]

Women who take the view that there's no point writing a good profile because it's all about the photos must, I assume, also support the idea that it's okay for men to objectify women on the basis of their looks. Not sure which smiley to add here; probably the sad one.

 

I find it hard to write to those women, because they gave me no opening that doesn't sound like I posted it to every woman on the site, unless there's actually something unique in the photos to comment on. (and most of the photos are pretty generic, too, like the one taken in the mirror or maybe by your friend in the bathroom of the night club just are you fixed your make up. )

 

 

In the other direction, I recently changed my photos around. My main photo is now a sunglasses-wearing pic. I read so often in profiles that this is a no-no, but somehow I've been getting a lot more visitors to my profile since I swapped the photos. Funny old world!

[Ruby Slippers]

Whatever you do, don't write:

 

"How are you?"

 

"Hey sexy"

 

or

 

"You're hot"

[WonderKid]

Now come to think, I don't think its all about the photos really. I've tried that experiment with a friend once. I messaged a girl being respectful and such, she gave me half-assed 3 word replies. So then, my friend gave her a negative message. She actually replied with more energy to that one. And they even talked more. Lol

It was confusing to me but I guess thats how it works. *shrugs*

[Emilia]

Now come to think, I don't think its all about the photos really. I've tried that experiment with a friend once. I messaged a girl being respectful and such, she gave me half-assed 3 word replies. So then, my friend gave her a negative message. She actually replied with more energy to that one. And they even talked more. Lol

It was confusing to me but I guess thats how it works. *shrugs*

 

Good old neg hits huh? Only work with certain types of girls

[FitChick]

Good old neg hits huh? Only work with certain types of girls

Exactly. When I get messages like that, I immediately block and delete.

 

As for drowning in messages, I'd prefer getting one good prospect than hundreds of no-hopers.

[veggirl]

If a guy is OLD, he needs to listen to the advice of dudes who have had success at it. Not the advice of women on a dating forum. Let's be real, pictures are going to take you a long way in something like OLD. Personality will matter but it matters more IRL than online when you're sending a first message. Just don't be a total douche. Or, be if thats what works I guess.

[WonderKid]

Good old neg hits huh? Only work with certain types of girls

 

You'd be surprised at the ratio of certain girls as to it does work on and who doesn't. He made a fake profile, and he got views instantly, and even some messages instantly. Some women even offered to meet up with him after 15 messages! I was like daaaaamn! Lol

[Imajerk17]

My take: A lot of it is location. I live in a small town which is about 45 minutes away from a big city. Girls in the big city wink at me and write me back. Girls in the small town where I live do not. Girls in the big city tend to put a lot more thought into writing out their profiles than the girls in my small town do (going by what I've been reading anyway). Why? I suspect that women in the town that I live just don't take OLD that seriously. Why would they--if they want male attention they can always go out with their friends to bars and parties--and get their share of alpha dudes hitting on them.

 

My point: You just might have to move. Match is better than PoF for me, and I think it will be for you too. Anyway, getting past that....

 

An email talking about all you have in common is bad. A well-thought-out comment about one thing in their profile is much better. Example: One girl had a picture of her trick-or-treating with her nephew. I asked her what her cut of the booty was. I said that anyone who takes a kid trick-or-treating gets first dibs. I ended the email with saying that I liked her profile and that I look forward to hearing back from her. Got a response.

 

Pictures are very important though. Not so much in how good-looking you are but does it look like you are fun.

Edited June 27, 2012 by Imajerk17

[WonderKid]

I can agree with the small town/big town thing. I live in a smaller town I think. And when we made that fake profile it was crazy. Like seriously, you have to be a 10 or whatever to even get a "message" from a woman.

 

I had my profile on there a year and I'm not bad-looking at all but never got an email. Got profile views though. And my profile wasn't bad neither--I got approval from the forums. I had pics of me doing activities, one with a cat and one with a dog.

 

But with the fake guy. We only put up 2 photos. One facial shot smiling. And a body shot of him at the beach. The profile was half-assed done literally. Within 20mins of making the profile we got at least 8 views already. So I say okay.

 

Then they were 3 women who messaged him 1st! Which is a rarity to me! Usually the guys do it. They start off with, "Hey" or "You have a nice smile,".

 

Girl A: we talked about what we had in common which was a +1 everytime. The movies was a common among us. Within 15 messages she asked if I wanted to go on a date with her to the movies. Whoa.

She didn't ask about my career, my favorite color, favorite music, nothing.

 

Girl B was okay. She definitely wanted to get my phone number soon though.

 

Girl C was suspect. She didn't get personal at all. And she was the quickest to ask to exchange numbers so we could text.

 

So then I went to all the previous women I've talked to with "my" profile.

One woman gave me like 7 messages and went MIA. I talked to her with this guy she was replying quicker than I was. We got to over 100 messages and "she" even got on the sexual subject first. I didn't think she was like that how profound her profile was.

 

Another woman, she messaged me the longest out of everyone and she was cool. I felt I seem legit enough and I asked her if she would like to go out sometime. We've been talking for like 3 weeks straight. She said she couldn't. And also, I asked if she would like my number and she said that she would like to stay emailing if it was okay. So I respected it. Oh well.

 

With the fake guy, we talked for like 4 days and I suggested that we could meet at the same place "I" wanted to which was the mall. She said it was fine and she'd love to.

Lol

 

We searched for a woman to say, "I don't want to see shirtless pics," We went to 2 of them actually. And we gave a "Hey there Babe," reply and one of them replied the other didn't. The one that did was cool and okay.

 

Most women we gave a negative email to replied with a fiery comment back, but it still led to conversation.

 

Overall we had about 60 emails. Or more I think. And majority of the women were straight forward and aggressive. No kidding. I read a profile with a woman who is outdoorsy, loves being outside. A typical day for her would not be in the house--which is also clearly explained in the "First Date" box as well. But when the fake guy messaged her, "What should we do for a first date? Where should we go?"

She states, oh its no problem we could just hangout at my place and catch a movie if you'd like. XD XD

 

But these are my experiences everyone has their own. Its just how it is. This is all from POF though. I never tried Match because I didn't want to pay. But what only cracked me up is how different the women I've talked to reacted with the fake guy. Some of them were completely different people. And more talkative.

 

The pics we used were of a black model. He is up-and-coming and he had pics to pull it all off. He's a twin actually. Lol

[USMCHokie]

Pictures are very important though. Not so much in how good-looking you are but does it look like you are fun.

 

Do you really believe this though? Do you honestly think an unattractive person who looks like he/she is having fun in their picture will get more attention than a good looking person who doesn't?

[irc333]

My take: A lot of it is location. I live in a small town which is about 45 minutes away from a big city. Girls in the big city wink at me and write me back. Girls in the small town where I live do not. Girls in the big city tend to put a lot more thought into writing out their profiles than the girls in my small town do (going by what I've been reading anyway). Why? I suspect that women in the town that I live just don't take OLD that seriously. Why would they--if they want male attention they can always go out with their friends to bars and parties--and get their share of alpha dudes hitting on them.

 

Hm, small town women don't take online dating seriously? Not sure why they wouldn't considering their selection is quite limited as compared to a larger city.

 

My area is small, BUT kind of in an up swing. Any attractive or remotely attractive...that has found their way to a dating site (in my area) are typically new to the area, and their reason for having moved from a big city from up north or elsewhere, to this area....is usually due to the fact they just simply wanted to be closer to their family. But with it, comes a price.

 

Dating men that are WWII veterans or Larry the Cable Guy look-a-likes. LOL

 

I have seen this one woman, early 40's, divorced, no kids, been on POF in my area, of course I emailed her, but she's never responded....even tried a 2nd attempt at contacting her the following year, still no response. STILL on POF to this day, profile is becoming a bit bitter, too.

 

No doubt, I would probably bump into her one of these days since we live so close.

 

Another one is actually a bank manager at a well known branch. Of course, nary a response from her either.

 

The rest that are around my age, are tattooed freaks or look like 500-miles of hard road put on them. lol

 

But I do tend to commute to meet women in the neighboring large city, no biggie for me.

 

But any civilized, educated women within a 10 to 15 min drive from me....well, they've been there forever. LOL

[irc333]

An email talking about all you have in common is bad.

 

I have no idea where you got the idea that this is a BAD thing, it's really common sense since to be rather obvious thing to bring up.

 

Like if you two like mountain biking, you can talk about what equipment you like to use, venues you like to bike, and so on.

 

So you're way off on that.

[SensitiveTJ]

Having good pics is a must, unfortunately. At least that has been my experience. I have had a profile on OKC for about 3 months. In any given week, I have about 20 visitors and about 4-8 messages from women. It must be looks because I certainly don't have anything else, i clearly state that I am quite poor and live with my parents, lol. My profile is pretty hilarious too, though, perhaps that helps.