USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Since you are not a virgin, you are someone's 'leftover', or throw away... if you prefer to view things that way. Sure, everyone is someone else's leftovers. And the "acceptable" degree of leftover-ness will vary from person to person. Some people may want virgins, while others don't care if the other person has been married 5 times and has 10 kids. I have found that generally, people are more accepting and not find issue with those with similar experiences. But it's all in the eye of the beholder.
USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Rather than quote your other post above... I would say that was more a factor of being with someone with a HUGE age difference. You were repelled by the same things that alot of young women are repelled by with much older men. If you are looking for the 'upper hand' and turning that dynamic around on some young woman so that YOU can feel like you are in the driver's seat... I suspect you will get a rude awakening sooner rather than later on that front. The age difference played a part, but moreso the distance. And why would I necessarily need to be in the "driver's seat"? I drive when I need to drive, and I let her drive when she needs or wants to drive.
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 And why would I necessarily need to be in the "driver's seat"? I drive when I need to drive, and I let her drive when she needs or wants to drive. Well you were complaining that older/more experienced women would want to be in the driver's seat therefore surely it is likely to be the case the other way round too? The older/more experienced person usually has more control over the relationship
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 The age difference played a part, but moreso the distance. And why would I necessarily need to be in the "driver's seat"? I drive when I need to drive, and I let her drive when she needs or wants to drive. Perhaps I should be using the ... because I thought your analogy was that, the more experience one has, the more they are in the driver's seat (to use your tour guide analogy). But let me back up a bit... I hear you that you don't want someone who is tired of life, leaves the impression of having 'done it all', or doesn't have a fresh take on things. I guess what I'm saying is that the world is full of limitless opportunities for learning and growth. I really believe that. It doesn't stop when you get a certain age. If anything, life experience has taught me to enjoy and really cherish the little things MORE, not less. So, if you have only met 'experienced' people who seem worn out by it all or not sharing your enthusiasm for life (and I admit, I do feel that way myself sometimes), then I don't blame you. Edited: You 'let' her drive, eh? Is that how it works?
zengirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 This notion really came to me for the first time after my dating experience with the woman 18 years my senior. There are a considerable number of life she has had that I have not. A 16 year relationship/marriage, an 18 year old kid, several other long term relationships. Ah, well, I can understand why being at different life stages entirely (which is what you experienced) could hinder a R. That has to do with overall compatibility more than age, really. We all change as we age - that's inevitable. Something like having and raising children would change and evolve someone even more. I don't think it necessarily makes one blase and 'been there done that' about any new R (some people are just 'been there done that' types anyway, of course), but I am not saying that life stages or experiences don't matter. I feel like I'd be playing catch-up in terms of how close someone had gotten to her emotionally. And "experiences" I'm talking about are things like having a kid, getting hitched, getting first house, etc. For me, it'd be a big deal, but for her, it would have been a meh, been there, done that. My parents have both been married before and I've dated divorced men. I don't think people generally feel "been there, done that" when they actually want to move forward with a 2nd marriage --- the level of excitement is still there. It may (and hopefully is) go alongside some wisdom from the past, but I think the people who feel they've already 'been there, done that' are in no position to do it again --- a lot of those are probably still recovering from the first marriage, etc. A lot of the stages we go through are consistently evolving over time. MANY 2nd marriages are a 'big deal.' For some, an even bigger deal than their first. If it hadn't been for a lot of the issues that we had to face, I would have found the right person in her. Though without those issues, it's impossible to know what person she would be, right?
USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Perhaps I should be using the ... because I thought your analogy was that, the more experience one has, the more they are in the driver's seat (to use your tour guide analogy). But let me back up a bit... I hear you that you don't want someone who is tired of life, leaves the impression of having 'done it all', or doesn't have a fresh take on things. I guess what I'm saying is that the world is full of limitless opportunities for learning and growth. I really believe that. It doesn't stop when you get a certain age. If anything, life experience has taught me to enjoy and really cherish the little things MORE, not less. So, if you have only met 'experienced' people who seem worn out by it all or not sharing your enthusiasm for life (and I admit, I do feel that way myself sometimes), then I don't blame you. And this was not at all how she was. She acted much youngerand with a lot more energy and zest for life. And there were plenty of things we did that she had never done just because she hadn't been with someone as open or adventurous before. It really did work really well. I guess my thoughts were of my own volition...fears almost...maybe a bit too much romantic thought. I guess I also got a little bitter wondering why someone like her had to wait until they were 46 to consider someone like me...? Where was she at 26...? With the guy that she complained about to me... You 'let' her drive, eh? Is that how it works? Yes, that is only after I "let" her out of the kitchen.
Recommended Posts