Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 This is BS. I liked a guy who was 10 years older than me- 35 I liked and would've gone out with him even if we were the same age. yet I got rejected as he thought our age difference was too big. Even though I'm not a teen abd we're both adults. Because you don't know yet that there is a huge difference between how you are in your 20s and in your 30s
Sugarkane Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Because you don't know yet that there is a huge difference between how you are in your 20s and in your 30s What is the difference?
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 What is the difference? Maturity, being able to draw from your life experiences, fully developed personality, knowing what you want from your life, not relying on external validation (hopefully). This is what your 30s should bring. Many people are much more secure in their 30s. In short, he sees you as immature. 1
angie2443 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Maturity, being able to draw from your life experiences, fully developed personality, knowing what you want from your life, not relying on external validation (hopefully). This is what your 30s should bring. Many people are much more secure in their 30s. In short, he sees you as immature. This is really true. The more you learn and grow, the stronger your sense of self will be and people will be less able to knock you down or manipulate you with what they tell you about yourself. You'll be more able to spot a genuine compliment, and much less bothered by someone's disapproval.
Sugarkane Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Maturity, being able to draw from your life experiences, fully developed personality, knowing what you want from your life, not relying on external validation (hopefully). This is what your 30s should bring. Many people are much more secure in their 30s. In short, he sees you as immature. Ouch! I think I'm more mature than others I know. I don't really like sleeping around and I don't brag about how much money I earn. My friend is engaged to someone with the same age difference. Yet he didn't get rejected.
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Ouch! I think I'm more mature than others I know. I don't really like sleeping around and I don't brag about how much money I earn. My friend is engaged to someone with the same age difference. Yet he didn't get rejected. My question is, why do you care? Stop trying to 'prove' to anyone that you are 'mature'. Look at the guys on this thread. Do you really want any of them? Why would you consider them a prize? Just so you can feel 'mature'? Do you realize what an easy target that makes you.. and has made you? I seem to recall that you lamented on another thread that you feel guys just want to use you for sex and not have a relationship.
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Ouch! I think I'm more mature than others I know. I don't really like sleeping around and I don't brag about how much money I earn. My friend is engaged to someone with the same age difference. Yet he didn't get rejected. You are immature in his opinion. It's relative and subjective.
Algermas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Obviously, the OP (and men with his preferences are lost causes). Funny thing is, they don't realize how much damage they are doing "their cause" whenever they make threads like this one. It doesn't take long for the facade to drop and the other clueless LS men to jump on the bandwagon. Even better. Keep it up guys... You are 'schooling' the young ladies without them ever having the misfortune of meeting you. ha ha Too funny. That's the beautiful part, young women are all too happy to be with older men even after reading stuff like this. Only when they reach your advanced age do they learn.
angie2443 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Ouch! I think I'm more mature than others I know. I don't really like sleeping around and I don't brag about how much money I earn. My friend is engaged to someone with the same age difference. Yet he didn't get rejected. I don't know you or why you were rejected, so I'm not talking about your specific situation. Anyways, I wouldn't get hung up on the "mature" thing. There is nothing wrong with "acting your age". I hate it when some of these older guys date a young girl and then get mad at her for acting like a young person. A twenty year old should explore and have fun, not be trained like a dog by some older guy who believes women should act and behave a certain way. I don't consider a twenty year old immature for acting like a twenty year old. There still learning and growing and there is nothing wrong with that. Just my two cents. 1
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 That's the beautiful part, young women are all too happy to be with older men even after reading stuff like this. Only when they reach your advanced age do they learn. naah. Most figure it out really quick. I suspect things are getting much harder, not easier for men with your preferences.
Sugarkane Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 My question is, why do you care? Stop trying to 'prove' to anyone that you are 'mature'. Look at the guys on this thread. Do you really want any of them? Why would you consider them a prize? Just so you can feel 'mature'? Do you realize what an easy target that makes you.. and has made you? I seem to recall that you lamented on another thread that you feel guys just want to use you for sex and not have a relationship. Good point. Yes I did post that in another thread because that has been mostly my dating experience.
Emilia Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 That's the beautiful part, young women are all too happy to be with older men even after reading stuff like this. Only when they reach your advanced age do they learn. Not at this day and age when a lot of younger guys have their education and career sorted. I rarely see older men and younger women together nowdays and I live in a liberal city with over 8 million people
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Good point. Yes I did post that in another thread because that has been mostly my dating experience. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Don't feel too bad about it. You tried to trust and it didn't work out. You'll get better at sifting them out.
Algermas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 naah. Most figure it out really quick. I suspect things are getting much harder, not easier for men with your preferences. Not at all, every year nature delivers me another truckload of freshly legal girls.
angie2443 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 My question is, why do you care? Stop trying to 'prove' to anyone that you are 'mature'. Look at the guys on this thread. Do you really want any of them? Why would you consider them a prize? Just so you can feel 'mature'? Do you realize what an easy target that makes you.. and has made you? I seem to recall that you lamented on another thread that you feel guys just want to use you for sex and not have a relationship. I really agree with the bolded part. Unless you really acting like an irresponsible kid most of the time, don't worry about proving that you're mature (smart, pretty, etc.) to everyone. It takes time away from all the good stuff. I did date a couple of older guys ( at least 10 years differance) in my teens and very early twenties. I also thought I was very mature for my age. For many reasons, I'm very glad I ended up with a man much closer to my age. I'm now kind of creeped out by these older guys I was with. Live and learn, I guess.
Algermas Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Not at this day and age when a lot of younger guys have their education and career sorted. I rarely see older men and younger women together nowdays and I live in a liberal city with over 8 million people Im not from the US.
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Not at all, every year nature delivers me another truckload of freshly legal girls. Yes, sadly, there always seems to be an abundance of girls who come homes where they were neglected or abused... and accept any shred of 'love' they can get. For some of them, it may take years for them to break the cycle of 'abuse'... Being with men with your preferences might be just the incentive for some of them to get the help they need. Not to mention, helping the other men their own age... since it is even more unlikely she would date an older man after coming across someone like you. Sounds like a 'win' for everyone. Except... men with your preferences come from a place of hatred... so there is no 'win' for you. but, you probably know that already.
zengirl Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Oh, how this has devolved. Anyway. . . Still... I think you (OP), or anyone, should always stay aware as far as your true intentions when it comes to preferences. Often, even if we believe that we have our own decent reasons for certain things we find attractive or for certain preferences, it can be just as likely that those reasons don't go as deep as we think they do. Or that those 'reasons' actually play a much smaller part, and so can leads us to passing up other people who could actually be good for us. A very wise thing to say, really. Honestly, it is good to examine your (universal you) motivations and desires for this reason -- not because everyone isn't entitled to their preferences, but because sometimes we do rationalize. That's human nature. And it's good to know the REAL reason you do things---I'm not saying the OP doesn't know the real reason, but I'm not sure he understands the whole of it and how it is perceived. I am in my late-20's, relatively young by modern standards, but with relatively little relationship experience. I want to date someone who has had a similar level of experience because the actual journey is part of the reason I want to be in a relationship...to share new experiences with them...and if I'm dating someone who has "been there, done that, got the t-shirt," it is significantly less fulfilling for me...it's like I'm all excited about experiencing something, and I feel like she's just along for the ride, saying 'whoop-dee-doo' at every corner... I have what I think is a great analogy for this...imagine you're on a tour bus exploring a new city that neither of you have been to...I'd much rather she be sitting next to me and seeing all the new sights rather than up front as my tour guide... As bitter and awful as this sounds, I'll be blunt and straightforward in saying that I don't want someone else's leftovers... But isn't every R a new city? It's not like just because someone has had serious relationships they don't still experience the rush of a new relationship and still take the same journey. Perhaps this is your mindset of comparison at work, I don't know. Honestly, I've not become blase about Rs, not even after getting married. Hubby and I are still on a journey and our journey was definitely a 'new city' to both of us even when we had just entered into a relationship, despite the fact that both of us had been in Rs before. As to the analogy, I find it interesting you put distance in there. Why would she go upfront just because she's seen the city before? IME, a person can easily be sitting next to you and experiencing it with you, even if they know a little more or have visited before. I think both experiences are good, and anyway, even if I've been to a city many times, I rarely find it totally explored and static --- I certainly wouldn't feel blase about that city just because I'd been to a different city. I'm not saying the preference isn't fine, but I do think the perception that if someone is experienced in a R, they have 'already done this' before is wrong. Every single R is different. If it feels like you've 'already done this' or and you don't have interest (universal you in all cases) or if everything is about a comparison to previous Rs, that's a different problem, not necessarily given with experience.
Els Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Problem is... there is an element of truth to it. Just like there is truth to some criticism that women's looks go downhill after a certain age. Yes, but it is generalizing, and the manner in which the poster I quoted said it, was insulting to younger women. Lollipops, really? That would be akin to any of the men saying that older women are bitter and saggy. Really not respectful, very stereotypical. If us women wish men to not treat us with ageism, we would do well not to treat each other with ageism. Anyway, I never saw the draw of dating a man for money. At any age. She can always make her own money. She can't get the youth (and time) back that she wasted going after the buttons and trinkets he threw her way... 'buttons and trinkets' come in many forms, BTW. Neither do I, but some of them enjoy it. Each to their own. I don't really care what they do, as it doesn't involve me. 1
USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 with little to no (relationship) experience in your late 20s, you could be seen as just a "left-over" (literally - as in: no one wanted you and everybody passed you up) as well Good point. Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. But I use the term more to mean used up in a serious relationship (e.g., marriage) and thrown away...
grkBoy Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I actually stayed with women my own age because the 20something women were all full of drama and immaturity. I remember I was 34 and met a girl who was 26. She was all into partying, clubbing, and being out all the time. We didn't click because I had more settled down in life. Others I've met still act like teens. My fiance is only 2 years younger than me.
USMCHokie Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 But isn't every R a new city? It's not like just because someone has had serious relationships they don't still experience the rush of a new relationship and still take the same journey. Perhaps this is your mindset of comparison at work, I don't know. Honestly, I've not become blase about Rs, not even after getting married. Hubby and I are still on a journey and our journey was definitely a 'new city' to both of us even when we had just entered into a relationship, despite the fact that both of us had been in Rs before. This notion really came to me for the first time after my dating experience with the woman 18 years my senior. There are a considerable number of life she has had that I have not. A 16 year relationship/marriage, an 18 year old kid, several other long term relationships. I feel like I'd be playing catch-up in terms of how close someone had gotten to her emotionally. And "experiences" I'm talking about are things like having a kid, getting hitched, getting first house, etc. For me, it'd be a big deal, but for her, it would have been a meh, been there, done that. If it hadn't been for a lot of the issues that we had to face, I would have found the right person in her. As to the analogy, I find it interesting you put distance in there. Why would she go upfront just because she's seen the city before? IME, a person can easily be sitting next to you and experiencing it with you, even if they know a little more or have visited before. I think both experiences are good, and anyway, even if I've been to a city many times, I rarely find it totally explored and static --- I certainly wouldn't feel blase about that city just because I'd been to a different city. Because the tour guide with the microphone who has already seen it hundreds of times sits in the front. And for the record, this really has nothing to do with "maturity" or perceived maturity.
RedRobin Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) But I use the term more to mean used up in a serious relationship (e.g., marriage) and thrown away... Since you are not a virgin, you are someone's 'leftover', or throw away... if you prefer to view things that way. Edited: Rather than quote your other post above... I would say that was more a factor of being with someone with a HUGE age difference. You were repelled by the same things that alot of young women are repelled by with much older men. If you are looking for the 'upper hand' and turning that dynamic around on some young woman so that YOU can feel like you are in the driver's seat... I suspect you will get a rude awakening sooner rather than later on that front. Edited June 27, 2012 by RedRobin
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