Babolat Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) I have been dating a woman for a little over 3 months. She is the first person in a long time who has caught my attention. I am 1.5 years post separation, and officially divorced earlier this year. I have dated 2-3 girls in this time frame. As we spend more time together I have figured out she recently came out of a 5 year relationship, where they were engaged, living together, raising their kids together (hers and his from prior relationships), and planning for a future. To me it was more like a marriage. That relationship ended 4-5 months before we met. So it's been 7+ months total since that relationship ended. She does not talk about him unless I ask, she does not reference him. She definitely makes me feel special and gives me plenty of attention. I did this after my separation/divorce. Within 4 months I was dating someone. I later realized she was a transition for me. My guess is I would not even be thinking about this with the girl I am dating had I not been thru this myself. And, I could be wrong as she really does not show any signs of rebounding with me. I just "feel" it..that little voice maybe. I feel like I am everything he was not, or I am giving her everything he did not. She has said things that suggest that to me, not directly though, if that makes sense. Comments like "I am not use to that" and "thank you" a lot when I let her be herself. And, during our first few weeks of dating she kept sayong this was new to her. I did ask her it the relationship was over and if she has healed from it being over. She said yes. Though 4+ months, then we met, does not seem like enough time ot heal in my opinion. She is still getting her life in order, going through a lot of transitions, which I have become more exposed to as time goes by. So I feel this, and want to talk to her about it, though it could come across as being insecure. I like her, a lot, and I feel a bit guarded with her because of this. I am afraid I will get hurt when she does setttle down more, have time to heal more, and maybe realize she was not ready for us. Right now she is dealing with a lot of other transition type issues and I am wondering if dating me is the smartest thing to do. What's the best thing to do here? Talk, and risk sounding insecure and scaring her away? Be quiet, chalk it up to my own anxiety because I did this to a woman after my breakup? Only she know show she feels, it's not up to me to tell her how she feels or project my concerns on her. Edited June 26, 2012 by Babolat
Philosoraptor Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 You need to understand that everyone heals at their own rate. It all depends on the effort you put into it. I don't see anything that stands out in what you wrote so I'd just trust her and enjoy what you have going for you.
Pasttense Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 And the emotional relationship could well have been mostly over long before they physically separated. For example they may have stuck together because his and her kids had bonded closely together. I would agree with Philosoraptor.
Author Babolat Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Thanks, I have thought about that and I wonder if it's just me projecting on her based on my transition experience last year.
Author Babolat Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 And the emotional relationship could well have been mostly over long before they physically separated. For example they may have stuck together because his and her kids had bonded closely together. I would agree with Philosoraptor. Good point. She did tell me she left him once before, then went back and yes, their kids are close.
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