The tale of a semi-long term affair.

[Realist3]

What you mean is a woman who refuses to allow herself to be "controlled" and who doesn't make herself out to need "saving" like your OW?

 

 

My OW has not asked me to save her. And I have no interest in controlling anyone, especially not my wife.

 

My take is everyone is going to do what they want to do. Controlling people serves no purpose. People use control as a form of abuse.

[reboot]

You should be single.

[Realist3]

I'll ask again, do you think her tolerating the abuse her husband is dishing out to her...........is healthy and speaks well of her or do you feel she is a victim?

 

Of course I don't think it is healthy. At the same time I completely understand how it transpired. He was 10 years older than she was; he jad all the money. Is she a victim? I think she allowed herself to be a victim because of the lure of a lot of money. As she has matured(now 41), she has fought to gain independence.

 

If you see her as a victim of her husband that explains a lot. A victim is easily manipulated which I suspect is one thing that appeals to you. You see her that way and she sees herself that way.

 

It doesn't appeal to me at all. In fact, it repulses me. I despise her H for taking a perfectly smart, beautiful woman and treating her like a caged animal. Yes, I have worked with her on trying to make that situation better in dealing with her manipulative H.

[Furious]

The expensive boat does have a leak. Thankfully we do have life vests. We will cross that bridge when it comes.

 

I have listened to what you have said about getting a divorce and I will take that under consideration.

 

 

//// The PI would have to be pretty good. She is well aware of their tactics as her H is partners in a PI firm here in town.[/quote

 

Your wife is wealthy and successful, she suspects or knows you are cheating, and has guessed who it is. She has done squat about it.

 

The OW's husband cheated on her for seven years, and most likely is still cheating on her. He is rich, connected and is a partner in a PI firm and

supposedly so controlling of his wife that she having an affair under his nose

 

Truth is your wife knows you are cheating and doesn't give a crap about that or you. If you asked for a divorce today, I wouldn't be surprised if she agreed to it immediately and give you custody of the children.

 

The OW's husband sounds like he is in the marriage for convenience and probably already knows about her affair with you and turns a blind eye, knowing she will never leave him. He is way too busy with his affairs and business to give her a second thought as long as she maintains the public image he wants to present.

 

All the clandestine underground planning to get together behind their backs probably gives your spouses a good laugh.

 

Perhaps, this is closer to the truth than you'd like to admit.

[Realist3]

The expensive boat does have a leak. Thankfully we do have life vests. We will cross that bridge when it comes.

 

I have listened to what you have said about getting a divorce and I will take that under consideration.

 

 

//// The PI would have to be pretty good. She is well aware of their tactics as her H is partners in a PI firm here in town.[/quote

 

Your wife is wealthy and successful, she suspects or knows you are cheating, and has guessed who it is. She has done squat about it.

 

The OW's husband cheated on her for seven years, and most likely is still cheating on her. He is rich, connected and is a partner in a PI firm and

supposedly so controlling of his wife that she having an affair under his nose

 

Truth is your wife knows you are cheating and doesn't give a crap about that or you. If you asked for a divorce today, I wouldn't be surprised if she agreed to it immediately and give you custody of the children.

 

The OW's husband sounds like he is in the marriage for convenience and probably already knows about her affair with you and turns a blind eye, knowing she will never leave him. He is way too busy with his affairs and business to give her a second thought as long as she maintains the public image he wants to present.

 

All the clandestine underground planning to get together behind their backs probably gives your spouses a good laugh.

 

Perhaps, this is closer to the truth than you'd like to admit.

 

 

Hmmmm.... perhaps there is some truth to that. Like I said there are quite a few political and social implications to the scenario for everyone involved. There are numerous reasons for keeping the status quo besides what might appear on the surface..

[Realist3]

All the clandestine underground planning to get together behind their backs probably gives your spouses a good laugh.

 

Like I mentioned earlier we are both known widely around this city. While it certainly is an effort to keep them from knowing, it is also part of not letting other people know. When my wife said, "keep it out of my face" she meant don't allow it to embarrass her.

[Realist3]

And yet this "caged animal" apparently recently outed her affair to her husband's sister?

 

You are quite gullible.

 

 

It is someone she trusts.

[Furious]

Realist

 

You're enjoying all the drama, sounds like a made for tv movie, with the plot line from Dallas and Dynasty.

 

Your initial's don't happen to be JR by chance.

[Realist3]

Realist

 

You're enjoying all the drama, sounds like a made for tv movie, with the plot line from Dallas and Dynasty.

 

Your initial's don't happen to be JR by chance.

 

LOL! I actually had no intention of posting my story. It was on another thread that someone asked me to. Like I stated in the first sentence I was not seeking any advice or sympathy.

 

I have enjoyed the input from some of you, but I never came here to be judged or seek a remedy. You have been great, though.

[Spark1111]

Ok, this is beginning to sound a lot like F.Scott's The Great Gatsby, and as are the characters in that novel, it is proving quite difficult for me to see a pro or a con here as the facts are presented.

 

I see four very rich and very bored people who do not really want any advice or desire to change.

 

Honesty and living authentically may mess up the trust fund.

 

It is proving REALLY hard for me to relate or offer any advice or support. There seems to be absolutely no heartbreak or hand-wringing in this tale as told.

 

My sympathies lie with the 11-year old who does not post here, nor should she.

 

But I believe she is learning that grown-ups can do whatever they want to, providing it makes them happy and there continues to be enough money to fuel whatever fun they may want to have.

 

We do read about spouses who will do anything to retain the status quo, and by gosh, I think we have found one here.

 

However, I'm with Alice that the telling of the SIL is suspect. My fWS started to confide in his sister when he wanted to end it with his OW, but she was pressuring him not, and he really did not know how to extricate himself from the mess he had created.

 

It was ONLY a matter of time until DDAY hit, and he had reason to dump his AP.

 

Maybe your OW is growing bored too, and does not know how to end it.

[Furious]

LOL! I actually had no intention of posting my story. It was on another thread that someone asked me to. Like I stated in the first sentence I was not seeking any advice or sympathy.

 

I have enjoyed the input from some of you, but I never came here to be judged or seek a remedy. You have been great, though.

 

LOL

 

It's been fun!

 

Like you said, you aren't looking for advice, and I don't think it would be necessary, you're ok with it.

 

Next time, I'll bring the popcorn.

[Spark1111]

Maybe there is someone cuter, younger, richer with less baggage --like having a family--that has appeared on the horizon, and her SIL is advising her how to extricate herse4lf from you.

 

I wish you happiness, however you may define it.

[Realist3]

Ok, this is beginning to sound a lot like F.Scott's The Great Gatsby, and as are the characters in that novel, it is proving quite difficult for me to see a pro or a con here as the facts are presented.

 

I see four very rich and very bored people who do not really want any advice or desire to change.

 

Honesty and living authentically may mess up the trust fund.

 

It is proving REALLY hard for me to relate or offer any advice or support. There seems to be absolutely no heartbreak or hand-wringing in this tale as told.

 

My sympathies lie with the 11-year old who does not post here, nor should she.

 

But I believe she is learning that grown-ups can do whatever they want to, providing it makes them happy and there continues to be enough money to fuel whatever fun they may want to have.

 

We do read about spouses who will do anything to retain the status quo, and by gosh, I think we have found one here.

 

However, I'm with Alice that the telling of the SIL is suspect. My fWS started to confide in his sister when he wanted to end it with his OW, but she was pressuring him not, and he really did not know how to extricate himself from the mess he had created.

 

It was ONLY a matter of time until DDAY hit, and he had reason to dump his AP.

 

Maybe your OW is growing bored too, and does not know how to end it.

 

Probably not. Sis-in-law messaged me telling me how happy she was for OW? SIL was telling me how she had never seen her so happy.

[Spark1111]

Probably not. Sis-in-law messaged me telling me how happy she was for OW? SIL was telling me how she had never seen her so happy.

 

Then it is all good, I guess.

[nofool4u]

You have no idea what you are talking about.

 

You've spouted enough for everyone to know what is going on.

 

 

There is nothing financially that needs to be maintained.

 

Really? Your home, food, utilities, money for your trips, that all just pays for itself? Wow, where can I find deals like that??

 

 

She is a driven woman who is affirmed by her professional career.

 

Sorry, this doesn't make her any less of a mother. I know you desperately want to make her out to be this cold business woman, but hey, someone has to pay the bills. Just like it doesn't make a man any less of a father if he works alot to provide for his family.

 

You are nothing but excuses trying to paint your wife into some workaholic monster so we feel sorry for you and not think bad that you are a cheater.

 

Sorry, like I said before, sympathy should be reserved for your wife.

[nofool4u]

My wife is free, she can do whatever she wants.

 

So she knows you cheat and she is free to do the same?

 

She knows you cheat and stays in the marriage of her own free will? Don't think so, if she did, you'd have said so already.

[nofool4u]

And yet this "caged animal" apparently recently outed her affair to her husband's sister?

 

You are quite gullible.

 

Nah, he just has this knight in shining armor syndrome. He thinks he is the KISA, but what he doesn't realize is it could have been almost any man that would show her a little attention. He thinks he is something special, when it just aint so.

 

As far as her husband being a "caged animal", well gee, wouldn't you think that he'd really tie her to the bedpost because of all this time she is spending away from him to spread em for another man? Like someone said, he is so controlling that she is doing all this under his nose.

 

Ah, people will use any excuse and lie to justify infidelity.

[nofool4u]

Probably not. Sis-in-law messaged me telling me how happy she was for OW? SIL was telling me how she had never seen her so happy.

 

Sorry, don't believe you. If a SIL came to me to tell me she had been boning another man behind my brother's back, last thing I'd be is happy. Even if my brother was the biggest prick on the face of the earth, last thing I'd do is contact the man SIL is spreading them for and tell him how happy I was that my brother is being betrayed.

 

Nice try.

 

I think we can now surmise that this thread was started with alot of lies just to tick off the people that come here that have been betrayed.

[Realist3]

You've spouted enough for everyone to know what is going on.

 

 

 

 

Really? Your home, food, utilities, money for your trips, that all just pays for itself? Wow, where can I find deals like that??

 

 

 

 

Sorry, this doesn't make her any less of a mother. I know you desperately want to make her out to be this cold business woman, but hey, someone has to pay the bills. Just like it doesn't make a man any less of a father if he works alot to provide for his family.

 

You are nothing but excuses trying to paint your wife into some workaholic monster so we feel sorry for you and not think bad that you are a cheater.

 

Sorry, like I said before, sympathy should be reserved for your wife.

 

 

Are you purposely being obtuse or so you not like to read? In my first post:

Within 5 years I sold my company for a sum that pretty much meant we would never have to work another day in our lives. I was 30, she was 28.

[Realist3]

Sorry, don't believe you. If a SIL came to me to tell me she had been boning another man behind my brother's back, last thing I'd be is happy. Even if my brother was the biggest prick on the face of the earth, last thing I'd do is contact the man SIL is spreading them for and tell him how happy I was that my brother is being betrayed.

 

Nice try.

 

I think we can now surmise that this thread was started with alot of lies just to tick off the people that come here that have been betrayed.

 

You are making the mistake of assuming that every situation is like your own.

 

You don't understand, nor have a clue about the situation. You are talking out of your rear end.

[Realist3]

nofool4u,

 

You are not adding anything to the discussion but spouting your preconceived notions about a situation you know nothing about. Good day.

[nofool4u]

You are making the mistake of assuming that every situation is like your own.

 

You don't understand, nor have a clue about the situation. You are talking out of your rear end.

 

I understand that you are cheating on your wife and staying in the marriage for no reason, especially, if you are as rich as you say you are, that the kids will be well provided for.

 

Thats all anyone needs to know. That and your attempt at painting your wife as less than a mother. Give it up. That tactic is not going to go over well with people in this forum. We know you are trying to paint her as some sort of unfeeling robot so as to garner sympathy for being a cheater. Sorry, it aint gonna fly.

 

Bottom line, you are cheating on your wife, and trying to make her look bad to the people in this forum. End of story.

[woinlove]

nofool4u,

 

You are not adding anything to the discussion but spouting your preconceived notions about a situation you know nothing about. Good day.

 

People are going by what you post and it paints a worrisome picture for the children living in that situation. However, I don't know how much of what you write we can take at face value as you are a new poster and, on one hand, you write to suggest that you are fine with your situation, but at the same time you express a lot of negativity toward other OPs -- even saying one saying should feel like crap (for being honest and open with her friend) -- which is often a sign of a very unhappy person. If what you write is true, it makes me feel bad for your children. Again, if things are as you write, I would urge counselling for your children, even though you may not see the need when you view the situation through your own needs. Children deserve to grow up in a home with love, respect, and authenticity, not the kind of environment you describe.

[AbeNormal]

My suggestion (to those posting/responding to this thread) would be the following: don't feed the narcissist.

 

And don't think that your "coming back at him" - and then him "explaining/exclaiming" how little you comprehend - does not constitute a source of "supply"....

Edited June 27, 2012 by AbeNormal

[onthefence210]

That is a very involved story. Basically, being controlled since she was 18 in such a heavy handed way left her with very little confidence and self-worth to make it work on her own. She doesn't have access to any of their accounts. She has no credit or debit cards. He gives her an allowance in cash. One week she had a blowout on a tire. Her hubs was in CA, so I bought her news tires. He controls everything she does.

 

Your thread so far has been very disturbing to me. I have walked in your shoes as I am a FWS with kids and my xmm also has kids. If you think that your daughter has kept ur dirty little secret from her friends...you are fooling yourself. My daughter is 12 and just recently told me of her friends dads A. These kids don't yet know the shame of your actions. While in my A...as wrong as it was although at the time I had every excuse to validate in my head...I did everything to prevent what I was doing from trickling down on my kids. My kids didn't know yet the time and energy I spent in the A (and mine was An EA) it took time away from them. That alone was damaging enough. I couldn't see it until I had finally ended my A.

 

It kinda makes me wonder tho how you've traded in the independent wife for a very dependent one. You are quite the hero to swoop in and save the OW from her life. What will you do when she gets tired of the Cinderella role and realizes she wants to be an equal in a relationship. Wow...you are not only in a fog...you are completely delusional. You have more excuses then my adult son has to make his car payment.

 

And guess what??? I loved my xmm and he loved me. We ended our relationship because neither one of us were whole. Both of us needed the other because we were missing something within ourselves. It's why all affairs start. Get yourself some boundaries and teach your child about respect...self respect. My God...I can not believe you continue to do this. And you are a fool to think if the two of you are in love...that no one can see it. My A was called out by a few people from a picture of the two of us. We were having a discussion and it's that look that gives it away. It's more then the come F**k me eyes. It's the eyes that see only you because the other person is truly listening to your words. It's beyond the fog...it's that love. You really are living in lala land. Divorce your wife, get some IC, get your daughter into IC and let that woman go. Nothing like a man or woman who will only leave if they have a back up. You two truly deserve each other. Yet I will make a bet that, if you should leave because she does...it will end before the ink dries on your divorce papers.