Being teased by a girl?

[somedude81]

Just for the record; you gave us a big smackdown on your other thread for "jumping to conclusions" about you not being able to read social cues and react based upon the "messages" others are giving out all the time.

 

Yet, here is an entire thread devoted to that very issue of yours.

 

You can't read the girl. I'm sure she is not the only one.

 

If you haven't noticed, opinions about her are all over the place. Everything ranging from she has a secret crush on me and that I should ask her out, to she hates me and wants to spite me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

If you haven't noticed, opinions about her are all over the place. Everything ranging from she has a secret crush on me and that I should ask her out, to she hates me and wants to spite me.

 

When you reply to me this way, I sometimes think you are joking or trolling.

 

That is not related to my point. Which is that YOU have started a whole thread about how YOU are not able to "read" social cues from a girl at your work.

 

What other people here say about her intent might be worth considering, or not. None of us are able to see how she is interacting with you. If we could, there is a very good chance that we'd get an idea of where she's coming from.

 

You can't, even though you are the one in close proximity with her for hours at a time.

[Els]

 

If you haven't noticed, opinions about her are all over the place. Everything ranging from she has a secret crush on me and that I should ask her out, to she hates me and wants to spite me.

 

Umm, because we're not there to see IRL. You have all the information YOU need - we don't. You can see her body language, tone, and all the other things that a socially-experienced person would be able to interpret. All we have are words.

[somedude81]

I'm not in the mood to start defending myself in this thread.

 

IMO, Mme. Chaucer's "for the record" post is off-topic and has no other purpose than to attack me.

 

That's why I didn't bother to give her a real answer.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm not in the mood to start defending myself in this thread.

 

IMO, Mme. Chaucer's "for the record" post is off-topic and has no other purpose than to attack me.

 

That's why I didn't bother to give her a real answer.

 

The purpose of my post was not to attack you, I promise you. I am always hoping that you'll have a moment of revelation where you'll be able to "see."

[pharmmage]

She doesn't like OP. I mean it. We mean it.

[ThaWholigan]

I'm not in the mood to start defending myself in this thread.

 

IMO, Mme. Chaucer's "for the record" post is off-topic and has no other purpose than to attack me.

 

That's why I didn't bother to give her a real answer.

Then don't. Because as far as I can see, nobody has attacked you. She has a point though. If we were ever in doubt that you struggle to pick up social cues, this is something of a confirmation. If you were socially savvy, you would know this girl's game. Now it's nothing to be upset about, it's just something you're gonna learn.

 

Now, I would normally ask you if there is anything you can tell me/us about her body language, or facial expressions, as a test. Or if there were anything in her words that could have meaning. But that would complicate the message I'm trying to give here. You definitely want to be able to pick up these cues, so if you can tell me then do so.

 

But generally, don't take this seriously at all. I don't think she was being "disrespectful" or mean, but if I were you, I would play it light and give as good as you get .

[somedude81]

 

But generally, don't take this seriously at all. I don't think she was being "disrespectful" or mean, but if I were you, I would play it light and give as good as you get .

This thread has become much more serious than I wanted it to.

 

All I wanted to do was talk about the girl who was acting in a way that I thought was odd and if anybody had an idea what/why she was doing it.

 

If anybody wants to talk about social cues or my skills or whatever else, go bump my how does dating work thread.

[seachangeoflove]

This thread has become much more serious than I wanted it to.

 

All I wanted to do was talk about the girl who was acting in a way that I thought was odd and if anybody had an idea what/why she was doing it.

 

If anybody wants to talk about social cues or my skills or whatever else, go bump my how does dating work thread.

 

 

if you had the social skills of a third grader you wouldn't think her behavior odd.

 

but you don't. so you're here posting. which is kind of entertaining.

 

perhaps, you could try interacting with her without investment. you could learn something.

 

for someone who's crying about being attacked they sure are do quite a bit of lashing out themselves....

[one goal]

I'd pay for a hot chick to "tease" me!

[Meeks7]

It sounds like she's not crushing on you, lol.

 

Sounds more like mocking/picking on you. Again, impossible FOR ME to tell either way (since I'm not there to see her facial expressions, hear her tone, etc.), but that kind of language just strikes me as odd given the circumstances. Also, you've stated you've had some work issues in the past, particularly with your boss "putting you down." It sounds like you don't hold a very high position on the job, and I see very little possibility that this young 20s something girl would crush on you given what we know about you and at this job. Girls don't flirt with guys on the bottom of the (social) rung, sorry.

 

And the other poster was right when he/she said by coming here to post about her, you've already lost. This is a mistake too many guys make. Heck, one I used to make myself. When you've got NOTHING ELSE going on in your life, you make every little female interaction into this big deal when it shouldn't be treated as such. This is exactly how to turn girls off.

Edited June 27, 2012 by Meeks7

[pharmmage]

I'm not in the mood to start defending myself in this thread.

 

IMO, Mme. Chaucer's "for the record" post is off-topic and has no other purpose than to attack me.

 

That's why I didn't bother to give her a real answer.

 

 

Dude, are you sure you're not posting this just to get us to say "she likes you, man"? Seriously, the girl is juvenile compared to you, and that's a good thing. You're a 30 year old MAN who should be dating 30 year old WOMEN. And I wouldn't chase any women in your condition. My guess is you don't give out a good vibe irl, so she picked up on it and teased you. Don't be her friend, don't chase chase, just treat her as a coworker.

[somedude81]

It sounds like she's not crushing on you, lol.

 

Sounds more like mocking/picking on you. Again, impossible FOR ME to tell either way (since I'm not there to see her facial expressions, hear her tone, etc.), but that kind of language just strikes me as odd given the circumstances.

That's what I thought it was, but couldn't think of a reason why she'd do it.

Also, you've stated you've had some work issues in the past, particularly with your boss "putting you down." It sounds like you don't hold a very high position on the job, and I see very little possibility that this young 20s something girl would crush on you given what we know about you and at this job. Girls don't flirt with guys on the bottom of the (social) rung, sorry.

Bottom of the social rung? Whatever. And this has nothing to do with having a boss that's a jerk.

And the other poster was right when he/she said by coming here to post about her, you've already lost. This is a mistake too many guys make. Heck, one I used to make myself. When you've got NOTHING ELSE going on in your life, you make every little female interaction into this big deal when it shouldn't be treated as such. This is exactly how to turn girls off.

I turn girls off by making threads? I've had people try to tell me that girls were psychics before, but I didn't know they were this skilled....

 

As for me making every little female interaction into a big deal, do I have 10 other threads about various other girls active right now? Cause she's isn't the only girl I interacted with this week.

[zengirl]

All I wanted to do was talk about the girl who was acting in a way that I thought was odd and if anybody had an idea what/why she was doing it.

 

The other point of what people were saying, beyond your particular social skills, is that there is no way to know 'why' she is doing it, even to a rudimentary degree, without getting a good idea of her body language, tone, vibe, other personality aspects, etc. I'm very good at reading people and understanding what they mean, but I couldn't say anything about this girl with any clarity because there's so much missing data.

 

I would say I seriously doubt it's because she 'like likes' you. Depending on other factors, it ranges in possibilities from she's kind of a bitch, to she doesn't like you, to she's just acting how people normally act with co-workers. So much depends on tone, facial expression, body language, etc. Reading people is hardly ever about what they actually say.

 

I'm not sure what retail store you work at, but do you really not know her name? That seems bizarre to me. I worked at a department store in college (a fairly big one) and still knew pretty much everyone's name, certainly everyone who'd been there awhile, even if in other departments. Unless the place is VERY large, I don't understand. And don't y'all wear nametags?

[xxoo]

It sounds to me like she's teasing (not truly interested), but these are still the best responses:

 

Next time she volunteers you for something, say that you will but only she stays late with you.

 

When she says "hey! somedude his here" say "you brighten up my day too".

 

But match her tone: overly bright, clearly fake. Give it back, in a good-natured, playful way.

[somedude81]

The other point of what people were saying, beyond your particular social skills, is that there is no way to know 'why' she is doing it, even to a rudimentary degree, without getting a good idea of her body language, tone, vibe, other personality aspects, etc. I'm very good at reading people and understanding what they mean, but I couldn't say anything about this girl with any clarity because there's so much missing data.

 

I would say I seriously doubt it's because she 'like likes' you. Depending on other factors, it ranges in possibilities from she's kind of a bitch, to she doesn't like you, to she's just acting how people normally act with co-workers. So much depends on tone, facial expression, body language, etc. Reading people is hardly ever about what they actually say.

But you can't say that their words are irrelevant. Based on what people have said, the one thing that seems consistent is that she wants me to notice her. Beyond that people can only guess why. I was hoping that people with better social skills than myself could shed some light on her actions.

 

I'm not sure what retail store you work at, but do you really not know her name? That seems bizarre to me. I worked at a department store in college (a fairly big one) and still knew pretty much everyone's name, certainly everyone who'd been there awhile, even if in other departments. Unless the place is VERY large, I don't understand. And don't y'all wear nametags?

Of course I know here name. Where did I say I didn't?

[zengirl]

But you can't say that there words aren't irrelevant. Based on what people have said, the one thing that seems consistent is that she wants me to notice her. Beyond that people can only guess why. I was hoping that people with better social skills than myself could shed some light on her actions.

 

TBH, I see no real basis for the bolded, based on purely what she's said and the details we have. It's certainly within the realm of possibility, but I don't think that is really in the words itself. I certainly wouldn't assume that every time someone talks to or even teases you that it's about wanting them to notice you.

 

Anyway, I was explaining why people with better social skills can't really help you analyze individual situations with any accuracy - because we're not getting the information that allows us to do so in our own lives, with our better social skills. That's why answers are going to be all across the board and pretty much meaningless.

 

ETA: But, no, I'm not suggesting words are 'irrelevant' per se. I'm just suggesting you asked us the question, "What's 2 + XYZ?" without any idea of what X, Y, or Z are.

 

Of course I know here name. Where did I say I didn't?

 

TW mentioned something about that, and you did not reply to that part of his post. That's why I asked again.

[runner]

 

As far as I can tell, I'm the only one in the store she acts this way with.

 

Anybody have an idea what's going on?

 

she might be baiting you to get out of your shell a bit more. be more sociable and open; light-hearted, fun, easy, not take everything so seriously.

[pharmmage]

Just leave her alone, don't chase her.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

I think she's disrespecting you. It doesn't sound like interest to me. It sounds to me like mocking behavior. Volunteering you for stuff. Faking enthusiasm when you arrive. Sounds kind of mean-spirited to me. I think you should be sarcastic back to her. Next time she volunteers you to close up, you should say "Nah, I'm volunteering (her) for that job, since I did it last time. Give her a little of her own medicine. When she shows fake enthusiasm when you arrive, show fake enthusiasm that she is there. She's disrespecting you, and I think you need to turn it around on her.

 

This is what I thought as well. She sounds like a mean person somedude. And I like KathyM's advice about turning it around on her. I would also ignore her for the most part until she puts you in the position to make mocking statements toward you. This girl sounds like a real tool.

[somedude81]

Thanks for the input everybody.

 

It's definitely something to keep in mind next time I see her.