Seneca Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) OP has any part of YOUR behavior or attitude changed in the past few months from the time that you have met her that would make her feel attracted to you? If not then here is my honest assessment... This is nothing more than her being friendly. Especially since it's been a year of working with her. She may have just gotten comfortable with you and views you as a friend. And don't call her weird for being nice! Listen, women show interest in the guys that they like within the first couple days of just meeting them. And you can usually pick it up. The only time she may feel some attraction for you now is if YOU have made some changes within the past couple months. If your behavior has not changed or you have not developed any attractive characteristics then guess what? She is just being nice. But why doesn't she do it with someone else? Well people feel comfortable joking around with certain individuals and not others. Perhaps, she feels comfortable joking around with you because she feels like you are more of a friend to her than the other co-workers. Simple as that. Do NOT overthink this anymore... BTW USMCHokie is right. If anyone disrespects you. You ignore them. Give everyone else your full attention and respect. But ignore the ones that don't. You have to value yourself first and not care about pissing people off, because they don't mean anything to you if they are disrespecting you... Edited June 26, 2012 by Seneca 1
Emilia Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I think she's disrespecting you. It doesn't sound like interest to me. It sounds to me like mocking behavior. Volunteering you for stuff. Faking enthusiasm when you arrive. Sounds kind of mean-spirited to me. I think you should be sarcastic back to her. Next time she volunteers you to close up, you should say "Nah, I'm volunteering (her) for that job, since I did it last time. Give her a little of her own medicine. When she shows fake enthusiasm when you arrive, show fake enthusiasm that she is there. She's disrespecting you, and I think you need to turn it around on her. I agree with this. I think she dislikes you OP
ascendotum Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I doubt it means much at all. He doesnt know, we dont know, and there is only one way to find out if KM is right or if S is right or if you is right, and that's to escalate conversation with her and or tease her back, and assume she is being friendly and not a smartarse. I thought in 2012 SD wanted things to change, but if evey aspect of female interaction/motivation has to be analysed its going to be another hard slog year unfortunately. Just run with it SD and hopefully have some fun (either flirting or being a subtle smartarse back if thats her game)
Els Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 LOL, so she could be interested in me, but has no idea how to react to me. And I don't have a clue how to react to her because I'm inexperienced and she's acting random Ugh, I need to find a girl whose more forward and easy to understand. Correct. That's the way social interactions work, sadly. There's a huge variety of personalities out there, and it takes a lot of practice and experience to be able to read people, and even then it's possible to get them wrong. She doesn't seem like a mean person, and she's nice to everybody else at work. It's just me she acts this way too. But it could be #1. Maybe we knew each other in a past life and I cheated on her with her mother or something #2, I wouldn't call us friends. That doesn't seem too likely. Well, I don't think any of us can give you an accurate answer, just possibilities. There's too much that we can't tell behind the scenes, especially body language, context, and tone of voice. I'd personally recommend just ignoring the little jabs. If she secretly likes you, that's an incredibly immature way of showing it and you'd probably be better off without her. If she's trying to be mean, ignoring the jabs will show her that she isn't getting to you. And if she's just being friendly, well, she'll find other and better ways to show it if you ignore these.
Eclypse Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Hmmm I don't know, based on the way you describe it it doesn't like she was being very nice. But then again only you were there so we have no idea of her tone of voice, body language etc. Do you think she was being friendly or making fun of you? Only you can answer that really. Teasing is a hard one. It walks a fine line between being good natured and spiteful. I don't know how many people would do it today. Putting gum in a girls hair is so 4th grade. Are there any examples you can give us where she might have flirted with you? That one is a bit easier (although still difficult to quantify). This girl at work for example, we were all out for drinks and I ran out of cash for beer. She gave me some money and I asked her when can I repay her. She just gave a big smile and said "you can pay me back in companionship." Flirting? Maybe, maybe not. But it definitely wasn't being spiteful.
pharmmage Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) So...do you like her or not? OP, you and I are exactly alike in one aspect in that we ponder women's actions. "Is she being nice to me because she likes me, or just being nice in general? Oh, she said hi to me in front of people, that must mean she likes me!" But the difference between us is that I don't care about them. If I don't like them, then really its nice to ponder, but it should not affect me personally. So, again, do you like her? If not, then who cares, if you like her, then I think that she's just being mean spirited to you. Why? Well from your past posts, you were not very successful with the women at all. To add, you are also too bitter about yourself, which many others can pick up from interacting with you. You may not also seem like a confident person both physically and mentally, so she may have noticed that as well and decides to pick on you. Also, you mentioned that you wished that women were easy and forward. Do you mean that in a sense that they are easy to get and forward to ask you out to dates so that you don't have to? I hate to say this, but they were being easy and forward. They were rejecting your advances but you denied them, and decides to keep pushing your acquaintances into a relationship. Big no no. OP, women aren't everything in life. Stop obsessing over them, bro. You need a career advancement to make more money. I assume you are working as a cashier? My god, as a 30 year old you need to advance yourself and stop being a loser. I"m sorry if I sound mean, but you are a man, and I hate to see a guy become bitter just because he can't get a woman. Advance on your career and stop becoming attractive to young students and girls with hello kitty/yugioh/dragonball z backpacks. My take on this is that once you advance yourself, you find more sophisticated women who are willing to date you. Please please stop chasing little girls. I read your posts many times, and I made this account just to address to you specifically. Edited June 26, 2012 by pharmmage
jobaba Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Ah teasing and bantering back with her. I also got a feeling I shouldn't be too nice or easy with her. Oh, lol. I just quoted it without clicking on it. I'm weird. What's also weird, is that there are some times where it seems like she's avoiding me. She's kinda random. But when she gives me extra attention it feels off. Either way, I want to play with her more. By coming on here and making a thread about it, you've already lost... You're giving her more attention than you should, reading the signals too hard, and taking it way too seriously. You should have just taken it and run with it from that point without thinking about the consequences, because there are none. You don't know her well. Unless you can think like that and invest less in women, you will continue to lose.
bac Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) For a while now a girl at my work has been reacting oddly to me. I never knew what to think of it until I got the idea that she might be teasing me. She's early 20's. When I arrive to work and if she's already there, she might say something like, "Hey somedude is here!" It's mostly done in an obviously fake overly excited way. Something else that happened; the store has a metal gate that needs to be pulled across and locked when the store closes for the night. The manager said something like, "OK who is going to stay a few minutes and help me with the gate?" Then right away she said, "somedude will help you!" There were about five of us employees there. In general work stuff she normally ranges from nice to sarcastic with me. When we do talk it's mostly awkward. For some reason, I'm just not able to get comfortable with her and I think it's something to do with how she acts, as well as me having some interest in her. And no, I've never made a move, asked her out, or suggested doing anything together. I don't think I've ever given her any reason to act differently with me then every other girl in the store does. As far as I can tell, I'm the only one in the store she acts this way with. Anybody have an idea what's going on? You are 30 y/o but she is just a kid. She wants to have some fun and play funny games as all kids do. There is nothing going on in her head (at least nothing serious). She flirts with you because you are very funny (especially because you are so deadly serious about girls around 20). You should match her by flirting back. If she responds to your flirting well, you might ask her out when she is ready. Do not start the friendship thing with a girl again because you are not good at friendships with hot girls. Perhaps, you are better at other stuff (relationships or sex). For flirting(=teasing), you have to look at her often, focus your attention on her more than you focus on other people, smile at her, talk with her about her, complement on her looks. Give her a reasonable amount of flirting (not too much). That is going to be enough to poison her brain with idea that you are into her. If she likes you, she is going to like your flirting. Give her some time to internalize the idea that you like her and that you think that she is amazing. Then, she is ready to be asked out. But, she is around 20, so she has little experience with dating and she can do strange/stupied things and nobody knows what she might do or say. So, be patient, flexible. Edited June 26, 2012 by bac
AD1980 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sounds like a condescending women who probably wouldnt do that to a guy shes attracted to Knock her off her high horse with a rude comment
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 somedude, did you go to high school? were you home schooled by chance? because this is the kinda **** you figure out in your teen years. I ask this because I know many people who graduated high school at 14 and finished advanced degrees by the time they were 20 and these are the kinds of social problems I see them have with 'normal' people when the try to join the 'real world' i.e. get a job. They treat social interaction like a math problem and that's just not how life works. however most of those people are smart enough to realize that once they finished their academic education they need to go on to develop their education in social skills. or they stay in academia Im guessing you are just dense tho.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sounds like a condescending women who probably wouldnt do that to a guy shes attracted to Knock her off her high horse with a rude comment Oh, come on. She is basically a kid joking around. So what if she wouldn't do it to a guy she was attracted to? Is it a crime to not be attracted to a guy and to behave accordingly? I don't think so. It means NOTHING except that it might give an opportunity to practice teasing, banter, poking harmless fun, which could be a good thing.
veggirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Early 20s is NOT A KID. :rolleyes: She's an adult, not a child! Next time she volunteers you for something, say that you will but only she stays late with you. When she says "hey! somdude his here" say "you brighten up my day too". I like this! I think it'll flesh out what she really means...if she rolls her eyes and is like "yeah whatever" then bleh. If she laughs and smiles, then wahoo. SD, does she come off as condescending or teasing? I am very sarcastic in real life and use teasing to show affection / interest. She could be the same. Or she could be a mean jerk. How do you respond to her? 2
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sounds like a condescending women who probably wouldnt do that to a guy shes attracted to Knock her off her high horse with a rude comment I think encouraging someone to make rude comments to a co worker is kind of irrespoonsible.... rude comments are generally not a good idea, ever. For all you know this chick is banging the manager and a rude comment can get op fired. There's a million scenarios and making a rude comment to someone just shows total lack of intelligence and imagination. I think most people in this forum should not even be dating. Im kind of horrified...but hardly surprised! lol op, dont dater your co workers. You're not ready for that.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Early 20s is NOT A KID. :rolleyes: She's an adult, not a child! I know, but she is just goofing. Even if she's "poking" at the OP because of his demeanor at work, which I suspect she is, it's not a big deal. When I was young, I was a relentless tease and sometimes it had to be pointed out to me that some of the teasing I was doing was hurting someones feelings, even though I was doing it in a spirit of fun. And some guys thought it meant I "liked" them. It was just a way of relating socially; we all have them. Rather than trying to figure out something that has no real meaning, I think that SD should use it as an opportunity to try to develop some bantering skills. Could be useful some day, if he ever develops the desire to have a social life.
pharmmage Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 OP, stop talking to WOMEN and start talking to MEN
Author somedude81 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Some things I just remembered, There were a couple of times where I tried to joke around with her and she wouldn't play along. Usually all I get from her is an eye roll. When I was the only person on in my department, I jokingly asked her if she can cover my break and she just said, Uh no, and kept walking. Another situation, it's one of the cashiers jobs to put the merchandise that wasn't purchased, back on the shelves. Near the very end of my shift, I was just wandering around near the front of the store putting things that were out of place, into the "go back" basket so that the cashiers can put it away the next day. The manager saw this and called me out, saying that I should just put away the items myself, she was close by. The next I was putting stuff away and she walked by and commented, "Look at you SD, putting away your own go backs." So it's like she'll joke with me but only when she initiates. Hmmm I don't know, based on the way you describe it it doesn't like she was being very nice. But then again only you were there so we have no idea of her tone of voice, body language etc. Do you think she was being friendly or making fun of you? Only you can answer that really. I really don't know. As you mentioned, teasing like that is so 4th grade. If she didn't like me, she could just ignore me, instead of going out of her way to make random comments about me. I don't think it can be called flirting. But what do I know? The last girl who I thought was heavily flirting with me and talked about sex, ended up having a boyfriend.... My God girls, are random. I like this! I think it'll flesh out what she really means...if she rolls her eyes and is like "yeah whatever" then bleh. If she laughs and smiles, then wahoo. SD, does she come off as condescending or teasing? I am very sarcastic in real life and use teasing to show affection / interest. She could be the same. Or she could be a mean jerk. How do you respond to her? She seems to be the "yeah whatever type." I'm definitely not a mean jerk to her or anybody. I just respond normally to her because I'm not really sure how to respond. I think I can start playing her game just to see how she'll take it.
ThaWholigan Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 This is interesting - girls do this to me on occasion. At first, I reacted just like you - analyzed it to death to see what it meant! Best advice I can possibly give is to not take it seriously. Just play her game without investing in it. Tease back when she starts. Flirt with her on occasion. I can't give you a play-by-play on flirting, but I would just stay in the present moment and not worry too much about your replies, just stay light. These are the little windows of opportunity you need to take - if not to date, then at least to practice being witty and flirty with a girl easily. As you mentioned, teasing like that is so 4th grade. If she didn't like me, she could just ignore me, instead of going out of her way to make random comments about me. Girls secretly liked teasing in 4th grade. Guess what? They still do now . Play along!
marinelife3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 If she's been working there longer then you, she probably fells trapped, completely hates her life, and resents that you're going to college and moving onto better things while she's going to be stuck working retail forever. She doesn't like you, she is being hostile because she has no power in life and bullying you is her only shot at feeling like she matters in the world. The best and only way to deal with it is to ignore her. If you try to call her on this crap, you will be acknowledging her existence, which is what she wants.
Author somedude81 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 This is interesting - girls do this to me on occasion. At first, I reacted just like you - analyzed it to death to see what it meant! Best advice I can possibly give is to not take it seriously. Just play her game without investing in it. Tease back when she starts. Flirt with her on occasion. I can't give you a play-by-play on flirting, but I would just stay in the present moment and not worry too much about your replies, just stay light. These are the little windows of opportunity you need to take - if not to date, then at least to practice being witty and flirty with a girl easily. Girls secretly liked teasing in 4th grade. Guess what? They still do now . Play along!Ah, so that's why I never got a GF when I was 9, I never teased them. Yeah, I guess I'll just play back with her and see what happens. If she's been working there longer then you, she probably fells trapped, completely hates her life, and resents that you're going to college and moving onto better things while she's going to be stuck working retail forever. She doesn't like you, she is being hostile because she has no power in life and bullying you is her only shot at feeling like she matters in the world. The best and only way to deal with it is to ignore her. If you try to call her on this crap, you will be acknowledging her existence, which is what she wants. ROFL! Marinelife, that's just the most random thing I've read Were you being sarcastic? She's early 20's (probably no older than 22) and goes to the same school I go to. She's working at the store part time, like many other college students. I think her major was biomed or something. Do you want to try again with the new info?
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 My God girls, are random. imagine that, we're all individual people each different from the next. thank god men are all different people too. I could imagine a world filled men all just like you. Or all women just like me for that matter. sentient being...does that mean anything to you? probably not....
pteromom Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I wouldn't spend too much time analyzing what she means, and from what you've shared, I wouldn't ask her out. I would just joke back with her when she jokes with you, and go about your business. If she likes you, you'll know. She'll giggle at anything you say. She'll watch you or find reasons to interact with you. She'll lean in or have "open" body language when talking to you. To me, she just sounds like someone who enjoys teasing and joking around.
marinelife3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Lol, ok with the new info I take back my earlier opinion. However I still think she's being mean rather then teasing in a friendly way, if she says "oh wow it's some dude!" with a big fake smile, but rolls her eyes when you try to talk to her. I think it's good in general that you're noticing how people interact with you and making an effort to figure out what their actions mean.
marinelife3 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Maybe next time you have an opportunity to talk to her, you should ask her some innocuous question about herself, like "how ya doin, how's pre-med going?" and see how she responds.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Just for the record; you gave us a big smackdown on your other thread for "jumping to conclusions" about you not being able to read social cues and react based upon the "messages" others are giving out all the time. Yet, here is an entire thread devoted to that very issue of yours. You can't read the girl. I'm sure she is not the only one.
Recommended Posts