Gulf-Delta Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I'm afraid to lose her if I let her go... She's the type who cuts contact forever. I agree, that is a risk. But humanity as a species is built on risk. Nothing risked, nothing gained they say. The thing is, even if she cuts contact with you forever, if you guys had a real, strong relationship built on honesty, love, and respect, you you treated her well, she will never forget you. As far as her coming back....that's something NO ONE can predict. Only fate (or whatever you believe in) knows, and because of that, you CANNOT have expectations. For me, I hope everyday my ex will come back. I pray for her to return, just like I prayed for her to enter my life...but I don't have EXPECTATIONS of her coming back. The funny thing is, the things we can't control in life are always the most important, whether it's a car accident that changes your life, or a farmer in a drought. Neither of those can be controlled, but are very important, urgent matters. Love is the same way... But here's how I see it...if she comes back, asking for a second chance, apologizing, then you can make YOUR OWN decision about what to do. If she comes back, there's something there that may be worth giving a second look at. If she never does, then that means it wasn't meant to be anyway, in which case she was a stepping stone for you to reach something/someone greater. What you should do now is focus on you. Everyone here says "join a gym, blah blah blah", but really, just be a single guy. Turn up your music as loud as you want. Watch whatever you feel like. Be a guy and just sit home in your underwear and play video games all day if you want. Do things that make you happy. When my ex was around, as amazing as we were together, my hobbies somewhat suffered, and now that she isn't around, I have gone back to them. Time and space will only work in your favor. It will either allow her to miss you and realize what she gave up, OR she remove herself permanetly, which will be a blessing because she wasn't "the one" anyway. I know it's hard, and no one is telling you to stop loving, caring or wanting your ex. No one's telling you to forget her. But for now, there's nothing else you can do to get her back. She is her own person with her own feelings and thoughts. Whether or not she;s confused by them, or whatever, she's feeling her feelings and has her reasons....it all makes sense to her and you can't change that. So instead of trying to read her thought, and trying to change her mind, do the only thing you can do, and take some time and space. Most people here advocate FULL NO CONTACT, but I feel like that is pretty much impossible in the early stages of a breakup. If she contacts you, be polite, but keep it short. If she texts "How are you?", do not go on a tirade and try to guilt her or upset her. Just say you're fine, maybe ask how she is, and end the conversation by saying you're busy with work or schoolwork. Be friendly, not her friend. And whatever you do, do not initiate contact with her. I know it's hard, but if you do, she will think it's a ploy and you're trying to win her back, and will go on the defensive, which will just lead to an awkward interaction, and that's bad. Let her come to you. IF she does contact, keep it short, sweet, and emotion/pressure free. And if you're feeling weak, post here. We're all generally in the same boat, and are glad to help out.
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Last night, she told me out of anger that she hates me and lost all her feelings for me. Yet, she still wants to come over and see me on Tuesday on my day off. I asked her why, she said "I want to". I asked her why again, she says "I want to see your face". What do I do? I really miss her and I just want to see her and hold her in my arms again.
Gulf-Delta Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Last night, she told me out of anger that she hates me and lost all her feelings for me. Yet, she still wants to come over and see me on Tuesday on my day off. I asked her why, she said "I want to". I asked her why again, she says "I want to see your face". What do I do? I really miss her and I just want to see her and hold her in my arms again. Good question... I'd say you have a couple options. 1. Tell her unless she's apologizing, and wants to discuss you guys as a couple, you want don't wanna see her. Tell her you aren't playing a game, if she comes around for a game, you want nothing to do with it. 2. Tell her to come over, bring up you guys as a couple (Why are you here? What do you want?), and play it by ear. If she comes over for fluff-talk, you need to take the lead and let her know that fluff-talking is unacceptable. Either way, you need to dominate the conversation. Don't be a doormat. If she leads off talking about you guys, go with the flow...if it's benign BS, tell her you're not cool with it. 3. Just say no. The End 4. Be cool with seeing her as a friend (AND THAT'S IT), and play it by ear.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Last night, she told me out of anger that she hates me and lost all her feelings for me. Yet, she still wants to come over and see me on Tuesday on my day off. I asked her why, she said "I want to". I asked her why again, she says "I want to see your face". What do I do? I really miss her and I just want to see her and hold her in my arms again. Look man. Right now she owns you and knows it. You are her b!tch. It's the truth. You let her tell you she's into someone else, kissed him, curse you out and tell you she hates you. Only thing she hasn't told you is that she has slept with him....which she has. WTF man! Then you lay there crying and willing to do anything to get her back. She's like a cat slowly killing a bird and you are the enabling participant. She doesn't respect you at all. How could she? Think it will change and you end up together with this not happening again by you pouring your heart out, opening doors, paying for everything? Never gonna' happen. The more you do stuff like this and communicate with her, the worse it is gonna' get for you. It's not your fault, some other guy is not better, or anything like that. It's her. Don't text her at all. Don't answer emails or phone calls. Don't be there for her 'cause she sure as he!! is not there for you. She is only there for HER when it serves her needs. If it doesn't and she gets bored or whatever, then she gets with the next guy again and you come here for advice or to bitch. You're blinded to the bad. Go let someone else have the huge problem that she is. It's over. Rip the band-aid off.
CopingGal Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 I had an argument with my ex. Within 7 days he was in another relationship. He says he thought I left him even though I never told him that. He put me through HELL for months. Then got on his knees, cried out of one eye and begged me to go back to him. Everyone cell in my body except for one was screaming "NO!" I listened to the one cell that meekly said yes. Two years later he confessed to not really wanting me, making excuses so he didn't have to see me over the years (like his work schedule and lying about spending time with his child), cheating on me, lying to me, tricking me and running around behind my back just blocks away where I was living with some old hag he met on the internet. Seriously, really think about what she's doing. She sounds like a buffoon.
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