Screwed_Over Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I have been seeing this girl for the past few months. Initially, it was great. I thought she was perfect. Suddenly, the honeymoon phase seemed to be over. She was always moody and picking fights with me. I felt her becoming distant with me. No matter her flaws, I can't stop loving her for everything she is. Here's the kicker: we were never officially together, but we were exclusive. She recently told me that she has been developing feelings for another guy. This really angered me at the idea she would even develop feelings for someone else. I told her how much I still love and care for her, but she didn't seem to budge. This goes back to her seeming distant towards me. We went a week without seeing each other, but we texted every single day. I didn't think anything would happen between them. A crush is a crush. People get attracted to other people all the time, but it's how you act on it is what matters. Today, she told me that he kissed her while I was at work. I asked her if she kissed him back, and she said "yes". At that moment, it literally felt like my heart was breaking and my lungs were collapsing. I asked her where did this happen, and she said she was at his place. She admitted to me she sees him about once or twice a week. I felt betrayed to why she would sneak around behind my back with this guy. I waited to do nothing but break down and cry right on the spot. It hurts so bad that this is happening. I'm so depressed and angry right now. I even started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and taking Xanax to help me relieve my stress and anxiety, but I don't think it's helping. I really do not know what to do at this point. She hurt me, but my love for her has not changed. I don't want to end things with her, and neither does she. I only want her to be happy, but it's really killing me. I also want to be happy as well, but I am not happy if she is not with me.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I have been seeing this girl for the past few months. Initially, it was great. I thought she was perfect. Suddenly, the honeymoon phase seemed to be over. She was always moody and picking fights with me. I felt her becoming distant with me. No matter her flaws, I can't stop loving her for everything she is. Here's the kicker: we were never officially together, but we were exclusive. She recently told me that she has been developing feelings for another guy. This really angered me at the idea she would even develop feelings for someone else. I told her how much I still love and care for her, but she didn't seem to budge. This goes back to her seeming distant towards me. We went a week without seeing each other, but we texted every single day. I didn't think anything would happen between them. A crush is a crush. People get attracted to other people all the time, but it's how you act on it is what matters. Today, she told me that he kissed her while I was at work. I asked her if she kissed him back, and she said "yes". At that moment, it literally felt like my heart was breaking and my lungs were collapsing. I asked her where did this happen, and she said she was at his place. She admitted to me she sees him about once or twice a week. I felt betrayed to why she would sneak around behind my back with this guy. I waited to do nothing but break down and cry right on the spot. It hurts so bad that this is happening. I'm so depressed and angry right now. I even started smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and taking Xanax to help me relieve my stress and anxiety, but I don't think it's helping. I really do not know what to do at this point. She hurt me, but my love for her has not changed. I don't want to end things with her, and neither does she. I only want her to be happy, but it's really killing me. I also want to be happy as well, but I am not happy if she is not with me. How could u love a cheater? I really wanna know 'cause its stupid to love a girl that doesn't love u back. Maybe u should forget about her but I do wanna know why she makes your lungs collapse. That can be serious .
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 How could u love a cheater? I really wanna know 'cause its stupid to love a girl that doesn't love u back. Maybe u should forget about her but I do wanna know why she makes your lungs collapse. That can be serious . I felt like I was going to pass out after she told me.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I felt like I was going to pass out after she told me. Ok but why cant u tell me why u love her so much?? Whats so great that u love her so much?
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Ok but why cant u tell me why u love her so much?? Whats so great that u love her so much? I guess I love how she was when we met. She seemed so perfect, beauty and brains. Unfortunately, she was still with her ex when we first me. I wished every night that she would leave him for me, and my wish came true. Things have been going so good for us at first. I guess I miss how she was at the beginning, and I love the affection she gave me.
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I guess I love how she was when we met. She seemed so perfect, beauty and brains. Unfortunately, she was still with her ex when we first me. I wished every night that she would leave him for me, and my wish came true. Things have been going so good for us at first. I guess I miss how she was at the beginning, and I love the affection she gave me. Whoa...it sounds like she has a case of GIGS...which I just learned about from this site. Basically, if she left someone to be with you, a lot of times that same someone will leave you to be with someone else. You should just try to save yourself a lot of extra grief and bounce! If you stay, she will feel no consequence from her actions and believe me you will hurt 10 times worse than you do now. Also, you'll start to be mad at yourself for not leaving when you caught her lying to you in the beginning. She has two guys vying for her attention. And what are you getting in return? Sounds like a swift kick in the ****! 2
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Whoa...it sounds like she has a case of GIGS...which I just learned about from this site. Basically, if she left someone to be with you, a lot of times that same someone will leave you to be with someone else. You should just try to save yourself a lot of extra grief and bounce! If you stay, she will feel no consequence from her actions and believe me you will hurt 10 times worse than you do now. Also, you'll start to be mad at yourself for not leaving when you caught her lying to you in the beginning. She has two guys vying for her attention. And what are you getting in return? Sounds like a swift kick in the ****! She feels horrible for what she did, and spent the past few hours apologizing. I'm so mad at her, but at the same time, I'm not able to let her go...
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 My ex did some pretty foul things and apologized to me numerous times. She even cooked for me and offered to help me buy things I had been saving money for a long time. She also, gave me cards and little gifts to let me know she was thinking of me. Texted and called me everyday. So, I let her back into my life. Even though every ounce of me knew it was a mistake and that nothing good would come of it. Man, my right eye even started twitching while we were dating again. It just didn't feel right. I ignored all the signs, evidence, intuition...you name it...I IGNORED it all. One month into our reconciliation...she burned me again!
Eddie Edirol Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 She feels horrible for what she did, and spent the past few hours apologizing. I'm so mad at her, but at the same time, I'm not able to let her go... She probably apologized to you because she needs you as a backup so she wont be alone. She prolly apologized because the guy that she fooled around with wasnt interested enough in her to start a relationship with and dump you. She isnt in love with you, she is probably using you as a stepping stone, until she can get someone better. Dont bother with drugs, they will just postpone the stress and anxiety. if you feel pain, you need to just deal with it and let it pass. Drugs will slow that down. And for god sakes, dump her NOW, dont keep her around just because you both dont want to be alone, because she will do it again.
SciGuy Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Man, your story is almost identical to mine. Yet, she was never honest about this other guy she had been seeing the whole time she was seeing me. And she even said we were "exclusive". She lied to me so many times... It's crazy what some women are capable of. Quite terrifying actually. Read some of my threads if you are interested.
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Man, your story is almost identical to mine. Yet, she was never honest about this other guy she had been seeing the whole time she was seeing me. And she even said we were "exclusive". She lied to me so many times... It's crazy what some women are capable of. Quite terrifying actually. Read some of my threads if you are interested. SciGuy, I just read your "Dishonest girl" thread, and we are going through a tough, similar situation. What me and her had was a secret fling. Nobody knew. People had their suspicions, but nobody knew.
96nole Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Screwed_Over: RUN!!!!!! Look, I know you're hurt. But you've only been seeing her for a few months. Tell her to be on her way and never contact her again. Think about how you are feeling now. This will continue if you keep seeing her. She has feelings for another man. She has done more than just kiss him whether you want to believe it or not. Don't make her a priority when she is making you just an option. You said "I can't stop loving her for everything she is" Meaning you love her for being: a liar a cheater disrespectful of you dishonorable The honest truth is you have absolutely no future with this woman. You don't want someone like her in your life. Let her torture the guy she's making out with while you are at work.
Reddice Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 SciGuy, I just read your "Dishonest girl" thread, and we are going through a tough, similar situation. What me and her had was a secret fling. Nobody knew. People had their suspicions, but nobody knew. Your relationship was secret??? Well, that explains a lot! You never had a relationship in the first place. What's there to be sad about?
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 And not a single text was sent/received that day...
Gulf-Delta Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) She feels horrible for what she did, and spent the past few hours apologizing. I'm so mad at her, but at the same time, I'm not able to let her go... Been in that boat my friend! Time is the answer. Give her the space she wants. Either she's conflicted, or she's leading you on. You must give her space... If she's conflicted, there are two possible results: 1) The space and time away from you will bring her back 2) She will find out she wants nothing to do with you...but IMO, this isn't likely. If 1 happens, then ok. If 2 happens, you don't want her anyway. If she's leading you on, the space you give her is for the best because you don't wanna be with her if she's like that. In summary, time and space are the ONLY THING that will make things better. It will either bring her back, in which case, good for you...but if she doesn't then you have ridden yourself the disease that is her. Time and space are the only answer because if you keep chasing her down, she will see a desperate, clingy side and that isn't what you want. If you give her space, she will remember the you she likes after a while. If you chase, she will cut you out (SHE will cut YOU out) and remember you as desperate and clingy. Edited June 26, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 I just saw a tagged photo of her and that home-wrecker on Facebook, and my heart literally skipped multiple beats. I am just so angry and raging right now. It hurts so ****ing much.
Gulf-Delta Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I just saw a tagged photo of her and that home-wrecker on Facebook, and my heart literally skipped multiple beats. I am just so angry and raging right now. It hurts so ****ing much. Block both of them. Problem solved.
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Block both of them. Problem solved. We're both in related fraternities/sororities, and that guy is a fraternity brother of mine, so that means I am going to see them often...
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 You are probably not that angry towards him or her, but angry at yourself for believing what was never true. Been there. People such as this woman have the ability to build trust with multiple-personal truths. That's a normal human behavior. We all do it. Even with friends. Slowly learn about this, that, or the other. Learn they are true. Trust begins through the exchange like most "normal" people do. Then you believe they like you, or even love you. But there is a problem with these particular individuals. They have a dark part of their brain with a hidden, and deceitful, agenda always brewing. Some want to steal monetarily, maybe your expertise, physically..whatever. Often they are cheaters with all kinds of justifications for the behavior. While you feel like a fool, betrayed, lied too, heartbroken etc., you should realize that she cheated on the person you see her with now with YOU. And she'll do it again at some point without a ton of therapy and alone time. Majority will NEVER do that. Tell you something else. He knows about you too-AND HE STILL WENT BACK TO HER! Talk about low self esteem. The person that walks away from the proven cheater always wins in the long run. Always.
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Tell you something else. He knows about you too-AND HE STILL WENT BACK TO HER! Talk about low self esteem. The person that walks away from the proven cheater always wins in the long run. Always. This is a new guy, not her ex.
WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 This is a new guy, not her ex. Understood. I still stand that she moves to another guy behind you, she will go to someone else in the future for created justifications that just aren't true. He is not better, and only a matter of time before she does what she does. My opinion is that you aren't thinking as rationally as you normally would. She is NOT respecting you! You wanting her and pining over her does nothing but LOWER her respect for you. Let's say you get her back. You are soooo happy. Think she will forget how you acted all heartbroken, needy, and crying? No. And only a matter of time before this abuser repeats the cycle. Reconciliation only reinforces the behavior to NOT respect you. No respect=No desire. For either gender. Be strong. Move on.
Gulf-Delta Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 We're both in related fraternities/sororities, and that guy is a fraternity brother of mine, so that means I am going to see them often... Well, you can block them on facebook still. You can at least limit the exposure to them.
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 This is a tough time to endure...
Gulf-Delta Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 (edited) This is a tough time to endure... Hey man, I know. We all do. It's terrible. But time and space from her is the only piece of advice I can give. I'm not sure of your motives, or what you ultimately want from her, and it doesn't matter really. But no matter what, the only way to have a chance at what you want, whether it be to reunite with your ex, or you wanna forget about her and never tihnk about her again, is to take this time for yourself. If for any reason just to let your mind think rationally again. As you are now, you're in an irrational state of mind. The pain in your heart is clouding your decision-making and judgment skills. You can't trust yourself right now because you're emotional. After some months of having her out of your life, things will clear up. Your heart will heal from the hurt and you'll be able to think more clearly about how to move forward with your ex or not. But the bottom line is...you need time so that you can really THINK about ALL ASPECTS of the relationship and breakup, and figure out what you want, whatever it is, and how to get it. In my case, I still love my ex, and one day, I'd like to try again with her, after we grow up a little. We're so young.... If you want to be happy, you gotta give her, and yourself space to step back, and think long and hard (Long as in 6 months MINIMUM) about everything. Edited June 27, 2012 by Gulf-Delta
Author Screwed_Over Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 I'm afraid to lose her if I let her go... She's the type who cuts contact forever.
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