Gut feeling but still unsure...

[Estylo]

I could be in denial but i can't shake this gut feeling that something doesn't go right. Perhaps I want to HEAR it for myself but the rarity of women or even guys admitting to cheating, is non existent.

 

Anyways here is the run down:

 

My girlfriend (now ex as of Sunday) and I have been dating for 7 months. 6 months that we were so into each other. Seriously got close.

We are both dancers (I do martial arts for 27 years and dance for 12) and she graduated from her university of dance program here in Toronto.

We always made time for one another, the little things always counted for us and we were always open. Sounds cliche yea? haha anyways,

We met dancing at this one place where it was like a damn movie lol so anyways it was a really beautiful thing...

I met the parents around April and I really got along with them and vice versa. They allowed us to sleep at their house (Latin families know this is very rare to happen) She is 24 and decided to live at home since it was cheaper for her...aside from this back to the story.

She got this new job right after finishing at this studio, it takes up all her day 1pm-10pm pretty much. This is where i soon took notice in change.

 

Right off the start I told her "baby I support exactly what you do and I love it and proud of you, I know your parents too and I respect that they too don't like u spending too many nights sleeping over..I get it" I then stated "all i ask is, lets meet half way and let me come to u at times and we just meet after work for a little here and there...lets just keep the connection going and not allow unnecessary fights due to communications."

 

It was getting harder and harder and harder...we became distant...I let her know that I don't want to back her up against the wall here but something needs to change a bit. I did ask her to speak to her parents (her grand parents came to visit too so it made it even harder cause she needed to be there for family on top of this) and let them know but not fight with them...talk to them even if it does escalate but don't be mad and fight, yet expect the disagreement to happen...try to make them see it and show your feelings. Anyways....yea turns out we became more distant again, less calls, wouldn't meet me at my studio on her way home no more just to say a quick hi and go home...."I'm tired I'm going straight home" ( i thought, ok she must be since it is a lot of teaching of dances) no biggie.

When she never asked me to ever come in to work and meet her for her break or anything...after work...I started feeling something. One night she decided not to say anything...she went to the salsa club next door with co-workers and never bothered returning my call or texts...figured she got home and passed out (quite common on her part.) until her brother text me "hey if she is there with you just let us know cause my mom is worried sick and she hasn't contacted us" So i told him i had no idea and that i thought she was home...it was close to 3am....She finally got out the place and texted me "oh sorry i decided spur of the moment to go to the salsa place with co-workers and stayed longer than expected"

Red flags went up RIGHT away...straight up my guts nearly exploded with feelings lol.

So the distance continued and my birthday came soon after....i got nothing for it from her..but i was invited to her house and they threw me a surprise cake and they all signed the card...long messages except from her...she wrote something so damn simple. We were distant and I felt it hard I just can't express it enough.

Ok let me get on to the biggest issue which did eventually lead to the break up.

 

We do shows both in Toronto and in Niagara falls, I was in Toronto this night and her in Niagara. It was her grandfathers birthday and the next day, fathers day. her family decided to go see the show there which is cool....the guys I know there who do what i do as well, called me with an interesting story.

 

Her co-worker arrived there as a surprise since "he knows she dances there" They saw her talking to him forever at the bar alone. Here is the kicker....instead of driving back with family she decided to stay and go off to the casino with this co-worker and his friends...the parents went home and her ride to her car (the guys that called me) left as well.

 

I blew up on her right away on the phone...she thought i was rude etc etc and she did indeed say she was there at the casino...I seriously exploded, I told her whats up cause the night before she was passed the hell out at my house and avoided intimacy all together....I told her "You pass out at my house but the next guy u are wide awake to chill at some casino and he drives you home...perfect..." Next day we speak and mind u i asked her a couple of days prior to this is something was up and that if it was...just tel me and we go our separate ways...she didnt say anything. She was shut down completely..we talk and I said I have no choice but to end this then...she didnt want to and said she was confused with all this and doesn't know what to do. She was unattached physically and wouldnt look me straight...I knew what was coming already.

She text me the next day and wanted to meet up...i said ok lets talk. She gave a lame excuse to escape the meet. Week passes I get silent treatment and we FINALLY spoke the other day. Same **** again "confused and not sure where this is going" but yet she doesn't want to end. I knew right away she wanted me to do it so I did...and she couldnt agree still....what the hell?

W/e the end result...we did break it off and my question to you guys is....Do you think something was up?

 

**** this is stressing me out yet I know I shouldn't be since inside i bet i know the answer...it just hurts

[xx.Kael.xx]

Harsh, dude. From what I can tell, it seems as if she doesn't care about your feelings towards her going out & doing her own thing.

 

I'm kind of in the same boat as you, but the only difference is I'm in a long distance relationship. My girl is in Toronto, I'm in BC. She does things like this too. Goes out, comes home..doesn't call me when she's supposed to. So it's really iffy. Never thought too much about it, until recently. A simple call, always works dude...I don't understand it anymore. If she's making more time and effort towards this co-worker, it's time to figure out who's worth all of this pain. You, or her.

 

Damn, I should start listening to my own advice. But, anyway dude.

The lack of communication with her, is mind boggling. It's easier said than done, but try not to stress too much about this. If you get another lame excuse, just bail. Any woman worth your time, will make the time. You get what I'm saying? Just don't make any rash decisions just yet. Stay away from the booze, & think about what you need out of this.

 

Good luck to you, brother.

[Reddice]

Owh yeah... she's definately cheating, at least on an emotional level. We don't know how far she went with this guy, but something happened most definately. This stuff happens all the time and reminds my of my own story. When someone "doesn't know" why they are doing what they're doing is because they have developped feelings for someone else. The only thing she "doesn't know" is if the other person is just as emotionally invested in her. As soon as she "knows" what the other guy wants, you get your ass dumped. She's just keeping you on a backburner, because it's a safe thing for her to do. You did well by dumping her instead, she's not worth it.

 

Just read up on these forums and you will see many many parallels with your story. Read and learn as much as you can. Hopefully it will help you spot some red flags in your next relationship.

[blbk28]

I am a woman, and when I was reading your story I definitley think somethings up with her co worker. Absolutely if a woman (or a man) truley care, they will make time for you... They will be considerate and buy you a thoughtful birthday gift... they dont give you weeks of silent treatment and avoid intimacy when your feelings of wanting the relationship to work is out on the table. Honestly.. Cut it off. You seem like a caring guy.. but I think you may be enjoying the thrill of the chase and it seems she's stringing you along. Dont be her puppy dog.

 

I wish you the best.. You dont want someone that disregards you and your feelings. Cut off contact.. and move on. I guarantee when you do, she will probably be all over you.. but that'll be her loss. Upward and Onward. Good luck.

[Radu]

I think she had at least an EA with this guy.

 

You will find out pretty soon tbh, from friends and such if she ends up in a relationship with this guy very fast.

 

And tbh, if she behaved this way towards you ... you are better off.

[Estylo]

Hey everyone,

 

Thanks so much for the replies, I've not checked this site for a few months now.

So I've maintained the no contact until now and I've completely moved on.

It is what it is and I have my career to focus on...people come and go and there is always an experience to be learned here.

I've met a lot of good people through out this, one of which has brought me to a whole new world, and so happens that I've met someone out of NOWHERE! Now I am just going with the flow of things and living my life better. I'm really enjoying myself...I can't believe I was in freaking shambles WOW. Crazy how low emotionally someone can get. Anyways, I've done gigs with my ex since, I don't know whats going on nor do I care, and I most certainly don't give 2 ****s about what she is doing.

 

It took me a hell of a lot to walk around Toronto and not have memories replay over and over....A lot has changed and to see her in person and seriously not have any emotion, but rather a feeling of "I overcame this **** feeling and grew", my stomach doesn't clinch up, AHH it feels like a bag of bricks fell from my shoulders.

Damn what dancing and focusing on your craft can do to u...

 

Cheers and Stay Blessed