acoolcat Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I just recently made my first post on here but I feel like I left out many details in order to make it short. Basically for two and a half years I have been on and off in a relationship. I have been very good to him in the past, in fact I have been too good to him. A year and a half ago he made out with one of my friends at a party and when I found out the next day he got sent away by his parents for 8 months. During this time I stayed faithful to him, stopped going out completely, became sober for him, wrote him emails, sent him packages, the works. Prior to that he had broken up with me before because he wanted to "get with other girls" he didn't get lucky during that time so he came back to me, we stayed together for a few months when he was going through the worst time of his life and then he got sent away. When he was transitioning to come home he said it was too hard for him to have a relationship. I was totally heartbroken, I was under the impression that he'd keep his promise and "treat me like a princess" when he returned. I felt like he just didn't want me to move on while he was away. I asked him if during this break we could still stay faithful to each other but he "couldn't". We promised each other we wouldn't sleep with anyone else and I kept that, he didn't. But I was so lost the first thing I did was get with other boys (like 2 not 30), both times were a one time harmless make out. My ex and I continued to see each other and hooked up, we even said I love you. When I found out about some trashy girl he had sex with I was devastated and completely heartbroken. But yet I continued to be desperate and hook up with him and what not. Later on he found out I had been with other guys and completely freaked out. He even put his hands on me once, and spit in my face. But he had done much worse he had been with many girls and slept with a few too. We got back together officially recently but I keep reading stuff he has said to girls (on his facebook, his texts) he had let me look at it. IT WAS DISGUSTING to read a girl say "I have a boyfriend" and him respond with "you weren't saying that when I was ticking your belly button from the inside". Now he's faithful but I still fear he is talking to other girls. I temporarilly deleted my facebook because a boy posted something on it....he still has one. He acts as if he isn't happy when we hang out. I just want attention, it isn't hard to make me happy. I wish he would text me fist or atleast act like he's happy when he's with me. He doesn't act like anything, he's just boring and stares off into space. He calls me a slut for what I've done in the past, but he's kind of the slut...haha. I just really don't feel happy or secure in this relationship and I have lost contact with every boy I know (i had a lot of boy FRIENDS) and even with girls because if we are out and I'm not with him he would be furious if I was at a party or something. I'm fresh out of high school and I just want to be happy. I feel like if we break up the first thing he is going to do is find another girl and that would actually kill me. I don't know why I'm so attached. He's charming, funny, very very talented, and ambitious. But he's also arrogant and angry. Recently I've wanted to check his phone and facebook just so I can see that he's talking to another girl so I can just be like "you broke our trust I'm done" instead of breaking up with him for my own reasons. I don't know why I haven't done it yet, he seems fine without me which is one reason why I guess. I'm just really lost, this is really long and if anyone has made it to this point please give me a response. I just want to be happy and live a good life but I feel he is bringing me down and makes me feel ignored, ugly, and like a loser. Why am I so fearful he is going to meet someone else who is better than me? He's just brought my confidence wayyyyyy down and I feel like he's better than me even though the logical side of my brain knows he's not. He treats me okay now but I want better than okay.... so long but please help haha!!!
Ruby65 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Wow. This guy is unbelievable. PLEASE walk away, don't look back. There's nothing you can do or say that's going to change him into an acceptable boyfriend, but at least if you leave now and go NC you can start to heal from the damage he's already done to your self-esteem.
2456249 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Omg I am so sorry this is happening to you. I had a boyfriend very similar to yours, we just broke up 3 weeks ago after being together 6 years. He would also get upset if I hung out with friends, went to parties, etc. He thought I would cheat on him and even when I stopped going out and just did nothing he still thought I was cheating. Well it turned out 3 years into our relationship he was the real cheater. I think you need to look up on the internet a thing called love addiction. I think if you read it you might find a lot of similarities and also look up verbally abusive guys. If you haven't already, you will one day leave. I thought I would never get out of my relationship, but I realized he will never change. I now look back and wish I listened to how he treated me from the beginning. People don't change, especially verbally abusive guys. It takes a lot of counseling for a verbal abuser to change his ways and sometimes not even then. Sounds like your still very young. My advice is to get away from him while you can. Verbal abusers always have double standards. They can do whatever, but you can not otherwise your a slut or cheater. He is trying to control you and it is working because your still hanging on. I bet he switches from treating you really great and then all of sudden treating really awful. That is all part of a verbally abusive person's game. Hope you stop talking to him soon. You can do it!
Samilia Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 With such an history I don't know why you're staying. If you don't walk away you'll probably be back in a few weeks crying that he called it, or cheated on you again. I mean think about it, you don't have to stay, you can get better than that.
Mariana345 Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 Recently I've wanted to check his phone and facebook just so I can see that he's talking to another girl so I can just be like "you broke our trust I'm done" instead of breaking up with him for my own reasons. I don't know why I haven't done it yet, he seems fine without me which is one reason why I guess. Why shouldn't just breakup for you own reasons? There is no need to wait for something catastrophic to break up... I'm telling you, I waited for a "big reason" and just get dumped, and waisted almost 5 years of my life that I can never recover When you stop thinking for your own sake, you lose yourself and later you will regret it
flitzanu Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 i'm not even sure what the question is. he cheated on you, told you he wants a break to have sex with other girls, lies, controls your life, hits on other girls blatantly, and spit it your face. really, does anyone need to tell you reasons you shouldn't be with this jackass?
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