jmjacobs31 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Just over two months ago my boyfriend of 12 years and I had a fight. I had been holding in a lot of emotions in for quite sometime and ended becoming very upset when I came home from work one day to see that our dogs had poop on the floor while he was in the other room. The poop on the floor was what set me off when in all reality I was upset about much more. The night we had our fight I started to cry and this caused him to want to leave our house. I begged him to stay and talk with me but he chose to walk out. He then disappeared for 3 days with no phone call or text to let me know were he was and if he was okay. In 6 days I barley heard anything from him until I came home from work one day to him being home. I could tell that he was upset and had been crying. When I got home that day he told me that he needed sometime to think about us and that he needed me to go stay with a friend for a week. I told him I didn't want to go but I reluctantly went. About a week and a half later he was ready to "talk". When I went to our house to talk to him he told me that he thought about it and that he went back and forth on the issue but he decided we needed to break up. I was heart broken. We have been together for 12 years, since we were in high school. We owned a house together and have two dogs and 4 cats. I have a lot of anger towards him for not even wanting to work on things. It hurts so bad that he was able to just end our 12 year relationship with out even trying to see if we could make it work. I feel like we were basically married, and I know he would agree to that, so to just give up with out a fight is devastating to me. He has a lot of other issues including never dealing with his dads suicide that happened when he was 13, and I believe he has a drinking problem. For at least the past 8 years he has treated me poorly. He does not show much emotion, or does not like it when I show emotion. He is horrible at communicating and would often get mad at me if I was upset about something in our relationship. One time I ran a half marathon and he didn't even wish me good luck before my race. Hes also is a workaholic and his job has always been his number one priority. I feel horrible because its not like he broke up with me for being this super fantastic girlfriend. I know that in the past 6 months or so I have been treating him bad. I think that the way he has been treating me finally got to me and I started to treat him bad in return. its not something I wanted to do, it just happened. I was so tired of being treated bad, he never helped around the house, and rarely helped take care of our animals. He spends his days off drinking, (if he has a day off) and would go out with his friends and not come home at the end of the night even though he knew I wanted him to. He has never been there emotionally for me and told me there is no way in hell he would ever go to counseling. From the day he made me leave our home so he could "think" I was not allowed back. The house we own is only in his name (for loan purposes) and I can't afford to live there on my own even if I had the option. I had to stay with friends for two months while I looked for an apartment that would take me and some of my animals. My whole entire life has been turned upside down. I lost him , my home, 2 of my cats, and the life I have been living for the past 7+ years in a blink of an eye. I know that hes started to go out with other girls and it kills me that he is already moving on while I am still trying to figure out what the hell happened. I miss him like crazy and it hurts. I am trying to figure out how to start to move on. How I can spend almost everyday of my life with someone and then just get used to them not being around. We moved away from our family in search of better jos so I am living 2 states away from most of my family and friends, although I do have a few good friends here. I am feeling lost, sad, hurt, and it sucks! Its crazy to think about him not being in my life anymore. I know the reality of the but I think I am just heart broken. I really did see us spending our entire lives together. How to I pick up the pieces and move on after spending half of my life with someone. We have so many mutual friends that we are always going to be in each others lives so its not like I will never see him again. I feel like hes become a stranger in the past two months and I dont even recognize who he is. It all hurts so bad and I just want to begin to feel better so I can start moving on. I am also really missing the two cats he got in our break up so that is not making anything easier. sometimes I just sit back and wonder WTF just happened to my life!?
Philosoraptor Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 If your goal right now is to heal and move on you need to embrace yourself and do what you can to limit the pain. That means taking your focus off of him and putting it on yourself. Find a new hobby, join a club, volunteer, just do things that make you happy. Healing does take time but if you treat yourself well you will make the most efficient use of time and find healing comes much faster than if you're pining away.
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