its_me Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 gg52 Member since:April 09, 2012Total points:55 (Level 1) I think what I need is some advice or maybe some encouragement. So I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. I love him. his ex is currently 7 months pregnant. He found out 2 months into our relationship and after me leaving him for a while so that he can decide how to handle it, we got back together. As his ex's due date approaches, things are getting tougher in our relationship. He has started working two jobs, in order to support the kid when he is born. I support him, seeing as its the right thing to do. I listen to him while he complains about the stress, I cook for him when he doesn't have enough time to do so, I sacrifice a lot of our time together because he is always at work, I encourage him when he feels like giving up, I stay up late to keep him company when he is working late... I basically do all the things a girlfriend should do. The thing is, all this has started stressing me. I like doing it, but its all for his ex and child. Sometimes I have my own issues going on but I cant talk to him about them because he is always so stressed by work and I don't want to add any more stress to him. I really just don't know what to do.Leaving him is not an option, because I love him and I cant leave him now that he is so stressed. I find myself wondering if things will get better. I cant talk to him about this because every time I try it stresses him out more and I'm not trying to add to the stress he is already going through. I feel like I have bitten way more than I can chew. I don't think I'm okay with being with a guy with a kid on the way. I don't know what to do now....
TigerCub Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 gg52 Member since:April 09, 2012Total points:55 (Level 1) I think what I need is some advice or maybe some encouragement. So I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. I love him. his ex is currently 7 months pregnant. He found out 2 months into our relationship and after me leaving him for a while so that he can decide how to handle it, we got back together. As his ex's due date approaches, things are getting tougher in our relationship. He has started working two jobs, in order to support the kid when he is born. I support him, seeing as its the right thing to do. I listen to him while he complains about the stress, I cook for him when he doesn't have enough time to do so, I sacrifice a lot of our time together because he is always at work, I encourage him when he feels like giving up, I stay up late to keep him company when he is working late... I basically do all the things a girlfriend should do. The thing is, all this has started stressing me. I like doing it, but its all for his ex and child. Sometimes I have my own issues going on but I cant talk to him about them because he is always so stressed by work and I don't want to add any more stress to him. I really just don't know what to do.Leaving him is not an option, because I love him and I cant leave him now that he is so stressed. I find myself wondering if things will get better. I cant talk to him about this because every time I try it stresses him out more and I'm not trying to add to the stress he is already going through. I feel like I have bitten way more than I can chew. I don't think I'm okay with being with a guy with a kid on the way. I don't know what to do now.... I'm sorry, but you really do have just the 2 options: 1. leave 2. stay with him and make peace with the fact that because he is going to have a child, you will be #2 in his life (at best), and that the kid's arrival will be stressful, will take up time, will take up money & energy. well I guess you also have 3. stay and resent him and fight over it - but that's not helpful to anyone. I understand that you love him. You made the decision to get back together knowing that there will be a baby - now that you're feeling the reality of it, it seems like too much. I don't think there is any shame in realizing that this scenario may not be for you. Not everyone wants to deal with someone that has kids with another person - it doesn't make you bad. If you do stay because you love him, you really have to be realistic about what he can offer you though. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Yikes. If you say you love this man, then you have two options like the OP just said: 1) Stay and not complain about his baby and Baby Momma (because neither of them is going to leave and not be in your picture). 2) Leave and move on. May I ask this question? Is this man so special that you choose him over all others? Because quite honestly, if I were in your shoes I don't know how I would feel about this. It's one thing if he was with that person a while ago and the child already existed, but the fact that a baby is about to be born is rather difficult to deal with. This sounds like Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, doesn't it?
daisystar Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Hi - Whatever you do, MAKE SURE that you do not get pregnant! Beyond that, your problems will sort themselves out. You're posting this question because you're already fed up, and you know it's only going to get worse. You are afraid to lose him, and to let him down. I suggest that instead of waiting to mop his brow, you go out and build up your social circle. Check out the meetup website for clubs, your recreation center, and community college for classes. Think about how many times you've used the word "stress" - stress is poison - it turns young lovers into crabby old people before their time. Just reading the word drops my energy. Are you excited to be together? Does his presence make you bubble up, capture your attention, thrill you repeatedly? Is he really the one? Separate yourself from his problems - don't dwell on them, and don't fix them. He created his problems because he needs to fix them himself, in order to grow better. You cannot make his day brighter if you are absorbing his gloom. Supporting him like this is actually not the right thing to do - he is capable of supporting himself, and what you do will create resentment between you. You'll end up feeling used and robbed, and he'll feel inadequate and indebted. Keep yourself apart from his problems, don't even advise him, and you might stay together.
spiderowl Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 It's difficult at the moment and very obvious why. I wonder what this guy's giving to you at the moment or is it all about him and his issues? He is being responsible and that's a good thing. How do you think you will feel when the baby is born and he starts taking time out to visit the baby (and inevitably the baby's mother as the two go together)? How will you feel when he falls in love with the baby and talks a lot about him/her and wants to include the child in your life? You may enjoy getting involved with a baby (if that happens) but it's certainly going to take up more of his time and energy not less. I think you're in a tough situation and you need to be sure that you not only love this guy but that he loves you enough (and shows it) for you both to cope with the challenges involved.
amantis Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 She knows that she can leave at any moment but she loves him and she wants to stay . She is only asking for opinions on how to deal with the situation , so help her and stop telling her that she can leave ...
yongyong Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 you don't know nothing. help? how?? I think she needs to get a job to support him financially so he can work less and get stressed out less. She knows that she can leave at any moment but she loves him and she wants to stay . She is only asking for opinions on how to deal with the situation , so help her and stop telling her that she can leave ...
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 You've got to be kidding me...I'm not even sure IF this is worth giving advice to because this doesn't even seem real that someone would do this after only 5 months of dating...supporting a guy who's ex is 7 months pregnant? HA!...that means he just got her pregnant two months before and here you go waddling along and like "oh, this looks like an excellent guy to be with!" Your family and friends must be furious with you! I know I would be, not only does this make you come off phenomenally desperate and insecure but it makes you look like an utter fool. What a lucky catch for this guy to catch someone so naive! Here's what's going to happen to you at some point in the future... A) You'll waste all your time, money, "love", support and affection for him only turn around and go back with the baby momma because he thinks "it's best for the child" or "he still has feelings for and has to give it another shot" orrrrr B) You'll waste all of your time, money, "love", support and affection for him for him only to turn around on you and tell you how he doesn't think this is going to work, he's stressed out, needs to be alone and figure somethings out...yadda yadda yadda But this is what you're hoping for... C) All your time, dedication and hard work, love and support and affection and understanding has paid off ::swoon:: now magically he is so in love with you, is sooo thankful for supporting him and being there for him through all this...he got a good job, makes enough money now to help out with 50 percent of the bills or more...doesn't work as much, comes hope and runs into your arms ::swoon:: you spin around for 5 mins straight while unicorns and rainbows come out of ceiling and all is magical and right...he steps to one knee and asks you to marry him because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you...so he picks you up and carries you outside, puts in the back of a cadillac and whisks you away into a enchanted life. Hmmm I wonder which one usually happens! Let me think here...what "usually" happens a great deal of the time when a woman bends over backwards, puts herself on the backburner and lets her relationship dive deeper into the abyss....all those lonely nights, where he doesn't reciprocate emotions or care and you just sit alone crying....hmmmmm let me look outside and at the real world...how many others start off a truly happy and balanced relationship that they've always wanted out there?....welp, maybe they're just hiding! The guys stressed out, he's got no spare time for love, hes trying to survive, and you're just likely the shoes he walks in to get through the day...he's likely completely neglecting you as a GF. Stop being a big baby and tell yourself that you're in love with this guy, have some respect for yourself and quite screwing up your life for some guy who's going to more than likely dump your butt on the side of the street like it never happened or meant much to him. You're too passive and "understanding" and accommodating, If he doesn't have time for you then he doesn't have time for this relationship and you should value yourself more than to settle for that just because you think you love this guy....give me a break! give yourself a break! Is this what you really want in your life? If so continue on, but you'll play the fool and don't be surprised with the results, just zip up your mouth, keep helping this guy get through life while you get nothing and quit crying about it because it will change nothing other than him lashing out at you...yeah sounds nice doesn't it? 1
FitChick Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Come back in eighteen years and see if you still love him.
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