greeneyes1998 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Hello, my husband and I have been seperated for thelast year, living seperately, but for the most part he pays most of my bills and is always there if I need anything, we occassionally are sexually active with each other, we go to movies, dinner and drinks s well, and somethimes talk on phone for hours. He recently has said he wants a divorce, mind you it was during a heated texting wars. He has a married couple friends, who the wife seems to always try and get in the middle of our stuff, and make things worse. Always trying to set him up with women and so forth. We love each other vry much, he just says he does nto want things to go back the same. Recently he has been hanging out with another female (who is a friend of the troublemaker wife) he will call and text me all the time, until this female is around. we have both hung out with others, but always seem to just want each other. How do I get him back, how do I know if we are meant to be? I can not seem to get over him, I love him deeply and feel as i am going crazy....
BetrayedH Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Why did you separate? Have you resolved whatever resentment occured at that time?
Author greeneyes1998 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 we seperated a yr ago, because i felt he didnt love me, we would goes days without talkingthen i started to not come home. There was no infedelity. Yes we have somewhat resolved issues, but he insists he wants divorce although we still have not signed papers. We still talk several times a day, and what not, we were together 10 yrs got divorce then remarried again, currently seperated as i stated earlier...I feel like there is a chance to make it work, he says he does not weant to try? we are going on a 4 day mini vaca here in a few weeks just he and i, so i thought maybe that would be my chance??? All I know is that I really truely love hime and want to work on it
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Sounds really confusing...and painful. Please take care of yourself. I really liked the book "Divorce Remedy". Try to not fight with him like with the text wars. Don't try to convince him to come back, just have the good times...or no times. He has to see the light on his own. The vacation sounds like a very good thing to bring you closer (distance kills relationships). You can read up on the "180" that a lot of people recommend, but the original source of that is the book I recommended above and I think the internet definition has gotten somewhat muddled up. I recommend reading the whole thing and using what you need from it. The other approach is to completely cut him off while he is seeing this other woman you say he is seeing. He may be torn between you two now. Dr. Harley outlines that kinda last resort strategy in his book "Surviving an Affair". He calls it "Plan B".
Author greeneyes1998 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 thank you, I am trying to take care of myself, it is difficult right now, have not eaten in 8 days, not cause I DONT WANT TO BUT BECUASE I CANT. I havetried the leave him alone, its so hard. The hard part is I HAVE JUST recently started to excel in my career, I have my own life and so forth, but I cant seem to concentrate on anything but him.
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 thank you, I am trying to take care of myself, it is difficult right now, have not eaten in 8 days, not cause I DONT WANT TO BUT BECUASE I CANT. I havetried the leave him alone, its so hard. The hard part is I HAVE JUST recently started to excel in my career, I have my own life and so forth, but I cant seem to concentrate on anything but him. I completely understand that. I was experiencing a kind of bump up in my career as well....and then #$*%! No focus at all You do have to let yourself experience grief...but don't let yourself go too far. It's more likely to pull him back if you are your confident attractive self again like you were when you met? I was telling my counselor how I was starting to fail at work. She looked me straight in the eye... "___, it's really hard to concentrate when your primary relationship is in trouble." You are human. I've found honesty with the people at work has been good. They've been patient with me to a fault.
Author greeneyes1998 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 Thank you for the upper....I am hoping that the mini vaca works....It is hard because we do both love each other and we have tried the moving on away from each other before. The other issue is, I have a newly diagnosed health problem, and he has supported me, but its hard dealing with it per say on my own.
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