Is dating really that bad for men these days?

[ThaWholigan]

Last couple of evenings have made interesting viewing on this forum. At one point, I was at an understanding with a few guys (when there were posts about not being any decent guys ), but after that point, came the typical. I understand that dating is hard for quite a few guys out there - it's hard for me too. I could have a lot to complain about too! But I don't. Why?

 

I don't see it so bleakly. To be honest, it's unlikely I ever will, even if I were to end up alone.

 

I made a post about a month ago saying this:

 

As for women, their tastes are just as evolved, if not more. I don't believe in the top 20% theory personally, and I never have. I know too many guys getting laid and in relationships with a wide array of women, in fact I am the only one of my ENTIRE social network who is completely dateless . I know quite a few girls who despite being HOTTER THAN JULY, they were dating broke, butters guys who were - yep, you guessed it - UNDER 5 foot 9. So short, ugly guys with no money were getting laid by good looking girls? Surely, it's a lie!

 

And this is my reality. Disbelieve if you want to, it's the internet so you probably will. It amuses me and entertains me greatly in real life. I joke about it with my 5 foot 6 brother, who is dating his umpteenth girlfriend. I speculate about my own dating life and how it is going to be in the future, with great humor, and even a little self-deprecation on occasion. Such is life - I have other things to worry about. Dating still greatly interests me, because people interest me in general (hence why I am on this forum).

 

So I have all that stuff in real life to amuse me. But then I come to this forum, which is so addicting because the viewpoints from guys in my position is SO DIFFERENT! All the tall, good looking guys are ****ing everyone, and the rest are going for scraps. Charisma can't be learned. Positive attitude is for chumps. Short guys can't get laid. Women only want this and that and too picky, too entitled, list of requirements etc etc.....

 

I see stuff like this in real life on quite a few occasions, so it's not complete bullsh*t. But I swear to GOD this is way more prevalent on the net than in real life. Is it really that bad? Honestly? Because, quite frankly, I don't see it. Everyone has dating problems.

 

Anyway, here's your platform. Address......

 

[Philosoraptor]

Dating is bad for those who lack the patience to wait for what they want. Those who obsess over the opposite sex end up in something that doesn't make them happy or rejected because they're pushing too hard.

 

A good relationship is simply finding someone you like just the way they are who also likes you just the way you are. Ta da. Be patient and think with your big head and you'll do fine.

[jobaba]

I definitely think 'getting dates' and meeting potentials is a little tougher for guys and I would have no problems finding women from my real life to back me up. But that's neither here nor there.

 

Being unattractive is definitely a barrier for men and women in terms of getting somebody. The further you are from being average, the harder you will have to work to find somebody. It's just that simple.

 

You could connect with somebody going about your business and enjoying life, but they are just not into you physically. That's where it's really tougher for unattractive people. You have to make things happen.

 

As for your own problems in dating, it seems to me you don't really try at all.

[ThaWholigan]

I definitely think 'getting dates' and meeting potentials is a little tougher for guys and I would have no problems finding women from my real life to back me up. But that's neither here nor there.

 

Possibly, I could see that being true. Factor in the instigator edge and you have a point - depending on how each individual views that.

 

Being unattractive is definitely a barrier for men and women in terms of getting somebody. The further you are from being average, the harder you will have to work to find somebody. It's just that simple.

 

This is quite true, but not all the time. In fact, there is one girl I am thinking of right now. She was about 5 foot, round, and had a very big head (literally). She had little eyes as well, like they were small for her head. She was cool though, so cool that guys just dug her, they wanted her. She wasn't the most sought after girl at college, but she could have had her pick. There was another girl in my class who was similar, although not round, and rather nerdy looking. But a really cool and nice girl. Most of us liked her. Had a long term boyfriend though (decent looking guy too!).

 

You could connect with somebody going about your business and enjoying life, but they are just not into you physically. That's where it's really tougher for unattractive people. You have to make things happen.

 

True, I suppose, but it depends on your demographic to a small extent. If you have all over unattractive features by default, then yeah, you might have problems . If you have a few noticeable ones here and there, it might put quite a few off, but there are likely to be a significant number who won't care. Again, as you so aptly put it - "numbers game" .

 

As for your own problems in dating, it seems to me you don't really try at all.

 

I do try......a little . I don't try too hard because I don't feel I need to. Not because I think it's "just going to happen". Or because I'm afraid of rejection, because I've had some truly harsh ones and not dwelt on any of them. Mainly because, I'm just not troubled by it. My own insecurities, which I can own up to having and that I still deal with, trouble me way more than dating does. I persevere because I can, and because I can view life and dating objectively enough to not care most of the time.

 

That's probably why it seems like I don't try.

[somedude81]

Dating is bad for some men who are missing key qualities.

 

Whether those qualities can be made up with hard work and effort is something I am still unsure of.

[AD1980]

I can only speak for myself im 32 and never been on a date so in my world hell yes!

 

I can also speak for my social circle and my one friend who just got divorced and is good looking pretty much has women throwing themselves at him even the married women in my social circle gawk over him so i do see the really good looking dudes having tons of options and women throwing themselves at him..

 

Even when he was married he had a few girls who knew it and said they were honored to be his 2nd women..One of those women just got married a few weeks ago and is still trying to fool around with my friend..

 

So it doesnt mean all women chase after the same small % of guys but a lot do and wold rather be a top % guys 2nd choice then average guys 1st and only..

[Disillusioned]

Yes, dating has become a no-win game for men.

 

Every year, there are more and more women narcissists (and an army of divorce lawyers to aid them in committing legal robbery), so it's no surprise that all the straight single men I know have all given up on women and won't have anything to do with them.

[verhrzn]

Yes, dating has become a no-win game for men.

 

Every year, there are more and more women narcissists (and an army of divorce lawyers to aid them in committing legal robbery), so it's no surprise that all the straight single men I know have all given up on women and won't have anything to do with them.

 

But that means that dating ISN'T difficult for men, since they don't even try. If men have "given up," then dating is actually difficult for women, because women are the ones who are still trying to date.

 

How can dating be difficult for me if they've given up??

[MaxNoob]

I joined LS to do some whining, but when I started reading, I couldn't believe how hard some guys have it. When someone talks about having a good job, being jacked like a olympian, great social skills, and yet rejected by girls every time, I'm thinking: what? Is there something you're omitting from the story here?

 

I've had so many girls ask me out, I feel I have no business complaining here, or being cynical in general.

[Disillusioned]

I joined LS to do some whining, but when I started reading, I couldn't believe how hard some guys have it. When someone talks about having a good job, being jacked like a olympian, great social skills, and yet rejected by girls every time, I'm thinking: what? Is there something you're omitting from the story here?.

 

The problems are that 1. women nowadays want it all, and 2. more and more women nowadays are narcissists.

[Imajerk17]

I would say that dating is both (a) easier for men, AND (b) a lot more work for men. Those two things don't contradict each other.

 

--It is easier for a man to increase his "market value" in the dating world, since less of a man's MV (versus a woman's MV) in the dating world is tied to things he can't control, such as looks, and things he does have more control of, such as personality.

 

--It is on men to approach. Women generally do not approach. Then again, a surprisingly large number of men don't either. That leaves for a guy who is willing to hustle, a lot of women out of his league for him to swoop up.

[thatone]

no, it's not that bad.

 

are men worse off than 10, 20, 30, 40 years ago? depends on what you want.

 

if you want the 1950s fantasy of marrying the first girl you meet, 2.5 kids, 2 cars, house in the burbs, blah blah blah? then yeah you're worse off for a plethora of reasons. first you can't make enough money alone to pay for all that. second there are increasing numbers of women who don't want any part of that lifestyle.

 

if you just want dating, as your thread title states, then you're no better or worse off than anyone in the past. in fact you're better off, since casual relationships and FWB arrangements and other such things are more common and more acceptable these days than in the past.

[EasyHeart]

I don't think dating is much different that it ever but was, but I do think it's hard to meet people once you're out of school. Most of us live in cities designed for cars and few public gathering spots, so it's harder to meet people (for dating or otherwise). Plus things like cellphones, iPods, computers, etc. make it easier to cocoon yourself from the world and minimize social interaction.

 

That's been the general rule of my adult dating life: Dating is easy; meeting people is hard.

[ThaWholigan]

I would say that dating is both (a) easier for men, AND (b) a lot more work for men. Those two things don't contradict each other.

 

--It is easier for a man to increase his "market value" in the dating world, since less of a man's MV (versus a woman's MV) in the dating world is tied to things he can't control, such as looks, and things he does have more control of, such as personality.

 

--It is on men to approach. Women generally do not approach. Then again, a surprisingly large number of men don't either. That leaves for a guy who is willing to hustle, a lot of women out of his league for him to swoop up.

 

I think this is likely close to how I view things, although I would say that both men and women have their pros and cons, and each individual within gender has their pros and cons. It's just too easy to say that men have it so hard IMO. Everyone does to a large extent.

 

And the bolded resonates too, as the hottest girls can intimidate a lot of guys, or at least I've seen this.

[phineas]

It's probably easier for me because i'm divorced but if a woman isn't clear to me about what she is offering after a few weeks then I disregard.

 

It really shouldn't take that long for someone to decide if they want to date me or not.

 

I really do have better things to do than pay attention to a woman who is playing games or stringing me along or basically anything that doesn't result in face-time & a clear indication of what we are after certain point.

 

Quality of life is so much better for me these days.

[El Brujo]

--It is on men to approach.

 

Like it or not, that is one of the things that needs to change, if women really do want decent men. Ladies are gonna have to bite the bullet and do it...

 

After all, back in the pre-internet days, anyone who voiced their disapproval of playing HTG was called a fool... remember???

[Mme. Chaucer]

OP, I don't think you could have come to a worse place to pose this question.

[Imajerk17]

Like it or not, that is one of the things that needs to change, if women really do want decent men. Ladies are gonna have to bite the bullet and do it...

 

After all, back in the pre-internet days, anyone who voiced their disapproval of playing HTG was called a fool... remember???

 

 

I actually like the way things are set up now in that regard. Favors guys like me.

[Emilia]

 

I see stuff like this in real life on quite a few occasions, so it's not complete bullsh*t. But I swear to GOD this is way more prevalent on the net than in real life. Is it really that bad? Honestly? Because, quite frankly, I don't see it. Everyone has dating problems.

 

 

A lot of men who whine here are silent in real life. They are all around us but they are saying out loud here what they are thinking. Of course it's exaggerated, I'm aware of many people's dating lives in real life and a fair number of those is unpredictable and sometimes surprising. Nowhere near the fatalistic predictability that some guys like spewing about here. They need to get out more.

[El Brujo]

They need to get out more.

 

Problem is, decent women need to get out more too.

 

You'll never find them in bars.

[Els]

My RL observation is that it is equally difficult for both genders, just in different ways.

 

Then again, IMO the toughest part of Rs is not getting one, but getting one with whom you are truly happy with, and the perseverance and maturity that it takes to navigate the stormy waters of post-honeymoon phase together.