somedude81 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 hey at least that's an option!! I was a very unattractive and akward girl but I was a near prodigy in a certain area. So between being chubby with frizzy hair and wearing coke bottom glasses I was also super smart. If that's not a magnet for men I don't know what is! My girl friends (the 2 I had) told me to lose weight, wear make up etc... I thought that I was smarter then them...so I bought a sports car thinking "well, that works for men to get hot babes then I will buy this BMW Z3" well, I had guys who wanted to drive my car....but not drive me....yeah, it was hard. I thought I could "win" and be the ugly girl who gets the guy anyway since I was smart and sucessful and had such a fantastic personality. Not so much I lost 40 pounds, spent a fortune on make up and hair care and finally got some attention in my late 20s... but then they all get scared when they figure out how much $ I make, which is why I joined here..anyway Sounds like you've had it a lot easier than I do. All you had to do was lose some weight, wear better clothes, use contacts or get lasic, and do something with your hair. Somehow I have to get rich without being a prodigy in anything and struggling in college.
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Lol, I love how some male losers in this thread feel so happy over women having problems, saying it's their own fault! It's women's fault if they focus on school and career to be able to contribute financially and thus miss out on dating. It's also again their fault if they don't focus on school and career and can't pay their share on dates. Get the hell outta here! 1
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Lol, I love how some male losers in this thread feel so happy over women having problems, saying it's their own fault! It's women's fault if they focus on school and career to be able to contribute financially and thus miss out on dating. It's also again their fault if they don't focus on school and career and can't pay their share on dates. Get the hell outta here! IMO, most men would gladly pay for the date if the woman wasn't working. BTW missing out on relationships and finding themselves to be 30+ and still single because they focused on school and career is very different from helping to pay on dates. It's goofy how you combined those into a thought.
zengirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I'm not sure how focusing on school & career hinders dates. IME, you meet people at both of those places, they make you a more interesting and dynamic person, and men tend to like when they're not the only thing you're focused on, especially at first.
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 IMO, most men would gladly pay for the date if the woman wasn't working. BTW missing out on relationships and finding themselves to be 30+ and still single because they focused on school and career is very different from helping to pay on dates. It's goofy how you combined those into a thought. it's really not goofy, it's called logic, look that up sometime! Oh I forgot, you struggled through college. If you want to be equal in paying, you have to roughly make the same amount of money or one has to downplay their lifestyle. The same stupid guys who argue about women not paying their share are the ones who argue about women focusing on their careers. It's totally ok for a man not to get involved in a relationship because he needs to get his things together but it's not ok for a woman? How can a woman do it all in a small timeframe when a man supposedly has all the time in the world?
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I'm not sure how focusing on school & career hinders dates. IME, you meet people at both of those places, they make you a more interesting and dynamic person, and men tend to like when they're not the only thing you're focused on, especially at first. Maybe consider that not all careers are the same? I work my butt off all day and I don't meet different people every day at my job at all. I have little time for dating. Tons of men avoid relationships when they focus on careers and building life experiences and it's totally fine, but women are supposed to magically do it all. Some friends of mine say dating for them is like a full time job.
zengirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Maybe consider that not all careers are the same? I work my butt off all day and I don't meet different people every day at my job at all. I have little time for dating. Tons of men avoid relationships when they focus on careers and building life experiences and it's totally fine, but women are supposed to magically do it all. Some friends of mine say dating for them is like a full time job. Sure, but I know women who are surgeons who have husbands. It's certainly possible, and many busy women ATTRACT more men than women who sit around on their hands.
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sure, but I know women who are surgeons who have husbands. It's certainly possible, and many busy women ATTRACT more men than women who sit around on their hands. Just because you know surgeons that have husbands doesn't mean it's easy to do it all. Go to new york or even my city and you meet tons of successful women that missed out on dating due to spending time on their studies/careers. You can't say its their fault when their male equivalent was doing the exact same thing. If men want young women who care a lot about relationships, they'd better be ready to pay for them, specially if they make good money.
zengirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Just because you know surgeons that have husbands doesn't mean it's easy to do it all. Go to new york or even my city and you meet tons of successful women that missed out on dating due to spending time on their studies/careers. You can't say its their fault when their male equivalent was doing the exact same thing. If men want young women who care a lot about relationships, they'd better be ready to pay for them, specially if they make good money. Huh? I'm not saying all the surgeons I know with husbands are young or married them young. I don't really believe in the magical "cutoff" age. Most of my friends who are married met and/or married in their 30s. Don't have any 'friends' in their 40s, really, but know many people who met folks at that age too.
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Sounds like you've had it a lot easier than I do. All you had to do was lose some weight, wear better clothes, use contacts or get lasic, and do something with your hair. Somehow I have to get rich without being a prodigy in anything and struggling in college. no, it's not been easy. I've had one, yes one, relationship with a guy I was never attracted to at age 25-29. I ended up cheating on him, feeling awful, confessing. Then him telling me he was gonna leave me anyway cos he wanted kids. BTW, we're still friends!! Im going to HIS wedding in a few months. The rest of the men I've been with have been play things or FWB. I'll admit for a long time I only wanted a man who made as much as me, owned a home like me, etc.....but those men all wanted pretty girls who would be wives and moms. I don't h ave time to be a wife. I can pay my share of the maid and the cook but most men do not want that or if they do they want children. I do not. So from age 30-35 I dated every single man I could regardless of looks or status. I'd ask out a man every day!! Coffee shops, the guy behind the meat counter at whole foods, just the other day I passed my number to the bus driver. Many wanted to be my boyfriend but I would never be exclusive or even let them think I would be serious with them. You know, in case I met 'the one'. The one who was 'my equal' I finally realized I didn't care if a man made as much money as I did, as long as he spoonge off me. I care about how he makes me feel. I also realized that many of the men that I would consider my 'equal on paper' mostly my colleagues were ****ing douchebags. They were either players or treated their wives like **** and/or cheated on them (often trying to cheat with me) so there you go. Have fun. Live life. The last guy I really liked and dated for 3 months went back to his ex I always say, don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened.
mesmerized Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Huh? I'm not saying all the surgeons I know with husbands are young or married them young. I don't really believe in the magical "cutoff" age. Most of my friends who are married met and/or married in their 30s. Don't have any 'friends' in their 40s, really, but know many people who met folks at that age too. well, if you didn't pay attention, my response was to somedude who said women who hit 30 and are single are in fault because they spent too much time on their school/careers instead of chasing boys. The reality is , for a career woman it's just as hard to find time for relationships and settling down until a bit later in life as it is for men! It's probably even harder for women because dating issues tend to occupy our minds more than it does for men. Men are told to take their time, focus on their careers and don't rush for anything but women are told to do the exact opposite while at the same time make sure to do as good as men in the school/career world so god forbid they never need a cent from a man.
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I Where I come from, if a man isn't married by a certain age... Hugh Hefner may be rich. But he isn't getting invited to the White House or Bill Gates' house either, if you catch my drift. where do you live? I need to know so I can stay away. Hugh Hefer at least does his business in the open and isn't hiding anything from anyone. More then we can say about anyone in the white house, regardless of party. I'm glad I spent time on my career. That way I can pay my half on dates, isn't that what you guys want? If we don't work on careers AND you abhor gold diggers...... if those are my choices I'll glady stay single.
zengirl Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 well, if you didn't pay attention, my response was to somedude who said women who hit 30 and are single are in fault because they spent too much time on their school/careers instead of chasing boys. The reality is , for a career woman it's just as hard to find time for relationships and settling down until a bit later in life as it is for men! It's probably even harder for women because dating issues tend to occupy our minds more than it does for men. Men are told to take their time, focus on their careers and don't rush for anything but women are told to do the exact opposite while at the same time make sure to do as good as men in the school/career world so god forbid they never need a cent from a man. I didn't miss it. My point was more that y'all were both wrong - there's no use fixating your life on chasing boys, as SD suggests, and no real proof that having a career stops you from dating guys either, if you meet the right guys. I think it's best everyone do what makes them happiest, with an eye towards the longterm, but I don't believe in the fallacy of "Career vs. Love" for men, or women.
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 IMO, most men would gladly pay for the date if the woman wasn't working. have y ou missed the huge stickied thread? you DO have reading issues, don't you?
Woggle Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 If women don't care about relationships then why all the complaining about men running from commitment? I am not glad about women having problems but I must admit it is really tiring to hear women place all the blame on men for the state of relationships today. I will challenge women here to admit to any area where it is mainly women that are the problem in modern relationships. I can admit men have a lot of faults these days so what are some things that most women can change to improve the state of dating? 1
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 If women don't care about relationships then why all the complaining about men running from commitment? I am not glad about women having problems but I must admit it is really tiring to hear women place all the blame on men for the state of relationships today. I will challenge women here to admit to any area where it is mainly women that are the problem in modern relationships. I can admit men have a lot of faults these days so what are some things that most women can change to improve the state of dating? Who said women don't care about relationships? I also didn't know that women as an entire gender thought as one unit... Who's placing all the blame on men? You, much like somedude seem to just read what you want too. Either denial or reading comprehension issues, what ever it is, it is quite facinating. And the third bolded thing...that doesn't even make sense....What are you trying to say? Do you even know? somedude, I not only changed myself but I changed the people I was going after. But, of course, you missed that part p.s I dated plenty of fat men. I kinda like guys who are soft anyway.
Woggle Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am not saying you personally but all these articles seem to act as if women are the victim and men are the victimizers when both genders have contributed to the current state of affairs.
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I am not saying you personally but all these articles seem to act as if women are the victim and men are the victimizers when both genders have contributed to the current state of affairs. Victim? Of what crime? Current state of affairs? What is this, a political forum? I guess I missed the memo, but I didn't think things were that bad.... Im realizing people in this forum take things way to seriously.. it's DATING fewgawdsake....
Woggle Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Victim? Of what crime? Current state of affairs? What is this, a political forum? I guess I missed the memo, but I didn't think things were that bad.... Im realizing people in this forum take things way to seriously.. it's DATING fewgawdsake.... If you read this article it places all the blame on men for why women are having such a hard time with relationships without ever looking at both sides.
seachangeoflove Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) The author of the book said the book is geared to sell to women. She wants to sell books, so yeah she'll cater to women. The article is a summation of said book. having said that, I read it and thought it commented on how society is changing, todays woman didn't ask for what we have now, just like you didn't either. But the fact is, the world is different, deal with it. If you took that as "BLAME MEN!" well, that is on you my friend. she even says "one solution is for women to change" but it was some **** about raising kids in a community type setting back like humans did in the hunter gather days. But I tuned out that part as I don't want them The people who write PUA stuff or askmen.com or whatever. Those people's target market is men, they want to make money (don't we all)?) so they gear it to be man biased. So, do you think for yourself? or do you let yourself be brainwashed by media propaganda? If you can't then maybe you should stick to stuff written for your own gender and you might be a touch happier Edited June 26, 2012 by seachangeoflove 1
somedude81 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 it's really not goofy, it's called logic, look that up sometime! Oh I forgot, you struggled through college. If you want to be equal in paying, you have to roughly make the same amount of money or one has to downplay their lifestyle. The same stupid guys who argue about women not paying their share are the ones who argue about women focusing on their careers. It's totally ok for a man not to get involved in a relationship because he needs to get his things together but it's not ok for a woman? How can a woman do it all in a small timeframe when a man supposedly has all the time in the world? Last time I checked, one doesn't need to be in a job making 70k+ a year to be able to help pay for a date. no, it's not been easy. I've had one, yes one, relationship with a guy I was never attracted to at age 25-29. I ended up cheating on him, feeling awful, confessing. Then him telling me he was gonna leave me anyway cos he wanted kids. BTW, we're still friends!! Im going to HIS wedding in a few months. The rest of the men I've been with have been play things or FWB. That sounds a hell of a lot better than what I've had and several other guys on this forum. I was actually starting to think that you had no "success" at all until you realized what you were doing wrong. I'll admit for a long time I only wanted a man who made as much as me, owned a home like me, etc.....but those men all wanted pretty girls who would be wives and moms. I don't h ave time to be a wife. I can pay my share of the maid and the cook but most men do not want that or if they do they want children. I do not. That was your own choice. So from age 30-35 I dated every single man I could regardless of looks or status. I'd ask out a man every day!! Coffee shops, the guy behind the meat counter at whole foods, just the other day I passed my number to the bus driver. Many wanted to be my boyfriend but I would never be exclusive or even let them think I would be serious with them. You know, in case I met 'the one'. The one who was 'my equal' I finally realized I didn't care if a man made as much money as I did, as long as he spoonge off me. I care about how he makes me feel. I also realized that many of the men that I would consider my 'equal on paper' mostly my colleagues were ****ing douchebags. They were either players or treated their wives like **** and/or cheated on them (often trying to cheat with me) so there you go. Have fun. Live life. The last guy I really liked and dated for 3 months went back to his ex I always say, don't be sad it's over, be glad it happened. So you figured out stuff and now you're enjoying yourself more, that's great have y ou missed the huge stickied thread? you DO have reading issues, don't you? Yeah, because I don't fallow every single thread on this forum, I have reading issues
RedRobin Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 where do you live? I need to know so I can stay away. Just my observation of those who have careers in conservative fields. That there is a definite pressure for men to be married in order to move up. This isn't the case for women though... they kinda prefer women be unmarried and childless... and probably celibate too if they had their way. Even in those cases, they kinda have a love/hate relationship with the more attractive ones. (FYI, I'm a woman working in a conservative field. I can't pick my co-workers, unfortunately... just how it is).
Woggle Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I really don't Hugh Hefner cares about not being invited to the Whitehouse. He still can look back on his life and be able to say he truly lived. Also if the older Bush invited Eazy E to the Whitehouse it is not far fetched to think Hefner would be invited.
RedRobin Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Do you really think that bothers Hugh Heffner? TBH, I think Hugh is probably keeping alot of these young ladies out of a life of hardcore porn. don't get me wrong... I certainly don't view him as a philanthropist.... I also don't see him as evil. He seems to actually care for the women. Which is probably why they tolerate him.
RedRobin Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I finally realized I didn't care if a man made as much money as I did, as long as he spoonge off me. I care about how he makes me feel. I also realized that many of the men that I would consider my 'equal on paper' mostly my colleagues were ****ing douchebags. They were either players or treated their wives like **** and/or cheated on them (often trying to cheat with me) Wow!! Sounds like we work at the same place... yep. The ones who are pressured to marry young and re-marry quick. Hmmm...
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