sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I asked my G/F to marry me, but she didn't accept. It's a long story but at the end she said that I'm not the one that she's looking for. She's 22 & she says that she loves me. She says I'm great, I have a great personality, etc. I always treated her like a princess, we're very close, I did everything that I could think of for her to make her feel good & happy, etc. I asked her what is it that i lack or she doesn't like, but she said that she never thought about it. I asked her about the person that she's looking for, but she said that she hasn't thought about it & she just knows that I'm not the one that she's looking for. What the heck? seriously, what is it with you girls? Also I'm genuinely worried about her since she's also not very social, doesn't have friends, etc. (I'm thinking about planning for her to see a physiologist.) What can I do? Any suggestions? Thanks.
january2011 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 The harsh answer is to break up with her. She is self-aware enough to say that she loves you and to give you compliments, but she knows that you are not the one for her and doesn't want to marry you. A rejection like that is very hard to take and no one would blame you for moving on. With regard to her socialibility, she needs to take responsibility for that herself. You could support her but she needs to take the lead and not you. 4
veggirl Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 She said no and said you aren't the one for her. And you are still together? :confused: Why again?
Mr Scorpio Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. My ex was talking about marriage in the weeks leading up to her dumping me. I had started the process of ring shopping. So once the axe finally fell, in my mind it was similar to what you are going through now.
Radu Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 A couple of things crossed my mind when I read your post. 1- if she said NO, and she doesn't want to break up ... FWB, have fun man 2- you do not treat her like a princess, you do not give her everything she wants. Putting women on a pedestal will only result in failure. I'm not saying that you should treat her like crap, you don't sound capable of being a jerk, but do not sacrifice from you to give to her on a constant basis because then she will not appreciate the gesture anymore. Look up some books on this kind of stuff and implement it, or just read the 180 guide [google it]. Women need to respect you to truly love you, and you do not respect a doormat. On a personal level, i think #2 might be why she said No.
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Who is this person that she's looking for?<------------ She had many suitors & she rejected all of them. Each of them for some reason. She told me that I have none of those negative personalities. If this goes on, I don't think that she'll ever marry anyone. Seriously, who is that person?
InJest Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You should start looking for another girl while you're still with this one. Once you're set with a new girl, drop your current g/f hard. I know no one will agree with this, but I think you should cheat on her before dumping her.
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Also... I won't break up with her. I'll be with her until one of us marries someone else. We love each other & we're happy together.
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Deep dark secret or afraid of something. What do you mean? Can you explain a little? Also, no one has answered my main question; who is the person that she looking for?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I asked my G/F to marry me, but she didn't accept. It's a long story but at the end she said that I'm not the one that she's looking for. She's 22 & she says that she loves me. She says I'm great, I have a great personality, etc. I always treated her like a princess, we're very close, I did everything that I could think of for her to make her feel good & happy, etc. I asked her what is it that i lack or she doesn't like, but she said that she never thought about it. I asked her about the person that she's looking for, but she said that she hasn't thought about it & she just knows that I'm not the one that she's looking for. What the heck? seriously, what is it with you girls? Also I'm genuinely worried about her since she's also not very social, doesn't have friends, etc. (I'm thinking about planning for her to see a physiologist.) What can I do? Any suggestions? Thanks. That's how you lost her.
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 I asked her about what else I can do for her & she said the I did everything & I was absolutely perfect in this regard. What is this 180 guide? Can you be a little more specific?
InJest Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 How about stop being her little bitch. Don't keep asking what you can do for her. She won't marry you because you aren't in charge. Instead of doing what you want to do, you're pining after her. Stop being so attentive and treating her like a "princess".
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 That's how you lost her. For the second time: I don't need the opinion of any person who thinks like you. Back to the topic; HELP!
veggirl Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Also... I won't break up with her. I'll be with her until one of us marries someone else. We love each other & we're happy together. That is pathetic. How exactly do you expect you will meet another girl and get to the point of wanting to marry her while you are still with the girl who doesn't want to marry you? You think you will meet Girl B and get to know her and date her all while still seeing Girl A. Honestly you should dump your GF before she cheats on you or dumps you. One or the other is coming, and I agree that you sound like her whipping boy which is not attractive. She told you she doesn't want to marry you but you are still bending over backwards for her. That's not attractive, she likely has no respect for you which marks the death of this R. 1
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 That is pathetic. How exactly do you expect you will meet another girl and get to the point of wanting to marry her while you are still with the girl who doesn't want to marry you? I don't think that I'll be the first one to marry someone. and I agree that you sound like her whipping boy which is not attractive. She told you she doesn't want to marry you but you are still bending over backwards for her. That's not attractive, she likely has no respect for you which marks the death of this R. Maybe I should believe what I don't want to believe? Maybe I should just say "Ah, girls..." coming from my experience. Tell me, should I believe what I don't want to believe about the girls?
veggirl Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Maybe I should believe what I don't want to believe? Maybe I should just say "Ah, girls..." coming from my experience. Tell me, should I believe what I don't want to believe about the girls? What does any of this mean? You don't want to believe that your girl isn't invested in this R anymore, is that it? Yes you should believe it because that is what is happening. You are young (I assume? You said she is 22) is this your first serious R? You should find someone who wants to be with you and if someone says NO you aren't the man for me, you should be ready to WALK. 1
kaylan Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Shes young bro. Only 22. Many people just dont wanna get married that young. And you may not be the right guy for her. These things happen. Pack up and move on. PS - She knows why she doesnt want to marry you. And she may know what shes looking for too. Shes sparing your feelings. Be a man and leave. 1
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 What does any of this mean? It means that maybe I should believe that I should use the techniques on the web to fool a girl? That girls aren't attracted to sacrifice & honesty. That They are some creatures just looking to satisfy their needs. That evolution theory is completely correct. That woman easily cheat on you for someone else (not related to this case). And many other negative things about girls. What does it mean? But I'm still looking for the answer to my original question; how can I become the person that she wants? Who is this person?
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 She knows why she doesnt want to marry you. And she may know what shes looking for too. I want to know it too. But she just says that she hasn't thought about it. I can change.
GravityMan Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 OP, you need to start treating women like human beings and not like royalty. Don't sacrifice your own life, desires, goals, values and beliefs just for her. Stand up for yourself. Get a backbone. Also, like others said, 22 is young. She may not be ready for marriage at that age, period...no matter who it is. If so, that is smart of her. Staying with her "until one of us marries someone else" doesn't make ANY sense to me. It seems like you're being driven too much by emotion here. I see only one sensible outcome here, and that is to end the relationship ASAP. 1
kaylan Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 OP....Dude....be a damn grownup. Just because you arent the one for her doesnt mean she doesnt appreciate honesty and loyalty. It just means you dont click in the way that would make her want marriage. Plus SHES ONLY 22! Jeez guy. Most people dont get married till their late 20s and early 30s. Chill out. You cannot become the person she wants. Shes made her decision. You cant change that. You are who you are. You cant fake some new persona that will change things in the long run. Man up and move on. How old are you btw? I assume youre young yourself. Its pathetic that you want to change for someone who doesnt want you. Change for yourself...dont change for others who dont want you. The only time you change for others, is for those loved ones in your life who need and want you around. 1
Author sypoy Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 OP, you need to start treating women like human beings and not like royalty. Don't sacrifice your own life, desires, goals, values and beliefs just for her. Stand up for yourself. Get a backbone. Also, like others said, 22 is young. She may not be ready for marriage at that age, period...no matter who it is. If so, that is smart of her. Staying with her "until one of us marries someone else" doesn't make ANY sense to me. It seems like you're being driven too much by emotion here. I see only one sensible outcome here, and that is to end the relationship ASAP. Thanks. That a good answer. And yes, you're right, that is a little emotional. What do you think about her answer "in a few years?" A rarely like girls & right now I'm afraid that I might lose my chance for marriage for ever.
InJest Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I want to know it too. But she just says that she hasn't thought about it. I can change. This right here is the problem. She sees that you only live for her, and that is not attractive. She doesn't want someone that she can change, she wants someone that is his own man. You clearly, are not, and you have admitted as much here.
Peanut9330 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 She loves you but not enough to want to marry you.. I could understand if she said something along the lines of that she loves you and wants to be with you but would like to take things a little slower, but she flat out told you that you’re not someone that she wants to marry. Think of it this way you might stick around for years and she might get professional help and 10 years from now she still might say no. The best thing to do is walk away from the relationship give her space so she can work on herself and her issues. Don’t wait for something that she clearly said won’t happen!
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