Logik Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I know that you're supposed to accept things and forgive people to be able to move on etc, but I just can't find myself able to do that. After three years and trying to get on with it and move along with my life, I find myself unable to. I have an automatic choke that stops any progression I think I'm achieving. It's gonna be like this forever, while I become even more bitter and cynical. I'm no better off than I was 3 years ago, if anything, it's worse. A piece of me is gone. Forever. And I'm angry for it.
tojaz Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I know that you're supposed to accept things and forgive people to be able to move on etc, but I just can't find myself able to do that. After three years and trying to get on with it and move along with my life, I find myself unable to. I have an automatic choke that stops any progression I think I'm achieving. It's gonna be like this forever, while I become even more bitter and cynical. I'm no better off than I was 3 years ago, if anything, it's worse. A piece of me is gone. Forever. And I'm angry for it. How do you define "moved on" Logik?
Author Logik Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 How do you define "moved on" Logik? Able to live your life without your divorce tearing you up every 5 minutes.
tojaz Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Able to live your life without your divorce tearing you up every 5 minutes. If 5 minutes is literal, then yeah you have some things to work out, but then don't we all. I'm betting it isn't though. Daily maybe? 3-4-5 times a day? A few bad days where it haunts you thrown in that mix as well? Congratulations, you actually loved your wife, you miss her influence on your life, you want to remember her and wonder what may have been. Welcome to the league of divorced gentlemen. 3 years is a drop in the bucket compared to a life together and planning for a lifetime together. Its natural, its normal. I'm at about the 3 year mark myself. Guess what web address I visit twice every day. A lot of it is because I think I might be able to help someone someday, but its also because I know full well I have plenty left to learn and plenty of scars left to heal. Theres no shame in that, theres nothing wrong with being a little more on guard either. Quit beating yourself up man, theres a whole world out there waiting to do that job for you. Are you better then you were last year? The year before? Six months after D day? I know you are because i've been here. You haven't fully moved on... I don't think any one does, but you ARE moving forward, and thats at your own pace, thats the only way it can be. TOJAZ 3
trippi1432 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 The thing I realised is that you cannot tell anyone what to do. You can't force [anyone] to do anything. Another thing I realised is that it's not too late to start making changes Start living the changes that you want and change the things you would've if you could go back, even if the other person isn't there. I'm talking about practicing unconditional love. Actions speak louder than words. Be the changes you want. Always be consistent. All these things Logik, you said them a while back. The difference now is that you have to show them to yourself so you can find your own peace. That's about finding YOU. 1
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I know that you're supposed to accept things and forgive people to be able to move on etc, but I just can't find myself able to do that. After three years and trying to get on with it and move along with my life, I find myself unable to. I have an automatic choke that stops any progression I think I'm achieving. It's gonna be like this forever, while I become even more bitter and cynical. I'm no better off than I was 3 years ago, if anything, it's worse. A piece of me is gone. Forever. And I'm angry for it. You have every right to be upset and be pissed off about the loss of your marriage. i'm sure when you married you didn't expect it to end. Since it's been three years, and you're still having trouble coping with all this and it seems like it's affecting your life so much, consider seeking some counselling to help you through this so you can find happiness again. Life is short and to spend time being bitter, holding grudges, not forgiving so you can't move on isn't good.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Able to live your life without your divorce tearing you up every 5 minutes. Ouch.... Please go talk to someone, you are still grieving the loss.
Author Logik Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 If 5 minutes is literal, then yeah you have some things to work out, but then don't we all. OK. Fair enough. It isn't every 5 minutes. It's not even every day. It's those days, like the day that I started this thread, when you're reminded of the fact and it consumes you just as badly as it did when the wound was fresh. You turn around and think that you've made absolutely no progress. Then that feeling goes away for a while, like now, but you know that it's inevitable that it will return. When, I don't know, but it will I suppose the gaps between these days gets longer, but not sure these days will ever go away. 2
Author Logik Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 All these things Logik, you said them a while back. The difference now is that you have to show them to yourself so you can find your own peace. That's about finding YOU. Thanks for reminding me 2
tojaz Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 OK. Fair enough. It isn't every 5 minutes. It's not even every day. It's those days, like the day that I started this thread, when you're reminded of the fact and it consumes you just as badly as it did when the wound was fresh. You turn around and think that you've made absolutely no progress. Then that feeling goes away for a while, like now, but you know that it's inevitable that it will return. When, I don't know, but it will I suppose the gaps between these days gets longer, but not sure these days will ever go away. Heck Logik, its probably never going to go away entirely. I made the decision for myself that I was glad for that. While that chapter of my life is over and came to a sad and abrupt end, it's not something I want to forget. Sometimes that means going to a sad place. I posted a thread about a week ago because out of the blue my nephew started bawling because he missed his aunt. That was an absolute kick in the teeth and for a while I was right back in that place again. Thats the way it works Logik, and every once in awhile when you find some momento or the latest Mrs. Right turns to Mrs. Wrong. Its going to hit you again. Feel what you need to feel man. I worry a lot more for the people who come here and say they can just shut it off and never look back. TOJAZ 2
buckeye Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Logik, It will be 2 years for me next month. I used to have thoughts of her many times per day and it was painful. I'm finding I think of her less & less now and the sting isn't as bad. Do I still have a bad day here & there? Yep. But, it is getting better. There are better days ahead for you. Be patient with your self. I do believe forgiveness, for yourself as well as your ex, will help you. Good Luck
Author Logik Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 All of it doesn't really matter anyway.
Exit Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I guess I don't really deserve to be in this sub forum since I've never dealt with divorce or separation myself but I wandered in here tonight and all I want to say is I feel for you Logik...
jmjacobs31 Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I am only two and a half months in to a break of after being with my boyfriend for 12 years and I feel like HELL. It ****ing sucks. I sure hope i dont feel this bad in a year, or two! The two things I have done that have helped are seeing a therapist and I made a list of all the things i didn't like about our relationship/about him and I read it every time I miss him. There are some pretty crappy stuff on that list that I will never be able to forgive him for so when i bring it out and read it, it reminds me that I am going to end up in a better place.
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