Mokolo Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 (edited) Hello everyone. This is my first post and I thought I'd sign up as I feel my situation may be unique. I apologize if it is lengthy or complicated... but thank you for taking the time to read about my problem. I found out a week ago my long distance boyfriend cheated on me. I am 19 and he is 21. He is staying in NYC until July. I really do love him, and he's my best friend and first boyfriend. We have a lot in common and I feel like we have a special bond. We were next door neighbors for about 7 years and we were together for 4. He had to move about 3 hours away last November, but had the opportunity to stay in NYC to sort his life out so he decided to do that. I even went to NYC in January to visit him for a few days. He Skyped me and told me some girl gave him oral while he was drunk. I was pretty devastated then. He SWORE it was the truth and refused to call it actual cheating. I had a gut feeling he was lying and I was right. I hacked his email, and found out he was going on dates with his roommate, who moved in late March (my bf moved out at the end of April). I assume these dates between the two started mid-April. But anyways, she had went back to her home town for good at the beginning of June. She recently sent him an email saying she "missed caressing his face and touching his hair". I decided to confront my boyfriend about this. He never made any attempt to deny it, and confessed he saw and slept with her... Oh, he was also emailing another girl who he hasn't seen in years and is in love with him, and it was obvious they had some kind of connection. He told her late May that "looking back, I wanted more than a relationship", but she has a boyfriend and they don't talk anymore. There's no way they can see each other, but this is still a bit troublesome to me. When I confronted him, he said he was sorry, he was a bad person, blah blah. He said she was very sweet but there was no emotional connection, and they were just friends. He claims he never told her he loved her (and in none of the emails has he said this so I think its believable). He wants me to give him a second chance. He says he wants to make it up to me in every way possible and he wants to actually change for me. He does seem sincerely sorry. Now I understand people get lonely, and need physical and emotional contact contact. Through out the month of May (when they were hooking up), he was being a total ******* to me. Very rude, would say nasty things, so I was pretty bitter towards him. Our conversations would become very short and awkward. We didn't have much to talk about. He once told me "Of course I love you, but I don't consider us in a relationship." After saying this, he would still call me (VERY seldom though, once every 3 days) and say he loved me. He also said he didn't want to see other people. But we never actually established any boundaries. It was a very confusing point for both of us. This is where it gets even more confusing. I am extremely close with his family. His sister is practically MY sister. I know she will be my best friend for life. Anyways, I am house sitting for my bf's mother in July, as she is going on vacation and will be seeing my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend that if he wants to prove to me he deserves a second chance, he needs to come back with his mother and see me when I'm at her house. He told me he wanted that chance more than anything. For now, I have decided to cut all contact with him until I see him in person again. There are a few things that bug me here. His mother moved in with her new bf and my bf wants nothing to do with him. I know he wants to see me desperately but I don't know if I can actually see him coming to the house and staying. Also, if I were to give him a second chance we'd end up being long distance again as we are going to different schools. (however it would only be an hour away) Honestly I am torn. I love this guy, and he obviously didn't want a ldr. But he kept contact and told me he loved me and made me thought everything would get better when he got back. He even sent me a birthday gift a few weeks ago. We never set any real rules or boundaries. I guess we just expected to not see other people. I feel like he has learned so many lessons while being in NYC, and I want to believe he has potential to be a better boyfriend. But at the same time, I am frightened. I don't want to get hurt again, and I can't trust him for the life of me. And its pretty much impossible to avoid him since I am so close with his family. I know ultimately I will make the decision of what I should do, if he deserves a second chance or not... but some advice would be much appreciated... Edited June 25, 2012 by Mokolo
SarahRose Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 you are both way too young to be tied down to one person. go out and live life and date around and have fun. wait until your late 20s to settle down.
ladyabstrused Posted June 30, 2012 Posted June 30, 2012 If you feel like he is really improving and becoming a better person and was really sorry he cheated, and you're willing to give it another shot, then go for it. In everything you do, there are always risks involved and outcome may not be what you want it to be. But you have to know what you're getting into, and be extra careful because you have that history with him where he cheated and it's not wrong for you to doubt him because of that. It all depends on what you want out of this.
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