Thorgs Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I've had this friend for the past 2+ years. We've known each other for the past 5 years. She contacted me out of the blue looking for advice about her boyfriend (now ex) 2 years ago when we first started becoming friends. She never really took my advice. Anyways, they broke up about 8 months ago. She started to grow on me a lot long before this but I wasn't going to act on it. Just a side note, she used to always tell me that her other friends weren't really good friends at all so she could never "talk" to them or trust them for that matter. Anyways, her older cousin finally talked to her and got some sense into her head and she finally moved on from this ex...even though I gave her the same advice. Fast forward to last month. She was telling me about this guy she likes who lives 700 miles away. Then randomly, she told me she also had a crush on me. At first I was shocked, then really excited, and then 2 weeks later I told her I don't want to just be an option because it's just too hard. Anyways, our friendship took a huge blow. I mended things when I said let's forget it any of that even happened, but it was hard for me to turn my feelings off just like that. It didn't feel like we were back to our old friendship either. A week ago we're at a concert and she was making out with a random dude. I got really jealous. Her Twitter was blowing up from her horrible friends she always told me about saying, "yay you're finally a sl*t, get it in!" and telling her to hook up with more guys and garbage like that. The reason I liked her so much as a friend (and more) was because she was the exact opposite of this. She had good morals and a strong head on her shoulders. She didn't even care that she hurt my feelings until 4-5 days later when she apologized. She always said she didn't want to kiss just anyone and that she was waiting for the right person etc etc and I loved that about her. Well now she talks to these other friends all the time, referring to them as best friends, and I feel like I don't even mater that much. They are horrible examples and I know it. I get so down knowing that she's changed in a matter of weeks. It's like she's trying to please these friends for no reason. It gets me so upset and it feels even worse that there's nothing I can do about it. I tried talking to her about it but it seems like she's built up a wall against me. She doesn't talk to me like she did before she moved me out of the friend-zone and forced me back into it. I guess these "other friends" have replaced me. She left the country this week for 2 months and Friday night she was able to get on Skype...we were talking and all of a sudden she ignores me for 30 minutes. I looked at her Twitter and it said, "yay finally skyping with (bad influence friend)!" So I just signed off. My question is, what should I do? Anyone have an experience like this that they don't mind sharing what they did/didn't do? I'm so lost right now, she really was my best friend and I'm so hurt by all of this. I did nothing wrong and I'm the one losing someone who meant so much to me.
unimush43 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 this probably isn't what you want to here, butvtry ignoring her for a little. this separation might make her realize how much she needs you. if that doesn't work then try inviting her to hang out sometime. take it slow and if the opportunity comes up then tell her how you feel. sometimes the ones you love most are the ones that hurt you the most. you can't stop change and i know exactly how you feel. :\ good luck!
LoverOfDance Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Please leave her alone. Don't waste your time anymore. I'm a girl and I can confidently tell you that a girl would never do that if she truly cared about being in a relationship with you. She just sees you as a nice guy friend. I know it hurts to hear but the truth is that if she really wanted 2 be with u, she would have tried to make something happen between you guys. She might have a crush on you but she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Please don't hurt yourself anymore by wasting so much time on someone who doesn't want the same things as you. Just try and move on and I promise u, you'll find someone better:)
SpiralOut Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 If I had to wager a guess, I would say that her ego was hurt when you rejected her romantically. And now she's making other friends and getting together with other men and she wants you to know about it. I mean, that skype/twitter thing was passive-aggressive. I'm a woman and I tend to be passive-aggressive towards men who reject me - I want them to see that I don't think they're so great after all, etc etc. So that's my take on the situation. Try backing off and letting her have some space. She may come around, she may not.
Author Thorgs Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 I was afraid of this Thank you for the replies.
Author Thorgs Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Anyone else with a similar situation? I'm having a really hard time right now.
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