Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 "Hey gotta say I love your sense of style" a guy you don't know telling you (a woman) that. Flattering or gay?
iris219 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Vague and confusing. I’d say thanks and move on. If you’re trying to start a conversation, it would be better to pick out a particular piece of clothing, jewelry, ect. so that she can follow up with a story or explanation.
yongyong Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 be specific. don't be lame like one of those guys just spitting out something like 'I like your shoes blah blah' how about something like 'I like how you matched your red heels with red belts. well done' But you gotta be careful in America when you make comments like this. If you throw out some words like 'hey I like your clutch' or some brands most guys don't know 'did you get it from Theory?' then they will think you are gay or too feminine.
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 (edited) Yeah, not my best approach. I don't know why I said that first. She WAS very well put-together, at least as far as as a guy I could tell. Her response though was that she said thank you quickly and dashed off. She didn't seem comfortable with the attention. Maybe next time I need to be more assertive in stopping her. Anyway, to this end I like clarity. I prefer her to like me obviously, but otherwise I like to know that she walked away from me because she wasn't interested and there probably was no reasonable way I could have gotten her interested. I'd actually have NO problem with a woman not liking me because I'm not tall or good-looking enough for her tastes. I'm seeing that height and looks don't have that much to do with attraction though. Edited June 25, 2012 by Imajerk17
january2011 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'd find the comment flattering. But if I was in a hurry and/or there wasn't enough to make me stop, I'd probably react the same way: throw a quick, "thanks," at you and dash off. The other possibility is that she didn't really know how to respond to your comment about her style and therefore did the bare minimum to extricate herself from the situation. I think that if you make a general comment like that, or indeed any comment, you need to follow it up with a question of some sort that requires a longer response beyond, "thanks," from her. Something that makes her stop and look at you properly rather than something that allows her to just throw something quick at you and dash off. I'd actually suggest that you go for something more general that's easier to talk about and requires a longer conversation, such asking the time and asking for directions (bonus points if she's heading in that direction herself and can walk with you). Another option is to be very direct. Tell her that she looks great and you want to give her your card/swap cards because you'd like her to join you for a coffee if she's free later this week. Worst case scenario is that she says, "no." 1
Jane2011 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'd say just be more plain and basic about it. "I like your shoes." "That's a pretty dress." A guy I dated complimented like that, and I liked it.
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 I'd find the comment flattering. But if I was in a hurry and/or there wasn't enough to make me stop, I'd probably react the same way: throw a quick, "thanks," at you and dash off. The other possibility is that she didn't really know how to respond to your comment about her style and therefore did the bare minimum to extricate herself from the situation. I think that if you make a general comment like that, or indeed any comment, you need to follow it up with a question of some sort that requires a longer response beyond, "thanks," from her. Something that makes her stop and look at you properly rather than something that allows her to just throw something quick at you and dash off. I'd actually suggest that you go for something more general that's easier to talk about and requires a longer conversation, such asking the time and asking for directions (bonus points if she's heading in that direction herself and can walk with you). Another option is to be very direct. Tell her that she looks great and you want to give her your card/swap cards because you'd like her to join you for a coffee if she's free later this week. Worst case scenario is that she says, "no." Thanks january. I was going to ask her about her accent, but by the time I could even get a question in, she was gone: "Thanks, I gotta run..." And she didn't seem like she was in a rush. She had just gotten up from eating an ice cream cone. Does this change your take?
sid3 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You should have gone with asking her about her accent. The style comment isn't so much gay as it is lame sounding.
january2011 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 (edited) Agree with sid3 about her accent, since you would have had a lot more to say about that. Without being able to get inside her head, it's difficult to say what really went on. However, my bet is that her response was a throwaway to appease you and leave quickly. That is, she didn't want or feel the need to continue the conversation. I don't think that necessarily reflects badly on you. It just didn't happen this time, that's all. Having said that, you may have had a greater chance of a longer conversation if you'd spoken to her a lot sooner. Though whether or not she'd give you her details and go on a date with you, is anyone's guess. I think that you did well to take a chance - not everyone would. It didn't work out as you wanted, but this experience also helped to increase your learning so that you can refine your technique for next time. Edited June 25, 2012 by january2011
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Agree with sid3 about her accent, since you would have had a lot more to say about that. Without being able to get inside her head, it's difficult to say what really went on. However, my bet is that her response was a throwaway to appease you and leave quickly. That is, she didn't want or feel the need to continue the conversation. I don't think that necessarily reflects badly on you. It just didn't happen this time, that's all. Having said that, you may have had a greater chance of a longer conversation if you'd spoken to her a lot sooner. Though whether or not she'd give you her details and go on a date with you, is anyone's guess. I think that you did well to take a chance - not everyone would. It didn't work out as you wanted, but this experience also helped to increase your learning so that you can refine your technique for next time. I didn't hear her speak until after I approached her. I get the message though, more direct next time, which is as I usually do it. 1
mortensorchid Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 FLattering. Because from what I see around me, most people (men and women) would sooner wear rags than dress even semi-presentable. People will take you seriously if you are dressed nicely in all aspects. Don't believe me? I had a job at a city school where the children (K-8) and parents I would see came in wearing dirty, ripped and shreaded clothes. The kids had no choice in the matter, because they were kids. The minute they see someone who is well dressed (as I was) they immediately straiten up (kids as well as parents) almost as much as they would the uniformed policemen who were on the premisis. Don't believe me? Do an experiment - wear your grubbiest, ugliest clothes to a cocktail party and see how others react to you.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I prefer a more personal compliment. The other day, a guy said, "You look beautiful in that dress." This made me go , and I smiled really big and thanked him. 3
veggirl Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I would be totally flattered!! I am way into style etc and if I put thought into an outfit I am stoked when someone notices / compliments 1
KathyM Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Sorry, but "I love your sense of style" comes off as a bit gay, IMO. Something like "You really rock that outfit" would be a more manly thing to say.
Author Imajerk17 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Thanks Kathy. Good replies. Here is the thing. I am going to use the suggestions I got here on this thread for my very next victim hehe. There is no need to have 200 long posts on this subject because I get it, I see the point, I agree, and I am going to put the suggestions here to WORK.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I prefer a more personal compliment. The other day, a guy said, "You look beautiful in that dress." This made me go , and I smiled really big and thanked him. Right on. I agree with Ruby.
veggirl Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Calling a woman beautiful is not the same thing as complimenting her style. They are two different things. I could have amazing style and not be beautiful. Anyway if a girl is into style / fashion she would appreciate the "you have great style" thing, if she isn't into that stuff all that much she probably would be like "that's weird".
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