skyisfalling Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 it's going 4 weeks this Wednesday since I haven't talked to him. I desperately want to call him and ask how he could tell me he wanted me to have his children and then just disappear a day later. Even after all this time of strictly NC, I still miss him. How is he so strong that he doesn't even call me once to check up on me? How is he so cold to just turn his back on me? I believed his every word, but in the end, I should've looked at his actions. I'm still mourning for him 4 weeks later...all those promises are something I must now clean up on my own and get rid of. I want to eliminate him from my life, I want to break free, but everything I do reminds me of him. Whenever I look out my front porch, I remember seeing his smile as he's getting out of the car, whenever I'm driving and I listen to the radio i remember both of us trying to channel surf each other, everytime i go to work i pass by the tree that we used to have lunch at everytime he came to visit, I remember how much he hated bell peppers and the funny face he made whenever he saw it on the menu, I remember how he always had a hard time pronouncing 'rural' and the funny accent he would try to say it in, i remember his arms wrapped around me when i had a bad day and him kissing my forehead assuring me that he'll always be by my side... i miss him and i thought i was making improvements. I want to call him and tell him i love him, but i can't. The pain is so hard to fight because I want to talk to him. But he hasn't answered my phone calls, my texts, since DAY 1 that we broke up and I feel like a fool for being stuck on this relationship when he clearly isnt.
Norse Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'm going through it right now as well, the part where you try and forget about them is nearly impossible. But you have to remember what you had is over. It's like I tell myself, if she wanted me back she would be with me right now. The memories will go away in time, what I think has helped me if I quickly think about something else. I know this is bad for me but I have been spending a lot of money modding my car and I think about my parts coming in to my house when I start thinking about her, and I remember how she didn't like me spending money on my hobby. Yes I love her to death and I'm sure you love him to death but what you have to realize is the good memories wont help you, just stay busy. When people would tell me "stay busy" I didn't like the idea of it, but I did it and I can tell you right now I'm healing 300% faster. Take care.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 im sure if my ex wanted to get back with me he would have called. My heart really aches as I am 1 month into the breakup. My phone's silence is unbearably lonely. I can't help but think back to the days where all the promises have been made and all the memories we shared... I just want him to call me and tell me he made the biggest mistake of his life and apologize and come back to me.. at this point, I can't imagine my life without him. I still wake up with a heavy knot in my chest and I'm wondering when all this pain will go away... I've given it time and I've been struggling really hard to cope but I just can't function.
Jose11 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I am right there with you on the thought of how can she not call me to check up on me? How could she go from worring about what I am doing, where I am at to not even care if I am alive or not? That's what hurts the most, but like what everyone here says, you got to think of the future and not the past. We miss the memories of them, the people they used to be. They are different now. The people that we loved are gone.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 i have just read the most awesome book ever! After reading it, I realize that it is NOT my fault.. for anyone whose love has just "disappeared" or walked away with little to no emotion needs to read this... its called "men who cant love" it was recommended by someone on this site and OMG its such a textbook example of my ex. I feel so much better reading it, so for all you LS'ers, if you feel like you can't do anything right now because your thoughts are polluted with questions about your ex, i recommend reading the book. It's an eye-opener.
StarlaStardust Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Today I am wanting to text him -- that I hope he knows that I haven't shut the door on him forever, just moving on because despite not wanting his decision one bit, I was beyond kind and respectful about it and still couldn't get the decency of a 2 way conversation and there's not much I can do about another person's free will. The silent treatment has made it really hard to make any sense of things and move on in a healthy way, and I still have a hard time believing he's just an a-hole like that, so if there's ever anything he wants to talk about, the door is open. Take care. I wonder if I should. How are you doing, sky?
StarlaStardust Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I actually typed that up on my phone, but now i am having second thoughts about sending it, because it might get him wanting me back, and I'm not sure if I want him anymore.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 you dont want him back.. i know you dont. what kind of man who claims he loves you is willing to just leave you hanging? That's not love. A man who claims he loved you and thinks the world of you would be right next to you, asking for your forgiveness and thinking of ways how he could change to make the relationship better. Even if you were to contact him, nothing good comes out of it. It's good to feel these emotions because I think you're memory is trying to shake off the last bits and remnants of missing him and once you get over this hump you're well on your way to recovery. The urge to text is great because we were so blindsided and we never got our 'closure' but we dont need them to tell us to f*** off, they already have by moving on. Today is a better day than yesterday. After reading the book multple times over and over I realized that the relationship breaking is NOT my fault and no matter what i feel like I could've done better I know in the end I couldn't because the problem lies within him. I consider my ex bf a commitment phobe because there is no other explanation how he could just vanish into thin air without a word, especially when things weren't really that bad. I keep trying to convince myself that a guy who is willing to leave me without working on the problems is a guy not worth having me.. thank god i didn't end up marrying him. Hang in there girl, we're all rooting for ya!
StarlaStardust Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I've revised it to "Your silent treatment has honestly made it incredibly hard to make any sense of things and move on in a healthy way, so I'm still having a really hard time believing that you're just a cruel a-hole like that. So if there's anything you ever want to talk about, the door is open and there's nothing to be scared of. I just want you to be happy. Take care." I'm not sending it, at least not for now. Just letting it out (hijacking your thread lol)
StarlaStardust Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 gaaaaaaahaha, i almost sent it in an email. guy friend put me in check. "he's just not that into you." I can't help but give him the benefit of the doubt that if he's doing this, there's a reason, and it's not that he's an a-hole!
Author skyisfalling Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 gaaaaaaahaha, i almost sent it in an email. guy friend put me in check. "he's just not that into you." I can't help but give him the benefit of the doubt that if he's doing this, there's a reason, and it's not that he's an a-hole! he's an Ass****.. actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying, i dont want you. Continue being strong Starla, you're gonna get through this.
StarlaStardust Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 he's an Ass****.. actions speak louder than words and his actions are saying, i dont want you. Continue being strong Starla, you're gonna get through this. *pout* how could he not want ME? *pout* *bats eyelashes* seeeeee, i'm super cute???!?!??! hehehe
SerCay Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 im sure if my ex wanted to get back with me he would have called. My heart really aches as I am 1 month into the breakup. My phone's silence is unbearably lonely. I can't help but think back to the days where all the promises have been made and all the memories we shared... I am right there with you today. Me too.. I am right there with you on the thought of how can she not call me to check up on me? How could she go from worring about what I am doing, where I am at to not even care if I am alive or not? That's what hurts the most, but like what everyone here says, you got to think of the future and not the past. We miss the memories of them, the people they used to be. They are different now. The people that we loved are gone. Agree totally..
Author skyisfalling Posted June 26, 2012 Author Posted June 26, 2012 I am right there with you on the thought of how can she not call me to check up on me? How could she go from worring about what I am doing, where I am at to not even care if I am alive or not? That's what hurts the most, but like what everyone here says, you got to think of the future and not the past. We miss the memories of them, the people they used to be. They are different now. The people that we loved are gone. I struggle with this everyday.. how can the person we love the most just change? How can they just not care?
StarlaStardust Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Whew, I made it. Still haven't caved and broke NC. Thank you for your support!! seriously!!! thank you!!!!!!!!
Coffee20 Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I am with you too....sometimes I can't understand the way he had been slowly disappearing and avoiding me but writing me that he missed me and then took it back. He never called or asked how I was. When I broke NC he appeared for the last time to tell me how well he is without me and how happy, then repeat how bad I am. Sometimes I can't understand why he was with me....if he felt so bad all the time, it doesn't make any sense to me. Time will heal....I hope you feel better now, I know it's hard .
Author skyisfalling Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 i know people say time will heal.. but up until it gets to that point, its so painful. Even after a month I still cried in bed yesterday, ugh over some stupid as*hoL* who doesn't deserve my tears yet they still fall. I wish I was able to control these emotions but its so hard to do. This forum has helped me cope a lot during my break up and I can't thank everyone enough- lets all hang in there
StarlaStardust Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 I still want to contact him every day and try to get him to talk to me. I am trying to trust the universe instead, knowing that I need this time to work my own stuff out. But it kills me. What are you doing to cope today?
Author skyisfalling Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 I would like to ask YOU the same thing miss starla, what have you been doing to cope with this? I dont know what the hell im doing, I just want to fast forward through all this pain and wish it was done and over with. f*** i hate feeling this way. HOW THE F*** do they not care?? Aren't they concerned for our well-being? Don't they want to know how we're doing? How the hell can you go from being romantic lovey dovey to not giving a f***? HOW??????????????
StarlaStardust Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Well, I know from some facestalking today (technically broke NC, I guess) that my ex is coping by moving on with another girl as quickly as possible. What's funny is she lives in another state, when he and I couldn't even make an hour's distance work. Just more evidence that he is avoiding those issues of his. For me -- well, I'm working out a lot. And I'm supposed to be focusing on keeping my house clean, but I'm not so great at that. I think it would be good distraction if I could get off my butt and do that stuff more. And I started a website that revolves around one of my passions. I also see a therapist, but I was already. I just went today and I feel much better after talking to him about my ex moving on so quickly. My therapist totally has my back, and he is a invaluable resource to me. Other than that, I seriously just feel sh*tty. And the therapist says I need to stop fighting it and just let the sh*tty feelings be. That I'm only hurting myself more by judging myself for not moving on fast enough.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Thats a great idea starla.. I think ill make an appointment with a therapist since I have such a hard time coping. You know that your ex meeting someone so quick is a rebound especially moving on without having to deal with his issues..its only a matter of time before that relationship gets old quick and he will probably come crawling back to you and this time you'll kick his ass to the curb!!..plus he'll regret leaving you especially after seeing your hot new body
StarlaStardust Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 My therapist rocks. I hope yours will, too. I got lucky in that the first one I met with ended up being awesome, but I hear you sometimes have to "shop around" for a good one. Let me know how it goes!
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