WeAllMightBeNuts Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Don't let the virginity thing weigh on you much. The loss of it, while much more emotional for a female, really is overrated. You'll have better sexual relationships later. Never met anyone that wants to relive virginity loss over and over. But many that appreciate and want to have repetitive great sex later in life!
AlexanderJames Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 You're so grown up for your age Good on you!
Author df1304 Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 (edited) New development.. My mom called his mom to talk about getting my stuff from his house, because I've left some money and a few other things over there that I want back. It turned into a conversation about the two of us. I should make it clear first that my ex does not have a car and has only had one of his own for a brief four-month period last summer, and then he crashed it. Anyway, his mother said that she knows everywhere he goes and almost everything he does because she has to drive him around everywhere and give him money for everything.. and she knows for a fact that he does not have a girlfriend right now and that there's no way he could have slept around during his relationship with me. This part is going to sound really conceited, but this is what my mom told me she said: before me he had never had a real girlfriend, he'd had friends who were girls but was always too socially awkward to get a girl to date him and that the girls he did talk to were "ugly and just as awkward as he was". His mom said she was really surprised when he brought me home because she thought I was a lot prettier "and more well-balanced" than the other girls he'd ever associated with. She said that when he told her that he'd broken up with me, he seemed bummed out about it, and since then he goes to work, comes home, goes to sleep, wakes up for work, comes home, sleeps.. etc. and hasn't had anyone in the house or gone out with anyone else that she knows of. According to a conversation she and my ex had, he's a "wannabe whore" and basically broke up with me so that he can go play - sleep with slutty girls, party, be unattached. She says she doesn't think it will work out for him and he will end up going back to "being a hermit" and possibly want to get me back since I'm apparently the best he's been able to do so far. She also said that all of her boys (she has two other sons, both older than my ex) have a habit of being really mean about breaking up with girls no matter how well the relationship went. This is all coming straight from my mom after their conversation. So.. I guess unless his mom lied or isn't as in-the-know as she thinks she is, he lied about sleeping around and seeing someone else after he broke up with me. I guess I'm relieved that he wasn't actually "getting any on the side". That was the part I regretted most, from his point of view it wouldn't seem like a real loss because he was already having sex before and was still having sex right after we'd broken up. It's a little easier to get over him and move on knowing that he's not out there sleeping around and having a blast while I'm miserable. Knowing him, I doubt he will be having a blast or sleeping around anytime soon, either. HOWEVER, it doesn't change the fact that it was an emotionally abusive relationship. The things he said to me were still incredibly cruel, whether they were true or not. I still wouldn't take him back for anything. We were probably going to grow apart anyway. The one thing that worries me - what if he tries to contact me again? I pretty much deleted him from my whole life, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still have my number and I have at least one mutual friend that he could get to me through. I don't know how I'd react to hearing from him again. I'd hope I would just ignore him or say something like "**** off, you had your chance and you blew it".. but that's just what I'd like to think. I don't want to feel sorry for him, but it could happen. ---------- OH! And I actually put blue in my hair like I wanted!! It's not as bright as I wanted since it's already dark and I didn't want to bleach it.. but I still like it a lot. Edited July 1, 2012 by df1304
Tiera D Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 OP i must say you are a very special combination of innocent and wise at the same time,any man will be very lucky to have you,you are truely wise beyond your years.I say drop revenge its not worth it and dont believe what he says about welcome to the real world dont be corrupted by him,sure they are many mean people in the world but theres always the special few waiting for you.I just want to say if everyone in the world is like you,it would be a better place to live in.Honestly TD 1
KatZee Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 This is an exact quote in one text he sent me: "They didn't get all emotional like you are... you should date more. You got epicly trolled. If you really thought an 18-year-old was gonna be faithful to a stupid little girl like you, you should have thought twice, welcome to the real world." Why do people do things like this? Oh my God... is he even remotely for real here? This is NOT the real world, and I promise you the majority of people aren't such a*h0les. This guy sounds like a complete narcissist. These types of people are missing the emotional connection in their brain. They are unable to feel empathy for others, they are the priority, everyone else comes second, they are expert liars, cheaters, manipulators, they will be hot and cold, one day so "in love" and the next being harsh, critical, and cruel. Narcissists love to prey on good people. These are their favorite types to exploit. It was not you at all so don't think you didn't do something. You gave him your all and he took advantage of it. Please be thankful this guy is gone, he will never change. Just like he used you, he will use this next girl, and the one after that. He won't magically become some amazing boyfriend after you. He's a piece of sh*t and he'll always be a piece of sh*t.
favoritepills Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Wow, OP, I really admire your emotional strength throughout all of this. You're so wise for your age, and you're taking all the right steps -- you'll be just fine! (Also, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of my all-time favorite books.) This guy is an a-hole and definitely not right in the head, so you're MUCH better off without him. And isn't it rewarding to find out that he's just talking smack, and is an even bigger loser than you knew? I'm not that much older than you (I'm 22), but even I can attest to the fact that there are so many really amazing guys out there who respect women and know how to act in a relationship. Don't rush it; when the time is right, it'll happen. In the meantime, enjoy being 16, hang out with friends, read books and find out what interests you.
Chi townD Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 I wouldn't buy the farm with what his mom said. I'm a dude, and I also was a teenager at one point in my life and I know that my folks don't know half the stuff I got away with when I was 17-18 y/o. And you're right, you didn't need the emotional abuse. Make those personal improvements that you've talked about and move on. He's the one that made the choice to have you out of his life, then that's EXACTLY what you give him. and you know what? HIS LOSS!!!!
CopingGal Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I'm so completely sorry. There are peoplesimilar situations to yours on here. I dated someone that reminds me of that too. It must be excruciating, you give your tender heart to someone and not only do they mistreat it, that think it's funny. I'm so, so very sorry. I think you should try to get some counseling. I'm telling you, there are evil people out there, and it's not just young ones. My ex is in his 40's and he's a horrible man. Your ex actually may have some mental issues and problems. You have to take your time, process this and learn from it. Get to know the next person next time before you get too deep and look for red flags so hopefully this won't happen again.
Author df1304 Posted July 2, 2012 Author Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks to everyone who posted in here recently with support. I appreciate the kind words... it's good to know that I'm doing the right thing. This is the first time something like this has happened to me, as you guys know, and I wasn't sure what to do at first.. I don't think I'd be this well off without my support system of friends and family, and the responses I've gotten on this forum as well, to everyone who has expressed sympathy or otherwise, you have my thanks, and I hope that all of you guys are doing as well as you've made me feel. I wouldn't buy the farm with what his mom said. I'm a dude, and I also was a teenager at one point in my life and I know that my folks don't know half the stuff I got away with when I was 17-18 y/o. And you're right, you didn't need the emotional abuse. Make those personal improvements that you've talked about and move on. He's the one that made the choice to have you out of his life, then that's EXACTLY what you give him. and you know what? HIS LOSS!!!! I suppose that could be true. Like I said - and like you said - it has no bearing on me, in my life, right now. The point is that I'm free to do what I want to do and make decisions for myself only.. something I couldn't do before. It's weird, it almost feels like I have a new life. We only dated for a little over a year, but it's kind of hard to remember how things were before him. But I guess all that matters is how things are now. I'm feeling much better now, by the way. I had my first appointment with a therapist last Thursday. He just asked me some questions with my mom in the room about myself, what I like to do outside of school, how I felt about some things, whether I worried a lot. I talked more than I thought I would. I told him about my ex breaking up with me. I think next time I want to talk about our actual relationship.. I want to talk about him until it gets boring, and then I'll see what else we have to talk about. The therapist told me two things to think about before our next appointment. He said I was really smart for my age, but that I needed to try and focus on being a kid and try not to think so much about things that just make me worry or feel depressed, like life down the road and other people's lives and things like that.. just do fun, silly things and spend time with people my age. I've always been more of an observer than a participant but I guess I can do that. He also told me I should try writing every day, about how I feel and what I'm thinking and be 100% honest about it. I can do that, too, I like writing. Anyway, I'm looking forward to therapy during the rest of the summer, just to have a professional to talk with and help me out. Again, my eventual goal is forgiveness. I'll get there. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks to everyone who posted in here recently with support. I appreciate the kind words... it's good to know that I'm doing the right thing. This is the first time something like this has happened to me, as you guys know, and I wasn't sure what to do at first.. I don't think I'd be this well off without my support system of friends and family, and the responses I've gotten on this forum as well, to everyone who has expressed sympathy or otherwise, you have my thanks, and I hope that all of you guys are doing as well as you've made me feel. I suppose that could be true. Like I said - and like you said - it has no bearing on me, in my life, right now. The point is that I'm free to do what I want to do and make decisions for myself only.. something I couldn't do before. It's weird, it almost feels like I have a new life. We only dated for a little over a year, but it's kind of hard to remember how things were before him. But I guess all that matters is how things are now. I'm feeling much better now, by the way. I had my first appointment with a therapist last Thursday. He just asked me some questions with my mom in the room about myself, what I like to do outside of school, how I felt about some things, whether I worried a lot. I talked more than I thought I would. I told him about my ex breaking up with me. I think next time I want to talk about our actual relationship.. I want to talk about him until it gets boring, and then I'll see what else we have to talk about. The therapist told me two things to think about before our next appointment. He said I was really smart for my age, but that I needed to try and focus on being a kid and try not to think so much about things that just make me worry or feel depressed, like life down the road and other people's lives and things like that.. just do fun, silly things and spend time with people my age. I've always been more of an observer than a participant but I guess I can do that. He also told me I should try writing every day, about how I feel and what I'm thinking and be 100% honest about it. I can do that, too, I like writing. Anyway, I'm looking forward to therapy during the rest of the summer, just to have a professional to talk with and help me out. Again, my eventual goal is forgiveness. I'll get there. Atta girl! Get the help you need, learn from the pain and then be done with it. Writing has helped me alot over the years. Express your feelings, let them out on paper, or here at LS. Imo, emotional turmoil really isn't as painful as it seems once it's released. Some folks prefer a punching bag or treadmill, others prefer a pen. Find an outlet that suits you and it will serve you well. Seems to me that you are a bit introverted (observer) and there nothing wrong with that, in fact one of my favourite quotes is: "People think I am quiet because I am shy. The truth is I have been silently judging them from afar and have decided that they are all f'ing retards." You are a smart young woman. You will "get there" and go far beyond I bet
Kovalchoke Posted July 3, 2012 Posted July 3, 2012 I was in a similar relationship to you. I'm 19, shes 16. We dated for over a year and my ex dumped me over text after over a year of dating. I gave my heart to her; i visited her after school when it wasnt convienient for me, i bought her alot of gifts, wrote her poems etc. Now she started flirting more, getting rides from all these guys, and shes into heavy drinking/partying. I heard she did weed twice too. Before the breakup she was always with guys and not replying to me, so i confronted her if she was cheating, she said im overprotective and didnt trust her. Stupid huh? Im sorry for what happened to you. Guys like that dont deserve to have sweet girls like you. Like you, im trying to get over it. Its hard seeing someone you love change into someone you dont know at all. Sometimes you lose yourself in the process of caring for someone that isnt there anymore. Its a sad fact of life.
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