I was doing so well

[k100danny]

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since me and my ex of 7 months broke up. I took it really really hard the first few days even though we hadnt spoken in 4 days due to an argument (she is currently away travelling/working for the summer) I didn't think it would be the end if im honest even though we had argued a lot recently mainly because of me trying to deal with her leaving and knowing there is a chance she wont return although i never asked her not to leave. anyway she decided after the first few weeks away and a bit of arguing that we werent getting along and we should call it a day. I had become very distant when she called and didnt really make much conversation as i was angry she had left really. I wanted her to go though as she said it was her dream.

 

We had spoken before she went about how she wanted to come back to me and have a life with me even though i had brought it up many times that it might be too hard she said she wouldnt leave if we werent going to be together.

 

anyway she said it wasnt working and i acted out a bit at first then kind of admitted that the way it was going wasnt good for either of us and as much as i love her I think that she can't love me and want to be with me in the same way or she would be satisfied with life ect.

 

Over the next few days i contact her a bit and finally end up sending a letter (cant remember all of the letter but kind of wish i hadnt sent it) then i go a couple of days with no contact then end up calling her. we speak and it feels like we havent split up, she is calling me darling, seems really happy to hear from me and doesnt seem like she wants the conversation to end. we text after and she says it was so nice to hear your voice again ect and then no reply.

 

I don't speak to her again for 2 days then she texts me out of the blue asking if i am ok. I reply and say yes im good ect hope your doing well and enjoying yourself. she replies yes im good thanks!!! wtf thats all? So i text back asking if she wanted to say anything or that was all as it was a bit brief and she replies the next day with. I just wanted to see if you was ok really, I dont want us not to talk again. told me a bit about her last few days and asked what i had been up to. I replied and told her a bit and said that i didnt see her as an enemy, and in the future maybe we can be friends but chatting ect might develop feelings and stuff and if its over then its over so when she can imagine me with someone else and be ok with it and i can do the same then we might be able to have a friendship and we will know we are being friends for no other reason.

 

she replies to this saying ok then you dont have to talk to me. you can delete me off facebook. she says i havent moved on and i dont want to think about being with other people ect. later on the night i call her (i know i know i shouldnt) and we chat for a bit and she is being a bit suggestive and saying in not too many words that she misses sex and was making inuendos wich i didnt reply to then she says she has to go and we end the convo. I text her after saying i wouldnt be in touch again in the near future but i wish you well. it's all changed now and we may be able to speak in the future.

 

so a couple of days go by and i get a notification on my phone saying she had "liked my facebook status" It was something about trying to quit smoking which i though fair enough she is just being friendly and she doesnt like smoking or she may have done it by accident looking at my profile. I know people say delete your ex it's easier but i had taken her out of my updates and hadnt looked at her profile at all. then a few hours later She comments on another status saying " aww i really hope you keep it up X" this was about learning to drive. actually the like and the comment were the other way round on the statuses, anyway i hadnt spoken to her in 2 days when this happened and it made me think of her more, why is she commenting, and liking my updates is she trying to stay in my mind or something?

 

I go another day then i wake up this morning and text her, i ask if she got my letter and i hope she didnt read it and threw it away like i asked. she replied and said no i read it x

 

then i text again well twice actually saying i thought she would say something to the letter bad or good, how i want to move on and Im ok but keep slipping up and i think need her to tell me that she doesnt love me in the same way anymore and we will not be getting back together again that way i can have closure and move on. I know this sounds like grasping at straws and maybe it is, I just got this awful vision of her with someone else this morning and it mde my stomach turn (she isnt as far as im aware and have no reason to think she is and havent asked) I just couldnt stand that thought even though "US" seems like a distant memory and im not even sure i can rememebr how we were before the break up if you know what i mean. Sorry if this is long i just wanted to rant here instead of texting again, i have turned my phone off now and plan to leave it off for the rest of the day.

 

I feel kind of ashamed at my letter also, it basically said that if you feel the way you say you did and want a life with me when you return then i would want to try. I say i know people sometimes say things they dont mean or feel in relationships because its what they think the other person wants to here. but basically if i could make you happy i would want to and if i cant then please go and find what will make you happy.

 

I know these little set backs will gradually get further and further apart but god today is a bad day and im missing her so much.

[Ruby65]

It sounds like there's been a lot of back and forth and this breakup is still in the process of happening.

 

At this point I'd just continue as you are, following your heart and riding out the storm and contacting each other until one of you decides firmly one way or the other.

 

Either way, this won't go on forever.

 

But as it stands now, it doesn't sound like either one of you is very serious about breaking up -- or about getting back together when she comes back after the summer.