gettingoverthis Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I’m new here but I hope you will all understand my story…in a nutshell my 2 years on the spouse bipolar rollercoaster: I met a great girl at work- month into out rel/ship she tells me she has bipolar depression but she’s on meds for it. I start seeing paranoid behaviour, she has ‘episodes’ in front of me – crying on the couch for no reason, shaking, shuddering. She admits she tried to kill herself a couple of years ago – cutting wrists and taking pills. Then out of the blue – she breaks up with me. A month later she returns to me and I get her to see a new doctor, get her on better meds and get her to start seeing a better pdoc more frequently. She’s still bad with money, drinks, smokes, spends all nights out – her house is a living pigsty. Can’t really look after her pets. Then she breaks up with me again and starts having sex with another guy from my work straight away. I am distraught and end up in counselling myself and on anti-depression tablets. And…3 months later she returns to me again. She starts to see a another pdoc – but this time – multiple personalities emerge and I witness this first-hand. I have no idea what to do. She goes into a major downward spiral over the next few months – threatening to kill herself again, won’t leave her house, shuddering, shaking, continual crying. And I’m just trying to ‘be there’ and ‘cope’ myself with all this… Then – she cuts me off. Won’t take any of my calls. Nothing. Silence. I stop trying to contact her – 3 months later I hear she’s got a ‘new boyfriend’ – a friend of a friend who I've never liked – which she fully knows. I am shocked she’s with him. Then I find out – she had stopped calling me because she was already seeing him - then moved in with him only 3 months later. So after all I’ve been through with her and all the help I’ve given her – she ends it by treating me this way. It's been six months now and I've maintained NC from day one. Unfortunately - friends give me feedback - which I've asked them to stop doing - and apparently she's 'happier than ever'. Great. Now the hurt is kicking in again for some reason. Feeling lonely and dreaming about her - thinking how 'happy' she is with her new boyfriend - who is much more successful and wealthier than me. I have tried my best to move on - but I'm feeling very wounded. Just don't know why I'm having this setback. Thanks for reading. Any advice most welcome. Lee
lady_jadie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear about your experience Lee. I myself have personality disorders and this broke up my relationship so I guess I see the painful truth of what I put my ex through. The thing with mental illness is that medication, doctors, psychiatrists, sometimes they just don't work. There are so many meds it's like a gamble every time. I was put on some medication a while back that actually made my issues worse, like the behaviour you describe of your ex - shaking, screaming at my ex, sitting in the dark crying when he came home from work. You showed patience and loving and support - there is nothing else better you could have done, many men would have run screaming at the start. If she left you, it was probably because she has severely low self-esteem and is always chasing the rush of the beginning of a relationship. The thing is, to people like her and me there is also a desperate need for security. She knew you loved her, and probably loved you (you didn't mention the L word so not sure about that) but she is obviously flighty and doesn't know what she wants. As for the 'happier than ever', from personal experience it's probably just that this guy is giving her attention, chasing her, basically meeting the needs of her insecurity demons and bipolar demons. Who knows if it'll last. My friends give me feedback about my ex too, which at first was ok (he's miserable without you, he doesn't go out much, you were the love of his life..) but more recently I've heard he's seeing someone else. the knife that was still stuck in my heart has now been twisted. I feel your wounds. I'm sorry I can't help the pain, but people on here tell us it gets easier. We can only hope. My ex's new girl is probably sane and he's probably much happier with that. I wish I could be happy for him for that but well, it's always a kick in the face to know you're hurting when they seem happy. Anyway sorry about the essay, but that's my input, just keep up the NC and who knows what will happen one day. Jadie xx 1
tryingtodiscoveranew Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I'm so sorry to hear about your experience Lee. I myself have personality disorders and this broke up my relationship so I guess I see the painful truth of what I put my ex through. The thing with mental illness is that medication, doctors, psychiatrists, sometimes they just don't work. There are so many meds it's like a gamble every time. I was put on some medication a while back that actually made my issues worse, like the behaviour you describe of your ex - shaking, screaming at my ex, sitting in the dark crying when he came home from work. You showed patience and loving and support - there is nothing else better you could have done, many men would have run screaming at the start. If she left you, it was probably because she has severely low self-esteem and is always chasing the rush of the beginning of a relationship. The thing is, to people like her and me there is also a desperate need for security. She knew you loved her, and probably loved you (you didn't mention the L word so not sure about that) but she is obviously flighty and doesn't know what she wants. As for the 'happier than ever', from personal experience it's probably just that this guy is giving her attention, chasing her, basically meeting the needs of her insecurity demons and bipolar demons. Who knows if it'll last. My friends give me feedback about my ex too, which at first was ok (he's miserable without you, he doesn't go out much, you were the love of his life..) but more recently I've heard he's seeing someone else. the knife that was still stuck in my heart has now been twisted. I feel your wounds. I'm sorry I can't help the pain, but people on here tell us it gets easier. We can only hope. My ex's new girl is probably sane and he's probably much happier with that. I wish I could be happy for him for that but well, it's always a kick in the face to know you're hurting when they seem happy. Anyway sorry about the essay, but that's my input, just keep up the NC and who knows what will happen one day. Jadie xx lady_jadie...it's great how open you are. I really enjoy reading your posts. You give such wonderful perspective from the other side. By "other side" I mean someone that has been diagnosed with a personality disorder. And to be honest, much of your writing comes across as someone that is well adjusted and accepting of what you have to deal with. I don't get a "whoa is me" vibe from you. I don't believe I have a personality disorder per se, but I have acted in ways that were disorderly when it came to my ex. I have always thought of myself as being reactive (not sure if this is a good or bad thing). But, I tend to be whatever a particular person brings out of me. I'm sure this sounds like most people. But, I have met many people that are the same no matter who they are with. In my case, it's different...which I suppose is a good barometer for me to use when choosing the right people to date. For example, my ex made me feel anxious, suspicious and jealous. So, I started to act like an insecure, codependent, cling-on.
lady_jadie Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 Thankyou first of all for your kind words. Secondly, I know what you mean about relationships bringing out the 'disorder' in you. I think some people just feel deeper, or their emotions run higher when they're in love with or care deeply about someone. There's a book I was given in rehab called Facing Love Addiction which addresses the 'whys' and reasons for some people being able to just ride with everything and why some of us just end up sabotaging things. I for one don't really believe in self help books (just finished 'the power of now' and can't say I feel any different for reading it) but they work for some, just as a piece of info. I sure wish I was as well adjusted as I come across on here Thank you again xxx
StellaA Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 lady_jadie, I 2 think it is great how honest you are. I have recently split up with my ex (2 months ago) I think he has bipolar and has been treated for this and still wont admit he has it. I did not know much about mental illness before this happened and I have every sympathy. The reason I had to end it, unlike you, he was not doing anything to try and help himslef and in the end I was the one getting help to try and dela with everythin. If had tried to dom something I would have stayed with him. I supported him for 9 years and in the end I guess that was long enough as I had to think about the furture. Getting over this - it's tough, Ive been there....still getting over it. I have had to witness a lot of things, including my ex being sectioned which broke my heart. People don't change, you make think she will live happy ever after but this will be with her forever, it's how she deals with it. If she gets help, yes, things could be different but I would not expect her to have changed that much on a few months! Go look after yourself now, it's taken me a year, I even had to go to a counselor but for so long I did not lookm after me and I ended up the worse off out of the 2 of us! how is tat fair? You can do it, you will be happy one day and if anything your experience will give you the strength to be in a great relationship one day and realise you deserved better! Got to have hope,
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