Very rich men

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have noticed that when I meet a rich man, he always feels like he needs to tell me exactly how rich he is during our first conversation. I am talking about men who tell you that they have a house in Spain and France, that they own a big yacht or similar.

 

It comes across as weird and is actually a turn off. For one, need to brag is unattractive and two, I never cared much for money.

 

Would you discount a man right away for bragging like that?

 

I am thinking that perhaps men are being told that having money is hugely attractive to women and they are just trying to put their best foot forward.

[Algermas]

I have noticed that when I meet a rich man, he always feels like he needs to tell me exactly how rich he is during our first conversation. I am talking about men who tell you that they have a house in Spain and France, that they own a big yacht or similar.

 

It comes across as weird and is actually a turn off. For one, need to brag is unattractive and two, I never cared much for money.

 

Would you discount a man right away for bragging like that?

 

I am thinking that perhaps men are being told that having money is hugely attractive to women and they are just trying to put their best foot forward.

 

My penis has experienced first hand how attractive having money is to women.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My penis has experienced first hand how attractive having money is to women.

 

I truly don't care for it. I would take a genuine connection any day.

[Pyro]

It's one of those 'tactics' that some guys were told to use. Yes some guys will get laid for it and that is why it will continue to be used. Kudos to you for not falling for it.

[RedRobin]

Yes, I suppose some do. Much like others wave other things around they are proud of or enjoy.

 

People who are really into fitness, talk about that alot.

 

People who are highly educated talk about where they went to school and what they studied.

 

If they work alot, they talk about their jobs.

 

I dunno. I don't necessarily see any of that as a pro or con on it's own.

 

If he has other things in his life that he is proud of, or he can balance it out with... that is what I'd look for.

 

I'm not a fan of anyone who is one-dimensional... no matter what dimension they are talking about. Gets boring really fast.

 

You might give him another chance and gently push the topic away from his acquisitions in favor of other topics... see what else he has going for him.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I truly don't care for it. I would take a genuine connection any day.

 

It's still part of the "total package" women are looking for, as long as a guy isn't outright sleazy about or in your face then a lot of women will be enticed by this prospect. They'll try to fabricate the "genuine connection" and "love" (if people even consider this an element or unique thing anymore) to match this vaguely ideal man.

 

Of course this doesn't mean this guy is going to settle down with you or anything, it just means he's just trying to get you on the hook...so this excessive bragging if you will is to get you interested in the superficial qualities so you'll forget what's actually important in the process. It buys him time and brownie points...anyone really genuine isn't going to essentially sell you the perks, whatever they may be...they're just trying to strike the deal to get what they want.

[SarahRose]

people without tend to think people with are bragging but we really aren't. you just notice it because you don't have those things and neither does your circle so no reason to talk about it unless it is a lottery fantasy.

 

when i talk about having my car detailed with my circle, it is a conversation about who we use and who is best. the same with travelling or our luxury cars. no one in my circle thinks it is bragging because it is normal to us.

 

it is normal for my circle to own investments and investment property and to have million dollar homes. We discuss those things.

 

Now if I were to discuss those things with people out of my circle, they simply can't relate because they don't have those things. They get jealous and they think I am bragging but it isn't.

[RedRobin]

It's still part of the "total package" women are looking for, as long as a guy isn't outright sleazy about or in your face then a lot of women will be enticed by this prospect. They'll try to fabricate the "genuine connection" and "love" (if people even consider this an element or unique thing anymore) to match this vaguely ideal man.

 

Of course this doesn't mean this guy is going to settle down with you or anything, it just means he's just trying to get you on the hook...so this excessive bragging if you will is to get you interested in the superficial qualities so you'll forget what's actually important in the process. It buys him time and brownie points...anyone really genuine isn't going to essentially sell you the perks, whatever they may be...they're just trying to strike the deal to get what they want.

 

I agree with this.

 

Alot of women 'feign' disinterest in a man's bank account.

 

I've learned from dating and being around a fair number of very rich or powerful men. Some do 'brag' (as a way of sinking the hook)... some do it as a 'test'... some do it because they are genuinely proud... some do it because... despite all their money and power, they are still a bit socially awkward and are afraid of women deep down.

 

No way to tell really, unless one gets to know the guy. Process is no different than getting to know any other guy.

[RedRobin]

people without tend to think people with are bragging but we really aren't. you just notice it because you don't have those things and neither does your circle so no reason to talk about it unless it is a lottery fantasy.

 

when i talk about having my car detailed with my circle, it is a conversation about who we use and who is best. the same with travelling or our luxury cars. no one in my circle thinks it is bragging because it is normal to us.

 

it is normal for my circle to own investments and investment property and to have million dollar homes. We discuss those things.

 

Now if I were to discuss those things with people out of my circle, they simply can't relate because they don't have those things. They get jealous and they think I am bragging but it isn't.

 

I agree about the bragging part.

 

Mistaking what might just be normal conversation for 'bragging' does happen among people with different lifestyles or expectations.

 

I'd argue though, that people who know they occupy a very narrow and privileged social strata (in any capacity) must be aware and be sensitive to this...

 

... They risk coming across as low class should they choose to routinely share information like this with people they don't know well. Not that they have to hide it. Just be prudent.

[SarahRose]

I agree about the bragging part.

 

Mistaking what might just be normal conversation for 'bragging' does happen among people with different lifestyles or expectations.

 

I'd argue though, that people who know they occupy a very narrow and privileged social strata (in any capacity) must be aware and be sensitive to this...

 

... They risk coming across as low class should they choose to routinely share information like this with people they don't know well. Not that they have to hide it. Just be prudent.

 

 

You would be surprised how little it takes to offend those outside your circle. I have tried to befriend people outside my social arena and it just doesn't work. I had a a friend tell me off and then de friend me simply for posting a photo of a house I'm looking at. Yes, just for posting a photo of a house.

 

Why on earth should I have to play down or hide what I am doing because others are jealous and offended?

 

So I just don't worry about them any more. If they are offended, that is their problem, not mine.

[runner]

my hunch is that this thread really isn't about dating, and should probably move into the politics section.

[RedRobin]

You would be surprised how little it takes to offend those outside your circle. I have tried to befriend people outside my social arena and it just doesn't work. I had a a friend tell me off and then de friend me simply for posting a photo of a house I'm looking at. Yes, just for posting a photo of a house.

 

Why on earth should I have to play down or hide what I am doing because others are jealous and offended?

 

So I just don't worry about them any more. If they are offended, that is their problem, not mine.

 

Sorry you've had to deal with that. It must have hurt to be de-friended for something so innocent. I understand.

 

I've had similar issues in other arenas. It does get old after awhile. I agree... to the point where I am compelled to only swim with people in my own social circle too. Then again, some of those people are real a-holes... ha ha.

 

I do really enjoy having a diverse set of friends with all kinds of backgrounds. I'm actually ok with them having a little bit of insensitivity or insecurity about some things... if they are otherwise good, honest people.

 

I have my insecurities too, that they have to deal with

[sally4sara]

I find very wealthy anyone a bit repulsive. I'm suppose to become unaware of children who, no matter how bright they are, will not see the same opportunities to a better standard of life than the impoverished conditions they live in exist less than an hours drive away from wherever your over indulged ass is currently sitting? And I know they know those kids are there too and yet there they sit bragging....... And I'm suppose to be impressed?!

[Ninjainpajamas]

people without tend to think people with are bragging but we really aren't. you just notice it because you don't have those things and neither does your circle so no reason to talk about it unless it is a lottery fantasy.

 

when i talk about having my car detailed with my circle, it is a conversation about who we use and who is best. the same with travelling or our luxury cars. no one in my circle thinks it is bragging because it is normal to us.

 

it is normal for my circle to own investments and investment property and to have million dollar homes. We discuss those things.

 

Now if I were to discuss those things with people out of my circle, they simply can't relate because they don't have those things. They get jealous and they think I am bragging but it isn't.

 

I think you're mixing in two very similar situations based on face value and not placing them in the proper context.

 

This is a man who has just met this woman, do you generally speak to strangers about the detailing or your cars or your homes? probably not.

 

Don't you think in this context or situation he should be getting to know the woman, or should he spend all of his time talking about himself and "bragging" yes bragging about all the things they have...I see men do this all the time whether poor or rich, and it's a douchey quality...It's a lack of security that you feel you have to always one-up or put your best foot forward out right away...It's a very distasteful and If I'm speaking plainly pathetic way of earning brownie points...whether you've got the perfect bod, or face, or you're the lead singer of a popular rock band that tours the world...it means to me you're looking for an easy in...to actually "impress" someone.

 

Now some people might feel like all the gloves are off and why should he feel bad about this? because it means to me that this is a common behavior to attract people, he's already playing his one major card...so what intentions is he actually making by doing this? It's showing that he doesn't feel confident in his other attributes and value that this is how he expects you to be impressed and this is what he uses to feel valued to date you...or why he might even feel above you or entitled.

 

Call me crazy, IF you're just meeting someone and you genuinely want to get to know them...then I think your conversation should be more about getting to know the other the person not focusing on apart of your personal life...what does this do to achieve a connection or compatibility with this person as a human being?

 

Also I've never met a woman that bragged about her wealth like a man...If not tried to be conservative about it or speak casually about it as If it wasn't a chip to hold...I can't even come close to saying the same thing for men that have it...they'll exploit it to the fullest extent and it will be the first thing that comes out of their mouths.

[RedRobin]

When dating, it is easy to jump to conclusions. I have to resist the urge all of the time...

 

Which is why I almost always give a guy at least 2-3 dates... sometimes more... to show different sides of himself... unless he is completely repulsive, rude, appears dangerous, or it becomes obvious our relationship goals are different.

[Ninjainpajamas]

When dating, it is easy to jump to conclusions. I have to resist the urge all of the time...

 

Which is why I almost always give a guy at least 2-3 dates... sometimes more... to show different sides of himself... unless he is completely repulsive, rude, appears dangerous, or it becomes obvious our relationship goals are different.

 

That's surprising...because for someone who seems to be quick to judge about the men on these forums I'm surprised you'd give men in real life a chance.

 

It makes me wonder what you're willing to overlook or bend the rules on and what you're extremely strict about...especially when you seem very interested in a mans past and who he was from day one.

[EasyHeart]

Some people get "rich" (which, obviously, is relative) by doing something they love, but most rich people consciously strive to become rich because they are interested in material things. It's normal for them to talk about their possessions because that's what they consider important.

 

FWIW, men like the ones in the OP talk to other men in exactly the same way.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Some people get "rich" (which, obviously, is relative) by doing something they love, but most rich people consciously strive to become rich because they are interested in material things. It's normal for them to talk about their possessions because that's what they consider important.

 

FWIW, men like the ones in the OP talk to other men in exactly the same way.

 

Call me a foolish romantic, I'd just like to think filthy rich or poor the thing that would make a woman different from another was love.

 

But I guess at the end of the day people place higher values on other things and rather find someone who is in their ballpark of desirable criteria...I think it's a shame that humans derive so much self-worth and envy on things that are so tangible and could either be here or there at the end of the day.

 

But who could realistically deny it...money, beauty, status, amongst a host of other things are what really makes the world go round...and you'll live a better life for it.

[sally4sara]

what did weathy people do to deserve that?

 

Confuse wants with needs to the point of not caring if the people around them do without needs as well as wants.

 

And it depends on who you consider to be wealthy. I live in an area where 20 minutes one way will take you to the wealthiest zip code in the U.S. and 20 minutes the other way will take you to the ghetto. And not the fake kinda run down neighborhood some people call the ghetto either. Its kinda sick.

 

I'm sorry but if you're able to whine about not being able to decide which house in the same friggen city you have (by inheritance no less) that you should live in this year, you've confused reality with realty.

[january2011]

Depending on my mood, if someone talks about something that is different to the topics that I normally talk about, I try to use it as a learning opportunity.

 

However, I find that it can be a little jarring if someone just lists what they own apropos of nothing. They're either an awkward conversationalist or we really have nothing to say to each other, suggesting incompatibility. Unless I'm interested in the possession in some way, e.g., a new smartphone, I'm probably not going to have a lot to say to them. Holiday homes might be a different scenario - I'd try not to react to the sudden revelation and might try just steer them away from home ownership and talk to them about languages, what it's like to live there, what are the people like, was it easy to purchase, etc. Cars don't interest me. Yachts can be interesting in terms of talking about places they've visited and learning how to sail.

[manup]

I have noticed that when I meet a rich man, he always feels like he needs to tell me exactly how rich he is during our first conversation. I am talking about men who tell you that they have a house in Spain and France, that they own a big yacht or similar.

 

It comes across as weird and is actually a turn off. For one, need to brag is unattractive and two, I never cared much for money.

 

Would you discount a man right away for bragging like that?

 

I am thinking that perhaps men are being told that having money is hugely attractive to women and they are just trying to put their best foot forward.

 

How often have you ended up sleeping with these rich men out of curiosity.

[RedRobin]

That's surprising...because for someone who seems to be quick to judge about the men on these forums I'm surprised you'd give men in real life a chance.

 

It makes me wonder what you're willing to overlook or bend the rules on and what you're extremely strict about...especially when you seem very interested in a mans past and who he was from day one.

 

sooprise, soooprise!

[ohmygoshistalk]

haven't met a rich man who does that but yes i do discount it, it is a turn off.

 

also seeing if someone treats people like crap, is a very big turn off too. that goes for how they treat waiters, gas attendants, flight attendants and even strangers. lack of compassion (without reason..) is very disturbing.

[fucpcg]

Anyone who thinks wealth is some kind of indication of what a quality person they are, has no depth of character. I was born poor, came close to having a million cash in the bank in my career, and struggling now to rebuild after economy crash. Along the whole way, up or down, I've spent my spare time volunteering, playing sports, and being avid outdoorsman. The cash didn't reflect who I was as a person. Most of the wealthy people that I had spent time around when my businesses were doing well were real $hitheads. Makes me think of a funny quote I read once:

 

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at all the people he gave it to.

[DuchessKaye]

Met a lot of rich men but no one tried to brag about their riches. I learned about their possessions from talking with their parents, siblings, other friends and workmates. If they did, that would absolutely be a turn off. Being rich is not the sole thing that I'm looking for for a man, he doesn't have to be rich. Money doesn't make me happy. I just want someone to want me back, someone who accepts me for who I am.