Silly_Girl Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 My boyfriend is due to be best man for his friend in September. The invite landed on the doorstep recently and he brought it to me confused because it made no mention of a plus-one. My boyfriend was actually pretty upset although he's a really easy-going guy and wouldn't get narky about it. In the end he asked his friend about me being invited and apparently the evening invitations haven't gone out yet and my son and I are invited to that. I see two sides to this, every single person IRL says the best man would always get a plus-one, goes without saying. That's also what my boyfriend thought. He REALLY wants me there and I want to see him do his thing! On the other hand, he was single when he was initially asked, and we have only been together for 3-4 months, and though we have holidays booked and things are going wonderfully, maybe the couple thought it wasn't appropriate to invite me. I know they're trying to keep costs down. I also thought they may think if they invite me they have to invite my son (not true) and that may be a factor. What do you guys think? Is my boyfriend right to be peeved or is it normal he wouldn't take someone with him during the daytime? Thanks
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I see two sides to this, every single person IRL says the best man would always get a plus-one, goes without saying. I agree with every single person IRL. I was always under the impression that everyone who wasn't invited as a couple rated a +1... What do you guys think? Is my boyfriend right to be peeved or is it normal he wouldn't take someone with him during the daytime? I have never seen this "night invitation" nonsense before... Is it for the actual ceremony...? Are they charging by the pew...? Or are they having a separate day and night reception...?
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 It does seem a bit odd. I guess to some extent it depends on how big the wedding party is. If it is a very small "do" then they may feel they cannot invite someone who has only been the best man's gf for 3/4 months when they maybe have chosen not to invite other people they have known for much longer. Another thought - do they know of how you and your bf got together? Is there any potential disapproval there?
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I have never seen this "night invitation" nonsense before... Is it for the actual ceremony...? Are they charging by the pew...? Or are they having a separate day and night reception...? It's a standard thing here in the UK to have the main reception and then an evening "do" with more people invited.
Author Silly_Girl Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 It does seem a bit odd. I guess to some extent it depends on how big the wedding party is. If it is a very small "do" then they may feel they cannot invite someone who has only been the best man's gf for 3/4 months when they maybe have chosen not to invite other people they have known for much longer. Another thought - do they know of how you and your bf got together? Is there any potential disapproval there? It's a fairly big wedding, but I know they've had distant aunts trying to wangle invites etc and there's been some tensions between the mothers I think! You may have a point. There's no problem with how we met and they're really pleased about us. I think I know where you're coming from, this is a brand new relationship, hence just a short time together.
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 The only reason I can possibly think of is that the wedding might have been set up with the wedding party seated in a specific arrangement, and knowing that your boyfriend was single back then, they planned for his "date" to be the maid/matron of honor...that way they didn't have to randomly throw you by yourself somewhere... Who knows...
Author Silly_Girl Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I agree with every single person IRL. I was always under the impression that everyone who wasn't invited as a couple rated a +1... Good. Me too! I have never seen this "night invitation" nonsense before... Is it for the actual ceremony...? Are they charging by the pew...? Or are they having a separate day and night reception...? Haha! Yes, sorry. In the UK it's most usually split in to ceremony and meal, then a party in the evening where additional people are invited
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 It's a standard thing here in the UK to have the main reception and then an evening "do" with more people invited. Ah, very good. ::gracefully bows out of this discussion::
Joaquin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Yes the "afters", as it's called, is for the also rans. Maybe work colleagues, people who are loosely attached to the families etc. They are good to go to if your single. You don't suffer the misery of the wedding, you arrive later and try and snare a drunk bridesmaid. As for the best mans+ 1, I'd be surprised about that. I'd have thought he should always be able to bring someone to the full wedding. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 What if there was a tight reservation list? At the end of the day this is about their wedding, not about your 3-4 mon relationship that could be either here or there in 3 mons down the road. So being that they might have a selective amount of people and a large family to accommodate I can how you'd be put at the bottom of the list, these sorts of compromises can be necessary...at least here in the States and seems reasonable elsewhere. Also this might be a closer knit group of people than you're realizing once you start digging into aunts, uncles, cousins, their children, etc.. no telling how long this will last and what the arrangements will be in this wedding, so keeping it to as small amount of people as possible may be necessary. Anyway you're still invited to the after party or what not so I think that's suitable enough, I think that shows they are thinking of you. However a 3 month relationship from their point of view isn't exactly priority for the main wedding and to budget costs. I think your BF has the right to be disappointed, but ultimately this is their wedding...and he should try to remain supportive and you should to so there's no unnecessary tension. There's no reason to make a fuss about this imo and it doesn't have a bearing on the relationship as this was out of his control...when it's your wedding you do what you want really. 1
Joaquin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 ^^^^^ I thought about that alright, but it would be seen as weird for the best man not to have his gf at the ceremony, seeing him being up there with the groom. It's a proud moment for a guy being a best man and his gf should be there. 1
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 The fact is that it may all come down to cost. If as you say there have been some problems already with some people not being invited, they may feel that if you are invited then a whole load of other people need to be invited and suddenly they are paying another £1000. Weddings are just crazy things for both money and family politics 1
Author Silly_Girl Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I think your BF has the right to be disappointed, but ultimately this is their wedding...and he should try to remain supportive and you should to so there's no unnecessary tension. There's no reason to make a fuss about this imo and it doesn't have a bearing on the relationship as this was out of his control...when it's your wedding you do what you want really. I agree with this. And DEFINITELY no fuss being made. I was more surprised that my boyfriend was so surprised - IYSWIM!
Joaquin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I agree with this. And DEFINITELY no fuss being made. I was more surprised that my boyfriend was so surprised - IYSWIM! Yes your right. It is a bit weird and it would have been nice to get a proper invite, but certainly not worth creating drama over. Enjoy the afters. 1
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 When I was married, it was a medium sized affair with the actual ceremony taking place in a charming little historic chapel near the beach. Very tight fit. We could only invite direct relatives and spouses of the core people. No GF's/BF's were invited. We held a reception after the ceremony where everyone was invited. Including children. It was at a local yacht club... with an open bar. Noone complained
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