jolbell Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) I met someone from a dating site and I need advice on what I should do or if I should do anything at all. Dates #1&2, I got to know him and found him to be an extremely great guy, someone who has all the qualities I'm looking for, except the physical. I didn't feel any physical chemistry b/c I thought he didn't look as good as his pictures. He even said that he felt awkward "talking to other girls" on the website b/c he was seeing me. I told him he shouldn't feel awkward (MISTAKE #1). No kiss, a short hug. Date #3, we ended up kissing! It was truly awesome. Fireworks started for me. Great guy + physical attraction + him being into me = I was thrilled. We got together again one more time. I felt we were really into one another. We ended up having sex. Next morning, we got to talking about our different views on religion. (I'm Christian and he had turned away from it years ago). Even prior to date #1, I told him I wanted/needed my future spouse to attend church with me. That I don't care if he's not a believer but that he needs to sit there every week with me. We talked about this on all of the dates. He didn't seem to have a problem with that b/c he concluded "support" means different things to people and that (I'm pretty sure this was what he said) he would "support" her. The next time he contacts me, he says he didn't think it'll be wise for us to proceed. I was so devastated. After talking to some girlfriends, I decided its best to no longer "require" or need someone to sit through church with me b/c its not a feasible request. I truly don't care if my spouse is Christian or not. I call and tell him this. He says, "ok then, let's try this out and give it a go". I ask if he's seeing anyone else. He drops the bomb on me. He said that since I didn't give him any/much signs of interest during dates #1-2, he did begin talking to another girl and they have a date/meet that Weds (it was Mon). He said it seemed they had a lot more in common. I said "ok" but I was very disappointed. Anyway, the next day (Tues) and says he just "wasn't feeling it" with me and that we had a lot of differences. I am soo devastated. I'm not exactly sure how hopeful he was about the other girl, or how their date went, b/c he told me he's been on the site for 7 months now and rarely has wanted a second date, and that third dates were extremely rare. He has "viewed" my profile once more before his date and hasn't deleted me... OK, so onto my question. I really like this guy. Its very rare for me to be into someone and when I AM into someone, I fall HARD and FAST. I know I don't know him very well yet, but I *love* everything that I do know, up until his last communication with me. MUST I forget about him? Do I send him a friendly email in a few weeks? Advice? I've met a few other guys off the site since, just to get my mind off it, but those dates just feel wrong. No connection at all... Edited June 24, 2012 by jolbell
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I thnk contacting him would be the worst thing you could do. Go NC for about a week to show him you're willing to move on. If you're looking for a "spouse" why are you having sex before being in a relationship, risking what just happened?
mortensorchid Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Hmmm, I hate to say this but you blew it. That is a very big somethin somethin to spring on someone. I am not saying that what you did / are doing is a bad thing, because that's a good thing that you are dedicating so much time and energy to your faith. However, you do not know what people are / are not thinking about their own faith issues out there. You found out on Date 4 that he is not devout but told him that you were. Suggestion? Perhaps it would be better if you are on a Christian dating website to meet people. I would assume that all who are on those websites are of the same faith as well as mindset, and are looking towards meeting others who share this. Why would an athiest, for example, be on ChristianSingles.com? I would say it's best to restart here, but move on from that last guy.
Author jolbell Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Thanks for your response! Honestly, I thought we *were* in a relationship by that night. I never had an exclusivity talk with anyone before. I didn't think of having one that night either. I will never make that mistake again...
Pistol pete Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 But, you mentioned it to him on every single date.. and he said he was fine with it or could deal with it at least? Suddenly after you have sex and he got what he wanted out of you, he suddenly has a problem, funny that.
ThingsAreComplicated Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I guess some experiences must be made But please do yourself a favor and NEVER contact this guy again. And well...sex doesn't mean relationship. You seem to be very young and inexperienced so remember this one. A relationship is _established_ and needs much more than 3 dates and some kind of "exclusivity talk".
writergal Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Sex on the 4th date does not mean you are in an exclusive relationship. If anything, what you experienced was an episode of casual sex. If you are going to do online dating you need to realize and accept that the men you have dates with are probably juggling at least two or three other women since online dating is a numbers game. I'd suggest not having sex with a guy until you've been dating for at least a month. Have you ever heard that saying, "Why buy the cow when you give the milk away for free?" Stop giving yourself away so quickly and try to slow down the dating process. That is, unless you just want casual sex which there's nothing wrong with as long as you let go of any expectations for a relationship to develop. Even if you try a christian dating website that doesn't guarantee the men there will be any better. You need to move on from this current guy. He's already told you he's not interested. Take this lesson with you as you move forward and try not to fall so hard and fast again with the next guy that you feel strong chemistry with. Just be patient and let things naturally unfold. Otherwise you're in for a lot of heartache.
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