henderson14 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I think alot of men gravitate to those examples to justify their preferences. I do not believe that women 'generally' desire older men. At least not anymore. If anything, they are responding to social pressures to reject younger men... for no other reason than for the fact they are younger. Same thing for men. Some perceive they will have higher social capital if they date a much younger woman... The ones who are sincerely looking for compatibility are open to dating/marrying a woman who is older than them. Stereotypes are quickly changing. Much to the chagrine of some of the men here... Well I don't know ANYONE who is in a relationship where the woman is older and don't have any friends that desire an older women over a younger. I think most reasonable people would agree with me over you. Just because the media and sex and the city says its popular doesn't mean it is in the real world.
Woggle Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I won't get into the age thing but men tend to run far away from women who seem that they are just looking for a prop to stand in because all their friends are getting married and they don't want to be left out or have their biological clock ticking. Men want to fall in love with a woman and have her fall in love with him not just be the prop for her marriage and family vision which in many cases is only to please family or not be the only single friend. If you are giving off that vibe men will stear clear because we know what more often than not comes later when a woman decides she no longer feels the sparks. 1
manup Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Yea, probably not. ha ha I see you failed to quote the part where I said I wished I'd waited a little longer. Our issues had nothing to do with his age though. I don't think marrying someone older would have made any difference whatsoever... ...despite all the peacocking from some of you dudes who want the younger ladies to believe otherwise. Regarding the adoption and raising foster children... that might be her choice no matter who she marries. I only say she should go older because guys would be more willing to marry her.
Author skyisfalling Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I only say she should go older because guys would be more willing to marry her. and why would only older guys be willing to marry me? I highly disagree with this statement. That's like saying, no men are willing to marry older.. my bf was a year younger and he had no qualms with dating older women. I feel like there are so many bitter men on this forum- very resentful of women and their situation. I agree with redrobin in that men and women just want someone who their compatible with. and if men think im 29 and im hopeless and i'll never find a guy.. then it is what it is. But i refuse to feel and think that way- i know, i believe somewhere someplace someone will come and we'll have a great relationship- no matter what age we're in.
SJC2008 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 The ones who are sincerely looking for compatibility are open to dating/marrying a woman who is older than them. True and if things worked out with the girl a few months ago she'd turn 32 before I truned 31. The whole "I don't want my clock is ticking pressure" excuse men use doesn't bother me. I know what I want but am not going to propse to anyone because I'm a certain age. However with th little exp I have it would be better to date younger because I don't want to date a woman my age and then all of a sudden decide I need to sew my oats or whatever. The situation I'm in is ideal if it works out. She isn't looking for marriage or kids and I told her I eventually want to get married but not now. She's 6 years younger.
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Well I don't know ANYONE who is in a relationship where the woman is older... Sounds like you need to get out more...
Author skyisfalling Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 Sounds like you need to get out more... hahaha i couldn't agree more. 1
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 True and if things worked out with the girl a few months ago she'd turn 32 before I truned 31. The whole "I don't want my clock is ticking pressure" excuse men use doesn't bother me. I know what I want but am not going to propse to anyone because I'm a certain age. However with th little exp I have it would be better to date younger because I don't want to date a woman my age and then all of a sudden decide I need to sew my oats or whatever. The situation I'm in is ideal if it works out. She isn't looking for marriage or kids and I told her I eventually want to get married but not now. She's 6 years younger. Sewing oats... that would be tricky... those pesky things just keep slipping off the needle. ha ha But seriously... You can't blame the other person for your choice to potentially cheat or not cheat. I've never witnessed any correlation between age of partner and fidelity. I wouldn't recommend anyone propose or not propose based on age. TBH, I've seen plenty of cases where the guy was itching to get married and start a family, and the woman wasn't... so dating younger is no guarantee she will want to get married or commit to you when you are ready. Part of the reason I'm divorced is because my ex wanted kids but I didn't (there were a couple of promises he didn't feel obliged to keep, but oh well). When we got married, he didn't want kids. So there ya go.
Titanwolf Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Dating an older woman can re-ignite a fire in her. It could motivate her to to get into shape (if she isn't already) and take more pride in her appearance (if she doesn't already do so) as well as giving her more thirst for life and an appreciation for youth. I'm quite fond of older women and I've often thought about being in relationships with women 30-40-50+. I'm 21 btw. Wisdom is attractive (to me at least) and you gain that from life experience, as you'd expect an older lady to have. Plus, they usually know exactly what it is they want and usually don't play childish psychological games, when trying to obtain it. Of course there are exceptions to every rule of thumb.
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I only say she should go older because guys would be more willing to marry her. and why would only older guys be willing to marry me? I highly disagree with this statement. That's like saying, no men are willing to marry older.. Basic reading comprehension is the reason why there are so many personal arguments on LS... Manup asserted that an older man "would be more willing" to marry a younger woman, as that is what society had deemed more acceptable. But OP, you translated manup's statement to say that "ONLY older guys" would be willing? Why, might I ask, did you interpret his words in that way...? I feel like there are so many bitter men on this forum- very resentful of women and their situation. It goes both ways. Men think women are bitter, women think men are bitter. Yadda yadda yadda. and if men think im 29 and im hopeless and i'll never find a guy.. then it is what it is. But i refuse to feel and think that way- i know, i believe somewhere someplace someone will come and we'll have a great relationship- no matter what age we're in. All my friends are married and I just feel like my time will never come. Mmmkay, well I'm glad you changed your mind over the course of this thread. Success!
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 ---------------------------------------------- NOW...this is where I put the positive spin so you don't walk away feeling it's hopeless. You're 29, have plenty of time, etc. Like I tell the guys, make sure you are putting your best face forward, and making yourself appear available. When you go to the gym (I hope you do), maybe invest in some nice fitted workout gear that shows off that body. Some might think "that's trashy", but you gain attention and guys will look and approach. When you go to the store and such, do the same. Leave the baggy sweats at home and wear jeans with a nice top...hair and makeup done. Again, draw attention from men. You're Christian, go to your church and volunteer. Charity stuff, marathons, etc. Go do walk-a-thons and such where you might meet more level-headed single men also trying to avoid the bars/clubs. If you're going to go to a bar or club, check out post-work happy hours over late-night drinking/hookup fests. Basically be sociable and DO NOT FALL INTO DESPERATION! Don't get into a hurry because that's how the bad men play their games and trick you. Take your time, be open, don't get too crazy on trivial qualities and such, and hopefully you'll find Mr Right. Good luck! I second this. I had three men approach me while I was out and about to ask for my number.... and I'm not 29. No, none of them made the cut, but it does confirm the above... - In every case, I was dressed tastefully, but in clothes that fit me. - I was wearing light makeup... very light, TBH. Tinted lip gloss and mascara. That's it. - I was doing something I enjoyed or on the way to doing something I enjoyed (so had something to chat about). - I was approachable and friendly.
Jane2011 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Dating in your 30's is absolutely no different as long as you remain more desirable as the woman in their 20's. Agree with that. Keep looking good, and you'll have no problem. I know of a lot of people who fared better in their 30s than in their 20s. Usually it had to do with 1) they still looked good, 2) they were more savvy about things in general, or 3) they were just late bloomers and weren't really looking to date much in their 20s, but were looking to do so in their 30s.
RedRobin Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 (edited) Basic reading comprehension is the reason why there are so many personal arguments on LS... Manup asserted that an older man "would be more willing" to marry a younger woman, as that is what society had deemed more acceptable. Nice of Manup to temper his advice... Problem is, I don't buy it. 'Older' men don't marry anyone they aren't ready to marry... just like younger men don't marry anyone they aren't ready to marry. On the other hand, I have witnessed a men's version of a biological clock. It varies based on location and social strata. They hit a certain age, or enter a stage of life where all of their friends are married, or they are passed up for promotions because they are viewed as unstable.... That is when they start to appear anxious and seem to seek commitment. It could happen at any age for them. I've witnessed them marrying younger, older, and same age when this 'urge' hits. I think they just decide that life is better with a partner, for whatever reason, and realize that continuing to dawdle isn't going to make things better for them. Two of them didn't make the cut because of poor character. One of them didn't make the cut because he was 10+ years older with a 12 year old child... among other things. He was a bit too stern and confrontational for me. Although, I might have given him more of a chance to prove me wrong on the personality points if the lifestyle issues and attraction weren't at odds. If I'm going to even consider dating a man that much older than me, he needs to be kid free or kid grown. If the guy is my age or younger, I understand they may still have family obligations. Edited June 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
Bob_Funk Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Good thing I won't be alive past 45. Right now, I can pull the odd obese chick from 18-35. I can't image not even being able to get that.
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Good thing I won't be alive past 45. Right now, I can pull the odd obese chick from 18-35. I can't image not even being able to get that. You need to brush up on your Spanish and Portuguese. People don't make nearly as big of a stink over age differences there as they do in the rest of the world. In Argentina, I saw dudes in their 40s and 50s with barely legal teens and no one but the expats made a fuss over it.
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You need to brush up on your Spanish and Portuguese. People don't make nearly as big of a stink over age differences there as they do in the rest of the world. In Argentina, I saw dudes in their 40s and 50s with barely legal teens and no one but the expats made a fuss over it. hey... why stop there? In parts of Asia and in some Eastern Bloc countries, you can get girls who are barely pubescent if you play your cards right. Some girls are forced to choose between selling their bodies and eating... Now there is a pleasant thought. A girl who either chooses to or is forced to have sex with you rather than starve to death, be killed, or beaten. Good times... 2
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 hey... why stop there? In parts of Asia and in some Eastern Bloc countries, you can get girls who are barely pubescent if you play your cards right. Some girls are forced to choose between selling their bodies and eating... Now there is a pleasant thought. A girl who either chooses to or is forced to have sex with you rather than starve to death, be killed, or beaten. Good times... Not the same thing. The girls in Argentina I'm talking about were legal. Plus, they came from good families.
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Not the same thing. The girls in Argentina I'm talking about were legal. Plus, they came from good families. Define 'good'. If a teenager is spending time with a 40+ man, something is wrong. When it happens here, people usually assume she was a victim of abuse or neglect growing up. I have a hard time believing the dynamic is any different there. Maybe even more so because of lack of awareness and law enforcement against such things in South America. Even amongst so-called "good" families. Exploitation isn't pretty no matter where it is at or why. 1
manup Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Define 'good'. If a teenager is spending time with a 40+ man, something is wrong. When it happens here, people usually assume she was a victim of abuse or neglect growing up. I have a hard time believing the dynamic is any different there. Maybe even more so because of lack of awareness and law enforcement against such things in South America. Even amongst so-called "good" families. Exploitation isn't pretty no matter where it is at or why. LOL, yes they're being exploited. Lets flip this is an older woman with a younger man exploitation?
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Define 'good'. If a teenager is spending time with a 40+ man, something is wrong. When it happens here, people usually assume she was a victim of abuse or neglect growing up. I have a hard time believing the dynamic is any different there. Maybe even more so because of lack of awareness and law enforcement against such things in South America. Even amongst so-called "good" families. Exploitation isn't pretty no matter where it is at or why. Good as in financially well-off families. Yes, people assume she was a victim of abuse or neglect the same way people assume a divorced woman is used goods. Sometimes assumptions are idiotic things. You say lack of awareness, others say a different culture. You have a hard time believing there is a different dynamic down there? So you think Latin American culture is the same as Northern European culture? Seriously? LOL, yes they're being exploited. Lets flip this is an older woman with a younger man exploitation? When an older man gets with a younger woman, he's abusing her. When an older woman gets with a younger man, it's romance.
Feelsgoodman Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 what do you guys think the chances of finding all that in their 30's is? All my friends are married and I just feel like my time will never come. Slim to none. A man who is well educated, successful, driven, good looking and single in his 30s would have a ton of options. He can date women his age, and he can date younger women, which is what most men prefer. You should have tried to snap up a man like that when you were in your prime (early-mid 20's). What were you doing back then?
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 LOL, yes they're being exploited. Lets flip this is an older woman with a younger man exploitation? Absolutely. A teenage boy has no more business with a 40+ woman as a teenage girl has with a 40+ man. Problem is, at least one man on this thread thinks dating a woman even one year older than him is dating 'older'. That's what I find hilarious.
RedRobin Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 You should have tried to snap up a man like that when you were in your prime (early-mid 20's). What were you doing back then? Probably forming her own identity as a human being before choosing to make a life-time commitment. Men who need to date that far down in age to feel good about themselves are not good partners. Women are starting to figure that out. Hence the abundance of frustrated men on LS telling them to date older men (like them)... 'or else'.
Woggle Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Chances are in a few years most of your friends will be divorced or will resent the hell out of their husbands so don't feel too bad. Marriage in general is a sinking ship so why would you want to jump on it?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Probably forming her own identity as a human being before choosing to make a life-time commitment. It's a trade off. If you want to spend 12 years "forming your identity as a human being", it's certainly your right but don't expect the guy of your dreams to hang around waiting for you. In fact, you may find yourself facing the choice of dating a "frustrated older man" or not dating at all.
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