dating in their 30's

[USMCHokie]

Yeah but what is intellect? Many woman want some educated man but like I said education may make somene book smart or whatever but there are plenty of people without degrees that have great personalitys.

 

The point I was making is that education is one factor you can use to learn more about a person. It matters, but it is in no way determinative of a person's entire personality and identity, as you seem to be suggesting here.

[skyisfalling]

Yeah but what is intellect? Many woman want some educated man but like I said education may make somene book smart or whatever but there are plenty of people without degrees that have great personalitys. A delivery driver in his mid 40's at my job who is high school educated can school the average joe on the political front. He keeps up with news and all that stuff so what I'm saying is braoden your horizon. You are narrowing the pool big time. He has to have at least a masters, be Chrisian and good looking. There's nothing wrong with wanting a good looking man but when you add all 3 must haves you're narrowing your pool to a small percentage.

 

There's a show on VH1 Called Why am I still single? The lady is a famous matchmaker names Siggy Flicker. She is married to a used car salesman who is bald (I'm not saying you have to like bald men). Her point is CHEMISTRY, their chemistry is so great and they are madly in love. He is pretty good looking IMO.

 

I agree with what you're saying. But everyone has different criterias they rank important. My dates dont need to be good looking or strikingly handsome, just not horrendously ugly. What I want is a well educated christian who parallels my viewpoints in life. Chemistry is definitely a big part in any dynamic of a relationship, however, I can't see myself getting attracted to a used car salesman.. but that's just me. I'm sure there are many women out there who'd get on that as I'm sure there are a lot of women who base their dates on looks only, but what I find sexy in a man is his drive to become better. Granted, he doesn't need to be a cardiologist like my last ex was, but from my opinion, education is directly correlated with drive, and the more educated you are, the more opportunities that await.. so on and so forth and to me, that's hot.

 

I'm sure many people on this forum might disagree and I accept that. But this is my opinion, my viewpoint and education is up there on my list, if not number 1.

[StuckAtHome]

I agree with what you're saying. But everyone has different criterias they rank important. My dates dont need to be good looking or strikingly handsome, just not horrendously ugly. What I want is a well educated christian who parallels my viewpoints in life. Chemistry is definitely a big part in any dynamic of a relationship, however, I can't see myself getting attracted to a used car salesman.. but that's just me. I'm sure there are many women out there who'd get on that as I'm sure there are a lot of women who base their dates on looks only, but what I find sexy in a man is his drive to become better. Granted, he doesn't need to be a cardiologist like my last ex was, but from my opinion, education is directly correlated with drive, and the more educated you are, the more opportunities that await.. so on and so forth and to me, that's hot.

 

I'm sure many people on this forum might disagree and I accept that. But this is my opinion, my viewpoint and education is up there on my list, if not number 1.

 

but you have all these criteria and are asking where have all the good men gone? but hey you're list of must haves is short compared to today's 'modern woman'.

[manup]

I've been mainly posting in the breakup section of the forum as I have recently been dumped 3 1/2 weeks ago. However, I'm starting to wonder what else may be out there. I can't help but feel like I need to hurry up and find a guy to settle down with as I'm going to be 30 very soon and I always wanted children. Do you guys think its harder to date as we get older? I'm kinda anal about certain qualities as I would like a guy who is educated (more than their bachelors), driven, want the same outlook in life.. someone who is christian.

 

what do you guys think the chances of finding all that in their 30's is? All my friends are married and I just feel like my time will never come.

Marry older, problem solved.

[SJC2008]

I'm not arguing for the requirement that one holds ten graduate degrees, but I have to 100% disagree with you on this statement. The level of education, or lack thereof, reflects a great number of intangible qualities and attributes of a person...intelligence, work ethic, value on accomplishment, self-value generally, personal interests and even hobbies, etc. I could go on and on.

 

It could go both ways I guess but I still lean toward doesn't have to do much with personality. You're upbringing and social class have much more of an impact on personality and morals.

[USMCHokie]

It could go both ways I guess but I still lean toward doesn't have to do much with personality. You're upbringing and social class have much more of an impact on personality and morals.

 

Your upbringing and social class also have a substantial impact on your value of education and how far along you get...bottom line is that everything is intertwined and everything matters...like OP said, each person will view attributes different and prioritize them as he/she pleases. If she decides that education matters, and dude X does not have the requisite education, then he's SOL; it's that simple.

 

And some may accuse her of being "shallow," but it's something that she highly values, and she expects the same from the guy. I hate to get ridiculous, but education is an attribute that is no different from gender. I am assuming that you prefer that the person you date is a woman, right...? High priority for you? Are men right to call you a shallow or wrong for excluding them from dating you...?

 

Let people have their preferences; there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But if those preferences/standards are "too high," they have no justification to complain that they can't find a man/woman. I honestly don't care if they die alone.

[Joaquin]

I'm seeing first hand a situation of a girl in her 30s who got out of an awful relationship, wasn't really moving on, panicked, and now is in a relationship with a guy to whom she quickly became pregnant and she doesn't want to be with.

 

She isn't a bad person but has made a series of bad decisions, I think to force the earlier bad relationship away from her. It was all rush rush rush. It screamed red flags but no one could intervene.

 

And now a baby on the way, its actually heart breaking on the sidelines watching.

[USMCHokie]

And now a baby on the way, its actually heart breaking on the sidelines watching.

 

Truly unfortunate, but that's social natural selection for ya...

[MaxNoob]

The level of education, or lack thereof, reflects a great number of intangible qualities and attributes of a person...intelligence, work ethic, value on accomplishment, self-value generally, personal interests and even hobbies, etc. I could go on and on.

 

I'd say it's dangerous to make these assumptions.

 

Warren Buffett manages companies worth a total of 200 billion dollars and he doesn't care about resumes. He picks the CEOs of his companies; some have no more than a high school degree, some have masters degrees. He often praised Ms. Blumpkin who came to the US with nothing and couldn't speak a word of English. Her daughter taught her the words she learned at school. She saved up $500 to start a furniture store, which she managed until the age of 103. It became the most successful furniture store in America, which Buffett attributed to her incredible business sense and work ethic.

 

Compare that to Long Term Capital Management, an investment firm run by 16 guys with MBAs. They ran the company into the ground with leveraged bets, losing billions, including their lifetime savings.

[RedRobin]

OP, You can see from these posts that alot of men's anger for not getting unlimited nookie when they were in their 20's translates to what they think is increased bargaining power once they hit their 30's.

 

Don't buy into it.

 

I met my (now) ex-H when I was about the same age as you. He was two years younger.

 

TBH, I wish I would have waited a few more years like a couple of my good friends did. One of them waited until she was 35 to get married and found a wonderful man... 9 years younger They've been happily married now for 10 years and have two children. Oh, they both have PhD's and he shared parenting duties while she pursued (and won) tenure at a top 10 university. *shrug*

 

So don't believe the scare tactics these guys try to wave around. They do that to try and scare the women they want into 'settling' for them. Or they are angry and bitter. Or, some actually think that women all want older men. I don't. I want someone close to my age.

 

When it is all said and done, most men and women just want to find someone they are compatible with who they are attracted to.

 

About having children.... I understand the sense of urgency, but there really is no guarantee that will happen naturally no matter what age you are. Sometimes things just don't work out. There are many couples who married at the 'perfect' age and turned out to be infertile or have lots of miscarriages.

 

There is always adoption or raising foster children too.

 

Since you claim Christianity is a principle for you, I'd suggest getting involved in volunteer networks (if you haven't done so already) to focus in on the kind of men who share your values. This would be in addition to your church.

 

Good luck!

[RedRobin]

i was so absorbed with school that times just flew by. I dated my last ex for a little over a year and believed we were going to get married- as that's what we both wanted, or so I thought. So now that I'm swung back into the dating scene I find myself wondering, am I too late? Are all the good guys taken?

 

I consider myself a very well educated (med school) christian girl who has certain expectations in a man. I am by no means ugly and I think it is to my advantage that I look rather young for my age. Most of the men I meet are engaged or married. My friends suggest that I look at internet dating, but browsing through it a couple of weeks ago, a lot of so called "educated" guys are fat or balding. I definitely dont want to lower my standards but I guess I'm praying that my residency will treat me better.

 

I realize that school is time consuming, but please, please... find some time to expand your social network.

 

IMHO, the internet dating is a big crap shoot and time waster for anyone looking for a committed relationship. For both men and women.

 

If you are going to do it, keep it on the back-burner to your in-person life. Internet dating is the preferred avenue for both men and women who are looking for more casual arrangements and enjoy doing alot of 'multi-dating'... which is not that far off from polygamy but without the openness and honesty. :sick:

 

You will waste alot of your time sifting through men with mental issues, substance abuse problems, unemployed, or just plain don't take care of themselves... you will also be getting spammed from men who are much older than you (in their 40's and older) who think they are entitled to a young'in.

[runner]

I'm not arguing for the requirement that one holds ten graduate degrees, but I have to 100% disagree with you on this statement. The level of education, or lack thereof, reflects a great number of intangible qualities and attributes of a person...intelligence, work ethic, value on accomplishment, self-value generally, personal interests and even hobbies, etc. I could go on and on.

 

unfortunately they're not always positive 'intangible qualities'; ie, workaholic, throws people under the bus...etc.

[manup]

OP, You can see from these posts that alot of men's anger for not getting unlimited nookie when they were in their 20's translates to what they think is increased bargaining power once they hit their 30's.

 

Don't buy into it.

 

I met my (now) ex-H when I was about the same age as you. He was two years younger.

 

TBH, I wish I would have waited a few more years like a couple of my good friends did. One of them waited until she was 35 to get married and found a wonderful man... 9 years younger They've been happily married now for 10 years and have two children. Oh, they both have PhD's and he shared parenting duties while she pursued (and won) tenure at a top 10 university. *shrug*

 

So don't believe the scare tactics these guys try to wave around. They do that to try and scare the women they want into 'settling' for them. Or they are angry and bitter. Or, some actually think that women all want older men. I don't. I want someone close to my age.

 

When it is all said and done, most men and women just want to find someone they are compatible with who they are attracted to.

 

About having children.... I understand the sense of urgency, but there really is no guarantee that will happen naturally no matter what age you are. Sometimes things just don't work out. There are many couples who married at the 'perfect' age and turned out to be infertile or have lots of miscarriages.

 

There is always adoption or raising foster children too.

 

Since you claim Christianity is a principle for you, I'd suggest getting involved in volunteer networks (if you haven't done so already) to focus in on the kind of men who share your values. This would be in addition to your church.

 

Good luck!

I met my (now) ex-H when I was about the same age as you. He was two years younger.

There is always adoption or raising foster children too.

Methinks this isn't her plan for her life, but I could be way off.

[RedRobin]

I met my (now) ex-H when I was about the same age as you. He was two years younger.

There is always adoption or raising foster children too.

Methinks this isn't her plan for her life, but I could be way off.

 

Yea, probably not. ha ha

 

I see you failed to quote the part where I said I wished I'd waited a little longer. Our issues had nothing to do with his age though. I don't think marrying someone older would have made any difference whatsoever...

 

...despite all the peacocking from some of you dudes who want the younger ladies to believe otherwise.

 

Regarding the adoption and raising foster children... that might be her choice no matter who she marries.

[stillafool]

So yes, you can be educated and lack emotional maturity. But you should not confuse one for the other.

 

Emotional maturity is extremely important when choosing a spouse. In my opinion it is just as important if not more important than education.

 

Since you are a Christian, why not ask God to bring you the man he wants you to marry. That's what I did and I love, love, love my husband. Good luck.

Edited June 24, 2012 by stillafool

[mesmerized]

Marry older, problem solved.

How much older?

 

Why do men think women all should be attracted to older men? older is just attractive until the guy is in his mid thirties or something. After that, most of them don't look desirable.

[january2011]

In my experience, age is not as important as you think. Location in some respects is more important.

 

As someone who happens to be in her 30s, I'm lucky in that I live somewhere where there are many opportunities to meet someone who may be compatible.

 

Having said that though, my SO lives on another continent!

[henderson14]

How much older?

 

Why do men think women all should be attracted to older men? older is just attractive until the guy is in his mid thirties or something. After that, most of them don't look desirable.

 

Its not about looks, its about everything else that comes with age. Thats why women generally desire older men. Life experience, wealth, maturity, social status are some of those things. You think all those women are with Hugh Hefner for his looks? Look at all the rich older men that have women in their 20's. How do you explain that?

[RedRobin]

Its not about looks, its about everything else that comes with age. Thats why women generally desire older men. Life experience, wealth, maturity, social status are some of those things. You think all those women are with Hugh Hefner for his looks? Look at all the rich older men that have women in their 20's. How do you explain that?

 

I think alot of men gravitate to those examples to justify their preferences.

 

I do not believe that women 'generally' desire older men. At least not anymore. If anything, they are responding to social pressures to reject younger men... for no other reason than for the fact they are younger.

 

Same thing for men. Some perceive they will have higher social capital if they date a much younger woman... The ones who are sincerely looking for compatibility are open to dating/marrying a woman who is older than them.

 

Stereotypes are quickly changing.

 

Much to the chagrine of some of the men here...

[RedRobin]

How much older?

 

Why do men think women all should be attracted to older men? older is just attractive until the guy is in his mid thirties or something. After that, most of them don't look desirable.

 

... and for the guys who are age fetishists... it is just as likely they will string her along and make it seem like he wants to start a family...

 

... then when she presses a year or two down the road... out she goes for the next younger model.

 

Really. Character, maturity, values, and life goals have little to do with age...

[iris219]

... and for the guys who are age fetishists... it is just as likely they will string her along and make it seem like he wants to start a family...

 

... then when she presses a year or two down the road... out she goes for the next younger model.

 

Really. Character, maturity, values, and life goals have little to do with age...

 

What's just as common when older men date younger women is she typically leaves him for someone closer to her age.

 

I know several men who keep getting their hearts broken by young girls. One just married a woman his age because he couldn't deal with getting dumped anymore.

[mesmerized]

Its not about looks, its about everything else that comes with age. Thats why women generally desire older men. Life experience, wealth, maturity, social status are some of those things. You think all those women are with Hugh Hefner for his looks? Look at all the rich older men that have women in their 20's. How do you explain that?

 

:laugh: You think these women are in love with hefner?? They're using him for his money while doing the younger guy on the side. If you really think they are sexually attracted to this guy, think again!

[ThaWholigan]

:laugh: You think these women are in love with hefner?? They're using him for his money while doing the younger guy on the side. If you really think they are sexually attracted to this guy, think again!

I take it power is not your aphrodisiac then

[henderson14]

:laugh: You think these women are in love with hefner?? They're using him for his money while doing the younger guy on the side. If you really think they are sexually attracted to this guy, think again!

 

 

So are you agreeing with me? That was basically my point. It's not about sexual attraction as much for women as it is men. I have yet to hear a story about women doing a younger guy on the side either. Usually its the guy doing a younger girl on the side. That's just something you made up.

[grkBoy]

I can't help but feel like I need to hurry up and find a guy to settle down with as I'm going to be 30 very soon and I always wanted children. Do you guys think its harder to date as we get older? I'm kinda anal about certain qualities as I would like a guy who is educated (more than their bachelors), driven, want the same outlook in life.. someone who is christian.

 

what do you guys think the chances of finding all that in their 30's is? All my friends are married and I just feel like my time will never come.

 

Well, I won't be as blunt as Sid6.7, but I'll partially agree with him. You're 29 right now, so you're not "passing your expiration date" as some claim, but I also know if marriage and children are a must, you need to make sure you're not so picky that you make matters worse.

 

I think the main and biggest quality you should put at the top of the priority list is: He wants to commit, get married, and have a family.

 

I put this at the top simply because of the growing disdain many men now have for marriage/family. Women here can knock that, pull out the Peter Pan Syndrome, but from a man's perspective, too many times we're shown marriage as a wife who chops her hair off, gains 100 lbs, get all bossy/naggy, won't allow the husband to have sex with her unless it's for baby-making or in "payment" or "reward" for something, and eventually will cheat and/or divorce him with a law system set up in her favor.

 

And children? Many men stopped seeing them as bundles of joy or passed blood lines, but more as screaming insane attention-craving vacuums who suck up money and time.

 

Yes, I know this sounds like the "nomarriage.com" cynical view, but even my more optimistic mind has seen a lot of this first-hand and thus I can't blame men for being reluctant. I know I'm getting married in a year, but I'm also 39 and she's 37. I waited until I was ready to propose (3 years), and would have easily said "goodbye" if she were to try to push me to get married sooner. As for kids, she and I both are on the fence, again seeing the experiences of our friends who are parents as more work and hell than happiness.

 

So that's what you're really up against. Not only are you competing with loads of single women out there who are all trying to get the educated/driven/successful men, but also trying to convince those very men that they should commit and have a family as opposed to picking up random girls on the weekends and watching sports/playing video games every night on weekdays.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

NOW...this is where I put the positive spin so you don't walk away feeling it's hopeless. You're 29, have plenty of time, etc. Like I tell the guys, make sure you are putting your best face forward, and making yourself appear available.

 

When you go to the gym (I hope you do), maybe invest in some nice fitted workout gear that shows off that body. Some might think "that's trashy", but you gain attention and guys will look and approach. When you go to the store and such, do the same. Leave the baggy sweats at home and wear jeans with a nice top...hair and makeup done. Again, draw attention from men.

 

You're Christian, go to your church and volunteer. Charity stuff, marathons, etc. Go do walk-a-thons and such where you might meet more level-headed single men also trying to avoid the bars/clubs. If you're going to go to a bar or club, check out post-work happy hours over late-night drinking/hookup fests.

 

Basically be sociable and DO NOT FALL INTO DESPERATION! Don't get into a hurry because that's how the bad men play their games and trick you. Take your time, be open, don't get too crazy on trivial qualities and such, and hopefully you'll find Mr Right.

 

Good luck!