pattyfromMV Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Its been 45days since I found out about my husbands affair with my bff. I trying my best to get past this but being that she is 2 months pregnant and H wants to be part of the baby's life is emotionally draining. I'm glad he wants to be responsible for his actions and raise the baby but he seems to not include me in this, We are trying our best to heal the pain this caused but at the same time everytime he checks to make sure the baby is doing well ,tears me emotionally apart. He is honest enough to let me know if they speak but just knowing he contacted her makes me go crazy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation ,I honestly have nothing against the baby, for it's an innocent being. How should I handle this any good advice? Has anyone ever been in this situation? Whay to do when baby is born ,he stated he would like to be there to see the baby born, should I go with him for support or is that just plain wrong ? HELP PLEASE .Patty
frozensprouts Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Its been 45days since I found out about my husbands affair with my bff. I trying my best to get past this but being that she is 2 months pregnant and H wants to be part of the baby's life is emotionally draining. I'm glad he wants to be responsible for his actions and raise the baby but he seems to not include me in this, We are trying our best to heal the pain this caused but at the same time everytime he checks to make sure the baby is doing well ,tears me emotionally apart. He is honest enough to let me know if they speak but just knowing he contacted her makes me go crazy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation ,I honestly have nothing against the baby, for it's an innocent being. How should I handle this any good advice? Has anyone ever been in this situation? Whay to do when baby is born ,he stated he would like to be there to see the baby born, should I go with him for support or is that just plain wrong ? HELP PLEASE .Patty right now, you need to do and have done for you whatever it will take to help you heal. If you need to be with him when the baby is born, then so be it. If you need extra reassurance right now , then that's just what he needs to give you. It may sound like a horrible thing to say, but your husband and his other woman knew what they were getting themselves into when they got into an affair, when they slept together , and when she got pregnant. They made an adult decision to have an affair, and they now need to deal with the consequences in an adult way. This doesn't mean that he has to do everything for her, nor does it mean that she is now some sort of fragile weakling who can do nothing for herself. If they have anything to say to each other, or if updates on the baby's health are needed, then why not set up a web based email ( gmail, hotmail, whatever) to which both you and your husband have the password. Any contact can be through that...no texts, phone calls, or whatever other "private' communication there may be. Have your husband see a lawyer and find out what his rights and obligations are...don't let him depend on her for this information. Let your husband know that if he intends on staying married to you, then he needs to know upfront that you will be involved in this baby's life, and you have the right to have your feelings considered as a priority, right up there with the baby's. The other woman's needs and wants are way down on the list. You husband and the other woman both need to start acting like adults and accept that. If she doesn't like that...tough. It's sad that it has got to be like that, but the two of them knoew what they were getting themselves into...maybe, with time, things will calm down and they'll both realize like you have that the baby's needs are of upmost importance, and the three of you cn become "partners' in giving the baby a great life. that doesn't mean you have to be friends, but there are lots of "blended families" out there who have managed to work past their own bad feelings so that they can do what's right for the children... 1
Author pattyfromMV Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 alice> I discovered they where having an affair when she sent me a text stating "tell him to tell you the truth" it was may 10th 2012. We had just worked out some marital problems 2 days prior and he I'm guessing told her it was over. She didn't like the idea so decided to text me , she had text him first and told him to tell me or she would text me . I saw he was kinda upset but thought he had a bad day a work and a bad migraine. Little did I know my world was going to fall apart that night.As far as I know she hasn't contacted him in 3 weeks , but she told him doc found a tumor and was pressing on babys head. I think it's a fibrosis tumor which is no threat to either.She has an ultrasound scheduled for 6/27 not sure if H is going but I plan to be there somehow if he does ,Havent seen her since December 2011. Not sure I want to but ,need to know if she;s really pregnant.
whichwayisup Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 alice> I discovered they where having an affair when she sent me a text stating "tell him to tell you the truth" it was may 10th 2012. We had just worked out some marital problems 2 days prior and he I'm guessing told her it was over. She didn't like the idea so decided to text me , she had text him first and told him to tell me or she would text me . I saw he was kinda upset but thought he had a bad day a work and a bad migraine. Little did I know my world was going to fall apart that night.As far as I know she hasn't contacted him in 3 weeks , but she told him doc found a tumor and was pressing on babys head. I think it's a fibrosis tumor which is no threat to either.She has an ultrasound scheduled for 6/27 not sure if H is going but I plan to be there somehow if he does ,Havent seen her since December 2011. Not sure I want to but ,need to know if she;s really pregnant. Then go with him. Be a united front WITH your husband IN FRONT of her. Whatever else happens behind closed doors isn't her business, but she needs to see and believe that you two are on the same page so she can't lie and manipulate the situation. If he doesn't go, YOU GO on your own. 1
2sunny Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I say she's lying about something. At 2 mo ths pregnant - a tour is pressing on the BABY'S HEAD? DOUBTFUL! At 2 months - that embryo is SMALL and barely has a head... Much less one that would be PRESSED ON. Demand to see a pregnancy test result from her doctor. And get paternity testing IF she claims she's really pregnant. Best if H doesn't have ANY contact at all for a long while! Even IF she's pregnant! No checking on "how ya feeling?" He should be asking YOU THAT QUESTION ONLY!
goodthingscome Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I say she's lying about something. At 2 mo ths pregnant - a tour is pressing on the BABY'S HEAD? DOUBTFUL! At 2 months - that embryo is SMALL and barely has a head... Much less one that would be PRESSED ON. Demand to see a pregnancy test result from her doctor. And get paternity testing IF she claims she's really pregnant. Best if H doesn't have ANY contact at all for a long while! Even IF she's pregnant! No checking on "how ya feeling?" He should be asking YOU THAT QUESTION ONLY! There should be -0- contact until the baby is determined to be his. His first priority is YOU. 99% percent of sidepieces use the pregnancy card when the MM tosses them under the bus. Before you get all tied up, just wait and see if she "mysteriously" loses this baby when he doesn't jump through her loops. Sadly, right now he is focused more on HER then he should be. You both need to be a united front. Good Luck
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Do you have kids with your H? Is the OW married? The answers to those questions make a big difference to me. Also, my wife got pregnant possibly by another man. She miscarried a week after she told me...but I had a week of thinking along the same lines that you are. It was really scary. I'm not sure we would have made it...in fact we are divorcing now even without the added pressure of the baby. In my case the answers to the above questions were both "yes" (except reverse the sexes). Also how long have you been married?
nofool4u Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 (edited) Its been 45days since I found out about my husbands affair with my bff. I trying my best to get past this but being that she is 2 months pregnant and H wants to be part of the baby's life is emotionally draining. I'm glad he wants to be responsible for his actions and raise the baby but he seems to not include me in this, We are trying our best to heal the pain this caused but at the same time everytime he checks to make sure the baby is doing well ,tears me emotionally apart. He is honest enough to let me know if they speak but just knowing he contacted her makes me go crazy. I'm not sure how to handle this situation ,I honestly have nothing against the baby, for it's an innocent being. How should I handle this any good advice? Has anyone ever been in this situation? Whay to do when baby is born ,he stated he would like to be there to see the baby born, should I go with him for support or is that just plain wrong ? HELP PLEASE .Patty Your husband is a massive tool. Not only did he cheat, but got her pregnant, now will have to use some of the marital money to pay child support, and wants to be there to probably hold her hand through the birth. What a complete jackass. I don't know how you are going to handle it. If it were me, I'd have him served with papers, take half the marital assets, and start a new life where you don't have to worry about him being in contact with his OW because of the child. Yes, its a good thing for the child that he wants to be involved, but its going to be at your expense. Question is, do you want to pay for that expense? Here is a question, do you have kids with your H? I'm not sure what the laws are, but I think, and someone can correct me if I'm wrong, that whoever files for child support first gets the full amount, anyone that comes forward later gets a percentage of whats left. In other words, if there is an order for him to pay CS to this OW, and you decide to divorce later, then you would receive a lesser amount since OW got the order for CS first. I may be wrong, but I thought I heard of that. Point is, you and your kids would get the short end of the stick because he decided to stick his pathetic pecker in another woman if you decide to divorce later. Edited June 26, 2012 by nofool4u
nofool4u Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 What kind of person is this friend? Uh, the kind that will screw her husband behind her back:o
stillafool Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 but at the same time everytime he checks to make sure the baby is doing well ,tears me emotionally apart. Why is he checking to make sure the baby is okay? It isn't even here yet. He doesn't need to communicate with her at all at this point. 1
2sunny Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Why is he checking to make sure the baby is okay? It isn't even here yet. He doesn't need to communicate with her at all at this point. It's a SURE way to keep him hooked! He doesn't need to ask her anything - except for a paternity test once the baby is born.
Author pattyfromMV Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 We have been married for 11 years , I have 3 children froma previous marriage but they are all over 18. We do not have any children together. The only reason he checks on the baby is because she has epilepsy seizure and in March 2012 had an inflamed vein in her brain and got to surgeries,then was told need a 3rd to correct. Being that she is not in perfect health she still tried to trap him by getting pregnant. She was previously pregnant by him in dec2011 and miraculously lost the bay in feb2012 ,right before the operation. Doctors said getting pregnant would only bring more health issues,but she was stubborn and wanted a child. H said he always used protection but she said she now was taking care of it and went for it ,now here is the result 9 weeks pregnant.
KungFuJoe Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Patty, If you don't have any kids, the answer is very simple. LEAVE! If you have kids, it gets a bit more difficult, but I would still say leave. Cheating is NOT forgiveable and most definitely never forgettable.
2sunny Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 He obviously didn't always use protection since she got pregnant twice! Given the circumstances - he seems more aligned with HEr well being than yours. For the reasons of his lies (no trust) and his continued cheating - id divorce him for sure... As SOON as possible!
malzy Posted July 2, 2012 Posted July 2, 2012 I am so sorry first of all. what is your life situation? do you think you want to leave him at all? cause i would and i think leaving would be my only option. I have two children and i think i would still leave my husband if that happened. Are there legitimate reasons you are still staying with him? seems he dont mind impregnating her, she seems a nutty butty and he and she deserve each other. Pack his **** and send him to her. Go have a spa day, I recommend any spa that has ties to Aveda products. Just my relaxation stress relief. I love your attempt at forgiveness but sticking around when you have no children together?? you Deserve better! You will find better. Get out. Run for the hills. Forgive him after you have left him. Much luck.
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