BlazePT Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 Well, I'm only at 7 weeks NC, but I guess that I can also give my 2 cents on this. From the way I see it, you've come a long way into recovering from the breakup and I can only imagine being there where you are right now! Congratulations, you should really pat yourself in the back for it! Now, this is what I've come to thinking, since my breakup: If I can't be happy and satisfied just being by myself, I'm already doomed. I have to make sure that whether or not I have anyone in my life, especially my ex (she was my first real love and my first LTR), I'm still able to feel as happy or even happier than what I felt when I was with her. So, the question I ask to myself is: if my ex came back, and I took her back, wouldn't I be lying to myself? wouldn't I be trying to just "lick" wound instead of healing it properly? From the way I see it, I think that you are still a bit dependent on your ex in order to be happy. You can't. I think that the best course of action would be to just blow this off as a slight bump on your recovery and stick to NC for as long as possible. The only way I would accept her back (if she really wanted to) was if I finally felt that with or without her, I would be happy anyhow. This would give you much more confidence and strength to deal with life's obstacles and not only it would make you more attractive to her and to other women, it would also make your ex really fight for you. In fact, it would get you to a point where it becomes an option to have her back instead of a need. Hang in there!
Author kyle77 Posted June 28, 2012 Author Posted June 28, 2012 Well, I'm only at 7 weeks NC, but I guess that I can also give my 2 cents on this. From the way I see it, you've come a long way into recovering from the breakup and I can only imagine being there where you are right now! Congratulations, you should really pat yourself in the back for it! Now, this is what I've come to thinking, since my breakup: If I can't be happy and satisfied just being by myself, I'm already doomed. I have to make sure that whether or not I have anyone in my life, especially my ex (she was my first real love and my first LTR), I'm still able to feel as happy or even happier than what I felt when I was with her. So, the question I ask to myself is: if my ex came back, and I took her back, wouldn't I be lying to myself? wouldn't I be trying to just "lick" wound instead of healing it properly? From the way I see it, I think that you are still a bit dependent on your ex in order to be happy. You can't. I think that the best course of action would be to just blow this off as a slight bump on your recovery and stick to NC for as long as possible. The only way I would accept her back (if she really wanted to) was if I finally felt that with or without her, I would be happy anyhow. This would give you much more confidence and strength to deal with life's obstacles and not only it would make you more attractive to her and to other women, it would also make your ex really fight for you. In fact, it would get you to a point where it becomes an option to have her back instead of a need. Hang in there! Im confused by what you mean? I started drooling at some of the things you said at the end! That would be awesome! but in what way do you think I should approach it? what do you mean by happy with or without her? Because right now I would say I am happy I just wonder if I could be happier if I was with her....
Thisisbs Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 If you're happy now, it's your choice if you want to take the risk. You could be happier with her, and you could also feel like shiet all over again. Don't get too greedy with happiness, many people in the world have trouble being happy ^^.
69ways Posted June 28, 2012 Posted June 28, 2012 I feel the same as well. we technically broke up over a year ago. But my love for him is not any less or not anymore. Its just the same. its weird I truly understand you, I still love my ex after 1,5 year and will always love her because when I think of her I think of babies , a house by the lake and waking up to her smile BUT my ex also contacted me many times in a year, maybe 20 times and even asking if I had a gf or she was crying. Always giving me the wrong hope and the I want you back never came. After a year , when I found out from her she had sex with another guy, I realised that the only reason she was contacting me , was for her own selfish and egocentric needs. I ignored her bd 2 months ago, she did not forget mine 2 weeks later.I did not responded to her sms. My point? Don't fall for the same trap, you will only get hurt and confused. Don't take your ex back if they ask you, make them really really want you because they might be lonely at those times and the human brain tends to refer to old and well known habits in time of distress. Let them really miss you and beg you to get back with you. After all, they left us, they brought down that bridge, I am not planning to help them rebuild it, they should put the effort to rebuilt the bonds as they were the ones putting the effort to bring everything down 1
Author kyle77 Posted June 29, 2012 Author Posted June 29, 2012 I truly understand you, I still love my ex after 1,5 year and will always love her because when I think of her I think of babies , a house by the lake and waking up to her smile BUT my ex also contacted me many times in a year, maybe 20 times and even asking if I had a gf or she was crying. Always giving me the wrong hope and the I want you back never came. After a year , when I found out from her she had sex with another guy, I realised that the only reason she was contacting me , was for her own selfish and egocentric needs. I ignored her bd 2 months ago, she did not forget mine 2 weeks later.I did not responded to her sms. My point? Don't fall for the same trap, you will only get hurt and confused. Don't take your ex back if they ask you, make them really really want you because they might be lonely at those times and the human brain tends to refer to old and well known habits in time of distress. Let them really miss you and beg you to get back with you. After all, they left us, they brought down that bridge, I am not planning to help them rebuild it, they should put the effort to rebuilt the bonds as they were the ones putting the effort to bring everything down but if I thought that my ex was making a genuine effort to rebuild that bond and start up again then should i consider her? or should I just be standoff-ish? Part of what made the last relationship fail was I didn't show my girlfriend how much I cared for her. So my next relationship whether its with my ex or a new girl I don't want to make the same mistake....So I am kind of torn. I feel like the only way to fix my problem from before is to put in more effort, but everyone here is telling me to do nothing? Let her put in all the work? Is there maybe a time when I should put in effort and let her do all the effort until then?
Thisisbs Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 Kyle, I think you should consider exactly why you want to try again, and once you think that through, you can decide whether or not you should consider her. She hasn't contacted you since, so you should just lay low and keep moving forward, and until she's made it clear that she wants to try again, you should probably stop thinking about anything that's happened.
69ways Posted June 29, 2012 Posted June 29, 2012 but if I thought that my ex was making a genuine effort to rebuild that bond and start up again then should i consider her? or should I just be standoff-ish? Part of what made the last relationship fail was I didn't show my girlfriend how much I cared for her. So my next relationship whether its with my ex or a new girl I don't want to make the same mistake....So I am kind of torn. I feel like the only way to fix my problem from before is to put in more effort, but everyone here is telling me to do nothing? Let her put in all the work? Is there maybe a time when I should put in effort and let her do all the effort until then? The problems you had in the previous relationship don't have to affect the next. Now what luggage you do carry is completely up to you and none can help you on this. We are giving you our advice as we have more experience than you in these difficult situation. If she is really trying to genuinely come back to you, rejecting her would not go against you because if she/he is serious about it, she will try and try again. I mean you got rejected before but it did not change your feelings , I bet it made your desire stronger. We are not telling you that ignoring her is the right thing , as I had women saying you did not chase me or you chased me away, so it depents on the woman BUT we are giving you the guidance which the majority of breaks ups function. If you ignore her you will or get bette for get her back but you will never get 100% over her and people that tell you they do, they are just living in denial.
Recommended Posts