kyle77 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 So my ex sent me a text message the other day after being apart for 9 months just to see how I was. We ended up texting all day and it seemed like everything was going well. She did not text me the next day though and so now I am in shambles because I think subconsciously I was hoping she was gonna come back or something was gonna develop from it. I know I was naive to think that in the first place but I did. I can't help it! She was the first girl and only girl I have ever loved (so far at least). So is there anything I should be doing to kind of recover from this minor setback? I don't think this is going to turn into anything and I just want to make sure I am happy and not dwelling on the past or dwelling on how this conversation didn't turn into anything more.
LovelyDaze Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 She was giving you the proverbial bag of crumbs. Many exes do that. They will call clear out of blue as if they smell your recovering from them. They brush their own ego knowing you were going to talk to them, KNOWING you were overjoyed to hear from them, and KNOWING you wanted more. The fun for the ex is that it satisfies their ego of being wanted by you and they can merrily go back to their lives that they left you for. Feel insulted and don't answer her again. She proved that she didn't want the same things you want at all. This is indeed a setback but now you can get up, dust yourself off, and go back to NC. Don't allow her to dangle the carrot of a renewed relationship in your face. You are worth having someone love you honestly and truly. 3
mike588 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 My ex. dumped me almost 11 months ago for her ex. b/f in a cruel way. I went No Contact not only to "get over her" but also hoping she would miss me and contact me. After 6 months went by I was pretty much over her and gave up all hope I'd hear from her. Well not long after that she contacted me several times (e-mails) saying how sorry she was for hurting me and she regrets it and she said she was a big jerk..(her words) I was stunned and I didn't know what to think... was she wanting me back? was she just trying to rid herself of the guilt she had? Hearing from her set me back and opened that wound that I worked so hard at to heal then a few days later I foolishly replyed. I was expecting...maybe wanting a reply back to see what she wanted....I never heard from her again so I know now all she was doing was trying to rid herself of the guilt she had been carrying around. I think it's best that they don't contact you unless they want to try it again ....not to give you false hope by just checking up on you or dumping their guilt.
MooBear Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Oh yeah, exes have a special radar where they can tell that you're starting to get over them and turn that corner. It sucks - I feel for you. It's so easy for your hopes to jump up again, and it HURTS! You made it through the really hard part 9 months ago so just keep your chin up and keep focusing on yourself xxx
Svet74 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 YOu have come way way too far to let something like this bring you down.. I only say this because the same exact thing happened to me just a few days ago.. and of course ive been crying the last 2 days and being miserable. For me is was 3 months of NC and then he made contact. What i regret most is just not ignoring him! I feel like i gave all my power back to him just because i let him see me and talk to me. And all he did was play games. If his intentions were even to try again. I think he would have said so right in the beginning. Maybe he was trying to see if i was still waiting for him. Anyway it sucks but now i have to start all over. Why cant they just leave us alone? its so stupid
mike588 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Looking back on it now Oh how I wished I would of just ignored her contacts but I just had to see what she wanted!! I was setback for days...reliving the pain..the betrayel and the hurt then after not hearing from her again I was able to get back on track.I'm glad she didn't want to try it again...it just couldn't and wouldn't work...I could never trust her again and that special moment of falling in love...those magic moments with her could never be re-done! I'm happy now being single and spoiling myself...I'm free to date when and where I want knowing that there is someone better out there!!
Svet74 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Looking back on it now Oh how I wished I would of just ignored her contacts but I just had to see what she wanted!! I was setback for days...reliving the pain..the betrayel and the hurt then after not hearing from her again I was able to get back on track.I'm glad she didn't want to try it again...it just couldn't and wouldn't work...I could never trust her again and that special moment of falling in love...those magic moments with her could never be re-done! I'm happy now being single and spoiling myself...I'm free to date when and where I want knowing that there is someone better out there!! It sucks doesnt it? Im on day 3 of NC and im guessing he is not gonna call anytime soon. But one thing is for sure. im proud i stayed NC 3 months. Him contacting me after this much time and not saying he wants to try again just game me validation that he has not changed at all like i was hoping him to. Im miserable at the moment yes but il get over it. And next time he makes contact. Il know to ignore. End of story
mike588 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It sucks doesnt it? Im on day 3 of NC and im guessing he is not gonna call anytime soon. But one thing is for sure. im proud i stayed NC 3 months. Him contacting me after this much time and not saying he wants to try again just game me validation that he has not changed at all like i was hoping him to. Im miserable at the moment yes but il get over it. And next time he makes contact. Il know to ignore. End of story Yeah No Contact is hard...it's one of the most difficult things I've ever done! When I first joined this site everyone was saying thats the right thing to do and I'm so glad I listened.....I almost broke N.C. 100+ times but held back. I wouldn't want to go back to where I was 9...10 months ago for a million bucks...well maybe a million. lol. Sorry your miserable at the moment but I promise you that you WILL get thru this a stronger person...take the lessons you've learned in this relationship into the next one...I have and have a better understanding of myself....what I will and won't put up in the next relationship. Hang in there...it really gets better!!!!!!!!!
Author kyle77 Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 I don't know I just get a weird feeling about this girl though. Its like I know and truly believe in my heart that one day we will get back together. I know that, I am not just postulating, I know it will happen, I have no idea when or if it will work. We could get back together and have it be the worst thing ever... But I honestly feel like we are eventually gonna get back together....so when she contacts me out of the blue I jump to conclusions. I feel like maybe I am unknowingly giving myself false hope, but I don't know it just feels like one of those things where I know we will get back together at some point. Either that or I have completely lost my mind....which could be a possibility....
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Yeah i just wished he called right now! So i could ignore him! So he can know what it feels like lol he knows me too well. he really does. And even though i acted like i didnt want him even those two times i saw him. Deep down he really knows that i do want him i guess. Men are difficult to understand
Author kyle77 Posted June 24, 2012 Author Posted June 24, 2012 women are difficult to understand as well.... such a delicate situation... See for me I don't think my ex knows that I do really care for her this much....but if I go and tell her....there goes all my power and any chance of reconciliation. Finding a way for it to develop naturally is impossible!!!
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 women are difficult to understand as well.... such a delicate situation... See for me I don't think my ex knows that I do really care for her this much....but if I go and tell her....there goes all my power and any chance of reconciliation. Finding a way for it to develop naturally is impossible!!! well since she broke up with you, she should be the one asking you or just being straight up and asking if she can meet up with you. and let u know what her intentions are.. but it seems like something bad in her life happened. could be small. like rejection of another guy and she thought of you and how good you were to her. she texted. you answered. the other boy came back around so she stopped texting you. sounds to me like your just her option. The same could have happened with my ex who knows.
BB7 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I don't know I just get a weird feeling about this girl though. Its like I know and truly believe in my heart that one day we will get back together. I know that, I am not just postulating, I know it will happen, I have no idea when or if it will work. We could get back together and have it be the worst thing ever... But I honestly feel like we are eventually gonna get back together....so when she contacts me out of the blue I jump to conclusions. I feel like maybe I am unknowingly giving myself false hope, but I don't know it just feels like one of those things where I know we will get back together at some point. Either that or I have completely lost my mind....which could be a possibility.... I don't know, I guess when you spend so much of you life invested in this person and had a great relationship, you feel you can get back to that. I'm the same, I think we'll get back together eventually because for 8 years we were perfect for each other. She needs a change for now and she's doing that. I'm not going to wait for her and I will move on but the thought will always be in the back of my mind.
mike588 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I don't know, I guess when you spend so much of you life invested in this person and had a great relationship, you feel you can get back to that. I'm the same, I think we'll get back together eventually because for 8 years we were perfect for each other. She needs a change for now and she's doing that. I'm not going to wait for her and I will move on but the thought will always be in the back of my mind. Yes move on and don't wait or change your life hoping/thinking she will come back. As the weeks turn into months you will find other interests..maybe someone else. I'll always remember my ex. and what it could of been but it's to late now...I'm happy and looking foward to a new relationship.
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I feel the same as well. we technically broke up over a year ago. But my love for him is not any less or not anymore. Its just the same. its weird
mike588 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I feel the same as well. we technically broke up over a year ago. But my love for him is not any less or not anymore. Its just the same. its weird I understand your love for him still even after a year. I don't know your whole story but my ex. dumped me in a very cruel way after I did so much for her. Maybe that's way it's easier for me (others in a similar situation) to move on alittle faster....we see the lies...the betrayel and after some time know we're better off without them. 1
Svet74 Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I understand your love for him still even after a year. I don't know your whole story but my ex. dumped me in a very cruel way after I did so much for her. Maybe that's way it's easier for me (others in a similar situation) to move on alittle faster....we see the lies...the betrayel and after some time know we're better off without them. Mine asked for a break out of the blue. Said he was confused and unhappy. I didnt really understand. but he still wanted me in his life. I was in and out. and eventually he got to know me real well. And lost that fear of losing me. His other problems had nothing to do with me. Now i get it. but i dont know if he will ever become stable. we didnt date very long in the beginning
edelveis Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Lovelydaze covered it pefectly..make the lesson learned and dont answer to any other messages of her..i think that now you have the power to ignore her..but you dont know it!
Author kyle77 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 I don't know maybe me and my ex will get back together but it will be nothing like what I want or what she wants and it will just fizzle and die again...I just feel like I know some opportunity or chance is coming my way...
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 the problem is edelveis i don't want to ignore her. For some reason in my mind I still view getting her back as the ultimate goal and the ultimate way to truly be happy....its depressing and pathetic :S
Thisisbs Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 the problem is edelveis i don't want to ignore her. For some reason in my mind I still view getting her back as the ultimate goal and the ultimate way to truly be happy....its depressing and pathetic :S But it's natural. Look at your life after a year, is it better or worse than during/before the breakup?
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 But it's natural. Look at your life after a year, is it better or worse than during/before the breakup? well during the break-up i guess its better but before not even close to as good as it was....
Thisisbs Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 well during the break-up i guess its better but before not even close to as good as it was.... If that is the honest truth, then you have some decisions to make, do you really want to go back to her and attempt to try again, or you can take the safer path to just continue moving on.
Author kyle77 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 If that is the honest truth, then you have some decisions to make, do you really want to go back to her and attempt to try again, or you can take the safer path to just continue moving on. ya i don't want to sit and wait for life to pass me by but on the other hand she broke up with me....she should come to me.....I guess I jumped to conclusions when my ex started texting me out of the blue....maybe I just wait and see if she is legitimately interested in getting back with me and starts to text me more....and then make a move if she is
Thisisbs Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 ya i don't want to sit and wait for life to pass me by but on the other hand she broke up with me....she should come to me.....I guess I jumped to conclusions when my ex started texting me out of the blue....maybe I just wait and see if she is legitimately interested in getting back with me and starts to text me more....and then make a move if she is But it is always a risk, because you could get your hopes up and get hurt again. Goodluck bro ^^ It's a hard thing to deal with for sure.
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