irc333 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Recently, with all these summer time activities happening this year, beach trips, boating, BBQ's, 4th of July parties and so on.....he went on this really LARGE boating party on the river. From his FB pics, looks like he had a good time, saw a picture of a woman riding his back piggy-back style and I said to him, "Looks like you had a good time, check out the babes in bikinis? lol" And mentioned that one woman that looked like she took a shine to him. He didn't respond in such a typical manner like, "Yeah, there were some hot babes there!" He just said, "Yeah, had a good time....yeah there were women in swimsuits there." Sometimes by the tone of his voice, he just doesn't seem as "girl crazy" as he used to, though occasionally he'll mention some women, in general in such a manner. I asked about that one girl that was riding on his back, thought something was getting started there. He said he was just enjoying her company with the other members of the crew. That's just it....he might have something there...he just enjoys himself and has fun on these social outings with groups of friends. He has stopped seeing most women or perhaps all of them as romantic possibilities, and just relishes the actual event. Though, some women, in person had looked at him odd in these regards, he had said to me some of them had been known to ask him 20-questions in regards to his dating / love life....but he never inquires nor flirts with them much. He speaks with these women as if they were gender neutral or something. Like he'll talk about something political or perhaps home repairs, but won't fire back questions about the woman's dating life or availability. He's even been asked, "Don't you have any interest in dating at all?" One time I was with him at a country club event and some of the women were wondering why we were weren't dancing. He used the carpeted floor as an excuse not to dance or "Aren't you going to come up and dance??" I didn't dance, because I wasn't really in the mood, but I found it odd he used carpet as an excuse not to dance, lol. He's in his late 40's, and he kind of leveled with me that due to the whole "flaking" some women had done with him, even if going out was their idea...they'd blow him off at the last minute. He just grew tired of the game playing and now just relishes in the moment of the event, not even eyeballing women he could even be fond of. Anyone know someone like this. Some might question his sexual orientation even due to his actions, but he's straight though. He's not bitter, doesn't hold anything against women....just has evolved into someone really doesn't ask them out anymore. He did advise me to check out some David D'Angelo tips, wonder if that had anything to do with it. lol Anyone here , esp. men, had evolved into that mindset at all?
Author irc333 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I wanted to add that he did tell me that he prefers to get to know a woman(women) first through group outings over time, let whatever relationship she has with her build through seeing her on a routine basis in a group, and then go from there romantically if something evolves naturally.
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 My boyfriend does not let girls be the focul point of the partying he does. He mentions hot babes in passing, that " there were so many hot babes it was mad" but he does not talk about any particular girl. He always goes out to enjoy a crazy time with his friends, and does not try to pick up girls or bother much, unless a very hot girl was obviousl coming onto him. So, that is one guy I know, who is not focused on getting girls when he is out on these types of outings.
gaius Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 His life doesn't seem like much fun. Surrounded by food and he never takes a bite.
Author irc333 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 My boyfriend does not let girls be the focul point of the partying he does. Oh, he's got a girlfriend (you) so this post wouldn't apply to his situation. I'm referring tot he un-attached.
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Oh, he's got a girlfriend (you) so this post wouldn't apply to his situation. I'm referring tot he un-attached. . Seriously, my boyfriend hated bothering with chicks before me. He loved having a crazy night with his mates. Honestly. He literally went out to have fun with his friends. He was not pussy driven at all - at times he said he set out to find some "pussy", but by the time he went out, he was too focused on just having fun. He did love admiring the hot girls, however, and he would tall about that, more so than your friend!!!!!!!!!! If there were a bunch of hot chicks, he would definately comment to his guys friends when discussing the night.... It sounds like your friend was not interested or excited about the afct a lot of pretty girls were around, in that sort of setting....
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) TBH, I think your friend's way is alot healthier than standard OLD and cold approaches. You can learn alot about someone by interacting in a social setting. You see how they really are and not what they are putting on for their date face. Hang around long enough, and you learn all kinds of things about someone (good and bad). This way, you are still having fun. Still having the possibility of meeting someone... and you aren't locked into pushing things forward with a complete stranger. His style is exactly like my preferred style. I don't like 'dating' strangers. To me, it isn't a 'date' until some romantic intent is established. The fact that we both happen to be single does not establish that. What I especially like about your friend's approach is not being obliged to make a decision about a man before knowing him. Edited June 23, 2012 by RedRobin
carhill Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Anyone here , esp. men, had evolved into that mindset at all? Sure, post-D, that's how it's gone for me, more markedly than prior to being M, though I've generally always leaned in that 'style' direction.
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Since he is in his late forties, he isn't as interested in sex as his testosterone levels have fallen. I also get the feeling that he's tired of the constant rejection, which is understandable. However, it sounds like he is deliberately tuning out any woman's possible interest. He hasn't just turned the sound down on his radio, he's shut it off. I find that a bit sad.
motive2002 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Basically he is in touch with his level of attractiveness in his late 40's and has basically given up. Why feel the sting of rejection, when you can simply bypass your desires somehow and just live life without a partner? If we all lived like Spock, none of us would ever date, marry etc. It just isn't logical.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Since he is in his late forties, he isn't as interested in sex as his testosterone levels have fallen. I also get the feeling that he's tired of the constant rejection, which is understandable. However, it sounds like he is deliberately tuning out any woman's possible interest. He hasn't just turned the sound down on his radio, he's shut it off. I find that a bit sad. Possibly. It is also possible that he isn't into having sex with strangers just to prove he can. The OP did say his friend is open to women he gets to know organically. I 'date' the same way, and my sex drive has not diminished in the last 10 years. TBH, I find no correlation between number of sex partners and sex drive. I find a very high correlation between number of sex partners and lack of ability and willingness to bond with another human being though.
Radu Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Recently, with all these summer time activities happening this year, beach trips, boating, BBQ's, 4th of July parties and so on.....he went on this really LARGE boating party on the river. From his FB pics, looks like he had a good time, saw a picture of a woman riding his back piggy-back style and I said to him, "Looks like you had a good time, check out the babes in bikinis? lol" And mentioned that one woman that looked like she took a shine to him. He didn't respond in such a typical manner like, "Yeah, there were some hot babes there!" He just said, "Yeah, had a good time....yeah there were women in swimsuits there." Sometimes by the tone of his voice, he just doesn't seem as "girl crazy" as he used to, though occasionally he'll mention some women, in general in such a manner. I asked about that one girl that was riding on his back, thought something was getting started there. He said he was just enjoying her company with the other members of the crew. That's just it....he might have something there...he just enjoys himself and has fun on these social outings with groups of friends. He has stopped seeing most women or perhaps all of them as romantic possibilities, and just relishes the actual event. Though, some women, in person had looked at him odd in these regards, he had said to me some of them had been known to ask him 20-questions in regards to his dating / love life....but he never inquires nor flirts with them much. He speaks with these women as if they were gender neutral or something. Like he'll talk about something political or perhaps home repairs, but won't fire back questions about the woman's dating life or availability. He's even been asked, "Don't you have any interest in dating at all?" One time I was with him at a country club event and some of the women were wondering why we were weren't dancing. He used the carpeted floor as an excuse not to dance or "Aren't you going to come up and dance??" I didn't dance, because I wasn't really in the mood, but I found it odd he used carpet as an excuse not to dance, lol. He's in his late 40's, and he kind of leveled with me that due to the whole "flaking" some women had done with him, even if going out was their idea...they'd blow him off at the last minute. He just grew tired of the game playing and now just relishes in the moment of the event, not even eyeballing women he could even be fond of. Anyone know someone like this. Some might question his sexual orientation even due to his actions, but he's straight though. He's not bitter, doesn't hold anything against women....just has evolved into someone really doesn't ask them out anymore. He did advise me to check out some David D'Angelo tips, wonder if that had anything to do with it. lol Anyone here , esp. men, had evolved into that mindset at all? I suspect the women are freaked out and intrigued by this. Maybe he found the motivation in D'Angelo's stuff. Being in his 40's, his sex drive might have taken a hit or two, but what i suspect truly happened [from experience] is that he has simply become independent of the outcome of his interactions. His attitude is of 'whatever' and generally speaking ppl who care the least have the most ammount of power in relationships.
grkBoy Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Anyone here , esp. men, had evolved into that mindset at all? That's pretty much what I did when I "walked away" from dating years ago. I took on hobbies, went out, did things, improved who I was as a person for no other reason than to please myself. Believe me, when you're having fun, enjoying life, and not trying feverously to impress or "get" a girl...women notice. That's what a lot of women want in a man. Someone who acts normal as opposed to putting on an act or crawling on their knees trying to please them no matter what. I'd tell any of you guys that. Accept the idea of growing old and dying alone. Go out and have YOU on your mind. Your fun, your enjoyment, your happiness in life. Don't be a jerk, but don't sit there working to please every woman you meet and find attractive. You will be surprised how differently women will look at you.
AD1980 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) Im 32 and heading in that direction..Beign rejected and ignored really is no fun so why put myself through the torture of delluding myself that im gonna find somebody and constantly getting the same results? Getting a women isnt even somethign i give thought of as a possiblity anymore and its taken the hurt away,i never approach women anymore unles a women throws herself at me which has never happened ill be alone which is fine Apathy is much better then bitterness and sadness ive learned Edited June 23, 2012 by AD1980
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