Author IWantTheTruth Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 I think I disagree that her actions have been without consequence. After the first strike, she brought great shame, humiliation and embarrassment to herself, our marriage, and her family. Everyone that knew (our sisters and parents) were extremely disappointed in her and see her as a different person no longer the sweet girl we knew. She has lived with a daily reminder of what she has done. We talk about our situation very often, I haven't paid for her cell phone bill ever since, she doesn't have the freedoms, trust or privacy she used to, and she knows she will have to find a place to live as she will lose the right to live in my house. As for the second strike, she has acknowledged that we took 1 step forward, only to take 2 steps back. She has been cooperative with my questions and requests for information and has told me she is willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. She also sees that I'm clearly still bothered by the fact that she tried to hide an "innocent" conversation from me and she's been sucking up to me ever since. If by consequence you mean leaving her and getting a d, then I would agree her actions did not have consequence.
Author IWantTheTruth Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 What exactly did you have in mind as consequences?
2sunny Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 Well - I wonder what consequences most husbands would expect if their W found pictures they sent to women of their private area. Your W has no problem continuing her bad behavior even though she knows it makes you and her family angry. She's disregarding and totally disrespecting you. It may be a gal you can't change.
Author IWantTheTruth Posted July 1, 2012 Author Posted July 1, 2012 There are many women here who forgave their husbands for cheating on them. They did it because they love them. This is why I forgave her for sexting. This last issue with the texts, she knows she's not forgiven for it. On one hand, part of me feels like it was somewhat of a "false alarm" as the evidence against her is/was circumstantial and did not look good at all for her, but I was able to verify there was nothing romantic or sexual about the content. Otoh, she knew she wasn't supposed to initiate ANY contact with ANY non relative males. Which is why it is a big issue, and I know feel like I love her less and less the more I think about it. I went a whole year waiting to find out something incriminating about her, and didn't find anything until this.
2sunny Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 When you are at the mercy of what she's doing - and she's been DOING things that hurt you - and you don't instill a healthy boundary - she's likely to do it again... Just a matter of when, how long... You appear to be out of balance... That's never ideal. You need to determine what that healthy boundary looks like for YOU. Spending YOUR time and your life checking up on her is not a healthy boundary! IF she isn't capable of keeping the agreement you TWO made - then its time to consider IF she's capable of being the wife you wish to have. If she isn't capable of self control and she gets defiant about acting married - then you need to realize that "forcing" her to do it your way is exhausting and it's not meant to be. 1
GLDheart Posted July 1, 2012 Posted July 1, 2012 If she isn't capable of self control and she gets defiant about acting married - then you need to realize that "forcing" her to do it your way is exhausting and it's not meant to be. I still can't get past the fact that you (the OP) still come across as your wifes prison warden. I believe that you may feel that you are trying to make her better... But from her point of view this may just feel like being bossed around. If you cage a wild animal, it runs at the first crack of freedom. For both your sakes, Please consider that marriage counseling sooner rather than later.
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