Author Leigh 87 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 .. it also goes to show, if you smoke a lot of drugs and starve yourself for your 20's and **** your life and career up - your going to have to start your career again. Your going to be in ____________Insert here an older age, for me it is 25, without a full time job or a social circle, or anything normal. I am a person who NEEDS to work in a job I am passionate about, and have a group of friends. I am ver social. growing up, I was actually a high achiever. I wated to go to college from a young age, and get a good job, or at least follow my dreams. Seeing as I dropped out of school and efffed it all up, and gained over 20 pounds in a year due to my recovery from my eating disorder, I did and do still feel a little crumby about myself. The fact this girl has things I feel I would have achieved by now ( a degree) and the fact she can speak many languages, which I have an interest in ( independant of HER- it has always been a goal of mine) I guess it is NORMAL to feel ( it is not jealously here, I am not a toxic person ad a genuine happy towards people like her)..... it seams normal to feel a little like a DAG and a **** up and a little hopeless and intimidated - by a girl who has a lot of things You want. The only way to go about this is to stay positive. I do not feel one iota of threat to my relationship, to be honest - when I am being myself, and not sitting around not doing anything about my predicament in life. I KNOW the only thiing to do now, is get on with my life. And I did start therapy - she knows me well already from last year, and is still in the stage where she thinks I just need a full time job, some direction in life, and more of a social life. She is not at all concerned that I cannot attain these things.
avon20 Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 Partner leaving you for the ex means you were just a rebound.
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I shall be getting a nose job ASAP. As soon as I get a job - I am looking for work currently and doing a course to attain the job more swiftly I'm not against nose jobs, but … I thought your goal in getting a job NOW rather than going to University was so you could travel? And are you getting any returns on the "bar and gaming" certification you got a week or two ago? I don't know what that is; we don't have it here in the states.
mortensorchid Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 The worst experience I have ever had was a guy I was with about 12 years ago by now. His old gf had broken up with him about a year before I met him, and he would not stop talking about her. He called, wrote letters, sent presents, etc. and she never once responded to his advances. And I was supposed to be his gf and he was crying to me about how no one loved him and how everything was horrible and (name) left him and he's so sad. And then he broke up with me via email because he didn't have the balls to tell me that he wanted to keep it as casual as possible. So I told him that his precious gf married someone else and was not waiting in an ivory tower for him to come rescue her. Then he said he was going to become a priest, then he married another woman and he's been married to her for the last 10 years. Exs? Oh yes, they haunt us. And I still cannot get over how full of s*** he is, a complete hypocrite. But, I was lucky.
ascendotum Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 My nose is soooooooooooooo annoying! the BANe of my existance.... .................... I shall be getting a nose job ASAP. As soon as I get a job - I am looking for work currently and doing a course to attain the job more swiftly Your nose does not look that bad in your pics, really. I have to admit I don't mind the jewish/roman nose on girls. If the woman is overall attractive and feminine, then what could could be considered 'defects' by some people could be viewed as being 'unique/qwerky/cute/distinctive' by others. Who was that girl that wrecked her career getting a nose job, jennifer grey! My instinct is say get the advice of your friends, bf and other men, but reading your feelings about your nose in one of your posts here, your mind is definitely made up. So while having an operation might not result in more guys hitting on you or better quality guys hitting on you (if you were to end up single again), the self esteem boost for yourself would make the operation worth it. I think there are finance/health insurance coys out there that provide the $ up front for the op and you pay them back over 3 yrs, but you'd need a P/T job at least for that. IDK, if your bf thinks you're hot and shows it outside of the bedroom then, personally I don't think there's the need to be hell-bent on an op while you are with him, especially if its at all being fuelled by the thoughts of your bf's ex.
ascendotum Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 I've noticed a love/hate situation with some women when it comes to their bf's exes. If their exes were talented & beautiful, then they worry about how they compare to them, but at the same time they respect the guy more because he landed hot/successful girls, and by extension it means they must be a considered a good catch too. Likewise I've noticed women seem to get upset more when they split from their bf and he starts dating a women they don't consider high quality, than if he was subsequently dating a successful & attractive girl.
norajane Posted June 26, 2012 Posted June 26, 2012 The thing he loves about me, is that I am very nice and like to look after him ( his ex was not as caring as me). He loves this - yet I also like to do my own thing and we do not hug and smother each other. Then you know that his love for you has nothing to do with your nose.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 Morton -- I was also once with a guy who was obsessed with his ex; who is not a lesbian. I was onl 16 ish at the time, but I know what it is to want a guy, who wants his ex more than he wants you, and who is actually pining after his ex! I did not like myself at the time, and thank god I am not a teenage who has NO self respect! That said, I guess it happens to intelligent, good looking women, if they like a guy enough; they may try to overlook the guys obsession with his ex? I wonder, did you have high self esteem when you were with that guy who liked his ex? I DO think it is more likely for people with low self respect, than it is for confident women - to put up with guys who obsess over their exes. ascendotum - A lot of people tell me I am very attractive despite my nose, and that I do not need a nose job. That is the thing - I AM NOT DOING IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE. LIke I said, in another thread: a nose job will not make me behave in life any differently towards the IMPORTANT things; I will still try just as hard to forge a career I like, get fit and healthy, and to be the best version of myself that I can. I am going to approach life in much the same way, nose job or not! I will simply do it with more ease, with a nose job. A nose job will not change how hard I try at life. .. My nose job is not something I can justify in words to other people - I cannot explain the proufound and significant positive affect it will have on me. Sometimes, you just have a ver, very strong feeling about a matter, that you cannot explain to others. Plastic surgery is really annoying to justify, because lots of people cannot accept that a person could be significantly more happy with a better nose; they cannot fathom how a persons life could be made better, simply by having a nicer nose. Only the person wanting the opperation knows what it means to them. I do not need to work on other things and try to forget about a nose job - I need to work on other things AND get a nose job, because it is something that has proufoundly affected me. I will not suddenly " work on myself and mabe change my mind" about my nose job.. It is what it is; I am a person who would feel much, much happier, if my crooked, roman nose was straightened and made to be not so long. No amount of therapy and learning to live without a nose job will make me change my true feelings.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 I've noticed a love/hate situation with some women when it comes to their bf's exes. If their exes were talented & beautiful, then they worry about how they compare to them, but at the same time they respect the guy more because he landed hot/successful girls, and by extension it means they must be a considered a good catch too. Likewise I've noticed women seem to get upset more when they split from their bf and he starts dating a women they don't consider high quality, than if he was subsequently dating a successful & attractive girl. Absolutely agree with this. Beautiful, clever, brilliant exwes signal that if the guy was able to pull them, they must be a pretty cool guy. My guy cannot spell and hates reading, but there is somethiing really great about him and his ex made me see that highly attractive, intelligent girls ( his exs is prett much the best quality girl you can get), if she liked him a great deal - it made me think more highly of him. Likewise - I had an ugly ex, my boyfriend saw a pic of ( random facebook thing - I do not have my ex, but he popped up in someone elses pic, and I had not seen him in about 7 years, so it was a shock to see him). My boyfriend was like " ew he is ugly haha you dated him!:" it made me feel that my boyfriend was comparing my relative value! If a ugly guy was with me long term, for about two years - surely I must not attract quality g uys to begin with. Another example - the fact a male model and body buildar was with me before my bf DID make me feel better - like he it changed his perception of me. In the end - my bf knows deap down - that I am a cute girl who is very attractive to some men, and not attractive to others. He knows I have a lot going for me physically, but that my bad nose makes me not all that special to some men.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 27, 2012 Author Posted June 27, 2012 One last update on this dying thread before I leave it for dead: I talked to my boyfriend about this, once and for all I wanted to just talk it out with him, and deal with what the reality really is. I said to him " look, your ex has a very special look to her.. you know, the type of girl who has " that face" that just drawns you in. Guys in. HUGE , haunting eyes she has, a wide face, with a perfect nose. She also has a personality that stringly drawys me ex in. My bf was one of the many, many men who was drawn in to her - she DOEs have " that look" about her that drawns men in, and the personality to boot. He assured me that " although she was a really great girl, I was never in love with her, and if she visits, it will be weird, it will feel like Iam talking to a very, very old friend. I would not go back with her, even though she is truly amazing. I am with you and my feelings for you are too strong to leave you for another amazing girl" He also pointed out " geez Leigh, you know a lot of people HAVE loved before! I did not even love her, imagine if you were with a guy who had loved other girls before! You need to learn how to deal with t hat sh*t" SO, thread over, I have my answer, I do not have to expect him to leave me.
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