utterer of lies Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Of course, he could have simply created a new user account for her, avoiding all the above problems.
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Veg, I stay at his house quite often when he's not there (when he is out with his friends or out of town). And he knows I use his computer during those times. I told him today that I didn't like his reaction and that my last relationship was consumed with secrecy, and that I wouldn't go through that again. He apologized for his behavior and told me he promised he had nothing to hide, and that he was just offended I accused him of not trusting me when he was just trying to do something nice. I have no other reason to think he's hiding anything. And I know he's not cheating. I'm thinking he is just concerned I would read his personal emails or fb messages (which I wouldn't want him reading mine either, even with friends) but the fact that he is concerned that I may snoop is unsettling.
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Unless you are married, there is no reason to share passwords. I would give someone a password to a shared site like Netflix because that is harmless. Never to my email or bank accounts and I would certainly never ask for his. If something came up and you had to reveal a password for a specific reason, change the password to something else afterward. Do it on a case by case basis and always have different passwords for everything. There are ways to make them similar so easy to remember but just add another word, letter or number to make it different for each site. i.e. if PASSWORD is your overall password, for the bank make it CHASEPASSWORD, for porn site FETISHPASSWORD, etc. Customize them. There is also a website that generates new passwords for you each time, I think. All he had to do was go in and change individual passwords on sites he didn't want you to see. Problem solved. My guess is he had lots of kinky sex sites on his laptop and was embarrassed you'd find out he had a yen for barnyard animals. Once you are married, you need to have each others passwords in case some legal issues came up and you needed important information.
veggirl Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hebby, from the additional info you've provided (you have access to his comp when he is not home and he knows and is okay with that) I take back my suspicions of shady behavior! So the issue is that you are upset cause he thinks you might snoop. But he doesn't think you will snoop, cause he leaves you with access to his stuff all the time. Plus, honestly a LOT of people WOULD snoop with that information / access...I would expect if I left someone sitting on my computer and I left for an hour, they would look at some stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if they did, I think lotsss of people would. So I wouldn't take it too personally if someone thought I might do that myself, ya know? But really, you already know he trusts you not to do that, cause he leaves you with his stuff regularly.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 She had access to his comp, but not the 3 year old one...and he wanted to go through and erase the password so that it was easier for you? how in the world can you be that stupid to believe something like that? you can't...It's just too obvious this person is trying to cover something up. I don't think couples are obligated to share passwords at any time during their relationship, including marriage...I think people are entitled to their privacy. I do however believe they should build trust and be honesty, some things are better left not going into detail about but he should have been much more honest about this situation and much less of an over -reactor, over something that normally everybody understands about privacy...If this was simply about privacy he would never acted this way...what do you people not understand about this?...this transcends the normal boundaries of privacy, his reaction put it on another level, his attitude, there is something there he is extremely insecure/afraid/paranoid about you finding out...and that is never a good sign, because the less you know, the less aware you'll be and If you just roll-over for a guy who pulls the "privacy" card every time he wants to cover something up, then he's going to guaranteed do this in the relationship in the future and not feel obligated to discussing certain things with you he does not wish to...you should not allow this to get away from you, this is extremely important to communicate about with your partner imo...women need to know what's going on....don't TRUST men when they're not giving you a reason to and something seems awry! don't learn the hard way, you will regret it! If it's in the past a man should be willing to give you the general overview of what something like this is about, not go into specific gruesome details but If a man really is over whatever that is and has nothing to hide then he's going to act accordingly to that creed...It's not going to be emotional and defensive, do people not understand this concept? It's a huge loop-hole to exploit for men, I find it disturbing how irrelevant these situations are to people and they tell themselves It was simply none of your business...a cheater/liar would exploit the hell out of that and you'd never know...an ex gf he is still in love with, there are so many things to hide under the privacy clause it's just ridiculous to let it slide that easily. But do it your way. If you were all over his ass giving him a reason not to trust you or be honest with you, that's one thing, but if it's just a normal relationship with no major trust issues...because obviously you have trust issues there's probably huge flags anyway...then you should be able to communicate about these things without defensive behavior. I believe things happened for a reason...and the situation you came across with your bf right now was not a coincidence, because what are the chances...things had to line up just right for that situation to even occur.
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