Onlyjonley Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 My boyfriend recently got his old laptop fixed so that I could use it. Tonight he was setting it up for me. All of his passwords were still saved on all of the most common websites. He was trying to find a way to clear all passwords but couldn't figure it out after awhile. So I said, "You know I'm not going to go snoop through your stuff: Do you not trust me?" He proceeded to slam shut the laptop and yell "I'm offended that you would accuse me of that! I'm just trying to help." and left the room. This is the first time in the 13 months we've been together that he has ever lost his temper with me or even raised his voice. I'm big on privacy and would never go through his personal stuff. I've told him this several times. Should I be concerned that he doesn't trust me or concerned with the reaction he had?
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 How old are you two? How old is the laptop? Early 20s. He hasn't used the laptop in probably 3 years.
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 He hasn't used the laptop in probably 3 years. There is your answer HW... He hasn't had a chance yet to clear out all the old stuff pre-your relationship.
sunlover Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Id imagine there are pictures or something he doesnt want you to see. Past is not present. Its ok to visit with the past once in a while, just as long as you dont make it a habit of spending the night. 1
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Id imagine there are pictures or something he doesnt want you to see. Past is not present. Its ok to visit with the past once in a while, just as long as you dont make it a habit of spending the night. He has a few pictures of his ex on his current comouter and didn't think it a big deal when I saw them. A couple months ago, I asked for his Netflix password one day at work when I didn't have anything to do, and he came up with a bs excuse not to give it to me. And that was just Netflix (I would never ask for email, fb etc).
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 He has a few pictures of his ex on his current comouter and didn't think it a big deal when I saw them. A couple months ago, I asked for his Netflix password one day at work when I didn't have anything to do, and he came up with a bs excuse not to give it to me. And that was just Netflix (I would never ask for email, fb etc). Many people use the same PW for all their accounts or a derivative of the same one anyhow, so if he gave you the netflix PW he might very well have been giving you the PW to his whole life. 4
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I don't want my bofriend readig my conversations with people on facebook or my private messages on here. I am very friendly and sexually open with men and love to discuss sex. Iam just like this, but only with people online of course.. I limit this versioh of myself, and would only talk sex and taboos to gay men and women in real life. Not men I know, who are attracted to me, who I am sitting down one on one with. THAT is why I do not want him ever looking through my computer. I also feel self conscious of the way I sound, in basic conversations with others! It sounds strange, I hate people listening to my phone conversations, and reading my personal messages. I had my diary and personal sh*t passed around in high school, and hate people even having access to my computer even, since: they can log onto my facebook or loveshack account. I log of facebook whenever my bf comes over here........!!!!!! ANd he rarly goes on the computer any ways, but just IN CASE. -----He could have trust issues based on having hsi trust shattered around emails and personal matters - the way I did or similar.... Or even just an ex who went through his phone. --------He could just be a private person, not even based on any past negative experiences ------------Or he could love you, but be worried that the way he comes across to people may rub you the wrong way. Your posts always indicate you gus are fine, from what I have read of you, though:) It does ot sound like a guy who is not into you, and who is out doing anything dubious.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 My boyfriend recently got his old laptop fixed so that I could use it. Tonight he was setting it up for me. All of his passwords were still saved on all of the most common websites. He was trying to find a way to clear all passwords but couldn't figure it out after awhile. So I said, "You know I'm not going to go snoop through your stuff: Do you not trust me?" He proceeded to slam shut the laptop and yell "I'm offended that you would accuse me of that! I'm just trying to help." and left the room. This is the first time in the 13 months we've been together that he has ever lost his temper with me or even raised his voice. I'm big on privacy and would never go through his personal stuff. I've told him this several times. Should I be concerned that he doesn't trust me or concerned with the reaction he had? Pretty funny in his defensive and over the top reaction to this situation...because It shows he has something to hide because If he didn't he would have just stayed calm...he can make all the excuses up he wants...he's definitely trying to avoid you seeing something, huge flag. Psst hebbywebby...you should try and get the password to see! It's probably very juicy!
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Sorry, I am half missing some keys on my keyboard and it is not working properly
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Psst hebbywebby...you should try and get the password to see! It's probably very juicy! I'm curious on why that would be a good idea... The laptop was last used 2 years before their current relationship so what he has on there is totally not her business and if she did get the PW and snoop she certainly would be throwing a huge red flag herself as she would be disrespecting his privacy without any reason to snoop
Sid6.7 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Something that has always puzzled me, and at times can piss me off. Just because someone is dating does not forgo the right to individual privacy. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) I'm curious on why that would be a good idea... The laptop was last used 2 years before their current relationship so what he has on there is totally not her business and if she did get the PW and snoop she certainly would be throwing a huge red flag herself as she would be disrespecting his privacy without any reason to snoop She gave him a pretty good reason to be curious...why wouldn't he say "Oh I know you won't snoop, I'd just like to clear some things out first"... Instead he did what men do when they've got something they REALLY don't want you to see, he blew up and became overly defensive and protective, way too emotional about it...so what is it that he's trying to keep secret that thinks would affect the way she views him? he's basically got something to hide...he made that extremely clear to me from his reaction. If a man ever reacts like this, this should be a big sign you're onto something...maybe it was in the past, and If so why would he care? unless It would have something that could affect the future? don't you think? I strongly believe so, nobody reacts like that for no reason....just for privacy, we all understand privacy. If it was in the past it was in the past right? would you react like that?...she just wanted him to feel like she could trust him, he didn't have to snap. Edited June 23, 2012 by Ninjainpajamas 1
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 But you are missing the point and trying to get her to mess up a good relationship by building and showing no respect for his belongings and privacy. The point that remains the largest is that the computer data is from his past ... 2 years before they dated. It is his every right to not want to share it.. hw.. Please don't snoop without a real reason 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 But you are missing the point and trying to get her to mess up a good relationship by building and showing no respect for his belongings and privacy. The point that remains the largest is that the computer data is from his past ... 2 years before they dated. It is his every right to not want to share it.. hw.. Please don't snoop without a real reason ::slams down keyboard:: I was just trying to help! No but seriously, Hebbywebby is a good girl, I doubt she would do anything like that so It was more of a half-joke... I just think his actions merit at the very least curiosity, there's no reason to act like that unless there's some extremely sensitive data he does not want her to read...this was an elaborate display of vulnerability and defensive maneuvering and I'm sure she'll never know exactly he was trying to hide or keep a secret...even if it was from the past, that would even lead me to be even more suspicious, because two years ago would be a considerable time in the past...so what's so sensitive about this data? hmmmmmmmm You can argue privacy all you want...but his demeanor and reaction says it's a little bit more than that. It was totally uncalled for.
mn311601 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I agree with the other poster, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean your right to individual privacy has ended. I wouldn't give a gf my passwords either, and if she gets pissed that I want to protect my online data she can go pound sand.
Leigh 87 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Just because he has something to hide, does not indicate it means he is not into her, or on the right track with her in the relationship.
Author Onlyjonley Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 For those saying I have no right to my boyfriend's passwords ..duh!! Did you not read my original post? I respect his privacy and would never ask for his passwords nor snoop if they were saved on the computer. Also ..the laptop may be 3 years old, but a lot of the passwords he still uses (Facebook, gmail, message boards, etc). The thing is ..he has a lot of these passwords saved on his current computer, which I use frequently, and he has never seemed to mind that I can see his personal pages there nor has he tried to hide anything. We talked about it last night some more and again he said he was just trying to help and make it easier, so that I wouldn't have to go through and clear out his information on each site. I'm not sure if this is just a bs excuse or what. And I honestly don't think he trusts me when I say I would never snoop. And that's upsetting.
Pierre Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Cheaters love to pull the "my privacy card". Most couples that are highly committed do not have these issues of privacy.
2sunny Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 His reaction is way out of line! That reaction would be enough for me to know that I don't intend to be with him for one minute longer. You didn't do anything wrong - yet he blew up and got mad. Expect more from him if you stay - its only a matter of time and circumstances that he shows more of his angry side... When you least expect it.
piggyoink Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I agree with the other poster, just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean your right to individual privacy has ended. I wouldn't give a gf my passwords either, and if she gets pissed that I want to protect my online data she can go pound sand. +1 Benjamin Franklin Quotes "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety"
january2011 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Did he have any issues regarding privacy and trust in previous relationship (romantic and platonic)? On the one hand, there could be some dishonesty/underhandedness going on or the situation triggered an escalated emotional response due to past bad experiences. Either way, something is not quite right. I don't think you have much to go on though unless he's more forthcoming and/or you experience something similar in the future to highlight an underlying trend. Unless you're desperate for the laptop, I suggest that you leave it with him and let him sort it out. Then he can give it to you once he's sure that it's in a state that he's happy with. As for the rest, perhaps file it away for now.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I knew someone who kept a secret from his girlfriend once. The guy acted real sketchy too. Turns out he was planning a surprise for her and didn't want to spoil it.
veggirl Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Yeah everyone on the first page was missing the obvious--the laptop may be 3 years old but he is likely using those passwords for current accounts (email, FB, etc) so the info he wants to protect is not 3 years old! Hebby, yes I would be worried. He over-reacted and I would want to know why. Even if there were issues in his past R regarding privacy, that is not your fault. I def think there is something he doesn't want you to see. If my BF asked for my passwords, I would tell him no but I wouldn't freak out or yell. I would feel weird if he had access to my FB / email / LS etc but not like...nervous (cause I'm not hiding anything), it would just feel a bit big brother to me... If i asked for his pw for something and he flipped out, yeah we'd be having a big talk and I would be suspicious for sure. eta: he trusts you when you are using his computer when he is there because he can see what you are doing. And you can't actually see his passwords. I mean I'm sure he knows you aren't gonna snoop through his email when he's sitting next to you, but if you knew the password he thinks you might do it at home and he doesn't want you to find something I'm afraid :-/
Recommended Posts