Cherry21 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 (edited) Ex broke up with me a month ago out of the blue, to me anyway, saying he wasn't feeling it. He said we could be friends. I tried talking to him again only ending up asking if we could try again. He's still adament. He began to wear new styles of clothing and smoking more, and wearing lots of new tattoos. Weeks later I try again half for friendship, this time through sms. He told me he's not ready to talk as friends yet and it won't happen anytime soon especially if I'm going to keep messaging him. He also sad he doesn't see us getting back together right now. I told him how hurt I was and how sad I was, he didn't say anything. I just apologized for messaging him so much and haven't messaged him since..Tryingy best to move, but a piece ofmy heart does't want to move. I feel pathetic and weak. Edited June 23, 2012 by Cherry21
hinatticus Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I felt weak today too. It sucks when you lose what you had.
Author Cherry21 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I felt weak today too. It sucks when you lose what you had. He told me he didn't care if I was confused and that he can't help me =/
hinatticus Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I'm 4 months post break up and my ex told me she couldn't give me closure. Wasn't her problem. All I wanted to know if she was seeing someone or felt something for someone else. Told me it was none of my business. My point is ex's tend to say some nasty things right after a break up. Right now we are friendly towards each other but i desperately want her back. She's the mother of my child! If you made mistakes or could've been better in any way, NOW is the time to step back and look at yourself. Of course your ex had a lot to do with the end of the relationship, but it's never too late to improve yourself. The worst thing you can do is dwell. I had a terrible day today. Felt like total ass;( Hope you feel better.
Ruby65 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 He told me he didn't care if I was confused and that he can't help me =/ This was very harsh of him to say. But in a way, it's a blessing that he's being so blunt with you. He's not giving you any false hopes. The truth is, he's right -- he CAN'T help you feel better right now. Any contact with him is only going to bring you more pain. But you still have your friends and family to support you and help you feel better and move past this painful place -- and you also everyone here on this board. You WILL get past this -- but contacting your ex isn't the way to do that. Accept the support and advice available to you here. You're going to be FINE! 2
Author Cherry21 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I told him that I apologized for how I was acting and that I don't care anymore. I just miss our friendship (lies) and that I hope we can be that. So, no hard feelings. His response was "Maybe...stop being weird" and then I told him I wasn't being weird, he is and that idgaf anymore. I told him I'll still give him space if he wanted, but whenever he's ready to talk I'm there. He said "I am your friend...and K. Thanks :P" He then sent me a goodnight message which was weird to me. Anyway after all of that I realized I should have never done that. I have no intentions of becoming his friend. If he calls me, which he's going to do, I'm just going to expect reconciliation, and that's what I want. I just figured at the time being friends is a good way to start...I'm going NC again. I've been crying for a month and he's been doing stupid ish with guys to try to get over me. It's only been 1 month. We've been together for almost 3 years. He said he misses me but isn't thinking about it. I honestly want to punch him in the jaw, next time I see him...
LovelyDaze Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I'm with Ruby. You need to distance yourself clear from your ex or you won't heal. It's like removing a scab and aggravating everyday. It won't heal and will leave a horrible mark. You can do it. Anyone who has decided that they no longer want you in their life(besides as a back up plan which is insulting) should be left alone. 1
Author Cherry21 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I'm with Ruby. You need to distance yourself clear from your ex or you won't heal. It's like removing a scab and aggravating everyday. It won't heal and will leave a horrible mark. You can do it. Anyone who has decided that they no longer want you in their life(besides as a back up plan which is insulting) should be left alone. That would be the plan now. Even though I told him lets be friends, I honestly don't want to be, not yet anyway..
LovelyDaze Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 That would be the plan now. Even though I told him lets be friends, I honestly don't want to be, not yet anyway.. Exactly. Wait until you feel indifferent about your ex. You will know the feeling: you couldn't care less if they have a new GF or not. In fact, you will be happy in your life that your ex will be a footnote and not the whole story. 1
Author Cherry21 Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 I honestly think it's not going to be anytime soon. I originally planned to give myself a month and then ask him how he feels, but chances are he'll feel the same even after a month..but I was going to talk to him casually..if he doesn't contact me anyway. After that I go back to college. I'll be so busy there that i'll hopefully forget about him.
LovelyDaze Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It'll be tough surely but walk through that fire. You will come out of it wiser and knowing you deserve someone better and who will treat you right. The way is to know that YOU do deserve it yourself. Definitely don't lapse on college. Focus as best you can, grieve when you have down time, and for each and every day that you heal...pat yourself on the back for not contacting him or accepting any further bull. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 He told me he didn't care if I was confused and that he can't help me =/ Ya, my ex said the same things, told me to "move on" etc. He completely discounted my feelings like they didn't matter. It hurt bad. I moved on, you will too, and his cold, uncaring nature will help you see the truth. I am polite and cordial with my ex now 5 months later (we work together). I am truly indifferent to him. We are "friends" in that we can hang out in the same group of friends and feel comfortable. He looks longingly at me now and wants to talk - I think to myself "If only you had done that a couple months ago, then you might still have a chance." Too bad, so sad. Move on. Don't let your ex get you down.
blotter Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Even though he is kinda leading you on with the whole "maybe" friends in the future thing, he is doing you a big favor with being blunt and honest with you. It seems he could of went the other way and rather easily have you on the back burner to dip into when he felt like it. At least he is being honest, he is over you and the relationship is over.
Radu Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ex broke up with me a month ago out of the blue, to me anyway, saying he wasn't feeling it. He said we could be friends. I tried talking to him again only ending up asking if we could try again. He's still adament. He began to wear new styles of clothing and smoking more, and wearing lots of new tattoos. Weeks later I try again half for friendship, this time through sms. He told me he's not ready to talk as friends yet and it won't happen anytime soon especially if I'm going to keep messaging him. He also sad he doesn't see us getting back together right now. I told him how hurt I was and how sad I was, he didn't say anything. I just apologized for messaging him so much and haven't messaged him since..Tryingy best to move, but a piece ofmy heart does't want to move. I feel pathetic and weak. You are not pathetic and weak, he was. Look up GIGS.
Gulf-Delta Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 Reconciliation is dependent on 2 things. 1. How strong and real your relationship was 2. Your decision to take him back or not Even if you're ****ing up bad now, if you guys shared REAL love, had discussed a future, and your relationship was based honesty, trust, etc. he will never forget that, and that's what he'll remember....in time. The more you screw up, the longer it'll take for him to remember the good. 1
Author Cherry21 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 You are not pathetic and weak, he was. Look up GIGS. I actually read that before and I honestly don't know if that's what's happening. From what I said, is that how you know? He's obviously not going to tell me there's someone else =| I understand and thank you from everyone. I'm at a point right now where I have nothing to cry about and I feel like punching a wall lol. Though I still feel a little empty, but not as empty as before. My anxiety is slowly going away too.
Author Cherry21 Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Reconciliation is dependent on 2 things. 1. How strong and real your relationship was 2. Your decision to take him back or not Even if you're ****ing up bad now, if you guys shared REAL love, had discussed a future, and your relationship was based honesty, trust, etc. he will never forget that, and that's what he'll remember....in time. The more you screw up, the longer it'll take for him to remember the good. I don't understand why I can't just stop talking to him. It's been a month since the BU. I asked him if we can hang out and try to clear the air a bit. He says "maybe one day this week" and I ask if he thinks it's too soon? He says "idk" I asked him if he doesn't want to see me he says "I never said I didn't, don't assume things".. I don't know what to say to him anymore without sounding so weird.. I feel like I'm forcing him on something he never actually wants. I'm trying to talk to him as a friend, like before but I don't know why. He's been treating me so coldly, is that what friends do? In the relationship I was somewhat of a pushover, always giving him what I wanted, and it was evident I was the one who always tried a bit harder. I would text him all the time and call almost every night. When he broke up with me saying he wasn't into it, he had a hard time looking at me. He said he was trying to get over it as well (which makes no sense to me! If he broke up with me) and then flashed the "let's be friends" lines at me! I'm so confused! When I told him my confusion, he was just so cold and I keep wanting to talk to him and I end up doing it. When he messages me back it seems so "Idc" .. I don't understand myself at all NC is so hard
Ruby65 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I feel like I'm forcing him on something he never actually wants. You feel this way because -- for now, not forever -- it's true. NC is very, very difficult. It requires maturity and self-discipline. But if you don't force yourself to do this, no matter how much it hurts, you only drive the other person farther away. In truth, he doesn't want you in his life right now. If he tells you differently, or offers to be friends, it's only to spare your feelings. IF you can get it together to not contact him for a while, these feelings will change
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