tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I'm curious what people would do in this situation. Met a girl online late last week and she wanted to immediately jump to the phone. I chatted on the phone with her for about 20 minutes last Saturday, have since shared 1-2 e-mails (essentially to set up another time to chat), then talked with her for about 45 minutes on Wednesday - things seemed to go pretty well. On the call on Wednesday we talked about meeting up. There was some hint of potentially having time to meet-up on Satuday (Tomorrow), or else we'd figure out something either Sunday or early next week. On that call, we mentioned that we'd get in touch a bit closer to the weekend to see how each other's schedules panned out. My impression is/was that we both want(ed) to hang out tomorrow, but that neither of us were willing to say that we had Saturday free. That said, it's Friday night - how should I follow-up with her to see if things will work out for tomorrow, or to figure out something later this week? And when should I follow-up? Tonight or tomorrow morning/early afternoon? A text is obviously easy - but we haven't texted. A call obviously gets more info - but is more intrusive - it's Friday night now, so it might be weird, and I know she's busy tomorrow (Saturday), until at least 3 p.m. E-mail - well, she wanted to migrate away from e-mail pretty quickly, and she openly says she's not terribly responsive via e-mail (although she's been pretty good in responding to me). She does have the app on her phone, though, for the online dating site, so she'd likely see it... Curious about timing and method of contact. I'm thinking that not meeting tomorrow (Saturday) is probably easiest, and instead simply pushing for an evening early this coming week. Tell me what you'd do? Your thoughts are awesome and welcomed!
henderson14 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I would definitely text her. You shouldn't be emailing at all anymore.
2sunny Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Call! You need to hear her voice! Ask for a date on a certain day and time "can you do dinner Tuesday at 7?" Be clear! Stop throwing so many days out there without her firm commitment!
henderson14 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Call! You need to hear her voice! Ask for a date on a certain day and time "can you do dinner Tuesday at 7?" Be clear! Stop throwing so many days out there without her firm commitment! It's always better to follow up a call with a text, not another call. This gives her time to think about it and makes you seem less stalkerish in these early stages. You don't want to keep calling her over and over.
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Sounds like a toss up between call and text. Would it be weird to call to simply say I can't see her Saturday - obviously I'd propose a specific day/time - such as Tuesday. The only concern I have with a call is that she's busy until ~3, so things would definitely be last minute... Alternatively - would text be weird if we've never texted? I'm a bit of a novice with online girls - the majority I've met didn't involve either text or calling prior to meeting...so when they seem to prefer that, I'm a bit lost...as I have never met them...
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 It's always better to follow up a call with a text, not another call. This gives her time to think about it and makes you seem less stalkerish in these early stages. You don't want to keep calling her over and over. Is talking twice on the phone prior to an OLD weird? I haven't done that before - but she seemed to want to talk...
Feelsgoodman Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Dude, why are you talking on the phone so much? Unless your number starts with 1-900, you shouldn't spend hours chatting with broads you haven't even met. What's the point of that? When I get a girl's phone number, I normally exchange a couple of texts, than call her up and have a 10-15 min convo, max. At the end, I would arrange a date at a specific time and place - no "hints" or assumptions or other BS.
henderson14 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 As feelsgood said, why are you calling her so much if you haven't even met her? Save that for when you know you actually have a relationship of some kind. Right now your goal is simply information on the how, when, and where to meet. No need for a call. I've met a lot of girls from OLD and this is how we have always done things. One call max before you meet. Text to confirm dates and schedules and everything in between.
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Ok - apparently two calls is overkill - but that's done. As mentioned- she seemed to want to talk versus e-mail - so I said fine...the conversations flowed well and each time I actually had to make up an excuse to get off the line as she wanted to keep talking... As for the ambigity in date/time - well I had essentially asked her when she was free - and she gave me the, "I might be free then kind of thing", so that was more of an abstract entity. Yes - I realize - at least now - that I should have proposed something definitive - but again, what's done is done. So what would you do in the situation - as is - as opposed to figuring out what I should have done differently. The insight is great and very helpful for future OLD - but it doesn't add clarity to my current situation... Right now I'm thinking text in the morning and proposing Tuesday night - 8 pm at a specific place that's near her neighborhood...
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 If a man suggested a date on a certain day and I didn't hear from him the day before to confirm, I'd assume he'd changed his mind and was history. Just call, text or email and say "Are we still on for_____?" Or "Just following up on our conversation. "(This day) and (that day) work for me, how about you?" If she is stalling that is another problem altogether. Have you seen recent photos?
Feelsgoodman Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ok - apparently two calls is overkill - but that's done. As mentioned- she seemed to want to talk versus e-mail - so I said fine...the conversations flowed well and each time I actually had to make up an excuse to get off the line as she wanted to keep talking... That's not a good sign man...if she wants to talk your ears off before you have even met, chances are she's just looking for someone to talk to. When a woman wants to meet you, she'd save the convo for the date. You've already invested over an hour talking to this girl and you haven't even met her. Waste of time. As for the ambigity in date/time - well I had essentially asked her when she was free - and she gave me the, "I might be free then kind of thing", so that was more of an abstract entity. Yes - I realize - at least now - that I should have proposed something definitive - but again, what's done is done. More proof she's not interested in meeting up and is just wasting your time. If she wanted to meet, she'd wouldn't be ambiguous. She'd find time if she wanted to, believe me.
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 If a man suggested a date on a certain day and I didn't hear from him the day before to confirm, I'd assume he'd changed his mind and was history. Just call, text or email and say "Are we still on for_____?" Or "Just following up on our conversation. "(This day) and (that day) work for me, how about you?" If she is stalling that is another problem altogether. Have you seen recent photos? FitChick, I'll follow up with her in the morning, and just suggest a day/time. I don't think she's stalling - but that's more of a gut feel. As far as I know, I've seen recent photos, but none have a time stamp in the corner. The only reason I think I've seen relatively recent photos is because she started work as a personal trainer at a gym apparently a year ago, and one of the photos is of her at work - so presumably it's not more than a year old, unless she's telling stories. I'll find out if she's stalling following the text in the morning.
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 That's not a good sign man...if she wants to talk your ears off before you have even met, chances are she's just looking for someone to talk to. When a woman wants to meet you, she'd save the convo for the date. You've already invested over an hour talking to this girl and you haven't even met her. Waste of time. Very possible. As for an hour - I spent about 3 minutes on e-mail and an hour on the phone...that's not a huge investment, but certainly non-trivial. It could certainly be a waste - I'll find out soon enough. More proof she's not interested in meeting up and is just wasting your time. If she wanted to meet, she'd wouldn't be ambiguous. She'd find time if she wanted to, believe me. Possibly -my guess is the ambiguity stems from the call on Wednesday night, and not wanting to definitely say Friday or Saturday...but agreed - the ambiguity isn't a good sign. Although to be fair, she does seem a bit shy...
FitChick Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 General rule of thumb is for first meets to be during the week and you save the weekend for someone special. Exception for weekends would be daytime only dates for first meets. Then if things go well,you have the option of continuing the date into the evening. She might have been holding the weekend for someone she's already met.
Author tivoconga Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 General rule of thumb is for first meets to be during the week and you save the weekend for someone special. Agreed - which is why I think I got ambiguous answers about timing (we chatted on Wednesday, so unless we set up something for the next day, it was probably going to fall on the weekend, or else we'd be setting something up for almost a week out), although perhaps that's just wishful thinking - I didn't propose Saturday - she brought it up in a soft, squishy, uncertain kind of way. Exception for weekends would be daytime only dates for first meets. Then if things go well,you have the option of continuing the date into the evening. Agreed - the truth is that I have an first date already booked for Saturday afternoon (with a different, cute girl)- the problem with online dating - women come in droves... She might have been holding the weekend for someone she's already met. Possible - I have no way of knowing, and it really doesn't matter. If she's found someone that makes her happy, I'm happy for her.
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