villageman Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hey all, I'm unexpectedly single at 30. Up until several months ago, I was in a relationship that I thought would go the distance, but then it ended! I am in grad school right now and I don't have time to really date, (that contributed to the breakup too) and also this breakup was pretty traumatic and I still need a little more time to heal, so I'm going to wait until grad school is finished before I start dating again. Anyways, for all you over 30 guys out there, or really for anyone, is my age going to make things more difficult when I finally get back onto the scene? I never worried about this before, but lately it's started to freak me out. I was last out on the dating scene in my mid 20s. I didn't have a very good job, but I was good looking, young, intelligent and friendly, and I found it relatively easy to meet women. I'm probably still good looking, still intelligent, am getting a master's degree and am still friendly... I'm just getting a bit older now Will it be harder to meet women in my early to mid 30s? I've never really dated younger before, but I think I might like to try a little younger this time, like mid to late 20s. It's mostly because, I won't be ready to have kids right away and I'd like a few years with my next partner before there's pressure to have kids... which is something I worry about a little if I date women in their 30s. I've never dated a woman in her 30s though, so maybe this is not true either? I don't know! A couple of points, and I don't know if they make much of a difference or not 1. I look fairly young, and I'm in good shape. This is a plus, right? 2. I'm pretty much starting life over from scratch. I know some guys in their 30s have lots of money, and are higher up the career ladder. This won't be me, at least not before I'm 35 or so. I think this might hurt me a bit. 3. I'm ready to settle down if I meet an awesome girl. Actually, that's really what I want, an awesome girl who's ready to be my partner for life. This is good, yes? 4. But, I have high standards. My last girlfriend was amazing, super beautiful, super smart, really awesome, (she dumped me because of career/life incompatibilities), and I want my next girl to be just as awesome. I think this might make things tough for me. Ok, lots of questions, sorry if this is confusing. But if anyone has any insights on what dating is like for a early/mid 30s professional man, please let me know. I want to find a great girl, so I'd like to know what I should be doing to make that happen, and also what I should be careful of. Thanks!
Joaquin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I read your post and I thought you were a woman until you said you were a guy. Dude. You sound like a woman. 3
fishtaco Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 30-40 is a man's golden age for dating. You can go for women in their early 20's to MILFs in their 40's. And you still have your youth, but at the same time, you have more money because you should have a career by now. Women love men with careers. Be single and enjoy. Dating is a number game. Meet lots of women, date lots of women. Remember, there are a lot of crazies out there. Don't just jump into a relationship and pop out a baby. You'll regret it. Keep your standards high. 1
january2011 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 It would be a lot harder if you were a woman. As it stands, the only things that may be holding you back are that you haven't given yourself enough time to get over your ex, you don't have time to date, high expectations and possibly can't afford to date - the latter is a contentious issue but realistically is a potential source of conflict. However, if you date another recent grad student, at least you'd be in a similar boat. Regarding your high expectations, you're allowed to have preferences but it's important to realise and accept that those might limit your dating pool. I'd also suggest being honest about the kids issue during the early stages of dating and if you have the talk. Better to get it out early so that neither of you are wasting your time. It's important to make sure that she accepts that you're unlikely to change your mind about this.
Joaquin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Milfs are great. Theyll do a cooked breakfast as well.
olivec Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hey all, I'm unexpectedly single at 30. Up until several months ago, I was in a relationship that I thought would go the distance, but then it ended! I am in grad school right now and I don't have time to really date, (that contributed to the breakup too) and also this breakup was pretty traumatic and I still need a little more time to heal, so I'm going to wait until grad school is finished before I start dating again. Anyways, for all you over 30 guys out there, or really for anyone, is my age going to make things more difficult when I finally get back onto the scene? I never worried about this before, but lately it's started to freak me out. I was last out on the dating scene in my mid 20s. I didn't have a very good job, but I was good looking, young, intelligent and friendly, and I found it relatively easy to meet women. I'm probably still good looking, still intelligent, am getting a master's degree and am still friendly... I'm just getting a bit older now Will it be harder to meet women in my early to mid 30s? I've never really dated younger before, but I think I might like to try a little younger this time, like mid to late 20s. It's mostly because, I won't be ready to have kids right away and I'd like a few years with my next partner before there's pressure to have kids... which is something I worry about a little if I date women in their 30s. I've never dated a woman in her 30s though, so maybe this is not true either? I don't know! A couple of points, and I don't know if they make much of a difference or not 1. I look fairly young, and I'm in good shape. This is a plus, right? 2. I'm pretty much starting life over from scratch. I know some guys in their 30s have lots of money, and are higher up the career ladder. This won't be me, at least not before I'm 35 or so. I think this might hurt me a bit. 3. I'm ready to settle down if I meet an awesome girl. Actually, that's really what I want, an awesome girl who's ready to be my partner for life. This is good, yes? 4. But, I have high standards. My last girlfriend was amazing, super beautiful, super smart, really awesome, (she dumped me because of career/life incompatibilities), and I want my next girl to be just as awesome. I think this might make things tough for me. Ok, lots of questions, sorry if this is confusing. But if anyone has any insights on what dating is like for a early/mid 30s professional man, please let me know. I want to find a great girl, so I'd like to know what I should be doing to make that happen, and also what I should be careful of. Thanks! First off welcome to the 30's club so imbrace it. Dating in your 3o's can be great because usually by this time people are settled into their careers more calmer and ready to settle down with someone. i'm 33 myself have a house and work for the govt. however things haven't actually went smooth lately. I was with someone for 1.5 yrs but unfortunaly i wanted kids and she wasn't sure about that so things ended. my last relationship was about a year ago she was 29 when i met her lasted 6 months she was too much into the club scene still and i just didn't want any of that. i think the biggest thing is to stay calm and don't settle for just the next cute girl you see. honestly your still really young so don't rush into anything even if you think you do. i know for myself i've been really happy being single lately i just let the whole worry of myself finding someone go and just embrace what i have. eitherway you'll find the right girl for you , just don't stress over it.
henderson14 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Your a guy so you can always date down in age. You will be fine as long as you move to a big city. 1
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 The best time to meet a commitment worthy person is while you are still in college... that's if you really want to be in a committed relationship. Most of the guys on LS are either frustrated guys who can't get dates or enjoy dating for sport. Very few are actually looking to get married and start a family. Just an FYI. Once you get out in the real world, it will be much tougher to find women to date. First off... Women you work with are hesitant to date men they work with. You will be just as wrapped up in your work as you are grad school... except the pool of available women will shrink much more... and will continue to shrink as you approach 40 and beyond. Then you will be diving into the pool of ladies who have children and/or are divorced. Even those, you'll likely have to meet doing OLD... So despite the happy, happy pitch here by your fellow 30-something mates, you really don't have forever, fella. If I were you, I'd carve out some time in your busy grad-school life to date. Your prospects really don't get much better after that from what I can observe from my male colleagues. Nearly all of them married women they met in college.
SJC2008 Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 At 30, good looking and educated it should be like shooting fish in a barell for the 25+ range so don't worry at all.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 You'll have an easy time at your age, and you meet the "total package" prerequisite requirements by women in their late 20's, 30's looking to settle down. General expectations: You'll find younger men interested in you because you're still young enough (as long as you have your hair), seen as mature, more romantically captivating and since you make a decent living and have your stuff together they'll think you're all great, especially since you are good looking. Some may not be interested initially but most women are fools for older men at some point in their lives, imo. You'll find women in their late 20's, 30's sizing you up as marriage/long-term relationship material, less inclined to just date around and "have fun", you'll meet their requirements due to your personal choices to establish a career so expect a hard push into the committed phase as women are looking towards getting married and having kids as they're settling into their own lives and looking for a partner. It depends on the caliber and type of woman you are seeking and the background, since you're aiming high you may find some women out of your league with your desirable qualities in looks...some of these women have figured out they have a lot of options using their good looks, and they may take the highest bidder (have desirable traits). But in general depending on personality you still have a chance and not all women are this way, some are grounded and just career-oriented and expect to take care of themselves. This may be different from your memory as the dynamic dating in your early to mid 20's isn't so superficial based..now it's all about the total package. But then again you'd be a hypocrite too to a degree complaining about their standards since yours may be equally as high as well. You'll also find an interest from women in their later years that in your 20's you wouldn't be appealing, maybe physically but not relationship wise so much. Women in their late 30's, 40's and 50's may approach you If you do the online dating thing or visit the "cougar" bars/lounges/chain restaurants. They're likely divorced, have children and past the rush hour traffic phase of settling down and rushing into marriage, It may vary however based on past experience. Looking for different more genuine/sincere qualities at the qualities they desired in their late 20's and 30's aren't the same after experience has taught them otherwise. ................................... That's basically the gist of it...dating is not for the weak hearted, remember you'll need to learn the in's and out's to a degree, kind of like a recalibration of what people are looking for and expect, being that you have some of the desirable qualities already going into it, it should be an easier transition. However you may find a wider array of qualities and expectations that women are looking for than you remember, and coming from a relationship you may be used to a more comforting and forgiving world. I'm sure you'll do fine though, the only question is how hard will it be for you to attain your ideal girl...you may find yourself bending some of those expectations or realizing that they're not so easily attainable and available as you remember them being, as younger guys didn't have much to offer at that time...now these women are getting attacked on all fronts...older men looking for a younger piece of @ss, younger fitter/hotter guys looking for exploit their youthfulness and physiques, and guys your age who are experienced and also have their ***** together...so it becomes a game of options and women know themselves a bit better than they did when they were younger. Mid 20's will probably be you're easiest target range to start out with, and you'll already have a few brownie points just for being older to start out with. I wouldn't go younger than that though, or you're likely not going to find much substance, even mid 20's for you maybe be too much of a disconnect as it is, depends on the woman.
thatone Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 1. I look fairly young, and I'm in good shape. This is a plus, right? 2. I'm pretty much starting life over from scratch. I know some guys in their 30s have lots of money, and are higher up the career ladder. This won't be me, at least not before I'm 35 or so. I think this might hurt me a bit. 3. I'm ready to settle down if I meet an awesome girl. Actually, that's really what I want, an awesome girl who's ready to be my partner for life. This is good, yes? 4. But, I have high standards. My last girlfriend was amazing, super beautiful, super smart, really awesome, (she dumped me because of career/life incompatibilities), and I want my next girl to be just as awesome. I think this might make things tough for me. Ok, lots of questions, sorry if this is confusing. But if anyone has any insights on what dating is like for a early/mid 30s professional man, please let me know. I want to find a great girl, so I'd like to know what I should be doing to make that happen, and also what I should be careful of. Thanks! 1. of course 2. not really. everyone is poor except for the few that aren't. that's the nature of our economy in the civilized west these days 3. don't get too hung up on finding another relationship. you'll find that meeting women at your age is, as another poster said, like shooting fish in a barrel. it's simply due to numbers, as posted above you can draw from three decks. the 25 year olds, the slightly older ones, and the ones your own age. 4. by all means, set the bar high. as we're telling you, you're in your prime. don't marry a crazy 25 year old just because she's 25, don't put up with a lot of baggage from divorcees, and don't settle for the first one who comes along just because she's willing to chase you (which will happen). decide what you want and go look for it. i'm 35, fwiw, and in the same boat. never been married, never really wanted to be. and i've had more women in the past 5 years than i did in the previous 10 in my 20s. welcome to the good years, have a blast.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 ... also realize this... the kind of woman you appear to be most qualified and desire a commitment with, likely won't accept men who have done alot of dating and messing around sexually. There is a happy medium here. They are looking for a man who dates with intention... not just to see what he can get away with or the one who is always seeking to 'trade up'... whatever that means. Notice that few of these guys talk about character here. They talk about superficial things and seem to get their egos boosted over 'numbers' of women, instead of the quality of the women whom they spend time with. so, the 'shooting fish in a barrel' and all the bragging about getting lots of women... I'd take that with a grain of salt, if you want to be in a committed relationship with a quality woman. One last thing... choose your friends wisely. Both male and female friends. The highest quality women around your age will be surveying the sum of your life and choices... not just superficial things.
thatone Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 just because that's what you've decided you want doesn't mean most or even some other women want the same thing. for one thing there's no way for a new woman he's met to know how many sexual partners he's had. as much as casual sex has become 'ok' for women, it has been 'ok' for men forever. men are in no way harshly judged by friends, family, or coworkers for getting casual sex from some drunken girl in bar. in fact they're applauded for it. for your very unlikely scenario to play out two very unlikely things have to happen.. a) men you meet have to tell you the truth about their personal life very early, despite having no good reason to do so b) men you meet have to hang around like lost puppy dogs when you hit them with insecurity and accusation. so your scenario might be the best way to catch the most promising doormat, but that's about it.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 just because that's what you've decided you want doesn't mean most or even some other women want the same thing. for one thing there's no way for a new woman he's met to know how many sexual partners he's had. as much as casual sex has become 'ok' for women, it has been 'ok' for men forever. men are in no way harshly judged by friends, family, or coworkers for getting casual sex from some drunken girl in bar. in fact they're applauded for it. for your very unlikely scenario to play out two very unlikely things have to happen.. a) men you meet have to tell you the truth about their personal life very early, despite having no good reason to do so b) men you meet have to hang around like lost puppy dogs when you hit them with insecurity and accusation. so your scenario might be the best way to catch the most promising doormat, but that's about it. You assume that women have to be told what a man's sexual history and dating style is... that she can't tell by his behavior and how he approaches her. Maybe those early 20 somethings can't tell, but the women in his age range (especially the smart savvy ones he's likely to meet in grad school and are gonna get snatched up quicker than shyte by other smart savvy guys) can figure it out pretty quick. ... and I disagree that men are not judged harshly for being sexually irresponsible in certain social circles. They absolutely are... and will be excluded from dating within those circles if he makes a habit of it. Let's keep it to what the OP says he's looking for. I'm giving him advice on how to attract women in his social circle who are open to marriage and family. You don't attract those kind of women by routinely using poor judgement when it comes to whom you sleep with. Women like this observe more than you give them credit for. Not all of them care to share why they rejected the guy or hit him with accusations. They just politely refuse requests for more dates.
Author villageman Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Hey all, thanks for all of the advice. Redrobin, this shouldn't be a problem for me. I pretty much only date with intention and I actually kind of hate casual dating. I'm 30 now, and I've been in 3 serious relationships since college, each lasting 1 to 2 years. I have two major problems that have caused the end of relationships. First, I've lived a pretty crazy life. I've been living overseas since I was about 24, and only recently came back to the states for school. My last girlfriend was actually Japanese. I didn't have a great job, life was never stable, and it made it hard to really focus on the relationship. The other problem is that I can be a selfish, insensitive ass sometimes. I didn't realize that until this last breakup, but it was definitely true. I won't be a doormat in the next relationship, but I did realize I was way too focused on just what I could get out of the relationship and not what I was putting in to it. The problem with dating with intention though, is that it makes me SUPER picky. If I don't think a woman makes good potential girlfriend/wife material, I probably won't even ask her for a first date. My second serious girlfriend kind of ruined my standards. She was gorgeous, really sweet, I thought we got along well, but after we'd dated for about a year she decided she wanted to do a working holiday abroad and broke up with me. I was devastated then too, because I thought for sure that she was the girl for me. I spent most of the next 4 years looking for a girl that I could live up to her. I finally found her when I was 28, she was the girl I recently broke up with, and she pushed the bar even higher. Nobody has ever treated me better, and on top of that she was also super model gorgeous, super smart, super kind... just awesome. Only problem, I was freaking out about my career (or lack there of) decided I needed to come back to the states for a grad degree, and she couldn't hack the long distance relationship and ended up hooking up with an olympic athlete who started chasing after her after I'd moved to school. In hindsight, I should have asked her to marry me and come with, but she had a good job and I didn't want her to give that up, because I thought we could hack the year or so of LDR. Anyway, I guess all of that is just to say, I don't like to mess around. I almost always date with intention, but things just haven't worked out. Once it was because I was too young, once was because she had other plans, and once was because of grad school and a long distance relationship. Honestly, I could probably start dating right now if I wanted to. There are girls at my school that I know are interested in me, but none of them come close to either of my 2 previous exes. If I dated them, I'd be doing that knowing from the start that I wasn't interested in really taking things very far, and I just don't work that way. I'm waiting until I find that next girl who just completely blows me away. I know she's out there, but I also know it takes a lot of time... and maybe luck, to find people like this. When I was in my 20s, I wasn't too worried, I still felt like I had plenty of time, but now that I've started to wonder if I'll be able to find this kind of woman again before I get too old.
Author villageman Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 anyway, it sounds like from the advice here, as long as I play my cards right, I should have at least another chance or two to hit the jackpot. keeping my fingers crossed.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hey all, thanks for all of the advice. Redrobin, this shouldn't be a problem for me. I pretty much only date with intention and I actually kind of hate casual dating. I'm 30 now, and I've been in 3 serious relationships since college, each lasting 1 to 2 years. I have two major problems that have caused the end of relationships. First, I've lived a pretty crazy life. I've been living overseas since I was about 24, and only recently came back to the states for school. My last girlfriend was actually Japanese. I didn't have a great job, life was never stable, and it made it hard to really focus on the relationship. The other problem is that I can be a selfish, insensitive ass sometimes. I didn't realize that until this last breakup, but it was definitely true. I won't be a doormat in the next relationship, but I did realize I was way too focused on just what I could get out of the relationship and not what I was putting in to it. The problem with dating with intention though, is that it makes me SUPER picky. If I don't think a woman makes good potential girlfriend/wife material, I probably won't even ask her for a first date. My second serious girlfriend kind of ruined my standards. She was gorgeous, really sweet, I thought we got along well, but after we'd dated for about a year she decided she wanted to do a working holiday abroad and broke up with me. I was devastated then too, because I thought for sure that she was the girl for me. I spent most of the next 4 years looking for a girl that I could live up to her. I finally found her when I was 28, she was the girl I recently broke up with, and she pushed the bar even higher. Nobody has ever treated me better, and on top of that she was also super model gorgeous, super smart, super kind... just awesome. Only problem, I was freaking out about my career (or lack there of) decided I needed to come back to the states for a grad degree, and she couldn't hack the long distance relationship and ended up hooking up with an olympic athlete who started chasing after her after I'd moved to school. In hindsight, I should have asked her to marry me and come with, but she had a good job and I didn't want her to give that up, because I thought we could hack the year or so of LDR. Anyway, I guess all of that is just to say, I don't like to mess around. I almost always date with intention, but things just haven't worked out. Once it was because I was too young, once was because she had other plans, and once was because of grad school and a long distance relationship. Honestly, I could probably start dating right now if I wanted to. There are girls at my school that I know are interested in me, but none of them come close to either of my 2 previous exes. If I dated them, I'd be doing that knowing from the start that I wasn't interested in really taking things very far, and I just don't work that way. I'm waiting until I find that next girl who just completely blows me away. I know she's out there, but I also know it takes a lot of time... and maybe luck, to find people like this. When I was in my 20s, I wasn't too worried, I still felt like I had plenty of time, but now that I've started to wonder if I'll be able to find this kind of woman again before I get too old. It appears you have a healthy balance between accountability and self-awareness. Should bode well for you. I bolded something that caught my eye.. It reminds me of the marriage between a good friend of mine and her husband (they met in grad-school themselves). She broke up with him because he wasn't asking her to marry him within a certain time frame. There was no ultimatum. She was prepared to never be with him again. But she wasn't prepared to hold herself off the market for a man who wouldn't commit to her... About a month after they broke up, he asked her to marry him. They have been happily married now for over 10 years and they have two children So, question for you. Any possibility of getting back together with your last girlfriend? It doesn't sound like there has been any betrayal on either side and you still care for her. What would she say if you called her out of the blue and asked her to marry you?
Shaun-Dro Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Hey all, I'm unexpectedly single at 30. Up until several months ago, I was in a relationship that I thought would go the distance, but then it ended! I am in grad school right now and I don't have time to really date, (that contributed to the breakup too) and also this breakup was pretty traumatic and I still need a little more time to heal, so I'm going to wait until grad school is finished before I start dating again. Anyways, for all you over 30 guys out there, or really for anyone, is my age going to make things more difficult when I finally get back onto the scene? I never worried about this before, but lately it's started to freak me out. I was last out on the dating scene in my mid 20s. I didn't have a very good job, but I was good looking, young, intelligent and friendly, and I found it relatively easy to meet women. I'm probably still good looking, still intelligent, am getting a master's degree and am still friendly... I'm just getting a bit older now Will it be harder to meet women in my early to mid 30s? I've never really dated younger before, but I think I might like to try a little younger this time, like mid to late 20s. It's mostly because, I won't be ready to have kids right away and I'd like a few years with my next partner before there's pressure to have kids... which is something I worry about a little if I date women in their 30s. I've never dated a woman in her 30s though, so maybe this is not true either? I don't know! A couple of points, and I don't know if they make much of a difference or not 1. I look fairly young, and I'm in good shape. This is a plus, right? 2. I'm pretty much starting life over from scratch. I know some guys in their 30s have lots of money, and are higher up the career ladder. This won't be me, at least not before I'm 35 or so. I think this might hurt me a bit. 3. I'm ready to settle down if I meet an awesome girl. Actually, that's really what I want, an awesome girl who's ready to be my partner for life. This is good, yes? 4. But, I have high standards. My last girlfriend was amazing, super beautiful, super smart, really awesome, (she dumped me because of career/life incompatibilities), and I want my next girl to be just as awesome. I think this might make things tough for me. Ok, lots of questions, sorry if this is confusing. But if anyone has any insights on what dating is like for a early/mid 30s professional man, please let me know. I want to find a great girl, so I'd like to know what I should be doing to make that happen, and also what I should be careful of. Thanks! What's wrong with you? Forget women in their 30s. They all have chips on their shoulders from unrealistic standards and bad experiences from men, which were mostly their own faults. Instead, go younger especially if you're gonna be making the big bucks. Go as young as you can legally go and just have fun. And remember, to never get emotionally attached to a woman. Her mind changes too much for you to take her seriously. Expertise and wisdom speaks volumes.
oaks Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I don't have time to really date, That could be a problem! Anyways, for all you over 30 guys out there, or really for anyone, is my age going to make things more difficult when I finally get back onto the scene? It shouldn't be a problem unless you're trying to date teenagers. 1. I look fairly young, and I'm in good shape. This is a plus, right? If I had a dollar for every girl I met who said that she looked young for her age I'd have enough cash for two dinners and drinks on my next date. I'm not sure it really helps - some people will think you look younger than you are and are "too young" for what they're looking for. Some people will find out your actual age and decide that you're "too old" regardless of how you look. I suspect that cancels out the upside.
grkBoy Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 villageman, I would tell you to be careful with those standards. I used to get dates with super-hot women I met in the club scene, but I found that just because one would let you buy them dinner or even drunkenly make out with you, it doesn't mean they'll commit to you as your girlfriend. I only say this in that you should not let your standards get in the way of an ideal woman. I know when I met my fiance, at first I thought she was "ok" looking, but that was my own fault because I was still imagining a slender beautiful brunette...not a blonde with shorter hair. If I had really been stupid I would have passed her up...thankfully I didn't. Now I can't imagine any of those other women I'd pursue in my past. I think you're on the right path with waiting til you finish grad school. I went to grad school in my early 30s and I'll tell you it was hard to try to date, not just because of the work load, but at the time I was living at home and fixing my life after the dotcom crash and economic downturn ruined me. Despite that I had plans and worked to move up again...women still passed me up because they only saw a 30something guy who isn't "established". I'd tell you that when you go job hunting after grad school, keep in mind the work load and social aspects of potential employers. If you perhaps get into a company with a good mix of people, you can make friendships, go for after-work happy hours, and thus those people eventually will invite you into their personal lives...where their single attractive friends will meet you. Suddenly it's your coworker's wife who wants you to meet her recently divorced friend that you think is hot as hell...jackpot. Now if your workplace is let's say filled with "settled down" folk, older people, foreigners who don't go out or intermix socially with "outsiders", then you'll have to venture out on your own. Join a gym where you see plenty of desirable people go, take "fun classes" you might want to do, just go out and make social capital. Friends, people, etc...they will be the folks who just might decide to nudge you towards others. I'd also suggest you don't hold a ban on single moms. I'd understand you not dating a single mom who has her life in a mess with loads of drama, but if you meet an attractive divorced single mom, don't pass her up. In our 30s, it's hard to meet attractive successful childless women who aren't holding out for some unattainable standard of male. Most attractive successful childless women I meet now in my 30s are generally too picky, flaky, and/or have loads of baggage from past bad decisions.
Author villageman Posted June 23, 2012 Author Posted June 23, 2012 Redrobin, yes I thought about this actually, but not long after she broke up with me she started seeing another guy, and it seems like he treats her well and that she really likes him. Pretty sure she's totally moved on. I have t meet her next month to talk about a cat that we owned together that she has at the moment, so I'll probably test the waters a little, but I can see the writing on the wall for this one, and it's pretty clear that this relationship isn't coming back. grkboy, I know, I agree that standards are dangerous, but it's a fine line. I am not in any way attracted to hot girls at the club or bar, well just beyond base physical attraction, but they aren't the type of girls I'd ever consider dating. But my last girlfriend was that hot AND a pretty great person all around. I met her through a friend, she never went out to the club, wasn't that kind of girl. She's a hard standard for the next girl to live up to, and I know it's not fair to compare people but I don't think I'll be happy if I feel like the next person I date isn't as great as my last gf. I'm sure she's out there, but finding her could be tough But I'm gonna try to be open, as soon as I get out of grad school, I'm going to try and get back into the dating scene fast, meet as many women as I can until I find an awesome one.
RedRobin Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Redrobin, yes I thought about this actually, but not long after she broke up with me she started seeing another guy, and it seems like he treats her well and that she really likes him. Pretty sure she's totally moved on. I have t meet her next month to talk about a cat that we owned together that she has at the moment, so I'll probably test the waters a little, but I can see the writing on the wall for this one, and it's pretty clear that this relationship isn't coming back. grkboy, I know, I agree that standards are dangerous, but it's a fine line. I am not in any way attracted to hot girls at the club or bar, well just beyond base physical attraction, but they aren't the type of girls I'd ever consider dating. But my last girlfriend was that hot AND a pretty great person all around. I met her through a friend, she never went out to the club, wasn't that kind of girl. She's a hard standard for the next girl to live up to, and I know it's not fair to compare people but I don't think I'll be happy if I feel like the next person I date isn't as great as my last gf. I'm sure she's out there, but finding her could be tough But I'm gonna try to be open, as soon as I get out of grad school, I'm going to try and get back into the dating scene fast, meet as many women as I can until I find an awesome one. On the first paragraph... sorry to hear that. Will say... sometimes a grand gesture is called for. I realize that trying to steal her away from another man at this point may not be your style. That isn't my style either. Still, it's not like you are trying to get with her just to get with her. You'd be asking her to marry you. There is a difference. Sounds like you are set on waiting until after grad school. Ok. I kind of understand, even if I don't think it is the wisest. There is a map floating around that plots the number of single men vs single women in the US. The least you can do is land a job in a part of the country that has a higher ratio of women to men. That would be pretty much anyplace EAST of the Mississippi. Alot of men have gotten really discouraged (and maybe consoled to some extent) to see that this ratio is exactly flipped for anyplace WEST of the Mississippi. So lay off of LA, Seattle, Austin... you know... the 'hot' places to live right now. Alot more men than women there. Competition will be stiff. If the economy were better, I'd be heading out there myself. As it is, I'm stuck in the NE. The absolute worst place for women to meet men. Ratio is way skewed in favor of men here. So yea, head to Boston or NYC. Lots to choose from around here for an enterprising young man.
skyisfalling Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 What's wrong with you? Forget women in their 30s. They all have chips on their shoulders from unrealistic standards and bad experiences from men, which were mostly their own faults. Instead, go younger especially if you're gonna be making the big bucks. Go as young as you can legally go and just have fun. And remember, to never get emotionally attached to a woman. Her mind changes too much for you to take her seriously. Expertise and wisdom speaks volumes. I hope your joking. I'm a woman in my 30's, well actually, i am 30. and its so mind boggling how guy friends my age have such a different mentality than girl friends my age.. DAMN that biological clock!!
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