oupsie Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Hello everyone, I'm new here and I'm hoping to get some advice from you guys... My girlfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and about one year ago I've moved out of my parents house because of college. Even though we knew it was going to be difficult, we decided to stay together and try to have a long distance relationship. After I moved out, my girlfriend became more and more distant from me day after day and I was suspecting her to see another guy, but at the time she always denied it and said that I was imagining things. Her attitude towards me completely changed and she was telling me that I was calling her too much and stuff life that...So after 4 months she asked me if she could move in with me and I thought that it was a great idea. I always knew that something happened while we were separated and I was regularly asking her to tell me what really happened. Just a couple of days ago, she finally confessed that she kissed a guy while we were far away from each other and she claims that nothing else happened ( if you see what I mean lol). She says that it just lasted two weeks and that after that she felt bad and stopped kissing him. She says that she did it because she was mad at me because I moved out and that she was really depressed. As you can imagine, I have a lot of trouble believing that they just kissed and I'm suspecting them that they have done a lot more for a lot longer than just two weeks. I'm having trouble believing her because after the second month of us being "separated" ( according to what she told me, she would have already stopped what she was doing with the other guy) I went down to visit her and my family and during that time she was still really distant to the point that she barely wanted to spend some alone time with me and she was always trying to pick fights with me... and this attitude continued until at least one more month... After a long discussion, she said that she will never do that again and that she is sorry. I really have a lot of trouble believing that they just kissed, that it just lasted two weeks and that she will never do that again. After all, I'm not the only one she cheated on, and I start to believe that she will never stop. So I told her that I'm going to think about it and sometimes I'm thinking about letting her go. So I would like to have your opinions about this whole story... anything can help lol ... I'm sorry if the post is too long and I would like to thank you in advance for all your answers !
MooBear Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 You know how people say "Once a cheater, always a cheater"? Wrong. I cheated on boyfriend's before, and it was only ever kissing because I felt too guilty to go any further. And there was a time where we were "on a break" and I slept with an ex from years back. I didn't class that as cheating but apparently it was so I'll run with it. When I did cheat, it was because I wasn't sure what I wanted. I was young and scared I would make the wrong choice and I always worried that I'd get married and realised I had missed out etc. Silly thoughts! Since those times, I have never been tempted again. And I know i would never cheat on someone again. I would tend to believe her cause from my own experiences, when you fess up to something you may as well fess up totally. And regarding her cheating again - it may very well happen. All you can do is give her the benefit of the doubt, or end the relationship. There is no grey area - let go of it and move forward together, or walk away - at the end of the day only you know what you can cope with. Sorry for the super long reply, hope it's helped a little
Radu Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I disagree with the apologist post above. Most liars/cheaters do not give up the whole truth, they trickle truth you in the missguided belief that it will be easier to you. Think of it as a drug. Getting a full dose of that drug might kill you but if you are given small doses, each one slightly larger than the last one than you can handle it all better. That's what they are trying to achieve through gaslighting and trickle truth. Weather or not she will do it again is moot at this point because : 1- the logical way you question it shows that you are somewhat over her and willing to admit to yourself that you have been lied to. 2- you are in college, those relationships don't last 3- she didn't tell you to your face, she let resentment build up and sideswiped you 4- you are both young and it takes 2-5 yrs to forgive an affair Considering the above, i think the other guy just dumped her and she went into hysterical bonding mode with the backburner guy ... you. Even if this is not the case and i'm a cynic, everything else about her is a big red ****ing flag. 1
Prim3 Posted July 12, 2012 Posted July 12, 2012 Agreed with the above poster. Cheaters always cover up most of the truth. In my eyes, only very few people can change. Anyone who cheats has no self-control to break up with their partner first and then engaging with others. It's the lowest you can sink IMO. I would break up with her and move on. You deserve a nice, good girl and they are out there.
g450 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 This may not make you feel better but yours is a classic case of leaving for school and leaving behind the fist love. Doesnt really matter who did what. I know it hurts but you need to understand that you will have many loves in life. You have just gotten started. Years from now you will probably laugh about all this. Trust me.
venusianx13 Posted July 13, 2012 Posted July 13, 2012 I've been the back-burner girl in a situation similar to yours. Twice, as a matter of fact. I agree, because when it did not work out with this other man, she came back to you and suddenly tried like hell to bond with you again. I'm sorry...it's an awful feeling. I hope you don't settle for being her fall-back. And if you do, I guarantee you, the relationship won't ever be healthy again.
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