Author dad_of_three Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 You can certainly decide to call it quits if you want but I think you may want evidence for your own state of mind and to know that you can feel right telling your kids (later in life) that this wasn't your fault. One other thing that gave me some patience was that I had already invested so many years in the marriage, what was a few months or even another year going to matter? By the way, her refusal to answer is obviously incriminating but won't be enough for anyone. One good thing is that during a divorce, she would be forced to disclose all of her financial data. Make a note about whatever you know about this account. She probably pays for her hotels from it. On a side note, she may also have a PO Box for the statements and love letters to go to. Sorry, brother. There's not much worse than all of this business. Use your head, not your emotions. And quit confronting her...she's going to go seriously underground until you drop your guard. Oh, and I still say to get the GPS. Mine came with a protective case with a serious magnet so it could be placed under the wheel well; you don't even have to get it into the car. Haha! I was writing as you were and have some similar thoughts. that gives me some strength. One question I have is this... I think I am closing in on her and I am not sure she will be able to handle the pressure. Why not keep the pressure on her? She already knows that I suspect and is probably hiding everything with great care. That has to take a toll on her? I am all ears... thanks!
2sunny Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I don't know where her statement goes. I figure I should be able to see that when I see her statements. Yeah, I've been sick to my stomach since Sunday. I am not sure she will produce the statements, if she doesn't, then I don't need anymore evidence and I will be going straight to my lawyer. If she does, I suspect I will still be going to see my lawyer. She already admitted to getting cash off of the card, so she maybe hiding it that way and the statement will not show me anything much about spending. I guess if I see lots of cash withdrawals, then that tells me something also. Thanks again for the input I thought you demanded it yesterday? She hasn't presented it as soon as you asked? She has way too much to hide. Cash off a card? You didn't know? Money that you bring home - and she's been movi it to an account in her name only AND NOT TELLING YOU = WHY? You have EVERY right to have answers! Waaaay TOO MUCH hiding behavior! When there's nothing to hide - people don't hide anything. She's surprised you noticed her hidden account. Makes ya wonder what else she's been hiding... Since she's NOT been honest at all - she has broken trust - and there's now no foundation to the marriage. This IS money YOU EARNED( albeit family money) - but she's hiding it away without telling you... Someone terribleis very out of balance.
Furious Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 I've already contacted a lawyer and I honestly just want to start the process, but I don't want to look back and wish I had obtained proof. And even more importantly, I want to make sure I have proof because my children deserve that. They love both of us and this is going to be harder on them than it will be on me. With proof I can not be second guessed and she can not try to fill their heads with BS. Or at least it will be harder for her. The problem is that I just don't know how much longer I am willing to live like this. Its starting to effect work and I one of my boys has even asked me whats the matter. I hired a private investigator, it was worth every penny. I was advised to behave as normal as possible, the more you confront her the more underground she will go.
BetrayedH Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Haha! I was writing as you were and have some similar thoughts. that gives me some strength. One question I have is this... I think I am closing in on her and I am not sure she will be able to handle the pressure. Why not keep the pressure on her? She already knows that I suspect and is probably hiding everything with great care. That has to take a toll on her? I am all ears... thanks! Sadly, whatever your wife tells you, you won't be able to believe it. Even if she "confesses." The rule is to lie, deny, and then lie some more. I've read more than one story where the affair partners were caught in bed by a betrayed spouse and tried to talk their way out of it. In some cases, they are even successful in getting you to believe that you didn't see what you saw. It's called gaslighting and it's nasty. You need your own proof. Be wary of what you tell your children. While I am a huge advocate of honesty, there is compelling evidence that children heal more quickly from divorce when there is no particular parent at fault. It takes longer to heal when one parent is clearly at fault. As well, she is still (and will always be) the mother of your children. How much do you want to disparage their image of her? In some cases, disparaging the other spouse is a factor in custody disputes. In some cases, the truth coming out is unavoidable. Just something to ponder. Don't let your emotions get the best of you.
2sunny Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 Besides moving money - what evidence do you have that she's cheating?
Author dad_of_three Posted July 5, 2012 Author Posted July 5, 2012 Besides moving money - what evidence do you have that she's cheating? I promise to share more later, but please forgive me for not doing so now. I've got very little evidence right now and she is on to me big-time. She is a whole lot smarter than I gave her credit for. Either that, or the OM is helping her. The long story short, is that I picked a bad forum name and I can't afford for either one of them to know what I have going on. I know that sounds terribly paranoid, but I am going to be very careful until I get more info. I suspect I will be writing one of those long detailed post at some time in the future. It will be part of my therapy to share so that others might learn. I will update when I can...
Owl Posted July 5, 2012 Posted July 5, 2012 My one bit of advice for you...you seem to "allow" her to BS you. You didn't PRESS her when you found the other bank account. She "refuses" to give you the keys to the car... Why don't you push when she does this kind of stuff? If I found an account that my wife had that I knew nothing about...we'd be going to the bank, TOGETHER, to see how much money in it and there'd be some serious discussion on why she felt it was ok to do this. If my wife 'refused' to give me the keys to the car...I'd like to know just how she intended to stop me from pulling the keys out of her purse and walking out to the car? Her tactics WORK...because you allow them to work. Time to change that behavior on your part.
GLDheart Posted July 6, 2012 Posted July 6, 2012 To the OP: Can you pm a mod in regards to your concerns on your screen name?... Also maybe have them tidy up this thread a touch or two.
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