thomasb Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Prosecutor: Man killed wife, daughter after paternity test | Fox News Every day in the news are stories such as this. They are far from uncommon. Yet, while in an affair I can testify that I never thought about the violence that could have occurred. Emotions are very high on DDay whether you are discovered or confess as I did. My wife once asked me didn't I think about what the consequences could be. I just didn't. Sorry to say. I am curious if other betrayed were told the same. 2
SomedayDig Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) My wife said the other night that on Dday and a couple days after that, that she was scared about what I might do to the guy. She wasn't worried for him, she was worried for me. Knowing that I'm typically a nice guy, she knows that I have a dark side that few have seen. She didn't want me getting in trouble and even asked me to stop carrying the knife in my vest that I usually have when going to motorcycle events. Unfortunately, I admit a propensity to violence if need be. While certainly not personally provoked by the guy, I know what I would do if ever face to face. Not pretty but I'm also not a liar nor fake. I think knowing my capabilities keeps me from doing something stupid. Edited June 22, 2012 by SomedayDig Spelling
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 (edited) Both my WW and the OMM were very scared of me being physically violent once I found out. I don't think they thought they'd ever be caught before that. Eventually i think a lot of those fears were put to rest. Man they were flipping out that one time when I went to the dojo to observe...wow. It was all fear though, when I was there nothing happened at all. Wanted to add that their fears made no sense wrt to my visit to the dojo. I was the only one that was unarmed! Even if I had a sword, I'd have been the only one without years of training with it. Sheeesh... Edited June 22, 2012 by Ninja'sHusband 1
Furious Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 My husband was involved with a MOW. On d-day I asked him if he had considered ever being found together by her husband. My husband turned white in the face. The idiot had never contemplated the risk he and she were taking. 1
scatterd Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Not only do men get violent so do woman.Think about a woman family member catching her brothers wife cheating for the fifth time. Sometimes watching others hurting someone you love can cause you to loose it too. These are risk people take when they cheat its not easy for anyone to watch.
Betrayed&Stayed Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I'm pretty sure that if I had caught my wife with her AP, that I would've served jail time. 1
Ninja'sHusband Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I'm pretty sure that if I had caught my wife with her AP, that I would've served jail time. I have absolutely no idea what I would have done... Well I'm pretty sure there would have been yelling, screaming, cussing at the least.
Spark1111 Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Prosecutor: Man killed wife, daughter after paternity test | Fox News Every day in the news are stories such as this. They are far from uncommon. Yet, while in an affair I can testify that I never thought about the violence that could have occurred. Emotions are very high on DDay whether you are discovered or confess as I did. My wife once asked me didn't I think about what the consequences could be. I just didn't. Sorry to say. I am curious if other betrayed were told the same. I think that is the arrogance of the fog talking. They think they are too superior to ever get caught, however we know, most do. On Dday, there must have been 50 texts and emails between them....then she fell off the face of the planet for awhile. They worked together and were real scared, I'm sure, about what I would do to both of them, not in violence, but in ruining their lives. I had tons of ammo within a week of dday. Yet, law enforcement friends have told me that 85% of all homicides have to do with jealousy of money, power or your SO with someone else. Violence on, or shortly after DDAY, is probably much more common than any of the APs allow themselves to realize.
freestyle Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I believe even the gentlest, quietest , person can snap if they get pushed far enough. Imagine that D-day comes after an extended period of gaslighting , & blame shifting on the part of the WS........... For months,(or longer)--the BS has been second-guessing their own thoughts, feelings , and inuition. (for anyone who's gone through that, I think they know just what I mean) To find out all at once that no, they weren't crazy, they were right all along--but were left to suffer through that emotional hell of self-doubt-- That alone can push anyone over the edge. 2
nofool4u Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Oh wow. Although I can understand the level of anger he felt towards his wife, but not killing her, I cannot fathom why he'd kill the child. I'd be heartbroken if one of my sons were not mine, but there is no way I could harm him at al because he wasn't my biological son. I'd still love him and consider him mine. This is just tragic. The guy obviously had a screw loose. 4
nofool4u Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Not only do men get violent so do woman.Think about a woman family member catching her brothers wife cheating for the fifth time. Sometimes watching others hurting someone you love can cause you to loose it too. These are risk people take when they cheat its not easy for anyone to watch. Lorena Bobbitt comes to mind 1
BetrayedH Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I asked and my W said she was too busy thinking about leaving me rather than considering what I would do if I caught them. Boy, that one shut me up. Thanks. Oh, and after the TT, I did serve some jail time (pushed my W out the front door when she refused to get out). Thank goodness it was only 15 hours. Makes quite an impression on someone that has always prided himself on being a pacifist. 1
frozensprouts Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I took my anger and turned it inwards...very bad idea
Author thomasb Posted June 22, 2012 Author Posted June 22, 2012 Wife Kills Husband's Mistress: Shannon O'Roark Griffin Charged With Murdering Irina Puscariu See, here is another just today! No, no one ever thinks they will be caught.
SomedayDig Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I believe even the gentlest, quietest , person can snap if they get pushed far enough. Imagine that D-day comes after an extended period of gaslighting , & blame shifting on the part of the WS........... For months,(or longer)--the BS has been second-guessing their own thoughts, feelings , and inuition. (for anyone who's gone through that, I think they know just what I mean) To find out all at once that no, they weren't crazy, they were right all along--but were left to suffer through that emotional hell of self-doubt-- That alone can push anyone over the edge. I was confronted by her friends once at a party and told I had to do something to fix our marriage. I was also confronted by her father for not making his daughter happy and told I had better do something to fix it. I was told a few times by her that there were things I needed to do to "fix it". How I didn't seriously hurt someone I'll never know. The good news is, after our nightly talk last night, she said that this weekend - when we go to our family reunion - that she was going to take some time out with her parents and explain that nothing was ever really my fault and that she had no right saying what she did. We both agreed that she didn't need to tell them of the affair, but at least acknowledge that she wasn't being truthful to them about our marriage and how I was "acting". You're correct, when having to live for years (5 in my case) being made to believe everything is YOUR fault only to find out it was a gaslight to hide the betrayal....words don't begin to describe the utter disbelief and confusion. 1
seren Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 In the first few hours after H told me, I asked him to leave the house and to not come into the kitchen (far too many sharp pointy things). I was absolutely livid and I am a calm, do no harm person. But, I felt such rage and didn't trust myself to be rational, I clenched my fists so hard I popped a few knuckles. If the OW had been around I would have totally lost it. Thankfully this was shortlived. When the OW's BS found out, he beat her very badly, breaking her occipital bone, nose and severe bruising. Strangely it was me she turned to to help her find a place in a refuge, as I had a lot of professional contacts. It just struck me at the time, that the no one came out unscathed. I asked H and he said he wasn't thinking of anything or anyone during the A. I don't know what people expect from BS when their world is turned upside down and while I don't condone violence, the rage I felt so, so surprised me.
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 Prosecutor: Man killed wife, daughter after paternity test | Fox News Every day in the news are stories such as this. They are far from uncommon. Yet, while in an affair I can testify that I never thought about the violence that could have occurred. Emotions are very high on DDay whether you are discovered or confess as I did. My wife once asked me didn't I think about what the consequences could be. I just didn't. Sorry to say. I am curious if other betrayed were told the same. Some people do crazy things when pushed past their emotional limit and are capable of things they never ever imagined doing.
freestyle Posted June 22, 2012 Posted June 22, 2012 I was confronted by her friends once at a party and told I had to do something to fix our marriage. I was also confronted by her father for not making his daughter happy and told I had better do something to fix it. I was told a few times by her that there were things I needed to do to "fix it". How I didn't seriously hurt someone I'll never know. The good news is, after our nightly talk last night, she said that this weekend - when we go to our family reunion - that she was going to take some time out with her parents and explain that nothing was ever really my fault and that she had no right saying what she did. We both agreed that she didn't need to tell them of the affair, but at least acknowledge that she wasn't being truthful to them about our marriage and how I was "acting". You're correct, when having to live for years (5 in my case) being made to believe everything is YOUR fault only to find out it was a gaslight to hide the betrayal....words don't begin to describe the utter disbelief and confusion. Wow---I'm so, sooo sorry, you went through that. Being chastised, as if you were an unruly child sent to the principal's office, by people who'd been recruited against you is whole 'nuther layer of insult. I think the aspect I brought up about this ---the 'pre-emptive' gaslighting that happens to a BS for whatever length of time-- Isn't brought into consideration often enough. I think it needs more attention. ESpecially---ESPECIALLY---when people-- (outsiders, and the WS,) start to admonish the BS for "not getting over it" fast enough. (after D-day) Not only does the BS need to take a huge amount of steps to trust the WS again (should they choose to reconcile) The BS ALSO has to learn how to trust their OWN judgment and perception again. And feeling like you can't trust your own perceptions, may well be the harshest blow of all. 2
96nole Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 i have purposely stayed away from the dirtbag. Not that I'm scared of him. I just know I won't stop. Over the years, anytime I was so mad that I blew my temper, i always would punch a wall or a door. I always had just enough control to punch a wall or door and not a person. It's only happened a few times in my life. With the dirtbag, I will lose control. So I stay away and just eat the sh*t he and the whore say or post online. Because I don't want to spend the rest of my life in jail. 1
96nole Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 I weigh 95 pounds... I almost broke his nose. You popped him in the nose? Cool! If there is a next time, a baseball bat will be much more effective at breaking it.
SomedayDig Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Thanks Freestyle...its pretty tough to know that crap happened. I'm coping pretty well all things considered. She thanks me every day for giving her the gift of a second chance.
Steadfast Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 There's another element to consider; the potential ramifications / speculation pointed to the betrayed if something happens to the betrayer. My ex was running with a couple of different guys; one was a prison guard I think, the other (and first; much, much younger) worked with her. Both partied heavily and both were prone to abusive behavior. I discovered this from my daughter, who was shocked to discover how they spoke to her. Modern slang/gangster b*tch, f-in who#e trash. I never spoke like that, but (insert sarcasm) it was part of the appeal of being with a 'real' man. I asked her once who the police would have come after if they would have taken the abuse farther. Her answer was "I can take care of myself". Famous last words. The scary part? No matter who or where, a former spouse is the first person on the checklist if something happens to the ex. Ahh...infidelity and divorce...it's the gift that keeps on giving! 1
GLDheart Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Ahh...infidelity and divorce...it's the gift that keeps on giving! It truly is.
SomedayDig Posted June 23, 2012 Posted June 23, 2012 Most likely they already know. If so, you're correct--you don't need to tell them. If not, you're incorrect--having stuck their noses in your marital business, they need to know. They have no clue. The live in another state for half the year and the other half they're about 200 miles away.
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